Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

The Naked Gun (1988)

What can you say? Not only is The Naked Gun one of the best genre spoofs ever created, but it is the second best performance O.J. Simpson ever gave.

And then there's Leslie Nielsen! A grade-B dramatic actor most memorable either as Disney's heroic "Swamp Fox", or as the earnest astronaut in Forbidden Planet, Leslie Nielsen made the move to comedy and ascended to a height beyond anything even he might have imagined. Using the same flat, deadpan style that doomed his serious acting, he emerged as arguably the greatest comic actor since Chaplin. Whoda thunk it? In fact, I don't think I could ever watch him in a serious show again, because I now crack up the minute he appears on screen. Of course he may not affect everyone the way he affects me, but he certainly should be assigned one inarguable title: he's the heavyweight champion of genre parodies. He has sent up disaster movies, spy films, horror movies, cop movies, cop shows, sci-fi, and sports movies.

  1. Men with Brooms (2002)
  2. Spy Hard (1996)
  3. Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995)
  4. Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994)
  5. The Naked Gun 2: The Smell of Fear (1991)
  6. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988)
  7. "Police Squad!" (1982 -TV series)
  8. Airplane! (1980)

There are some bad movies in that group, and there are some even worse ones I left off the list, but there are also some very good ones, including The Naked Gun. Airplane! is generally considered the best film in Nielsen's filmography, but that was an ensemble comedy in which Nielsen had a fairly small part, while The Naked Gun was Nielsen's star turn, and he made the best of it. Since this role is probably the best starring performance by a man who is a valid contender for the title of "best comic actor ever," I guess you have to conclude it is one of the greatest comic performances in history, and therefore a "must watch" for any comedy fans who have not already seen it. Nielsen plays the part of Lt. Frank Drebin, who seems to be the world's clumsiest and most inept policeman, but who nonetheless always manages to come out on top, not only by defeating L.A.'s most brilliant criminals, but by overcoming virtually all evil in the world in his spare time. In this film he manages to defeat Khaddafy, Arafat, Idi Amin, and Ayatollah Khomeini, and even to remove Gorbachev's birthmark!

The primary storyline of the film involves a plot to assassinate Queen Elizabeth during her visit to a Los Angeles Angels baseball game. Drebin must thwart the murderer, who turns out to be the Angel's slugging right fielder Reggie Jackson. The baseball game is especially funny, with Lt. Drebin impersonating, in turn, the National Anthem singer and the home plate umpire. Queen Elizabeth, for her part, cheerfully participates in a "wave" and obligingly passes a beer down to the end of her row. There are too many great jokes to list, but my favorite schtick involved Mel Allen's unusual plays of the week, in which a sliding runner is mauled by a 600 pound tiger, and an infielder misses a pop fly because he is run over by a car.

As Mr Allen would say, "How about that?"

Funny movie, and the jokes still work after 15 years.

The only nudity comes from unknowns in the opening title sequence. Amazingly enough, there is even a brief flash of pubic hair, although the film is rated PG-13. (Hey, those were the 80s. It would probably be rated R today.)







L4YER CAKE (2005)

If you really miss the cool and funny gangster films that Guy Ritchie used to make, and wish that Ritchie had kept making them, well, this is the film for you. The Ritchie baton has been passed effortlessly to director Matthew Vaughn, who is one of Ritchie's best friends, was the best friend at Ritchie's wedding to Madonna, and worked as a producer on Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. L4YER CAKE has all the strengths of those two earlier films, and also has some of the same problems (too many characters, too many storylines to follow). It also has a very cool star, Daniel Craig, who can best be described as Steve McQueen with a different accent. It also has a wild and unexpected (although appropriate) ending.

All in all, it is a nifty and entertaining hipper-than-thou film, although I just can't, for the life of me, see why some critics went ga-ga over it. If this had come before Ritchie's movies, I might have been more impressed, but L4YER CAKE now seems to be a little stale. This time the item in dispute is a collection of a million Ecstasy pills, as opposed to some rare guns or some diamonds, but the general idea is about the same as in the Ritchie films. Everyone wants the prize, and our hero is caught in a situation where giving it or even selling to one group of gangsters will make him an assassination target for two or three other groups, so he has to pull off a spectacular flim-flam to satisfy all interested parties.

American audiences avoided this in its brief theatrical run in the States, and I would certainly not recommend that average Americans try to watch this in a movie theater, because it's virtually a foreign language film, and that makes the convoluted plot just about impossible to follow. There are just too many characters, too much going on, and too much jumping back and forth in time and place. On the other hand, DVD is an excellent medium to add some user-friendliness. I found two DVD features very helpful. First of all, I watched it in English with English subtitles, thus allowing me to understand all the heavy accents. Then I pulled one more ace from the DVD sleeve. After I watched the film, I went back and listened to the commentary, and that helped me understand some particularly confusing scenes.  Even after doing this, I was still confused on some details! For example, near the end of the film, one character apologizes to another, "sorry about Lucky." That was obviously supposed to be an emotional moment, but I was racking my brain trying to remember just who the hell Lucky was. Of course, I could have gone back and figured it out, but it just wasn't worth it.

I don't mean to imply that this is a poor film. In fact, it is quite a good one in many ways, and I enjoyed it, but I would have enjoyed it far more if it had departed from the Richie formula and had featured a tighter plot, involving fewer characters and fewer competing parties.

Sienna Miller

Kinky Kerry

I'm sending in the final two clips from "Paradise", for some reason only available on DVD in the Far East. The last clip is a very short one. It's there for the sake of completeness as it only offers a quick glimpse at Phoebe Cates' breasts.

This concludes my "Paradise" contribution since we now have uncovered every bit of nudity done by Phoebe in this movie. As I mentioned before her total nude time for this film is 6 minutes and 30 seconds. Which young actress of today with the same name and fame as Phoebe back then will follow in her footsteps? Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, Elisha Cuthbert, Sarah Michelle Gellar, the ball is your camp, girls. Will you accept the challenge?

That's all for now, but I'll be Bach with more.

  • Phoebe Cates (1, 2)

'Caps and comments by Hankster:

Today we take the Time Machine back to 1992 for a look at "Unlawful Entry".

Madeleine Stowe is the heroine, and she starts us off with a bit of breast falling out of her nightgown. Later she is menaced by a burglar with a knife. We see more boobage in a love scene (dark scene tho). Last but not least, she's also a "Damsel in Distress" at the hands of bad cop Ray Liotta.

Madeleine Stowe

Sherrie Rose gives up some boobs gettin' it on with Liotta...then he shoves her out of the patrol car.

Sherrie Rose

Our bonus today is a new thing we will call "Newsbabe of the Week". Paula Zahn looking hot and leggy on "Paula Zahn Now".

Paula Zahn

Crimson Ghost
Today's featured Lady of Late Night is Adult Film star, Chloe (aka Chloe Nichole, Chloe Nicholle, Chlo Nicholle, Chloe Nicholls, Chloe Nichols, Chloe Nicole, Cloe Nicole and Chloe Nicolle).

Chloe gettin' it on in several scenes from an episode of "Sex Games Vegas".

Chloe gettin' it on again. This time in an episode of "Bedtime Stories".

Many thanks to Gman for putting together these high quality production stills of Jessica Simpson in her Daisy Duke outfit.

The Skin-man serves up a few 'caps of Heather Graham showing off her goodies while taking Shakespeare for a ride in "Killme Me Softly". In this full frame version, Graham shows a little more below the waist than in the widescreen version.

Mr. Nude Celeb's takes his turn 'capping the Robert Rodriguez movie "Sin City".

Jessica Alba

Rosario Dawson

Carla Gugino

Jaime King

Brittany Murphy

Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other Crap
Steven Spielberg will take over the producer role from Stephen Sommers for Paramount sci-fi remake When Worlds Collide. He may or may not direct.

WTF? Invisible Donkey Removal

Swazi princess whipped for refusing to turn down the music. Who could blame the people of Swaziland for getting their lederhosen in a bunch over this matter? How much of that fucking yodeling and pan flute music could anyone endure?

A certified major hit! Wedding Crashers has now achieved the second highest gross of any R-rated comedy in history.

  • Beverly Hills Cop is #1. Wedding Crashers passed Pretty Woman and There's Something About Mary in the past week or so. Scary Movie is #5.
  • If the films are ranked by the number of tickets sold, Beverly Hills Cop is still #1, but Blazing Saddles becomes #2. Both of those films would have grosses in the astronomical $500m range if one assumes $8 ticket prices!

Modernity and the Maniac: The Fall of Janet Leigh

Sam, the World's Ugliest Dog

The official site for Cry Wolf is now live . (Horror thriller featuring eight high school seniors trapped by their own internet lie game.)

This week's movies: Undiscovered - 2.5% positive reviews. With one positive review and 39 negatives, it offers some strong competition for Supercross among the early Razzie contenders. (Supercross is hanging in there at 1.9%, one positive and fifty negatives, with Movie Mom offering the only positive.)

The Virgin holds off the new releases to top the weekend box office again.

  • I don't see any major surprises in the chart below. The Penguin results are not as bad as they appear. The large negative number results from an aggressive prediction. The Warrior predicted only a 5% week-to-week decline for that film, and it dropped 30%. A thirty percent decline is still not so bad at all. It was the third best retention rate of the week, trailing only the two popular comedies (Virgin and Crashers).
  • There was a third wide release this week, a gal-pal movie called Undiscovered, starring Ashlee Simpson. It bombed completely and apparently will remain permanently undiscovered. It grossed less than $700,000, despite being on 1300 screens. The $529 per screen average, assuming three showings per screen per day, works out to a per-screening average of $59. That represents about six or seven people.
  • On the other hand, Undiscovered seemed like the next Titanic compared to Supercross, which dropped 72% and averaged $231 per screen (about three people per screening), while tying up 1600 screens which could have been used for good instead of evil.
  • The Top 12 declined 2.5% from last year.

Borowitz: IRAQIS REJECT DEMOCRACY, FEARING OBESITY MAY BE NEXT ... Sunnis, Shiites and Kurds Report Worrisome Weight Gains Since U.S. Invasion

Trailers for The Greatest Game Ever Played (2005), a Disney golf drama about one of the greatest real-life underdog stories of all time, Francis Ouimet's famous triumph over the great Harry Vardon in the 1913 U.S. Open at Brookline.

  • Every dedicated sports fan knows the story. Ouimet, a 20-year-old amateur, came from a working class family which lived near the club, and was a caddy there. At the time, Vardon was a five-time British Open champion and a former U.S. Open champion. He was golf's senior ambassador and its most recognizable name. Imagine Jack Nicklaus at age 43, and you'll get the picture. Vardon even had a grip named after him, and that name is still used today. He was also Ouimet's idol.
  • Ouimet, Vardon and another English pro named Ted Ray went into the final round tied, and they all shot the same score, so the tournament ended in a three-way tie which was settled by a Monday playoff. Talk about a sympathetic home-town crowd! Playing against two established foreign champions, both professionals, Ouimet was not only the only American in the playoff, and the only amateur, but was basically just a hopeful kid teeing off within sight of his own house, using a local 10-year-old as his caddy! If his story were fictional, nobody would believe it. It's surprising that it has taken so long to become a movie.
  • Here's the scoring recap.
  • The film's script is based on the book linked below, which is a rhapsodic celebration of golf, an incredibly detailed account of the tournament, and a must read if you are interested in golf lore and the way it intertwines with American history and sociology. (The author of the book also wrote the screenplay.)



Missouri passes law restricting strip clubs, Judge declares it unconstitutional.

Newsweek Q&A with a prickly Jerry Lewis

The US Mint has seized 10 Double Eagle gold coins - some of the rarest and most valuable in the world - from a woman checking their authenticity. (The coins are worth more than $50 million to collectors, based on the price of the last one to be auctioned.)

Macgyver for President - 2008

'Suge' Knight shot at Miami Beach party

In the booming world of online poker, anyone can win. Especially with an autoplaying robot ace in the hole. Are you in, human?

Has Google Peaked?


Currently on disability. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is

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