"The Girl Next Door"
The Girl Next Door (2004) was panned by Scoopy two nights ago, and this is not a film we disagree on. I found it derivative of Risky Business, Weird Science, and other good coming of age films. Even that would not have been bad, but this was really a sappy romantic comedy with some real mean moments to spoil the mood. I didn't have the same problems with the inner conflict of the girl next door (Elisha Cuthburt) as some reviewers did. Many plot elements were unexplained and unjustified. I have to feel that there was a story here, probably a romantic comedy, but the problem was in execution.
At any rate, with the dearth of new material lately, here are my version of the images from the film. This is very much my kind of film, and left me totally cold. This is a low C-.
Sung Hi Lee
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
This is an oddly constructed movie, basically
consisting of two completely different movies featuring the same
characters. In the first half, it's a gritty, realistic drama about
three kids who gave up dead-end jobs in L.A. to pursue their dream
of an independent new life in Alaska.
Once there, they found that they had miscalculated
the opportunities and the risks attendant in such a venture.
In fact, they had even miscalculated the location
of Alaska, finding it in the Port of Tacoma, Washington. (A close-up
of the sign? C'mon, director, that's not even tryin'!! See the
evidence on the movie review page.)
Anyway, they found themselves even more down-and-out
in "Alaska" than they had been in California. They were homeless,
down to their last pennies, and eating dog food.
So it's a gritty slice-of-life drama about the dark side
of the American Dream, right? Steinbeck for the Seventies?
It might have been, except that realistic part of the
movie came to an abrupt halt, and the entire script veered off into
a fantasy world. Down on their luck and desperate, they decided to
hold up a payroll office, took an employee for ransom, and demanded
hundreds of thousands from the company they robbed. Soon they had
become a modern Bonnie and Clyde and Clyde, darlings of all the
television stations, running from an armada of cops, engaged in
gunfights with good guys and bad, and speeding through the
wilderness in wild car chases. In their spare time, while on the lam
in the wilderness and hungry, they also managed to kill a bear at a
long distance with a tiny handgun.
After the highs and lows of that chase, they appeared
to be just as down and out as they were before the robbery. On what appeared
to be their final night of life, two of them were sleeping in a
inoperable car on a freezing Alaska night, while the third went on
foot to try to get help.
So now it's a heartbreaking, gritty slice-of-life
crime drama about loveable crooks getting their eventual
Well, not exactly.
Dawn broke on the two in the car. The boy was dead.
The girl was shrieking for help.
Shrieking? Who could hear her in the wilderness?
The other guy, as it turns out.
He arrived in a van, from parts unknown, apparently
having managed to win a vehicle from a masked wrestler in an Alaskan
Cage Match. The script never did explain how he could have walked off into
the Alaskan wilderness on foot on a freezing night, without cash,
and then managed to return the next day with a van.
But the miracles did not end there.
He went over to his dead friend, slapped him a couple
of dozen times, said "live, damn you", and sure enough, the friend
turned out to be not dead, but merely stunned, much like the
Norwegian Blue in the Polly sketch.
So the three of them hopped in their new vehicle and
drove off to their new adventure. One of them said "Hawaii?", and
the one who had recently frozen to death and been resurrected said,
"Sure, I could use the sun!"
Odd stuff, eh? It isn't as bad as you might expect
from the 3.9 rating at IMDb, but it is certainly a rambling,
ultimately pointless story which really couldn't decide whether it
was a comedy, a crime caper, a gritty drama, a character study, or a
buddy picture. It might have worked as a character study if the
actors had been proficient enough to win the empathy of the
audience, but they weren't, so it didn't.
The film is probably best remembered, if it is
remembered at all, for three things:
1. Some gimmicky casting. All four of the main
stars were the spawn of stars. Anne Lockhart is the daughter of June
Lockhart, the mom on Lassie. Melanie Griffith is the daughter of
Tippi Hedren, star of The Birds. Robert Carradine is John
Carradine's son, and Desi Arnaz Jr is ... well, I reckon you can
figure that one out. I suppose his birth was one of the most
talked-about events in the post-modern world, since it occurred on
the same night that his real-life mother (Lucille Ball) gave birth
to her fictional son on America's most popular TV show, I Love Lucy.
The trick casting produced mixed results. Griffith
and Carradine, who would go on to lengthy careers in the business,
exhibited at least some minimal level of competence in their roles
in Joyride, but the same cannot be said for Lockhart and Arnaz, who
delivered their lines like minor characters in a high school Spring
play. Lockhart went on to a career as a Hollywood fringe player,
doing walk-ons and voice acting, while Arnaz disappeared from the
radar completely after playing the part of Desi Arnaz, his real-life
dad, in The Mambo Kings.
2. Some frequent undressing. Melanie Griffith was not as slim
and toned as she would later become, but she was certainly not
camera-shy, and took off her top in two love scenes, a shower scene,
and a hot tub scene. June Lockhart's breasts also joined Melanie's
in the hot tub, and reappeared in a sex scene.
3. The soundtrack. The music was done by ELO
(Electric Light Orchestra), which was quite a popular group at the
Melanie Griffith. She was 20. Looked 16. (1,
Anne Lockhart (1,
Some scenes you probably missed in Disney movies! (Very
naughty stuff. Do not surf this where people can see your
Over the years, great art has encompassed a wide range of subject
matter, but I'm betting that this is the only oil painting of Bea
Arthur wrestling a 'Raptor.
Here's the official site (including trailer) for When Will I Be
Loved, a film which reportedly includes a Neve Campbell nude
- Our Broadway correspondent, RW, sent this in today:
"I saw "Dracula: The Musical" on Broadway last night and here is
a brief review with spoilers and nudity report. As for the
spoilers - don't worry, this show won't be around long enough to
spoil it for anyone. In other words, this thing is BAD. Just
less than two years ago another vampire musical was on Broadway
starring Michael Crawford (the original "Phantom of the Opera"),
and that lasted little more than a month. Having seen both, I
can tell you that Crawford's Dance of the Vampire was better,
even though, or perhaps because, it was pure camp. It was
"highlighted" by a recurring use of the song "Total Eclipse of
Anyway, Dracula is making his way to London because he has
aged and needs new blood, but cannot survive in Transylvania
because all the locals fear him and stay away. He sees a photo
of his London-based real estate agent's wife, who has come to
Dracula's castle to give him paperwork, and becomes enraptured
by her. He tries to lure Mina to him, but also lures Mina's
friend Lucy to him. Lucy gets there first and he enjoys his
blood lust with her, turning her into a vampire. Lucy's recently
chosen husband, along with several others, including Dr. Van
Helsing, hunt down Lucy to kill her. Then they set their sights
on Dracula. Dracula continues to lure Mina and eventually
seduces her and takes a bite out of her. (We are now about 3/4
of the way into the show).
Mina, Van Helsing and the vampire hunters go back to
Transylvania in search of Dracula. In a stunningly bad and
abrupt ending, Dracula and Mina are left alone in Dracula's
castle. Dracula begins to seduce her, but realizes that he loves
her and cannot make her what he has become, so he hands her a
knife to kill him. Dracula lies down in a coffin,is willingly
stabbed by Mina, and dies. That is how the show ends, that
abruptly and quickly and in the span of a 5 minute song.
The strength of the show is in the special effects. There is
invisible wireless flying by the vampires. Dracula often exits
straight up into the rafters or flies across the stage, as do
several female vampires. The special effects, however, don't
save the show or even make it worthwhile.
The oft-cited nudity in the show is brief and completely
gratuitous, and was probably added to get hype for a very poor
production. Toward the end of the first act, Lucy (played by
Kelli O'Hara) is in her bedroom recovering from having been
bitten once by Dracula. She is left alone and Dracula comes to
her window. She stands up and walks to the window which bursts
open with a strike of lightning and her nightgown is ripped off
from under the stage. She is standing in center stage nude with
her back to the audience in very dark blue lighting. She turns
and walks to her bed where Dracula is waiting for her. From the
audiences perspective if you are on the right side of the stage
you will get a brief view of her breasts and bush, but in very
dark blue lighting.
In the early portions of the second act, Mina (played by
Melissa Errico, Patrick McEnroe's wife) is seduced by Dracula
and the top of her nightgown is pulled down to briefly reveal
her small breasts. The person I was with didn't even notice it.
I ask you, can Republicans be so bad if they can inspire so many
chicks to get naked to protest them?
Get Smart Photo Gallery: Cone of Silence and Other Innovations
- Keeping out the riffraff for Jesus:
The Christian Cultural Center in Brooklyn hosts invitation-only
'celebrity Bible study,' ". I'm shocked. You mean they
let B-list celebrities in the same bible group as the big
- Quote and video from Slate:
"For Shame - A leaked video reveals what Bob Dole really thinks
about Bush's tactics." (Dole thought he was
The Sun unearths some kinda-nekkid modeling photos of Kelly Brook
at age 18.
John Kerry Poised To Out-Bulge Al Gore, but we all know
which political team has the bigger Dick.
New TV spots and behind the scenes features about The Incredibles:
"From the Academy Award-winning creators of 'Toy Story,'
'Monsters, Inc.' and 'Finding Nemo,' comes this hilarious
action-packed animated adventure about superheroes. Bob Parr used
to be one of the world's greatest superheroes (known to all as
'Mr. Incredible'), saving lives and fighting evil on a daily
basis. But now fifteen years later, Bob and his wife (a famous
superhero in her own right) have adopted civilian identities and
retreated to the suburbs to live normal lives with their three
kids. Now he's a clock-punching insurance claims adjuster fighting
boredom and a bulging waistline. Itching to get back into action,
Bob gets his chance when a mysterious communication summons him to
a remote island for a top-secret assignment. Pixar Animation
Studios stretches the boundaries of the art form with this stylish
and entertaining film. Acclaimed filmmaker Brad Bird ('The Iron
The Daily Box Office for Friday. Pretty much as
predicted, Exorcist took a mad tumble to #5, falling below two
films it beat last week. The only real surprise was that Hero beat
Anacondas solidly for first place, although that isn't that much
of a surprise, given the overall critical acclaim for Hero and the
general razzberries for Anacondas.
For reference, here are the Box Office Mojo Forecasts for the
Liv Tyler to pose for a nude pictorial after her baby is born.
- URL says it all:
Nice-Tits.org. Here in Texas we commoners love to look
at some tits. But in England, they have refined and codified this
to such a degree that there is an official Royal
Tit-Watching Society, with a strict code of tit-watching
etiquette. Her Majesty's Royal and Ancient Order of Tit-Watchers.
Yeah, it's a royal thing. As I recall, ol' Prince Andrew used to
like watching some tits.
M17 (The Omega Nebula): A Hubble Close-Up
Anna Nicole Smith is launching her own clothing line in a style
she calls 'Tex-Sex.'
- Are they expandable??
- "May I help you, ma'am?" "Yes, I'd like the kind of clothes
that make me look like an overweight gold digging floozie with
the IQ of a cherrystone clam." "Why, I believe we have just the
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
NOTE: because of a unique combination of
circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial
bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip
format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a
you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in
the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.
I know this is not especially convenient, but it
allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from
hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some
reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not
play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory
work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this
new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want
to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips
Some interesting variety from
The ever-weird Amanda Plummer in The Apartment
Complex (.avi zipped) (.wmv zipped). This was directed by Tobe
Hooper, but has never been issued on a Region 1 DVD, to my
Ann Morgan in the offbeat
(.avi zipped) (.wmv zipped). Tuna and I found watching this movie to
be a difficult ordeal.
Nothing difficult to watch about
possibly excepting Tom Green. Pretty zany movie, Amy Smart
lookin' adorable. (.avi zipped) (.wmv zipped).
... and one from someone
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
Variety from around the globe...
- Rachel Griffiths, the Aussie actress and star of the HBO series "Six Feet Under". Here she is doing full frontal and full dorsal nudity in 'caps from a rare DVD Chinese import version of the 1998 movie "Among Giants".
- French actress Isabelle Carré showing full frontal and full dorsal nudity in scenes from "La Femme défendue" (1997).
- UK actress Lena Headey, topless in scenes from her first movie 1992's "Waterland".
Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
First up, here is the Ghost's conribution to what seems to have become our theme o' the week....French mega-babe Ludivine Sagnier!
Some other assorted stuff, this time from the 1990 movie "The Guardian", directed by William Friedkin ("French Connection", "The Exorcist").
- Carey Lowell, the former model/Bond Babe/"Law and Order" co-star and current Mrs. Richard Gere...topless in a love scene
- Here is a zipped .wmv of Carey Lowell in the same scene 'capped above.
- Jenny Seagrove, topless in the tub, but it's a non-sexy "mom moment".
- Jenny Seagrove, zipped .wmv
'Caps and comments by The Gimp:
Here are some hardcore caps from three movies....
First up is a Golden Age video..."Every Woman Has a Fantasy 2".
- Kari Foxx
- Lois Ayres..#1 is a softcore pic (breasts only). #3 is far from softcore...in fact I think you can see her kidneys.
- Nina Hartley. 1 and 2 are tame, #3...not so much.
The other two are much more recent and are worth paying attention to because Crissy Moran is in them. Crissy is famous as a web model but she also did the nasty in a few movies.
- Crissy Moran, breast views only in scenes from "Enchantment".
- Crissy Moran, hardcore 'caps from "Fantasy Suites".
- Zora Banks, also from "Fantasy Suites". Hardcore 'caps with money shot.
'Caps and comments by Dann:
"Boa vs. Python"
I love monster movies. King Kong and Godzilla are my heros. Mutant spiders and giant snakes are the best. The movies are always crap, of course, but that's what makes them so good. Sometimes, you just want to watch total nonsense, and these movies usually fill the bill.
This 2004 movie, originally shown on the Sci-Fi Channel, is just what the doctor ordered. Even better, the version released on DVD has some nice nudity by Angel Boris that didn't make it on the tube.
Plot is fairly typical; when a big game hunter imports a giant python for a hunt, the thing escapes into the Philadelphia water system. Government agents inlist the help of a scientist who just happens to have a giant boa constrictor. The idea is to send the boa to find the python. "Boas will hunt", says the scientist.
Naturally, things don't go as planned, and all hell breaks loose. A surprisingly well done, better than expected monster flick.
|From the teen romantic comedy "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!". Bosworth looks cute but doesn't show anything. Paris shows up for a brief bikini scene.
|Both show some very nice cleavage on separate episodes of "The Drew Carey Show". Skinemax favorite Ford shows much more skin as she plays a "Brass Pole Enthusiast" and shakes her scantily clad money-maker.
||The former Heffer making a guest appearance on the ABC series "Less Than Perfect"...the sitcom starring Andy Dick, Eric Roberts, Puddy from "Seinfeld" and former "Mad TV" star Will Sasso. And no...I didn't make that up, that's really the cast.
|Two French babes looking gorgeous topless in scenes from "Bon plan" (2000).
|Señor Skin 'caps of the former Miss America (1982) topless in scenes from the direct-to-vid movie "Final Mission" (1993). Some folks know her best from her role on the syndicated series "Highlander" and spin-off "Highlander: The Raven". Others probably remember her from the Bill Clinton sex scandal (she admitted to having sex with Slick Willie when he was Governor of Arkansas).