After Hours (1985) is a very dark comedy that marked director Martin Scorsese's return to his roots of low budget film making. With the collapse of United Artists and the cancellation of Temptation of Christ, he re-evaluated his career, and went back to the sort of film that made him famous. The short plot summary is very simple. Griffin Dunne meets a girl in a restaurant, Rosanna Arquette, phones her when he gets home, after midnight, and she invites him to her Soho apartment. He then has one disaster after another.

His money blows out the window of his cab, he discovers that he doesn't really care for Arquette, meets her sculptor room mate, Linda Fiorentino, and then runs. Unfortunately, it is pouring rain, and he doesn't have enough money for subway fair. Then things go straight down hill.

Fiorentino shows her breasts in two scenes. The film is rated 7.3 at IMDb, and earned $10.6M against the $4.5M budget. Ebert adored the film and awarded 4 stars. It received an 86% positive from Rotten Tomatoes. I remember enjoying it a lot the first time I watched it, but the second time through was not nearly as entertaining. This is a C+, a very well made dark comedy.

The Girl Next Door received some pretty solid levels of pre-release buzz on the internet, then quietly disappeared after grossing a modest $14 million, despite some fairly good reviews (58% at RT and a 6.8 at IMDb). What went wrong?

The problem is that it is not a teenage sex comedy, as implied by the premise. A clean-cut straight A high school senior starts to get crazy when he falls in love with the porn star who moves in next door.

Could be raunchy fun, ala Porky's.

Could be gross humor, ala American Pie.

Isn't either.

What is it? A formulaic romantic comedy about the relationship between a straight arrow and someone in the world of adult entertainment, in which the straight-laced guy gets drawn partially into her porn world to make a few bucks, ala Risky Business (Tom Cruise falls in love with hooker, turns his parents' house into a bordello), or maybe Night Shift (Henry Winkler falls in love with a hooker, turns the morgue into a bordello).

So what's wrong with that? People love romantic comedies, right? And Risky Business was a big hit that made Tom Cruise a major star.

True enough, but those who do like romantic comedies may not necessarily like this one.

Let me take you back to Risky Business for a minute, and draw a comparison by making some changes. Suppose Tom Cruise had been worked over a couple of times by thugs from the porno world. And I mean really worked over, until his face was a blood pulp. Suppose he had been slipped Ecstasy and had to face his parents' world while wacked out of his mind and still looking like he had just been beaten severely. Suppose the hooker he was in love with was right on the edge of going back to her old life, and really couldn't seem to choose between the two. Suppose the hooker was filled with self-loathing about having been a hooker, yet was non-judgmental about the other people in the business. Suppose Cruise found himself getting a lap dance in a strip club - with one of his dad's best friends getting one in the adjoining chair. Suppose the creepy Alfred Molina guy from Boogie Nights presented a threat to the lives of Cruise and his girl unless they co-operated with him.

And there you have The Girl Next Door in a nutshell. Risky Business with moments of dark, ominous, and sometimes very ugly tone shifts.

It just isn't what people want it to be.

To make matters worse, one of the leads is quite unsympathetic. Not only is the porn star in this film filled with self-loathing, but she is not an entirely nice person (as you'd imagine from a 19 year old who had been hardened by years in porn). As Roger Ebert wrote in a scathing review:

Danielle (Elisha Cuthbert) has two personalities: In one, she's a sweet, misunderstood kid who has never been loved, and in the other she's a twisted emotional sadist who amuses herself by toying with the feelings of the naive Matthew. The movie alternates between these personalities at its convenience, making her quite the most unpleasant character I have seen in some time.

Furthermore, although the film eventually manages to produce the obligatory happy ending, there were moments when it seemed to be vying for the title of Most Heartbreaking Coming-of-Age Film since The Last American Virgin.

It is a different kind of movie, and I felt it was kind of a good one, although I understand why it made many people uneasy. It's much more soulful than you would think, with characters drawn much closer to the reality of teen life and porn life than you would expect. Yes, it has the veneer of a teen comedy, but that is a thin coating at best. Underneath the laughter, it comes very close to being a real-life drama, and often cuts close to the bone. It is, in essence, the real story of what might happen if a good kid fell in love with a porn star, and the porn star was unable to pull both feet out of her old life. It is much too close to reality to work as a feel-good coming-of-age fantasy, ala Risky Business. You just have to accept this film on its own terms, and many people could not do that.

• Amanda Swisten (1, 2, 3). You also saw Amanda topless in American Wedding. She was Fraulein Brandi, the fantasy maid, at the bachelor party.

• Sung Hi Lee (1, 2)

• Elisha Cuthbert (1, 2, 3)

• unknown strippers (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Godsend (2004):

This may be the worst-reviewed major movie of the year. Rotten Tomatoes shows that the critical overview was 3% positive, 97% negative.

I think that probably underrates the film. If I had to describe Godsend in one sentence, I would not say "it is a bad movie, skip it". I'd say, "it had moments when it seemed like it was going to be an OK movie, then degenerated a bit with some logical lapses, then pissed everyone off by not being able to come up with an ending." I'm pretty sure that the complete lack of resolution caused people to leave their theaters in an irritable mood, and thus write some nasty reviews.

Frankly, I don't know if there was a way to end it. A couple lose their beloved son, Adam. They are talked into cloning him, and have another Adam. Things are hunky-dory until Adam 2 reaches the age at which Adam 1 died, at which point he starts to get eee-villlllll. Turns out the cloning doctor had some mysterious secrets which he didn't share with the bereaved parents.

OK, here's the major problem. You come up with an ending. Give the characters a fate they deserve. The doctor who plays God - he could die, I guess, but that wouldn't resolve the film. We would still have the evil kid. So we kill the evil kid, right? I don't know. Adam 2 was just a kid. 99% of the time he was a sweet as Adam 1. He didn't do anything to cause the evil. His parents cloned him, and the doctor did some very crazy stuff which screwed the kid up. So do we let the kid live? Then how do we stop him from being evil, when he has major problems in his DNA. Do we come up with a miraculous ending in which another doctor comes along and cleans his DNA? That isn't realistic. What about the parents? What fate do they deserve? Adam 2 was brought into the world only to be an exact replica of another human being, and the parents kept Adam 1 a secret from Adam 2. They are not exactly morally pure in this drama.

The writer and the director were well aware that they had painted themselves into a corner. They shot five completely different endings, which are on the DVD with their rather rueful commentary. They finally decided to use one of those "the end???? endings that didn't really resolve anything, and left the film open for a sequel.

Thank heaven the critical and box office reactions were so negative that we will not have to face the possibility of that sequel.

• Rebecca Romijn in the movie, with only this fleeting glimpse of a nipple to show for the love scene. This same PG-13 version of the love scene is on the DVD and was in the theatrical release. (1, 2)

• Here's the love scene when it was R-rated in a pre-release version. (And as it was reportedly shown overseas.) (1, 2)

OTHER CRAP:

• Follow Up: This Land is Your Land is really made for you and me. Turns out it is in the public domain! Remember that copyright suit about the Kerry/Bush parody? Ain't gonna happen.
• PARIS HILTON CALLS FOR END TO SWIFT BOAT FLAP. Distracting Attention Away From Her, Heiress Says
• WTF???? Veg Porn :: Titallating tofu eaters.
• The Wayans brothers have signed with Universal Pictures to make a film version of the 1960s TV show The Munsters
• John Kerry won the endorsement of 10 Nobel Prize-winning economists Wednesday. Unfortunately, the genius economists don't understand the economy well enough to match the contributions of the rich guys who finance President Bush.
• The latest release of The Dave Matthews Band is a big load of crap.
• The lone voice speaking out for sensible tolerance and acceptance for others in a too-hateful world is ... Dick Cheney???? Well, kiss my grits and call me Horace.
• It looks like Oscar winner Charlize Theron and Penelope Cruz get into some lesbo threesome action in their new movie 'Head in the Clouds"
• Justice Dept. Cracks Down on Illegal Internet Downloads
• Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, whose work on the 5 stages of grief revolutionized care of terminally ill patients. dies at 78. No that can't be true. Curse you, Lord, no just God would take her from us. I wish she was back. Geez, life stinks. Oh, well, that's the circle of life.
• Will the internet melt down on Thursday? (bottom story)
• The Pleasure Boat Captains for Truth raise questions about the President's reputation as a serious drinker.
• Weekly World News claims: "Half of all Pentagon generals speak with a strikingly effeminate lisp."
• "in taverns per capita, seven of the top eight U.S. cities are located in the great state of Wisconsin" And the other one is probably just across the border, filled with commuting Wisconsinites
• The Smoking Gun has hired Captain Obvious. "New York toll takers are vulgar, rude, downright creepy"
• Reader says: "I have started up a very basic website about movies". Comments and advice welcome.
• I'm surrounded by naked women 4 times a week and I'm miserable. Now some people might say "dude, I wish I had your problem"... NO YOU DON'T.
• Matt Damon talks about The Bourne Ultimatum, and more.
• How much does it cost to have sex with a girlfriend or wife?
• Belgian chick strips in a public park
• Scotty doesn't know - Karaoke style
• More women's beach volleyball
• Whitehouse.org Letter from Mrs. Richard Cheney to Homosexualist Governor James McGreevey Expressing Her Disgust on Behalf of Normal Women Everywhere
• Blair and Bush in the running for the Nobel Peace Prize. In a related story, Keanu Reeves is considered a strong Oscar candidate.
• Four free short videos from Playboy's Spice Uncensored, stuff too hot for Spice TV
• Playmate Gallery - Kelly Monaco, April 1997 - Courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com
• The law-enforcement officers who cuffed Michael Jackson have been vindicated.
• Here is the trailer for Goldfish Memory. ""Goldfish Memory" is a light-hearted look at the dangers and delights of dating in contemporary Dublin. When Clara sees her boyfriend Tom kissing Isolde, it sets off a chain reaction of romances and heartbreaks until the entire cycle has turned full circle, each character trying to solve the pressing question of what is the perfect relationship! Some favour marriage, others a week-at-a-time arrangement. The only thing they can all agree on is that love is the one thing we can't live without."
• Here's the trailer for The Downfall: Hitler and the End of the Third Reich
• Here is an R-rated trailer for The Boys From County Claire. "This heartwarming comedy centers on two brothers, John Joe and Jimmy, who haven't seen each other in twenty years. Having parted on bad terms, they meet at the All Ireland traditional music finals as leaders of rival Irish dance bands. Romance ensues between Anne (Andrea Corr), a beautiful fiddle player, and Teddy, a brilliant young flute player, members of the rival bands leading to more than just a musical rivalry."

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

• Angelina Jolie showing off her wonderful toplessness in a hot sex scene from the unrated DVD of "Taking Lives".

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

Today...a few clips of Diane Franklin in scenes from "Second Time Lucky". Fifteen of em, encompassing about 2.5 minutes of nekkidness!

Fourteen of the fifteen come from the Garden of Eden sequence; the last is from the firing squad scene.

Diane shows off top B's in all of them, bum in 1, 2, 5 and 7; a couple frames o' bush in 13. Be aware that 9-11 are of a nighttime scene and the DVD was already dark. I brightened things as much as I could. Numbers 4 and 14 are my favorites.

• Diane Franklin (zipped divx .avis). (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

Today from the Ghost...Tara Reid gets nekkid and gets it on in scenes from "Body Shots" (1999). We see breasts in all 5 'clips, plus bum views in #4 as she takes Jerry O'Connell for a ride.

• Tara Reid zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

"Mean Streets"
Even if you don't especially like a movie, you can understand why it's considered important. 1973's Mean Streets is considered to be Martin Scorsese's first great movie, with breakout performances by very young Robert De Niro and Harvey Keitel. Most people rave about it. I personally found it boring and draggy, but I still realize the performances were top-notch. I just wasn't impressed with all the character development; the movie took too long to go anywhere.

The story tells the tale of small-time hoods trying to succeed on the streets of Little Italy in New York. The characters were sterotyped, but still believeable. Frankly, though, I think The Sopranos does it better, but given the time differences, that's probably unfair.

It's a movie most people should probably see, draggy or not, and seeing Amy Robinson's amazing 2-inch nipples will probably be worth the time spent.

• Amy Robinson

Bonus points are awarded to Eve for these 'caps....1)because the DVD is not due out until September 28, and 2)because the presentation of the images is pretty cool.

Here's the breakdown:
Links 1-2...a little lesbian make-out session.
Links 3-6...robo-hooters.
Link #7...holding her boobs.
Links 8 and 9...thong views. #9 features yoga in her undies.
Link #10...more undies yoga.
Links 11 and 12...undies.