Tuesday

Tuna
"Bride of Re-Animator"

Bride of Re-Animator (1990) is listed at IMDB as comedy/horror. Comedy/gore might be more appropriate. This sequel is totally tongue and cheek. The same two doctors from the original are trying to recreate a woman using her heart, and assorted body parts they lifted from women who no longer needed them. The creation, and the woman who ended up providing the head, was played by Kathleen Kinmont, who showed breasts while the doctors were still trying to save her life.

In the process of experimenting, they create a dog with a human hand replacing one leg, an arm and hand creature, and a flying head. The only bit that was subtle enough for me to chuckle at was that, even though they were injecting a serum to reanimate, they re-animation of Kinmont was accompanied by thunder and lightening.

IMDB has this at 5.3 of 10. Rotten Tomatoes shows 80% positive, but with very few reviews. This is decidedly not my sort of film, and I found nothing to enjoy. C-.

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  • Kathleen Kinmont (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    "Total Eclipse"

    Total Eclipse (1995) is a joint UK, France, Belgium effort, and tells the story of two French poets. The first, a renowned romantic poet, Paul Verlain, is widely read, and married to a very pregnant Romane Bohringer, and living in her father's house, when Arthur Rimbaud sends him some poems. Verlain is very impressed, and sends him the money to come to Paris. He is amazed to find that Rimbaud is only 16, but recognizes that Rimbaud will change poetry forever. Rimbaud, in fact, did just that, and all before the age of 19, when he stopped writing poetry altogether. The story is mainly about the homosexual relationship between Verlain and Rimbaud.

    For my part, I couldn't see why either one of them would be lovable, yet the real Verlain was adored by his wife, and by Rimbaud. Bohringer shows her amazing breasts, her buns, and her bush having sex with Rimbaud, after she went to Brussles to lure him home. IMDB readers have this at 5.5 of 10. Ebert was unimpressed at 2 1/2 stars. Berardinelli liked it at three stars. Critics in general didn't much like it, with a 27% overall and 33% from top reviewers at IMDB. DiCaprio probably captured the character of Rimbaud, but that didn't make the character any more likable. At 111 minutes, this is a long time to spend with people you don't like. C-.

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  • Kettly Noel (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Romane Bohringer (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    I'm on limited action this week. Catch ya soon.

    ANOTHER FAREWELL:

    Hi dear Scoopy !
     
    It's a long time since you've heard from me. I guess I should have mailed earlier but I was struggling too much with myself. I was at the point where Honte is now. Plus the fact that I seem out of inspiration. So my contributor's days seem to be over for good, but who knows. Maybe I'll send something in very occasionally or I might point out something that I find interesting or noteworthy.

    Like the following : in Italy at www.dvd.it you can find Region 2 DVD's of La Riffa (in Italian only) and L'Ultimo capodanno (English subtitles; moderately interesting film) with nudity from Monica Bellucci. There are pics of Monica from those films in the FH but not at the usual Tuna&Scoopy quality. At Amazon.fr there is the Paul Morrissey trilogy with the films Flesh, Trash and Heat plus a bonus disk. All 3 films have female nudity (and should you care, Joe Dalessandro in all his glory as well). The 3 films also exist separately as all regions NTSC disks at Amazon.com but they date back to 1998, so they may not be as good as the French set. And finally, also from Amazon, a region 1 disk with very brief semi-nudity by Catherine Deneuve. The film's title is "The woman with red boots" (1974) and is directed by the son of Luis Buñuel. Catherine briefly gives Fernando Rey a full frontal flash of her apparently naked body. Only thanks to freeze frame on video and DVD you can see that she was wearing a flesh-colored see-through bodysuit. This may be the most silly nude scene in cinema history. She wears something but it doesn't cover much, at least not enough to obscure her deep dark roots and the shape of her breasts ; so why exactly did she wear something when it reveals practically all ?

     
    One other thing also became clear to me: the FH is much too exquisite to give up altogether. Yours and Tuna's reviews plus all the beautiful pics of nude celebs and other info are IMHO unique on the net. Keep up the excellent work.

    That's it, Scoopy

     
    Yours faithfully,
     
    ICMS

     

    MAILBOX:

    I was looking at playboy .com and they mentioned that next month will have Taryn Manning next month. I don't know if it is a pictorial or just an interview, but here is the blurb:

    "Plus: 20 Questions with Bill Murray, Taryn Manning, fiction by Pete Dexter, our fave women of Playboy's International Editions, sex talk with Pennelope Jimenez and Miss November, Divini Rae."

    I know you don't use PB pictures, but I just thought I would let ya know so you and the Funhousers could check it out. 

    CD

     

    OTHER CRAP:

     

    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

     

    PIRATE COUNTDOWN:

    days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Britt Ekland, the Swedish born actress who is at least as famous for her relationships with Peter Sellers and Rod Stewart as she is for her acting. Here she is toples in scenes from "Dr. Yes: Hyannis Affair" (1983).

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

    C2000
    'Caps and comments by C2000:

    Ghost Rock (2003)
    The aptly named Johnny Slaughter (Michael Worth) returns home after many years to seek revenge on the Mayor for a long forgotten massacre which he witnessed and achieve personal redemption. He is aided by Savannah Starr (Jenya Lano) who is not a porn actress but a female gunslinger and reminds him of a girl killed by the Mayor during the massacre.

    An ultra low budget Western with most action sequences seeming to take place in slow motion. With martial arts and shootouts in equal measure it's a slight variation on the normal formula and not bad for a movie with Jeff Fahey in it. Jenya Lano shoots a large number of people while nude yet manages to avoid proper exposure. Christa Sauls and several unknowns are topless.


    Bonus goodies...

    Dann
    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Chicago"

    Two accused murderess's vie for fame (and acquittal) in 1920's Chicago. This 2002 movie is based on the long-running musical, and has treatment that for the first time really exposes the story behind the music, although the music was there.

    I was fortunate enough to see a traveling production of the play a few years ago, with now-deceased Robert Urich as the lawyer. I thoroughly enjoyed the play, but that didn't stop me from enjoying the movie.

    I'm no big fan of musicals, but I highly recommend Chicago as excellent entertainment.

    Variety
    Sarah Niven
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    		The UK actress topless and full frontal in scenes from the short film "Naked".

    Sandra Majani
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

    		Señor Skin 'caps from her one and only IMDb film credit, "Le Parfum d'Yvonne" (1994). Majani shows all 3 B's, including some scenes with fantastic lighting and photography that really show off her lovely body.

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    MICHAEL JACKSON OPENS NEVERLAND TO PUBLIC
    The Creepist Place On Earth - Michael Jackson will open his theme park home, the Neverland Ranch, to the public for one day only, September 13. Only 250 visitors are allowed, at $5,000 each, and Michael might not even be there. $1,000 per ticket will go to charity, but there are questions about where the rest will go. One source told People News online that it will go to Jackson. He's said to be short of cash, and it would net him $1 million.

  • Usually, Neverland is the opposite of Disneyland: you must be SHORTER than 4 feet to enter.
  • $5,000 a person admission?! I could go to Disney World for that!
  • $5,000 seems like a lot, but all the rides are free.
  • Michael won't be there because most 10 year olds don't have $5,000.


    UPDATE: COURTNEY LOVE NOT RELATED TO MARLON BRANDO
    He's Just Her Godfather - Courtney Love's mother, marriage therapist Linda Carroll, is trying to quash a claim by a London newspaper that Courtney is Marlon Brando's granddaughter. Carroll called it "crazy" and denied that her upcoming memoirs claim she was fathered by Brando.

  • Don't bother asking Brando...he has no idea.
  • How could anyone think Brando and Courtney Love are related? One is a whacked-out nutcase with uncontrollable appetites, and the other is...Marlon Brando!


    BAGPIPES WILL KILL YOU
    Drinking Scotch Kills The Spores - According to a report by Piper & Drummer magazine, playing the bagpipes can ruin your health. Researchers found that bagpipes, once used as an instrument of war, can reach 122 decibels, louder than a chainsaw or a plane landing, and could promote deafness. Playing is so strenuous, it can cause repetitive stress injuries. The bags breed spores that can cause distended stomachs. And they so take over your life that 10 percent of pipers say it ended their marriages, and 84 percent knew a piper who was an alcoholic. The report suggests that bagpipes come with a warning to wear earplugs when playing.

  • Or listening...Same goes for accordions, by the way.
  • You really don't have to play bagpipes THAT much for it to end your marriage.
  • There's also the danger that people around you will beat you to death.
  • Most people who spend a lot of time around bagpipes really don't mind going deaf.
  • Before the invention of TNT or cannons, bagpipes were used to crumble castle walls.
  • Bagpipes weren't an instrument of war! They were an instrument of torture!


    From today's NY Post Page Six...

    WONDER TWINS
    MARY-Kate and Ashley Olsen, 17, are the toast of Toronto, and evidently growing up fast while shooting their first theatrical feature, "New York Minute." During a limo ride last week, one of them reportedly blurted, "Alcohol tastes just like water!" The twins, whose rep did not return calls, are also showing a maturing taste in movies. They were spotted last Friday watching the racy new drug- and sex-fueled "Thirteen" with their stunt doubles. Afterward, the four of them "literally walked out arm-in-arm-in-arm-in arm," reports Toronto's National Post.


    LAPDANCE FEVER
    GINA Gershon really threw herself into her latest role in "Prey for Rock & Roll," portraying a sexy songbird who frequents ecdysiastic establishments. The brunette beauty had no problem getting into character, reports our spy who sighted her at Scores. In "Prey," she fronts the not-so-subtly named all-girl group Clamdandy and reprises some of the sapphic shenanigans she last performed in "Bound" and "Showgirls."