"Heart of Stone"

Heart of Stone (2001) is a serial killer/thriller film. I am going to write a complete spoiler, so here are the pertinent details. Two women show breasts as victims, Laura Rice, and Madeline Lindley. Due to this film, I was able to identify Madeline Lindley as the unknown from the bottom feeder The Back Lot Murders (see below). I must say she has consistent taste in selecting projects. In short, this is a terrible film.


There is a ritualistic murder of a co-ed during the opening credits, then we see Angie Everhart, who heads a cast drawn from the crisis section of Over-actors Anonymous. Her daughter is about to start college. They have a birthday party for her, then Everhart tries to seduce her own husband, who is frequently away on business. At this point in the film, about 5 minutes in, and based on the man's character and the way they introduced him, I figured he must be the killer.

From there, they do their level best to convince the audience that someone else is guilty. A younger man seduces Everhart, then tricks her into lying to give him an alibi for the time of a second ritual killing. He stalks her, we learn that he is a former mental patient, and eventually see him kill several people. Nearing the last five minutes of the film, Everhart's daughter has killed him, and I was still convinced that the husband was the serial killer. Sure enough, I was right. Everyone over-acted terribly, which might point to bad direction. The sound was mushy, which is just as well, as the dialogue was simply pathetic. For example, "Murder is a 24 hour a day business. "

End Spoiler

IMDB readers have this at 5.6 of 10, but based on only 6 votes. This is a D-. As poor as the story is, at least it is coherent, and the photography is adequate if uninspired.

  • Thumbnails
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  • Laura Rice (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Madeline Lindley (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    "The Back Lot Murders"

    The Back Lot Murders (2001) is easily the worst Evil Elvis Impersonator splatter genre spoof I have ever seen. How many have I see, you might ask. Only this one, but I feel confident that, after I have watched dozens, this will remain the worst. The film was written according to the following logic.

    1) We haven't done horror yet, lets do one.

    2) We have the use of the Universal back lot, but always end up redressing the sets to disguise them. Lets use them as is, and try to convince the audience somehow that the motive was something other than laziness.

    3) Lets make the slasher the most obvious suspect, and lets put an Elvis mask on him, since the story will be the shooting of a rock video.

    4) Lets make it a comedy, because serious splatter film attempts are always laughed at anyway.

    The above is taken from the featurettes on this DVD. A gay director and very butch female manager are shooting a rock video at night. The band is unknown, but one of the members is sleeping with the daughter of a record company owner. Evil Elvis starts killing people, and doesn't stop till he has them all, although the manager has to help finish up, then does in Evil Elvis. In the middle of the second act, several of the women show their breasts, including Angela Little, Nancy O'Brien, and Madeline Lindley. Nearly the entire film is shot at night, and the few moments of humor and the exposure were nowhere near enough to save this. D+.

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  • Angela Little (1, 2, 3)
  • Madeline Lindley (1, 2)
  • Nancy O'Brien (1, 2, 3, 4)

    "Of Unknown Origin"

    Of Unknown Origin (1983) is listed as horror at IMDB, but, according to director George P. Cosmatos, is a thriller, pitting an investment banker against a rat that has invaded his brownstone. Wife Shannon Tweed, and their son are vacationing at her father's, and the banker, Peter Weller, has been given the business chance of his career and a two week deadline. He becomes increasingly obsessed by the rat, and the rat becomes increasingly aggressive and destructive.

    Tweed, in her film debut, shows a breast in the shower at the start of the film, then is gone of most of the running time. We see her briefly on the phone, and ten returning home at the end. This was a very long watch for me, as I couldn't accept an investment banker too stupid to hire an exterminator, and move into a hotel to work on his once in a lifetime project. The film was shot for a modest $4M in Montreal, cheating the New York location. It is rated 5.3 of 10 at IMDB, and is exactly that, an adequate genre effort, or C-.

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  • Shannon Tweed (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)



  • Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.



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    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

  • Graphic Response
    • Lena Headey, the UK actress topless in scenes from "Aberdeen" (2000). You can see her on the big screen in the upcoming Terry Gilliam movie "The Brothers Grimm", starring Matt Damon, Heath Ledger and Jonathan Pryce.

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Take a clean-cut all-American with mid-Western values, throw that person into athletic competition against snooty folk with money, add some former Hefmates for eye candy, a wet t-shirt contest, a love triangle or quadralateral, have it all come out nice and neat and whatta ya got? Well, ya got H.O.T.S. and Hot Dog... The Movie.

    H.O.T.S. is much the superior product. Not like Kagemusha is superior to Ran, with its deeper protrayal of flawed people trying to do good in a chaotic world. Nope, not like that at all. You have to judge titty flicks on the Joe Bob Briggs scale of just exactly how many titties. That's most important. How many babes gave up the goodies? Plus how attractive is them goodies and finally how little the movie interrupts the goody showing with anything other than light banter or harmless jokes. That is how H.O.T.S. is superior.

    First off, I figure the Hefmate exposure is about equal. H.O.T.S. has Susan Lynn Kiger, looking mighty yummy, and Pamela Jean Bryant, as cute as a button, and Sandy Johnson. Susan is oft exposed, Sandy is moderately so and Pamela only briefly.

    Hot Dogs has two Hefmates at very different stages in their careers. Shannon Tweed had been Hefmate of the year only 3 years before and was just starting a long career of goody-giving-up. Shannon was in her prime and looking so shaggable. In contrast, Crystal Smith had been monthly Heffer for September 1971. Born in 1951, Crystal was 33 when she made this movie and had transformed herself from a cute little thing into the sexiest damn 33-yr-old this planet may have ever seen. The woman was seriously hot in a triple B performance worthy of a triple B Oscar. Honestly, take a look at that body and tell me she looks a day over 20.


    H.O.T.S. has five topless babes of some reknown. They include:

    Lindsay Bloom, Miss USA of 1972, who was 27 when this movie was made. She plays a college student. At age 27. (Must be the University of Alabama.) Lindsay tries real hard to get her goodies hidden, but managed to let the twins loose a time or two. Three, actually. Hooters only

    • Lindsay Bloom (1, 2, 3)

    Kimberly Cameron, who would go on to do 100 porn films in the 1980's as Kimberly Carson. Damn cute, woman, too. She shows mini-hooties only.

    K. C. Winkler, with a body worthy of very close inspection. Two long hootie exposing scene, and then some unintentional exposure of a nice bum and, for two frames, the holiest of holies.

    • K. C. Winkler (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Two women with the largest natural bazooms to ever appear on film. Well, largest with flopping over into grotesque, like Chesty Morgan. They are Lisa London and Angela Aames.

    Lisa gives up major goodies in a 4-second top-removing scene, from which I capped every frigging frame, and in a huddle full of topless women scene, from which I extracted her.

    • Lisa London (1, 2)

    And Angela has four scenes:

    So thar ya go. Two classics, lots and lots of babes, with double that number of boobs, just as natue intended.

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Bride of Re-Animator"

    Not nearly as good as the original cult classic, but this 1990 sequel is still a fun horror flick.

    The setting is 8 months after the original story, and this time they're building new bodies from re-animated parts.

    A pretty beat-up Kathleen Kinmont does the nudity this time around, and her implant scars, which they didn't bother to hide, kind of add to the general sleaziness of the whole movie. And yes, the body in the re-animated Kathleen is a body suit, but the shots of her being resuscitated are her....scars and all. :-)

    Amy Locane
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

    Toplessness and rear nudity in several scenes from the 1996 movie "Carried Away". 'Caps by the Skin-man.