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"Downstairs Upstairs"

Downstairs Upstairs (1980), although from the Golden Era of porn, is more like a British sex farce in that it never takes itself seriously. As new upstairs maid Sherrisse, in her only credited appearance, reports for work, she encounters downstairs maid Lisa DeLeeuw giving the mailman head through the letter slot. The mother of the house is played by Kay Parker, the older busty superstar known mostly for her role as the mother in Taboo. Seka plays the daughter. The household includes a horny midget chef, a horny butler, a son put in for comic relief, and the father. Everyone has sex with everyone, all over the house and grounds.

The story is weak, here -- very weak by Golden Era standards, and this film is only notable for the appearance of three superstars of early porn, Kay Parker, Seka and Lisa DeLeeuw. Director credit is given to Lisa Barr, actually Joseph Barr, who spent most of his career behind the camera, and was the DP for the classic Alice in Wonderland. Running gags in the film include the father never wearing pants, and his only eating hot dogs. The sex scenes, which are plentiful, are not very hot or erotic, and feature the dread "money shot," and loud obnoxious score common in porn. This DVD is devoid of special features, and obviously mastered from a VHS copy. It lacks focus and sharpness, and colors are washed out. With weak plot and poor transfer, it is D+ at best.

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  • Kay Parker (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
  • Lisa De Leeuw (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Seka (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
  • Sherrisse (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

    "Eyes of the Serpent"

    Eyes of the Serpent (1994) is a third rate tittie flick version of a sword and sorcery movie. A king ruled with the help of two magic swords, called the eyes of the serpent. Upon his suspicious death, his two daughters each want all of the power for themselves. They draw their daughters into the fray. One daughter is like her mother, ambitious and treacherous, while the other is the earth mother type. I don't have to talk about the ending now, you can guess who comes to power, marries the heroic warrior swordsman, and lives happily ever after.

    The dialogue switches between pretentious near poetry, and mundane modern slang, often in the same sentence, and the film has more logic errors than minutes of running time. Carlton Lynx shows everything, and Deborah Moss, Diana Frank, Tonya Moon and Vibbe Haugaard all show breasts. IMDB readers say 4.4 of 10. There aren't many reviews, but some say it has great bad movie energy. I found it just plain bad. D.

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  • Carlton Lynx (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Deborah Moss (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Diana Frank (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Tonya Moon
  • Vibbe Haugaard (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)


    Repli-Kate (2002) is a direct to Vid from the same producers that brought us American Pie. A university lab assistant working in genetics research invents a cloning process, for which the professor is taking credit. He is hoping to get promoted to assistant professor, and loves gene research, so he puts up with the professor. They have perfected cloning mature animals (they are experimenting with Guinea pigs). Science reporter Ali Landry is accidently cloned, and the young scientist (James Roday) and his buddy, Desmond Askew, decide to educate her to be the perfect woman. They teach her to guzzle beer and belch, watch sports on TV, play video games, etc. Roday finds that a woman who acts like a man isn't his dream girl after all, but a nightmare. Askew is much more pleased with their efforts.

    They set up no end of complications due to the existence of two Kate's, which get worse when Levy realizes he is in love with the original one. The film had some genuinely funny moments, but, for the most part, was slapstick and/or sophomoric. Landry shows nipples in the deleted scenes, and complete nudity in a long shot from the rear, and then the side. An unidentified "lipstick lesbian" shows breasts briefly near the end. IMDB scores this 6.3 of 10. Comments are generally favorable, calling the movie fun. For me, it was just another teen comedy with a few laughs and a lot of silliness. C.

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  • Ali Landry (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
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  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Movies - new to DVD:


    The Return of the Living Dead is one of the classics of its genre - a sleazy, lurid, sexy, gross-out, comedy/horror. I'm not as crazy about the movie as the genre cultists are, but Linnea is stark naked for more than a half hour, and she was in her physical prime, so it's pretty easy on the eyes.

    Reservoir Dogs. I recommend this DVD whole-heartedly. Not just because it was Tarantino's first film, but because it is loaded with truly silly extra features (an action figure of Mr Pink?) and some very good serious extras as well. It has a full length commentary track which  was done by about six people, and they only commented on the stuff they were especially in, so I found it quite illuminating. More important, the DVD includes several deleted scenes, and if they had left them in, it would have been a completely different movie, so you just have to see those scenes. No female nudity. No females at all, to speak of..



    Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated


    Hey, Scoop


    I can see why "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" is a top-ranked movie.  We saw it when it first came out.  We both loved it (unusual for a wedding-themed chick flick, but the humor and interesting characters made it enjoyable for men, too).  The theater was packed, and everyone laughed big throughout, applauded at the end, and walked out talking about how good it was.  We were really happy to see that
    weeks later, it just keeps climbing, and last weekend, had moved up to #6 in Box Office. Pretty unheard of in a summer when most movies make a killing in the first two weeks, then drop sharply due to lousy word of mouth.  The last movie I remember that gradually moved up after weeks in release was "There's Something About Mary," another romantic comedy that managed to appeal to both men and women.   Of course, this movie is really going to make a killing when it hits DVD and video.   Every woman in America is going to buy a copy. 

    In fact, she wants to see it again, and I wouldn't mind going along. Maybe it will wash the stench of "Signs" out of my mind.

    Pat Reeder, the comedy wire


    Hey, Scoop. I saw today in the Funhouse the link about Jennifer Aniston getting naked in The Good Girl and "taking one for the team".  The only problem is she didn't get naked.  She only appeared to.  She was on Leno the other night and admitted that she was wearing all the usual past-ons and crotch patches and all that other shit they wear.  Not to mention all the strategically placed pillows etc.  Just didn't want anyone to think she actually got naked.  Heaven forbid. 



    Scoop. I was watching (not listening) to a Dixie Chicks video the other day and recording it. It is the one where all 3 girls are in wedding dresses.  To my surprise when I slowed it down, I could clearly see the nipple of one of the girls when she was pulled out of the pool.  I have no capture board, but I'm sure the video will play again.



    Other crap



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Athena Massey, excellent breast exposure from "Poison Ivy: The New Seduction" (1997).

    • Jaime Pressly, the queen of white trash cinema, also topless and baring her bum in scenes from "Poison Ivy: The New Seduction"

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    2 babes today...

    First, a return visit to Stephanee LaFleur in "Animal Attraction". Then a brief visit to the 1995 epic "Showgirls" with former teen queen Elizabeth Berkley who spent most of the movie naked. I love when she tries to look tough with the knife.

    • Stephanee LaFleur (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Elizabeth Berkley (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Candice Rialson
    Maria Rojo
    Robin Mattson

    From the Drive-In classic, "Candy Stripe Nurses" (1974), by Dann. All three are topless, Mattson shows bare bum.

    Amanda Ooms
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Excellent full frontal and rear nudity in scenes from the Swedish movie Sĺ vit som en snö" ... aka "As White as in Snow" (2001), by FinnCap.

    Nikki Cox A gorgeous scan with plenty of cleavage from an appearance in FHM. Thanks to DaRed.

    Ellen Ten Damme The Dutch actress baring her breasts in scenes from "Tatort: Filmriss", by Celeblover.

    Sabine Timoteo Breasts and Euro-bush from "In den Tag hinein" (2001). Thanks again to Celeblover.

    Marie-France Henry
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    All 3 B's in scenes from "Le Miroir du désir" by mortis.