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"Hot Springs Hotel: A.W.O.L." (1997)
Hot Springs Hotel: A.W.O.L. (1997) is an episode from a failed Showtime sitcom. If this episode is any indication, there was never a show more worthy of cancellation. Three people run the Hot Springs Hotel, a horny brother, Randy Mathis, a horny sister Samantha Phillips, and a horny assistant, Glori Gold. In this episode, randy Randy brings three WACs back to the hotel. The MP's show up looking for the AWOL girls, but find entertainment instead. The episode opens with an old fart wondering out
loud where his limo is. Cut to inside of limo where a busty driver and an unknown man are going at it. Like all of the sex in this series, the scene is a series of quick cuts that leaves you dizzy. Most of the images are boob close-ups.
Phillips goes out shopping and for a massage, then returns and plays spank and tickle with the head MP. Note that the MPs are supposedly privates (wrong) that salute each other (wrong) and have authority over civilians (wrong). Their uniforms look like they came from a hunting supply store.
Acting is completely absent, which isn't a total tragedy since the dialogue is awful, as is the theme music. I would do the other 3 episodes I have on hand, but can't stay awake long enough to grab the frames, and have reached my silicone quota for the month already. D-.
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Darlene Margolis
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Miyoko
Samantha Phillips
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Unknown
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Jr's 2 cents...
Since I love Skinemax, I have to disagree with Tuna. Hot Springs Hotel is one of the best of the late night cable series. Here's why...
All soft core late night series or shows have the following:
1.Bad acting
2.Bad film making
3.Lame plots
4.Lot's of nudity
5.1 minute of pointless dialogue for every 5 minutes of sex scenes
That's just how it is.
Hot Springs Hotel is the only late night series that never tried to be anything other than late night porn. All other late night cable shows are way over the top with pseudo eroticism, far fetched plots requiring as much thought as the riddles on Dixie Cups, and piss poor melodramatic acting. All of them trying to be "classy", and all of them failing miserably. H.S.H. is dumb, and it's obvious that the producers, directors and leading cast members knew that quite well as every line in each ridiculous plot was delivered with tongues firmly planted in cheeks. Although I think most of the eye candy babes really thought they were acting. Which makes it even more entertaining for me :-)
Overall I think it's a fun show to watch at 3am. There is a bit to much slap stick humor at times, the phony sex is very fake, and some of the sex scenes are poorly edited with quick cuts and handicams. But in every episode, you basically get to see lots of hot women (including several bunnies and pets) and wall to wall boobs. Isn't that what late night cable is all about?
Mini reviews by Tuna
Chutney Popcorn (1999) - Cultural slice of life about an Indian family. One daughter gets married and wants kids but can't have them. The other daughter is lesbian, but agrees to be a surrogate mother. Interesting cultural dynamics, but ultimately got boring. No nudity. IMDB score,
5.7/10. C.
The Perfect Nanny (2000) - Cliche time. Mental patient is released, and decides to become a nanny, marry her doctor boss, and live the life she has always dreamed about in her romance novels. After killing her competition for the job, she does in anyone in her way. Predictable and over-wrought.
Their was brief breast exposure from an unknown during the opening credits. IMDB score is 5.5/10. C-
The Hunter (1980) was the class of today's films, and stars Steve McQueen in his last film as bounty hunter Ralph "Papa" Thorson. While is was mostly a chase after chase actioner, McQueen's girlfriend was very pregnant, and someone he captured was out to kill him. I am a McQueen fan, and this one
kept me awake, although it was predictable. No nudity. IMDB score is 5.8/10. C+
The Wasp Woman (1965) (Roger Corman) and The Giant Gila Monster (1959) are grade Z monster horror drive in fare. The Giant Gila gets a 2.7/10, and Wasp Woman does a little better at 4.0/10. For those who remember the drive-in, these drive-in double feature DVDs are kind of fun, and include
shorts, snack bar ads, cartoons, etc. The films, however, are pretty bad. D+.
As you can see from the above, I watch a lot more films than I capture. Please let me know if these mini reviews are helpful.
| Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
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Apologies to our European visitors, but no Hasselhoff today.
Link (1986) is one of those "insane maniac terrorizes woman in remote country estate" movies, except that the maniac is an orangutan.
- Elisabeth Shue. She's changed a lot.
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- Jayne Grosvenor, Shue's body double
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Nightbreed (1990) is a highly original and imaginative piece of fantasy/horror that probably should be a great genre picture, but really isn't because of some problems with pacing and confusion.
| | Donbun
| Jeannie Bell
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Pat Anderson
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Toplessness from the 70's Blaxploitation classic "T.N.T. Jackson". I love the tagline for this film..."She's A One Mama Massacre Squad!"
Jeannie Bell is no Pam Grier, but if your a fan of the genre you might enjoy seeing the the former bunny (and her 'fro) doing some topless kung fu fighting.
Don mentioned in his email that the DVD transfer is terrible on this one. I guess Tarentino can't save all 70's low budget action flicks.
| | Blackshine
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Angela Lindvall
Frankie Rayder, full dorsal nudity in B&W
Janelle Fishman
The Goodies: Link #3 has an upskirt view. Link #4 has very subtle see-thru nipple exposure. Link #6 has a bit of cleavage. Link #7 has some partial bum (similar to carpenter crack exposure). Link #9 has some nice cleavage.
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Audrey Marnay
Heidi Klum
Laetitia Casta
Tasha Tilberg
The Goodies: Link #1 has dark, silhouette, see-thru breast exposure. Link #5 has well lit see-thru breast exposure.
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Jeisa Chimizzano
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| Lorissa McComas
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Vidcaps by FiveStar of Lorissa topless, plus a hint of bush and bum in #1. Not too sure of the source however.
| Kari Wuhrer
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Brief toplessness, also by FiveStar. I think these are from the made for HBO movie "Phoenix" with Ray Liotta, Anthony LaPaglia, and Anjelica Huston. Unfortunately, these few frames are the only nudity in the movie, but that shouldn't stop you from renting it. I found it to be a very entertaining flick with HBO's usual, excellent production values.
| Estella Warren
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A nice assortment of topless poses from the swimmer turned model turned actress.
| | Mel B |
The Spice formerly known as Scary.
Comments by Frost:
The Hit Awards is the Norwegian equivalent to the Grammys (that's probably why they didn't bother to give it a non-English name). Here is the Mel poking like there's no tomorrow, and surprisingly not sticking out her tongue.
| | Beverly D'Angelo |
A topless, uncredited appearance in "Pacific Heights" (1990).
| | Janet Jackson |
Janet displaying some very impressive cleavage.
| | The Funnies
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Scoop mentioned it yesterday, thanks to the reader who helped us make the dream come true. Master Bait and Tackle
From Number 6....
The rules of manliness
1.Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
2.Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
3.It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c. After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into The Crying Game
e. When your Date is using her teeth
4.Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5.Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend move
a. Your legs have been severed in a freak threshing accident
6.Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend of a friend move:
a. You'd rather stay home and watch speed buggy reruns
7.If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
8.The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 6 minutes. For a girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
9.Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
10.No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.)
11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
12.While your girlfriend must bond with your buddies' girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pals' significant dick-heads, low level sports bonding is all the law requires (sorry ladies, it's called a double standard because it's twice as true).
12.When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
13.It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
14.Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
15.Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
16.If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't see nothin'.
17.Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
18.Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
19.Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a buddy of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
20. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21.Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; Hang up if necessary.
22.When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of getting laid either.
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