Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Jenna Lewis honeymoon tape

Here are some collages


Belphegor - Phantom of the Louvre

Believe it or not, this film is available on Region 1 DVD because of Amazon Canada. I haven't ordered it for three reasons.

a. It ships in three to five WEEKS!

b. It costs $35 including shipping and handling. OK, I realize that those are 35 pink and lavender beaver dollars, but that's still gotta be too many bills even in real money.

c. It is Belphegor - Phantom of the Louvre

Having noted all that, I should also point out that Sophie Marceau shows her shapely bum, which almost cancels out the negatives.


Here's the film clip of Sophie showing her goodies to Belphegor himself (zipped .wmv)



La Petite Lili (2003)

In the late nineteenth century, the Russian doctor/playwright Anton Chekhov wrote his first major play: The Seagull, a middlebrow tragicomedy about a family gathered at a seaside estate to see a new play written by the son of the house. He is one of those impassioned would-be artists who hopes to shatter what he sees as the clumsy, artificial existing conventions of the traditional theater. His mother is a famed but fading diva of the very commercial theater tradition which her son despises. Mother's lover is a successful novelist,

The actual performance of the play is a disaster which never even gets to the end of the seemingly interminable opening monologue, a pretentious bit of dreck about how the souls of all living creatures have merged into one soul. It includes lines like, "That great world soul is I. In me are the souls of Alexander, Caesar, Shakespeare and Napoleon, and of the lowest worm." The mother is predictably bored and talks to her son during the performance. The successful writer defends the young playwright while actually scheming to steal his lover, the beautiful provincial girl who stars in the play. When it becomes clear that play is abject failure, the young actress does turn her attention to the successful novelist, who seems to be able to aid her career. Tragedy ensues.

In La Petite Lili, the French director Claude Miller has updated the play to modern day France. Chekhov's young playwright has become an avant-garde filmmaker in his 21st century avatar. The mother and her lover are a popular actress and her favorite successful commercial director. The young girlfriend is a provincial girl who dreams of escaping to film stardom in Paris. The screening of the film goes just as badly in this movie as the first performance of the play went in Chekhov's version of the story. In fact, the film-within-a-film even uses some of Chekhov's overblown monologue from the equivalent play-within-play. Mother and son quarrel. She calls his gloomy film a ''a provincial Bergman ripoff," which was true enough, but probably not the kind of thing a nurturing mother should tell her son. When the son leaves the room, mom calls him a ''pretentious little fool, boring us silly.'' Sweet gal. Following the screening, the young actress realizes that the avant garde life is not for her, and promptly takes up with mother's lover.


The parallel between La Petite Lili and The Seagull does not continue indefinitely, however. The film finds a way to twist Chekhov's melodramatic ending to a sort of ironic pseudo-melodrama. In the play, the young man eventually kills himself. His girlfriend runs off with the established writer and, even after the affair and her career burn quickly out, she will not return to the young man, despite his willingness to reconcile. The Chekhov story ends with a character saying, "Get Irina (the mother) away from here. Konstantin (the son) has shot himself." In the film, the young man does not stay true to his ideals, and does not shoot himself. Instead he sells out and becomes a mainstream commercial filmmaker using blue screen effects, colored filters, and syrupy music. He writes a movie in which he re-tells the story of the very weekend when he screened his first film for the family and lost his lover, and we therefore get to watch the same story performed a second time with his artistic spin, and with the mother and the girlfriend playing unflattering versions of themselves! The final twist of the film is that the fictional retelling of the events goes right back to Chekhov's version. In the young auteur's big budget film-within-a-film, the character representing him does hold on to his ideals, and does kill himself, whereupon Chekhov's famous closing line is used virtually verbatim!

All of that sounds fairly interesting until you think about it and realize that it isn't really very cinematic. La Petite Lili is more interested in reflecting on Chekhov than in trying to show how his genius works in our time, and it is better at commenting on films than in actually being a film. In other words, I won't quarrel with the high IMDb score because I really found the movie fairly interesting as a talky bit of literary and film criticism, but you have to realize that I am interested in that kind of thing. I think it is probably not very entertaining as a stand-alone film for those who aren't really interested in the intellectual process of adapting Chekhov, so if you don't care about the mechanics of that process and aren't even familiar with The Seagull, you may find this a talky, boring slog lightened only by Ludivine Sagnier's unique beauty.

By the way, I don't recommend the Region 1 DVD even if you share my interest in the project. It seems like a leftover from the early days of DVD. There is a widescreen version, but it is letterboxed rather than anamorphically enhanced, and is filled with interlacing and motion blur. Furthermore, there are no audio or subtitle options. You must watch it in French with very large English subtitles that cover up too much of the image and cannot be removed. This would be irritating in any case, but is especially annoying in a letterboxed film, because the subtitles could have been placed down in the black space!

Ludivine Sagnier

'Caps and comments by Hankster:

Today we have a little variety....

We kick it off with Madeline Stowe in "China Moon" Not a bad movie. Certainly better than most of the crap that I 'cap :-) Nice legs from Madeline and oh yes she gets topless, and then totally naked.

Madeline Stowe

Next up from "Leno" last week, Carmen Electra flashing the boobies around.

Carmen Electra

Debra Messing with some leg on a 'Leno" from probably a couple of months ago.

Debra Messing

We wrap it up with one quick"Babe in Bondage", the legendary Uschi Digard in "Ilsa She Wolf of the S.S.".Warning kind of bloody.

Uschi Digard

'Caps and comments by Dann:

"Dallas 362"
On the simplest level, Dallas 362 is a "buddy film", but the 2003 drama is a lot more, and it's very good. Rusty and Dallas are best friends, so close they call themselves brothers. The twenty-somethings are constantly getting into fights, which forces Rusty's mother to have to bail them out of jail. Rusty's father died years ago in a rodeo accident, so desperate Mom turns to her therapist boyfriend for help. As the two men become friends, Rusty begins to question his pointless life but yearns to return to the rodeo. He had quit after his father's death at his mother's insistence. This is a fun movie to watch, with lots of comedy and action, and very good story and performances. The characters are sympathetic and likable, so that the watcher really cares about what happens to them. A very good flick.

Kelly Lynch

Today it's Flautista's turn to take a look at National Lampoon's "Going the Distance".

Crystal Lowe looking great in a wonderbra.

Kate Luyben also shows a little cleavage, and starts to have a little fun under the table.

Kimberley Warnat shows off her A-cups as she takes off her bikini top.

Mayko Nguyen suggestively sucks on a popsicle, and then goes for a topless swim.

Here is Canadian former beauty queen-turned TV reporter-turned actress Cynthia Belliveau, topless in a scene from 1994's "The Dark".

Next up we have Raquel's daughter, Tahnee Welch briefly baring a bit of breast in scenes from "The Criminal Mind" (1993)

Finally, here is little known actress Michelle Zeitlin topless in a shower scene and also getting seriously felt up in her first movie, 1991's "Dance Macabre".

'Caps and comments by Oz:

"Don Juan DeMarco"
Lots of sexy women with a hint of nudity in Don Juan DeMarco (1995). There is some full frontal nakedness in a harem, but the view is from too far away. The sexy women are Talisa Soto, Maria Geraghty, Geraldin Pailhas, Rachel Ticotin, Patricia Mauceri and Jo Champa. Rachel's naked bum is probably a body double as you can tell she is wearing knickers when you can see her face.

Talisa Soto

Maria Geraghty

Geraldin Pailhas

Rachel Ticotin

Patricia Mauceri

Jo Champa

Harem girls

"Head Over Heels"
Head Over Heels is the reason why, generally, supermodels should stick to catwalks. The models are topless but there's no visible nudity. The ladies in question are Sarah O'Hare, Shalom Harlow, Monica Porter, Ivana Milicevic, Tomika Fraser and an unidentified lady.

Sarah O'Hare

Shalom Harlow

Monica Porter

Ivana Milicevic

Tomika Fraser


"Project X"
Some pokies by Greta Baldwin in Project X (1968).

Greta Baldwin

No visible nudity but Susan Deemer, Julia Jennings and some unknowns look good in Dragnet (1987).

Susan Deemer

Julia Jennings


"The Rose"
Plenty of pokies by Bette Midler in The Rose (1979), and maybe a breast has popped out in the fourth collage. Some sexy cleavage by Sandra McCabe.

Bette Midler

Sandra McCabe

Here's an excellent high quality pic from Squiddy featuing Mary Steenburgen showing off some very nice cleavage at a red carpet event.

From is Maria Pitarresi topless in scenes from the 1994 French film "La Fille de d'Artagnan".

DeadLamb 'caps of Carmen Electra going blonde and showing off her usual cleavage while stopping by the Tonight Show.

Camille Keaton bares all 3 B's in the 1978 Horror/Thriller/Revenge flick "I Spit on Your Grave". Over the years, some folks have added this to their cult favorites list. Others continue to refer to it one of the worst movies ever made. Personally I haven't seen this puppy in about 20 years, but now that's on DVD, I may go back and take another look. Thanks to Gman for the 'caps.

Here are a couple of great scans of Paris Hilton doing her usual barely dressed, (and in the words of the South Park guys) 'Stupid Spoiled whore' thing.

TK421 takes another look at the Demi Moore flick "Striptease". Today he focuses on a couple of other ladies, the ultra busty Pandora Peaks, and co-star of a certain other famous stripper movie, "Showgirls", Rena Riffel .

Pandora Peaks

Rena Riffel

Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other Crap

Six Feet Under ends ... everybody dies!

The Aristocrats as reviewed by ... oh, you know only one man is truly qualified to review this movie - I'm talkin' about The Filthy Critic

Criticwatch 2005 takes a look at this year's movie blurb quotes from the legendary Earl Dittmann. I love this guy!
  • Son of the Mask – Hilarious! Wonderfully witty. A comedy for the child in all of us.
  • Catwoman - 100% pure fun and excitement.

Goth Models.

Norwegian penguin promoted to Colonel. He actually outranked the Norwegian soldiers who attended the ceremony (a Lt Colonel and a Major!). The Colonel is pictured below reviewing the troops.

Jessica Alba loves older men. She's got the hots for Knotts! (Well, maybe Connery.)

If you're near Des Moines, you may still qualify for The Official Iowa State Fair Mullet Hunt. "The day is young, the fair is filling and the mullets are many."

400 million Chinese tune in to the #1 TV program: Mongolian Cow Sour Yoghurt Supergirl Contest! Now THAT's entertainment. (Despite the silly title, it's basically just their version of American Idol)

Tomatometer Report: "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" is the Best Reviewed Film of the Year 2005!" (And by a fairly wide margin!)

The reviews are in for Supercross: The Movie - one positive review, 48 negative.
  • "Super-crap"
  • "an idiotic waste of time."
  • "And then came Supercross: The Movie, the long-anticipated filmic adaptation of Shakespeare’s lost play..."
  • "dumb as dirt"
  • "completely random and goofy."
  • "shockingly inept"
  • "pathetic and thoroughly laughable"
  • "spectacularly lousy"
And those were quotes from the one positive review.


Seriously, the one good review came from Movie Mom, who gave it a B-!

Letterman's Top Ten Strategies Of Saddam Hussein's Attorneys

Halloween is on the way. Sexy Adult Fairy Tale Costumes

Clear out September 2 and 3 on your calendar, for the Wisconsin State Cow Shit Tossing Championship. They say this is not merely the state championship but, given the pre-eminence of Wisconsinites in all matters involving cow flop, probably the true World Series of Cow Crap. And don't miss the stirring Cow Shit Parade! It's a great honor to be chosen as the Grand Marshall of this parade, because he is considered the world's foremost symbol of cow excrement!

The trailer for Emmanuel's Gift
  • "Narrated by Oprah Winfrey, 'Emmanuel's Gift' tells the powerful and passionate story of a disabled orphan, Emmanuel Ofosu Yeboah from Ghana, who has risen above abject poverty and a severe physical challenge to become a hero and inspiration to people around the world. His first stunning act of heroism was riding a bike across Ghana on one leg, in order to eradicate his country's negative perception of the disabled. This remarkable feat was just the first of many and his awe-inspiring journey awakened the spirit in his fellow disabled Ghanaians and countless others throughout the world. Robin Williams, United Nation's Koffi Annan, Muhammad Ali and Oprah Winfrey are among the celebrities touched by Emmanuel's life of hardships and triumphs and who continue to support his efforts. This July, Emmanuel was presented with the Arthur Ashe Courage Award by Oprah during the nationally broadcast ESPN's ESPY awards. Emmanuel will be appearing on Oprah's TV show this fall. This movie shows Emmanuel's unwavering motivation, as he continues to travel the world, spreading his positive message and organizing help for his people back home. Beautifully photographed and critically acclaimed, 'Emmanuel's Gift' is a compelling and inspirational story of courage and determination about a man who had nothing, but gave everything and changed a nation and its people forever."

The trailer for Steve Buscemi's Lonesome Jim
  • "'Lonesome Jim' explores the existence of a lost young man searching for his elusive path, while painting a vivid portrait of small town life that is at once funny, sad, and true. Jim (Casey Affleck) begrudgingly returns to his hometown in rural Indiana after failing to make it on his own in New York. Once back, living in his childhood room, he soon remembers why he left: a doting but overbearing mother (Mary Kay Place), a distant father (Seymour Cassel), and a depressed older brother (Kevin Corrigan). Soon after his homecoming, Jim's brother gets in a mysterious car accident, and Jim is forced to take on his brother's duties -- working at his parent's factory and helping out with his two nieces. Crippled by these obligations and his own anxieties, Jim trudges on. A glimmer of hope springs from his developing relationship with a local nurse (Liv Tyler) and her young son, and Jim slowly learns how to move forward without leaving everyone behind. Steve Buscemi's seamless direction combines with James C. Strouse's thoughtful script, and Casey Affleck and Liv Tyler's moving performances, to paint a picture of working-class characters filled with the comedy and rich details of everyday life."

The Presidential Prayer Team for Kids. OK, I admit I joined just to get the free decoder ring.

So now that survival is no longer an issue for modern humans, it appears that the course of evolution may be altered to the point where only the LEAST fit survive and breed. Courtney Love Pregnant With Steve Coogan's Baby

Borowitz: "ZELL MILLER CHALLENGES CINDY SHEEHAN TO DUEL" ... Former Georgia Senator Prepared to Defend President's Honor

Astro Pic o' the Day ... a lenticular cloud over Hawaii. "Can a cloud do that? Actually, pictured above are several clouds all stacked up into one striking lenticular cloud. "

Weekend Box Office - Aug. 19-21, 2005
  • No major suprises. The four new releases performed about as expected. 40 Year Old Virgin and Red Eye slipped into the top two slots, Valiant was a mini-bomb, and Supercross did so poorly that it should attract some Razzie attention.
  • The Penguins held solid and did not drop at all from last week. The independent banner was also carried by Broken Flowers and The Aristocrats, which did well in limited engagements. Broken Flowers took in more in 389 theaters than Supercross grossed in 1600+
  • Total receipts were off about 3% from last year.

Mighty Murderin' Power Ranger: "A child actor who was an extra on the hit action show Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers is accused of the brutal murder of a California couple."

"Wisconsin prison officials violated an inmate's rights because they did not treat atheism as a religion."


Currently on disability. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is

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