Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Frostbite (2005)

Elderly film master Ingmar Bergman has been making films in wintry climes for so many years, and yet he has never made a film about the tragedy of losing a loved one to extreme frostbite.

This, of course, is not it.

This is the usual "slobs versus snobs" film, remade for the 1000th time. As usual, the hero is a poor guy who gets a chance to cross over to the other side of the tracks, and maybe even get a rich girlfriend, until he finally realizes that he belongs with the sincere kind of down-home losers and stoners he grew up with. Eventually, as always happens in these films, the entire rivalry is to be settled by a competition in which the pathetic losers triumph over superior training and equipment by pulling off a last minute miracle. In this particular case, the competition is a downhill speed race on snowboards.

Although the slob-snob formula has provided the basis for some of the worst films ever made, Frostbite is near the bottom of that particular barrel. It is billed as a raunchy comedy, but it doesn't meet the genre standard for either nudity or laughs.

  • The only funny moments come when the screen is filled with the non-stop nonsense and insult chatter of Phil Morris, whose character was the only great black skateboarder before he burned out. You may remember Morris from Seinfeld, where he played the sleazy lawyer Jackie Chiles as a pluperfect comedic riff on Johnnie Cochran.

  • There is no nudity from any main characters, and the only flesh in sight is some brief topless exposure of pneumatic robo-hooters from background characters like "bar maid" and "hot tub girls."

The main actors not only fail to provide the nudity, but they fail to provide the best non-nude moments as well. Those were supplied by  footage of extreme snowboarding, which is either stock footage or stunt footage. The snowboarding was solid, and the editing was excellent, but this footage periodically interrupts the main flow of the film in cutaways which seem random and pointless except as scene transitions, and for durations which seem excessive.

Nikol Nesbitt

Suzanne Stokes

Buffy Tyler


'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

From the paparazzi is Mischa Barton wearing a bikini on some beach somewhere in the world.

Mischa Barton

And here are some vidcaps of former Heffer, once and current pornstar and cosmetic surgery addict, Teri Weigel in an episode of Married With Children (season 2). This was Teri in her prime after one of the very few great-looking boob jobs in all of human history and before she went ape shit on us. She was a true babe.

Teri Weigel

Next...There used to be a saying around the Funhouse that when in doubt run more pictures of Mathilda May. Then it was Jennifer Connelly. Now? Well, I hope it is Eva Green, because somebody who should be canonized posted a mess of HDTV caps of Eva in The Dreamers. I cannot resist giving them a whack. Uh, different choice of words--I cannot resist working with them. Hear at the first two collages with more to follow in the near future.

Eva Green

'Caps and comments by Hankster:

Today we return to that B & W epic from 1967 "The Touch of Her Flesh". This was a Michael & Roberta Findlay production in the "Roughie" genre which was a hit in the old days on a sleazy Times Square for the raincoat crowd. This one was followed by two more flicks that became known as the "Flesh" trilogy.

First up is an actress billed only as Angelique, big boobs from her as she winds up fighting for her life with the killer.


Suzanne Marre returns with more nice boobies and then trying to fight off the killer, it seems she loses her head to a saw, but thankfully that was done off Screen.

Suzanne Marre

Next is an unknown who strips naked but gets a blade to the stomach by our killer.


'Caps and comments by Dann:

"After Image"
Joe's problem is one too many dead people, so the burned-out crime photographer returns to the home of the aunt that raised him, to help her battle diabetes. Unfortunately, when he falls in love with the deaf-mute woman who helps care for his aunt, he is sucked back into the world of crime, because she has visions of impending murders before they happen.

The serial killer responsible for the current string of murders is aware of the couple, and stalks them even as the woman keeps seeing his newest victims before they are killed. This sets up the ultimate confrontation that brings this 2001 thriller to an end.

Every review of this movie was so positive that I expected a dynamite crime thriller. Unfortunately, I found it extremely confusing, and very slow moving. The acting was good. John Mellencamp did a decent job as Joe, and Terrylene was outstanding as the woman, but the story wandered all over the place and was often disconnected and confusing, so I can only consider it interesting but flawed.

tk421 continues his visual review of of the 1996 flick, "Striptease". Yup, the one with Demi Moore playing a topless dancer.

Today it's Señor Skin's turn to take a look at the recently released DVD of "Sin City"!

Alba of course looks sexy in leather pants and chaps, while Carla Gugino and Jaime King fantastic in their topless scenees (especially King!). Rosario Dawson and Brittany Murphy join the party and show their fair share of cleavage.

Jessica Alba

Rosario Dawson

Carla Gugino

Jaime King

Brittany Murphy

Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other Crap


Urban Legends Reference Pages - Claim: A Kentucky Fried Chicken outlet in New York advertised a 'Hillary Special.' ... Status: Undetermined."

The Straight Dope: Is male pattern baldness inherited? Who's to blame?

How to modify Barbie to menstruate


::::: Blue Tights Adventure Network! ::::: Bryan Singer at ComicCon, including a clip from the Superman film.

The ultimate beer coaster collection

Graffiti from Pompeii

19th century French porn.

Natasha Lyonne in intensive care.
  • "The troubled life of Natasha Lyonne has taken a tragic turn. The actress is in intensive care at a New York City hospital with hepatitis C, a collapsed lung and a heart infection, according to Access Hollywood and the New York Post

Enjoy Conan O'Brien's Summer Golf Outing Photos.

Twelve clips from The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I saw this movie today, and it's terrific. It may not be as funny as some of the zanier recent comedies, but it is still really funny, and is probably the best overall combination of comedy and characterization since the 1998-1999 era which brought us the original American Pie and There's Something About Mary.

A clip from Green Street Hooligans
  • Journalism student Matt Buckner (Elijah Wood) has been expelled from Harvard for a crime he didn't commit. His promising career ended and his future looking bleak, he heads for London to seek refuge with his married sister Shannon (Claire Forlani) and her husband Steve (Marc Warren). Steve introduces Matt to his younger brother Pete (Charlie Hunnam) and, through their friendship, Matt enters the world of football fanaticism and the secrecy and intrigue of the football firm.

This site is basically Jessica Alba 'R Us - about a bazillion beautiful high quality pics of the young stunner (no nudity - at least none that I saw)

dna 11 creates abstract art from a sample of your DNA

Sexy Furniture ???

"The New York Film Festival will say hello on opening night with 'Good Night, and Good Luck,' George Clooney's depiction of McCarthyism and TV news in the 1950s. "

I don't think Roberts should be confirmed before we know how he stands on the landmark case of Archie versus the Veronicas

The Daily Show: "Israelis find their homeland under attack, only this time it's coming from inside the religion."

Today in Uncle Scoopy's Guest House: the notorious 1970s nude-fest, Inserts

Mr Peterman will get a rematch on that dancing show

Conan O'Brien presents The Dove Guys

'40-Year-Old Virgin' Unscripted: Steve Carell and Paul Rudd interview one another.

Benny Hex asks Dubya for immunity from US lawsuits. I doubt that it needs to be done. As a religious figure, the pope might be sued, but he's also the head of state of Vatican City, and thus has diplomatic immunity.

"Kirsten Dunst is reportedly pregnant."

Pat Reeder
Pat's comments in yellow...

Site For Sore Eyes - Scientists at Yale say it's true: pornography can make you blind. It's called "emotion-induced blindness." They were studying rubber-necking, to see why drivers slow down as they pass a car wreck. They found that when people see gory images, their eyesight fails for two- to eight-tenths of a second because it takes the brain that long to process emotionally-stimulating images. The same was true with erotic images. So an erotic image on a billboard could blind a driver just long enough to make him cause an accident.

  • A car wreck in front of an erotic billboard...Imagine the rubber-necking at THAT!
  • I thought porn viewers were struck blind because their brains didn't want to see Ron Jeremy naked.
  • Of course, you recover in just 8/10s of a second, which is even faster than the guy in the porn video.

    Got Any Bottles With Nipples? - Japan Times reports that a company called Kidsbeer is selling 75,000 bottles a month of a non-alcoholic beer for kids that looks just like the real thing. The president said, "Children copy and mimic adults. If you get this drink ready on such occasions as events and celebrations attended by kids, it would make the occasions even more entertaining." The slogan: "Even kids cannot stand life unless they have a drink."

  • A STIFF drink...They need non-alcoholic sake.
  • Know what would make the occasions even more entertaining? Giving kids REAL beer!

    Wanna See My Tribble Collection? - Toronto's top sex crimes cop told the Los Angeles Times that all but one of the 100-plus pedophiles they'd arrested in the last four years was a hard-core "Star Trek" fan. L.A. therapist Ellen Ladowsky wrote in that it makes sense: Captain Kirk "displays a truly astonishing emotional poverty," having sex with a string of aliens without forming any attachments. Bad impulses and erotic behavior are caused by outside forces beyond your control. And women are depicted as "toxic," such as when Kirk battled an evil sorceress, and Dr. McCoy said, "Don't let her touch your wand, Jim, or you'll lose all your power!"

  • Damn it, he's a doctor! Doesn't he have any penicillin?!
  • On "Boston Legal," William Shatner is consumed by the same fear.
  • "Astonishing emotional poverty" is just another name for bad acting.
  • Pedophiles also like to go where no man has gone before.
  • They also like "The Next Generation" because Wesley Crusher was SO hot!
  • Say, have you ever noticed that Michael Jackson dresses like a Star Fleet officer?

  • Tuna

    Currently on disability. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is

    A quick site note
    Hey gang, we invite you to check out our new affiliate program at

    If you have your own site or blog, sign up today and earn some extra cash in 2005 by promoting the Fun House!