Tuesday  Tunasday

Hey, y'all. I am on the road for the next few days, and Scoopy Junior couldn't cover today's page (he'll get the next three), so I had to write it in advance, and I have to load it way early. Not really a problem. Monday's page is available in the back issues, in case you are reading this on Monday.

Tuna had plenty of backlog of all-new material, so I let him carry the ball, but others also send in material in advance, so there's still plenty to see!


  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








Access Denied


Access Denied (1996) is a computer crime thriller staring Colleen McDermott, who owns a software firm working on transaction automation software. Her boyfriend disappears moments before the FBI shows up looking for both of them. Seems he is a long-term crook and has embezzled a lot of money from their bank. She is tried and convicted.

She gets a chance at an early parole and a software job, but her cell mate tries to convince her to take a job with a bank, insert a "mole" into there software, siphon off $8M, and transfer it to Hong Kong. She manages to get the job, inserts the mole, but has trouble routing the money. Then she discovers that the company owner is boffing the woman in charge of overseas transfer software (Jane Higginson) behind his wife's back. She confides in Jane that the boss hit on her, and Jane is pissed off enough to join in the scheme. Then the ex-boyfriend surfaces and (it turns out) has been behind the scheme from the beginning. Not only that, But Colleen's supervisor is suspicious of her.

There are plenty more twists and turns before this one concludes.

IMDb awards 4.4, and calls this an adult film. It is distributed by the same folks who specialize in soft core. I have trouble thinking of this as soft core, however. Not only do neither of the women who show body parts have enhanced breasts, but there is very little nudity, and very abbreviated sex scenes, with most of the running time devoted to plot. It is certainly a safe bet for a date, and not bad for essentially brainless entertainment.

It is available from RLDVDs.com on an English language Region 1 DVD. Click on the large pic below for info.

Access Denied DVD Jane Higginson Colleen McDermott

Colleen McDermott

Jane Higgenson







Firelight stars Sophie Marceau as a woman who agrees to have a child for an unknown man for the sum of 500 pounds. The impregnation process is far more enjoyable than either expects.

She regrets her decision the moment the baby is taken from her arms. Seven years later, she tracks the man down, and gets herself hired as governess. That is where she learns that the man's wife is a vegetable, the result of an equestrian accident, and that her daughter is a spoiled little terror. She, of course, determines to save the daughter, and along the way, finds love with the master of the house as well.

IMDb readers say 7.0, and it received some festival awards. I am all for any film that gets Sophie Marceau out of her clothes, but felt a good premise and talented cast were somewhat wasted on this unimaginative narrative with minimal character development.

Sophie Marceau






Dangerous Game


Dangerous Game has Harvey Keitel as a New York film director who leaves his wife (Nancy Ferrara) and son to make a film in Hollywood.

The film within a film is about the break-up of a marriage, and stars Madonna and James Russo. The couple had formed their relationship around a lifestyle of open marriage, and drug and alcohol use, but Madonna eventually found religion, and no longer is willing to participate. Russo argues that the promiscuity and abuse is his way of pursuing salvation, and is just as valid as hers.

Keitel pushes them both for ever increasing intensity in their performances, leading to real conflict on the set, and has an affair with Madonna. We soon learn that the film has parallels to his own marriage.

I found this talky, tedious, dark and depressing, and would have welcomed some cataclysmic ending to wipe out all of the principal characters.

IMDb readers say 5.1.


Nancy Ferrara shows breasts.

Madonna's character shows breasts in a VERY dark scene with her head cut off.

Make of that what you will.





Forbidden Zone


Forbidden Zone is a bit of ensemble cast wackiness about the Hercules family, and their descent through the basement of their home into the sixth dimension, there to do battle with King Fausto (Herve Villichaize), Queen Doris (Susan Tyrell), The Princess (Gisele Lindley), a giant frog and more, not to mention an encounter with Oingo Boingo's Danny Elfmann as the devil. This comedy/musical/farce uses nothing but roughly hand-sketched backdrops for sets. It is full of  lots of fake butt-humping and completely improbable characters who break into Oingo Boingo music for no reason.

This film has a huge following (IMDb readers say 6.8.), and is considered by many to be a camp masterpiece. If John Waters is too normal for you, Ed Wood too competent, and Oingo Boingo is your idea of transcendent music, this is your film.

Gisele Lindley is wearing only a pair of granny panties every time she is on screen.



Susan Tyrell shows a breast near the end.












Marg Helgenberger is still gorgeous on CSI and was spectacular a decade ago in this film.


Notes and collages

Basic Instinct


Jeanne Tripplehorn








The Essex Boys


The Glorious Alex Kingston. Full frontal. Good light. What's not to like?

Film clips here. Collages follow.













This section will present film clips to accompany Charlie's collages (which are found in his own site).

Today's star is Alicia Roda in Sang Froid