"Warm Blooded Killers"

Warm Blooded Killers (1999) is a dark comedy about a brother (Mick Murray) and sister (Constance Zimmer) who work as hit men. He is engaged to a stripper, collects baseball cars, and thinks of every woman in his family as a virgin. She dated a porno film maker who secretly taped her, then sold it to satellite TV. Murray kills the creep, only to find out that he was godson to his boss. Zimmer runs into person after person who recognizes her from the broadcast. When their boss gives them another contract on the person he thinks killed his Godson, the conflict is set. The film was shot in 13 days with a crew of 50, and was filmed in the LA area on what must have been a very low budget.

The plot was a little contrived, and not overly eventful, but I enjoyed this film very much. The reasons were good characterization from all the players, great pace, and very clever dialogue in places. I found myself caring about the leads. They managed to make professional hit men into sympathetic characters. I even got some belly laughs. For example, The bride to be, Doria Valenzuela, wrote her own wedding vows, which she reads to the priest at the pre wedding meeting. She essentially says, even though I have had sex with hundreds of men, and thousands have seen my naked body, it is only you I am thinking of. Mick Murray tells someone who is trying to sell him a counterfeit baseball card that he has make a career choice to be a bad guy, and would really like to know the truth about the card. He flashes his gun to emphasize the point. The film has played in a few festivals, and is now on DVD. For a B comedy, it has a lot of entertainment value, and breasts from Valenzuela, stripping, as well as an anonymous stripper.

A handful of IMDb readers have it at 5.8 of 10. It is well worth the cost of a rental. C+.

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  • Doria Valenzuela (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
  • Stripper (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.


    Kama Sutra, Part 1

    Not a great movie, but a pretty one. And a pretty sexy one as well. Today: the delectable Indira Varma



    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    'Caps and clips from another late 80's, low-budget classic..."Assault of the Party Nerds" (1989).

    • Scream Queen Linnea Quigley topless in silly love scene. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
    • Linnea Quigley zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

    • Another long time B-movie favorite, Michelle Bauer. Here she is showing off her big'uns again. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
    • Michelle Bauer zipped .wmvs. #1 features an unusual Point Of View perspective during her sex scene. (1, 2, 3)

    Joanna Going
    (1, 2, 3)
    Winona Ryder
    (1, 2)

    Scenes from the 1995 movie "How to Make an American Quilt". Going is fully nude in links 1 and 2 and looks lovely. In #3 she's topless in the tub. Winona teases us with cleavage.

    Keira Knightley
    (1, 2, 3)
    Thora Birch

    Scenes from the UK movie "The Hole". "Pirates of the Caribbean" star Keira Knightley has two topless scenes. In one she briefly flashes her breasts (link #1) and in the other she is nekkid on a slab in the morgue (#3). "American Beauty" star Thora Birch stays clothed, but gets seriously groped.

    Tatum O'Neal
    (1, 2)

    The former Mrs. John McEnroe going topless in a couple of scenes from "Circle of Two" aka "Obsession" (1980).

    Jennifer Garner HDTV 'caps of the "Alias" star looking great on Leno.

    Jennifer O'Dell Great 'caps by DAI featuring scenes from Tuesday night's episode of "Nip/Tuck". The FX network show is not only a very good drama series, but it also tries to squeeze a little nudity into every show. Here we see O'Dell baring her bum and pushing the topless envelope in a sex scene.

    Dani Marco
    (1, 2)
    Elisha Imani Wilson
    (1, 2)
    Sarah Smith
    (1, 2)

    LC takes a look at the indie 'reality movie', "Games People Play: New York".

    Here's the plot outline from the IMDb.

    In the style of many reality shows, six people (three men and three women) vie for a cash prize of $10,000 by performing risqué stunts and offering up scintillating confessionals on camera.
    All I can add is that the 'stunts' apparently require the 6 people to be fully nude.

    Debi Sue Voorhees
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the only thing really worth seeing in "Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning"....Debi Sue's large, natural breasts.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Phoebe And Ursula - A Miss Norway contestant from Oslo was dropped from the finale after organizers discovered she made two hardcore porn films in the US in 2002. A spokesperson said the rules clearly state contestants cannot have been photographed naked in a commercial connection and "this is the case, and then some." When the young woman was confronted with the films, she first tried to claim it was her twin sister, who's a porn star in America, but an investigation revealed she doesn't have a twin sister.

  • Damn!
  • This was just her way of promoting international relations.
  • Her platform was "world peace," and she was known around the world as quite a piece.
  • Maybe she could compete in the Miss America pageant, now that they're bringing back the talent competition.

    What A Dumbbell! - Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said he's considering bringing back weightlifting equipment to California prisons because he believes in weight training. It was removed in 1997 due to fears that it was pumping up violent felons into supermen. Arnold says he won't do it if everyone thinks it's counterproductive.

  • If they get to point where they can bend iron bars, it's counterproductive.
  • Same goes for his plan to give them steroids.
  • He just doesn't want the prisons to be full of girly men.
  • But California prisons are full of celebrities, and they need to stay in shape!

    It Was Looking A Little Flat - The Hotel San Remo in Las Vegas has signed a deal to become the Hooters Casino Hotel. It's Hooters' first attempt to expand its brand into resorts. The San Remo will hire 400 more people, including Hooters Girls, and undergo a massive facelift, with remodeled rooms, a giant pool with Hooters Beach Club, a Hooters restaurant, a giant Hooters owl logo, and lighting that will turn it orange at night. A spokesman said when it's done, you won't recognize any part of the old San Remo.

  • It'll be remodeled and painted from top to bottom, just like the Hooters Girls themselves.
  • And of course, they'll be adding a huge balcony to the front.
  • In Vegas, Hooters girls can actually show their hooters.
  • This should solve the tragic shortage of underdressed bimbos with big fake boobs on the Las Vegas Strip.

    Look For Urns In Housewares - The Costco wholesale chain is test-marketing discount caskets in Chicago. They're carrying six models of steel caskets in a range of colors for $799.99, with delivery available within 48 hours. As for selling caskets between giant boxes of cereal and detergent, Costco said people are often under pressure to spend more than they want when they're mourning, so buying in advance can save the family a lot of money. They've also made deals with local funeral homes to include the caskets in a discount package they say can cut costs 30 percent.

  • The price even includes Costco's "Big Barrel O' Kleenex!"
  • Better yet, just bury your loved one in a giant cereal box... They're bigger than the caskets anyway.
  • Their slogan: "Caskets don't get any lower unless they're six feet under!"
  • Wouldn't it make more sense to sell these at the Container Store?