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"Motel Hell"

Motel Hell (1980) would be just another drive-in B black comedy, were it not for some excellent casting choices, and great performances. Farmer Vincent, and his sister Ida run Motel Hello (the final O doesn't work on the sign, hence the movie title), and also produce the finest smoked meat in the county. What people don't know, is that these true pioneers and humanitarians have discovered the solution for over-population and world hunger. They trap motorists, bury them to the neck, slit their vocal chords, and feed them until they are just right for smoking. Both of them are happy about their work, but realize the world is not ready to accept their lifes work, so they hide their secret ingredient from everyone, including little brother and county sheriff Bruce. One night, Vincent drops a motorcycle, and decides to rescue the beautiful Terry.

Farmer Vincent is played by legend Rory Calhoun, who makes this butcher/killer/cannibal likeable. Sister Ida is played by Nancy Parsons, whom you will certainly remember as Beula Ballbricker in Porky's. Brother Bruce is played by Paul Linke (K-PAX, Parenthood, Funny Farm), and Terry is played by Nina Axelrod. Ironically, she is the love interest in a film that rises a little above its genre because of great casting, and she is better known as a casting director. Wolfman Jack rounds out the cast as a local televangelist.

Calhoun's portrayal, from the opening scene selling a variety pack to a tourist family, to the ending where he confesses a really horrible secret (if you want to know, watch the movie), makes him a character the audience likes and relates to. Axelrod shows breasts in bed, and again in a bath scene. She also has a great wet t-shirt sequence "tubing" in the local pond with Ida. An unidentified extra shows full frontal being chased from the local parking spot by sheriff Bruce.

IMDB readers have this at 5.2 of 10. This film works as both a dark comedy, and as horror, and is therefor a C+.

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  • Nina Axelrod (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
  • Unknown (1, 2)


    Deranged (1974) is based on the life of serial killer Ed Gein. The story in narrated, and portrayed graphically, but the documentary style robbed any dramatic effect for me. After the death of is father, Gein dotted on his mother, and literally devoted his life to her after a stroke left her bed-ridden. This deeply disturbed woman taught him that women were evil, "The wages of sin are syphilis, gonorrhea and death." After her death, he became a recluse for a year, and then decided to bring mamma home. Unfortunately, after a year in the grave, she needed lots of fixing up to be presentable, so he started learning everything he could about embalming, taxidermy and tanning. He soon realized that he needed some fresher material to work with, and so robs recent corpses for spare parts. He also begins restoring others to keep her company. It was inevitable that he turn to the living for even fresher parts.

    Patt Orr, as his final victim, is hanged naked upside down for gutting. We see buns and breasts while he guts her. The narrative style is too matter of fact to involve me in the characters, but some of the images are rather graphic. IMDB rates this 6.5 of 10. Note that Hitchcock's Psycho was also based on Ed Gein. The film has some effective moments, but, on the hole, wasn't engaging. C-.

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  • Pat Orr (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Other crap

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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    A little indulgence is necessary here. I met Wendy Hamilton ten years ago, just after she'd posed for the Hefmag, but before it appeared on the newsstand (Dec. '91). I was suitably impressed, even though the acquaintance who introduced us told me of her soon-to-be fame after the fact. Mofo. To be honest, suitably impressed doesn't cover it and she was so damn sweet to tolerate what must have been the 73,000th time she'd been chatted up by a nimrod who had a better chance of landing on Pluto in his lifetime. So when I got this copy of Midnight Temptations, Wendy's last movie, I capped the beejeebers out of it. Today, we have a mixture of collages and single frames, that cover two of Wendy's several scenes. One is a shower scene, the other a sport-humpin' delight. Two things, other than Wendy, make this a kick-ass DVD: 1) the transfer is first-rate; 2) the DP knew what he was doing and did it well, even on a low-budget thriller.

    The details:

    First three offerings are from a shower scene. First and third are collages, the second is a single frame. All show Wendy hooters; the second and third show her most interesting face as well. And is true throughout, there are some serious close-ups.

    The rest are sport-humpin frames. Numbers 4-9 are collages that cover the action pretty well (I like #6 a lot because it shows off Wendy's el primo smile). All show boobs, and 8 & 9 also show a hint of Bush. Numbers 10 through 20, then, are single frames and show hooters only. The last four were shot with a dark background but with terrific lighting on Wendy's bod. Turned out real well, no thanks to me.

    Today a quick look at 2 b-movie babes, Landon Hall and Ahmo Hight in "Hotel Exotica".
    • Landon Hall, topless and thong views (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Ahmo Hight, topless (1, 2)

    For our "Babe in Bondage" today it's none other than Sarah Jessica Parker in 1993's "Striking Distance" as she and Bruce Willis are in a heap of trouble at the hands of cop gone bad Robert Pastorelli (Murphy Brown).

    • Sarah Jessica Parker (1, 2, 3)

    Barbara Crampton
    (1, 2)

    The long time B-movie regular topless and showing a bit of bush in scenes from the cult favorite, "Re-Animator" (1985).

    Dana Delany Topless and full frontal nude scenes from "Exit to Eden".

    Julia Nickson-Soul All 3 B's in scenes from "K2" (1991).

    Ingrid Rubio
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    The gorgeous Spanish actress looking amazing topless in scenes from the Spanish film "En brazos de la mujer madura" aka "In Praise of Older Women" aka Le Jeune homme amoureux" (1996). Vidcaps by Helvete.

    Cheryl Smith aka Rainbeaux Smith...Topless and tied up in scenes from "Parasite" (1982), by Dann.

    Drive-in Movie fans may remember her from such 70's as: "Laserblast" (1978), "Up in Smoke" (1978), "Slumber Party '57" (1977), "Fantasm Comes Again" (1977), "The Pom Pom Girls" (1976), "Revenge of the Cheerleaders" (1976), "Caged Heat" (1974), and "The Swinging Cheerleaders" (1974).

    Laura Malmivaara
    (1, 2)

    The blonde Finnish actress looks great while exposing all 3 B's in scenes from "Levottomat" (2000). Link #2 is espcially nice. Collages by FinnCap.

    Kym Marsh
    (1, 2, 3)

    Former member of the manufactured UK pop group Hear'Say, caught topless by the Paparazzi.