"The Lair of the White Worm"

The Lair of the White Worm (1988), according to IMDB, and every reviewer I checked, is a Roger Corman exploitation style horror film directed by Ken Russel, and most wonder why the hell he made it. They consider it far too normal compared to his usual work. If I saw it as a horror film, I would reach the same conclusion. Several things about it are puzzling, though, if it is a grade B horror film. First, what is the wormpyre (female villain) doing with a home tanning machine her dusty castle? Why the Snakes and Ladders board game, or a boy scout being the first victim we see. Consider this line from Hugh Grant, "I see you like our local speciality. Not everyone takes to marinated earth worms in aspic." Then there is the pencil getting a hard-on during the flight attendant cat fight fantasy sequence. When Russel solved the mystery of what Scotsmen wear beneath their kilts once and for all, a mongoose, I finally knew what he was on about. This is a comedy send-up of the genre.

Words like "campy" and "tongue in cheek" apply here. It is clearly not just a "so bad it is funny" film, in that it has good pace, good performers, and is a very easy watch. Possibly I am bent the same way as Russel, but I love Crimes of Passion, which many think of as one of his lesser films, and I thought this comedy was hilarious. Two virgin sisters run a bed and breakfast owned by Hugh Grant, lord of the manor, since the mysterious disappearance of their parents. Peter Capaldi is an archeologist staying at the B&B and excavating in the front yard, where he finds proof of a convent, then, lower, a worm skull and Roman coins. Seems there was a famous worm slain by Grants ancestors, and wormpyre Amanda Donohoe is a modern day worshiper of the beasty. As Hugh Grant explains, "worm is an adaptation of the Anglo-Saxon 'wirm' meaning dragon or snake." Donohoe's bites can turn people into worm food, or other wormpyres. In the course of the film, she shows breasts numerous times, buns, and bush, or something the right shape and size where her bush would be. Due to angles and lighting, it is hard to be sure about the bush exposure. Make sure to check out image 34 to see an even more impressive dildoe than the one in "Crimes of Passion."

Music also helps to make this film. Capaldi uses the pipes to charm the beasty (until he runs out of breath) and the Celtic rock ode to the worm is a masterpiece. IMDB readers have this at 5.5 of 10. Most critics were unimpressed, as evidenced by the 45% score at Rotten Tomatoes. However, one critic saw the film the same way I did. "Outrageous Ken Russell horror spoof. Not his best, but still very good" -- Ken Hanke, MOUNTAIN XPRESS (ASHEVILLE, NC). As a Horror film, this would be a C-, but, taken as a genre spoof, it is a very good effort. However, it went over (or under) the heads of most viewers, so the proper score is probably still C-. I enjoyed it very much though.

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  • Amanda Donohoe (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    SAD NEWS from Scandinavia:

    From the mailbox:

    Dear Scoopy/Scoopy JR,
    I have spent the last five years creating more than 3000 images and publishing them on my website (the last 2-3 in close cooperation with you guys!). This has been a very rewarding activity and I have really enjoyed interacting with the visitors, other imaging artists and of course you as well. Lately, I have however felt that this has become more of a burden than something I truly enjoy doing. My spare time has been limited and I have been feeling that I need to do other things as well, while I am still (relatively) young. I have therefore decided to take a timeout from updating the site to figure things out and see what else life has to offer. After I have done that, I may return and continue do work on my website, but I don't know that for sure right now.
    I am in the process of creating edition 127, I will update the web pages to let people know that I am on a timeout and that if they want access to more pictures than those published there, they can always pay your site a visit and get access to my archives. What I am hoping for is that you would be OK with keeping my web site up for the time being and that we then can touch base later to decide on whether it still should remain open or if it should be permanently shut down. I expect it to take a few months before I will be able to determine whether I want to continue doing this or let it go.
    I would like to take the opportunity to thank you for giving me a home when my ISP closed my site down and for being such great cooperation partners through the good times (and the bad). Your web site is the best on the web and it has been a true honor to be a part of it.
    Best regards (and see you 'round),
    Mauvaise Honte

    Scoop's note: We understand. There is a life beyond the mouse. Honte's new edition (maybe his last??) is now posted.


    State of Grace (1990):

    I was really surprised to see that there was a movie as good as this that I had never heard of.

    You see, I lived in Europe from 1990 to 1993. While some American movie make it over there, maybe even at about the same time as they play in the States, not every movie makes the migration. There was no reason for Europe to take a chance on this one. It didn;t even interest anyone in the United States (a whopping two million box office).

    So I had never heard of the film before today, and it was a pleasant surprise.

    It's a gangster picture about a cop who goes back to his old neighborhood undercover, with the intent of busting the racketeers there, who basically consist of all of his oldest and closest friends. The cast includes Sean Penn, John Turturro, Ed Harris, Gary Oldman, and Robin Wright, with lots of great character actors in supporting roles as well.

    I don't mean to oversell it. The film doesn't cover any new ground. In fact uses the official American Gangster Movie Plot which formed the basis for every crime film made in American from the first talkie until The Godfather. Tough Irish kids grow up together in Hell's Kitchen. One kid grows up to be a notorious gangster (Jimmy Cagney or John Garfield), his best friend grows up to be a priest or an honest cop (Spencer Tracy or somebody named O'Brien). Eventually their paths must cross, and the priest or cop must decide whether to enforce the law or remain loyal to his friend. Almost invariably, one of the friends is in love with the other's sister, who gets caught between them. Various of their old neighborhood friends also get caught in the struggle, like the lovable but dumb guy who doesn't understand what's going on.

    That's the same ground this story treads upon, and there's nothing very new except color, the modernization of the crimes (drugs) and threats (Haitian and Italian mobsters trying to muscle in), and more explicit modern levels of sex and violence than you would have seen in the days of the Hays Code. But a movie doesn't have to possess earth-shattering novelty to be good. It's the usual story, but it's done very well, and acted exceptionally well, so for once I got a pleasant surprise.

    Three stars from Roger Ebert (I agree with that assessment. Very good film, not great.), 100% positives at RT.

    • Robin Wright. (1, 2, 3) She looked great. Very sexy and elegant and trim, and I liked her looks better with the fleshier face she used to have.



    My Little Eye (2002):

    My Little Eye is a hybrid between reality TV and an old-fashioned haunted house movie. A web-based show like Big Brother offers a bunch of young adults a million dollars if they can stay together in a remote mansion for six months. The catch is that all five of the contestants must make it, or nobody wins.

    Everything they do is broadcast to the internet via dozens of cameras.

    Or so they are led to believe.

    As time goes on, the contestants begin to suspect that there are sinister forces at play in the contest. At first they suspect that the people who run the show are staging various events to get the contestants to leave, presumably so the mysterious "company" won't have to pay the million dollars. As more time goes on, they begin to suspect that the deepest levels of the secret are even uglier than they had suspected, and that they are actually participants in a completely different show from the one they signed up for. But what is it? And is there a spy in their own midst as well? Or is everything simply as it should be, but distorted by their cabin fever?

    The movie is OK. It's actually two movies. The first hour or so is a slow-paced suspenseful mystery, during which we join their search for a explanation to various events which may or may not have been staged by the company. The last third is a typical hyperkinetic slasher cut-'em-up gorefest. The two halves are OK, but I'm not sure that they go together that well. That is a difficult transition to manage, to be sure. The filming technique is neo-realism - ala Blair Witch. The film deliberately uses grainy images from the web-cams to make the audience feel like a member of the fictitious web site.

    The DVD is much better than the film itself because it is quite innovative. The film has two versions, regular and interactive. In order to participate in the interactive version, you have to enter a secret password, which is hidden somewhere in the DVD package. Once you get there, you watch the interactive version of the film in a browser window, and you are able to switch from camera to camera, or to view archive footage from events that transpired before the movie began. That is a pretty cool feature, especially for the sex scene.  I guess I should point out the good news and bad news. The good news is that you can view the sex scene from any of four different cameras, and can switch back and forth as you please. The bad news is that the image quality sucks on all of them - they're supposed to be web-cams, and they're operating in a dark bedroom, so ....

    There is also a second disc with special features. Pretty cool package for a minor movie.

    The filmmaking won't be compared to Apocalypse Now any time soon, and it isn't even completely successful as a horror film, but it has its moments, and I tip my hat in respect for the time and effort and innovation that went into making this DVD a complete experience. I enjoyed it overall.







    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.




    days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Ione Skye, the indie film actress and star of "Say Anything..." topless and almost full frontal in scenes from "The Rachel Papers" (1989).

    • Peta Wilson, the star of the TV series "La Femme Nikita" bares all in "Mercy" (2000).

    • Susan Sarandon, gorgeous breast exposure in scenes from "Pretty Baby" (1978).

    • Kim Thomson, the UK actress topless and in love scenes from "Stealing Heaven" (1988).

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    So here I am working on a Hefmate-and-Pet-of-the-silver-screen update when I run into an ad for a movie starring both Victoria Zdrok and Linn (Lynn) Thomas. These women have the distinction of appearing as the monthly central exposed person in both magazines. Sooo, okay, I grab this puppy, entitled Temptation, and yessireee boys lemme tell you, this is a keeper. I am maybe a third of the way through it and have grabbed, I dunno... 400 frames! Victoria looks the best I've seen her and Linn-Lynn ain't no slouch, AND both women are shall we say thoroughly exposed.

    The movie was directed by Michael Ninn, who I take it does high-end adult films, but the real pro here appears the Director of Photography. He knows what he is doing and does it extremely well. Bottom line of it all is the raw frames are pristine and the women are filmed perfectly.

    Before I finish capping the movie, I thought I'd send in a few things for the time being. The first four are tame, whereas the last three give you a sense of where this movie is headed. So far as I can see, there isn't anything in this movie that might appeal to folks who The Gimp calls raincoaters, but it does appear Victoria and Linn-Lynn are walking a very thin line.

    • Victoria Zdrok, breasts, bum and serious gyno-views (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Other gunk...

    Some of the data I passed along by way of Tuna was a wee bit outdated. Here are the most capped performances as of 10 minutes ago, at least on The Gimp's database:

    1)Shannon Elizabeth     American Pie     27
    2)Heather Graham     Killing Me Softly     25
    3)Alyssa Milano     Embrace of the Vampire     23
    4)Phoebe Cates     Fast Times at Ridgemont     23
    5)Katie Holmes     The Gift     22
    6)Jennifer Connelly     The Hot Spot     22
    7)Heather Graham     Boogie Nights     20
    8)Jaime Pressly     Poison Ivy 3     16

    A few artists have done all of these, several have done 6 or 7 out of 8 but each has been capped by someone who appears to have done just about nothing else. Real fans, I guess.

    In addition to Heather, Jennifer Connelly (Inventing the Abbots and Waking the Dead) Shannon Elizabeth (Dish Dogs) and Alyssa Milano (Poison Ivy 2 and Outer Limits) have performances capped by 10 or more artists. I'm figuring the same would be true of Katie Holmes if she even thought about going nekkid in another movie.

    Pascale Bussières
    (1, 2, 3)

    The French Canadian actress goes full frontal in scenes from "La Turbulence des fluides" aka "Chaos and Desire" (2002).

    Sabine Karsenti
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Another lovely French-Canadian going full frontal. This time in scenes from "The Favorite Game" (2003). Of course most folks will recognize her from the mega-hit "Battlefield Earth". Ok, maybe not.

    Susan Dey
    (1, 2)

    Laurie Partridge topless in scenes from "Echo Park" (1986).

    Mindi Miller
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    aka Ty Randolph. Here she is playing a topless body double in scenes from the Brian De Palma thriller, "Body Double" (1984). 'Caps by Señor Skin.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Blame Canada! - Thursday, the worst power outage in history struck the Northeastern US and Canada. It's suspected that lightning or some other natural problem caused it, and safeguards that should have isolated it to one small part of the power grid failed and let it spread across an area with a population of 50 million. In New York City, people had to be rescued from stalled subways and elevators. Thousands of cars were backed up at a standstill, and the streets were jammed with people escaping their un-air conditioned buildings.

  • So how is this different from any other day in New York?
  • In the garment district, fashion models had to be rescued from stalled escalators.
  • Mayor Bloomberg took swift action: He immediately imposed a "darkness tax."
  • Actually, this isn't the worst power outage ever...Back in the 1870s, the entire Eastern Seaboard had no electricity at all.

    The Other White Meat - Scientists at St. Vincent's Hospital in Melbourne, Australia, announced that they had grown a breast in a pig, using new stem cell technology. They believe they will eventually be able to use it to grow fat tissue in humans for breast reconstruction, augmentation and contour filling. So if a woman has lost a breast, they will be able to simply grow her a new one in the lab.

  • Better yet, healthy women can get a third breast!
  • Actually, the scientists grew the breast in the lab because it's the only way some of them will ever touch one.
  • Know who really loved this experiment? Male chauvinist pigs.

    Flesh Peddler - Renee Zellweger didn't want to regain weight to do a sequel to "Bridget Jones' Diary," but she's now stuffing herself until she feels sick because the producers made it worth her while. On top of her $22 million salary, she was offered a bonus of $112,000 for every pound of fat she manages to pack on, up to 30 pounds. If she gains it all, she'll pocket over $3 million.

  • Which should just about cover her Krispy Kreme bill.
  • Her agent sure knows how to extract a pound of flesh from producers.

    Her True Calling - Anna Kournikova has signed a deal to become a tourism ambassador for Pattaya, Thailand, a resort once known for its beaches but which has more recently developed a sleazy reputation because of its sex industry. Kournikova will appear in a promotional video for Pattaya and play an exhibition game there.

  • Not tennis...just a game involving exhibitionism.
  • She will exhibit her thong.
  • Does this mean they've decided to PROMOTE their sex industry?