Dead Red made the film clips, and here are his derived
Charlotte Ayanna, Jawbreaker.
(Zipped .avi) Charlotte is not
naked here, but she's wet and braless and she's Charlotte Ayanna,
dammit. She's a personal favorite of both Scoopy Senior and
Junior. I expected her to become a bigger name, but I guess it
ain't a-gonna happen.
Almost all of the game's best hitters entered the majors while quite young. Howard didn't become a regular until mid-season last year, when he was already 25 1/2, and seven full years past his high school graduation. And he would not have gotten a chance even then, except that Jim Thome was injured and the Phils had no other choice! He was a fifth-round draft pick, and spent five full seasons in the minors, including three below the AA level.
Almost all of the great home run hitters pull the ball. Howard has hit most of his homers to the opposite field, which means that the 260 pounder is so damned strong that he even hits his mistakes out of the park. I can only think of one other power hitter who hit most of his homers to the opposite field, and that was Bo Jackson, but Bo never hit more than than 32 in a year. Howard already has 41 in mid-August, and hit another 11 in Spring training in just 85 at-bats.
It's August 14th, and ... you're on notice ...
Blue Ball, Pennsylvania. So tantalizingly close to Intercourse that it's frustrating.
Fozzie Bear. Using jovial front to disguise a godless killing machine. Wokka, wokka, splat.
Homosassa Springs. It's on
double secret notice. Not only is it sapping America's manly essence, but it is also sheltering terrorist manatees for future Hudson River attacks. Do NOT drink from it. Look what happened to Liberace. He used to talk like James Earl Jones - then ... one little sip of Homosassa water.
Big-butt queen ants are
growing in popularity. And it's going to get worse. "Andres Santamaria was given a $40,000 grant to develop an environmentally sustainable, export-oriented program for breeding the ants." Don't be fooled by their appearance. Sure they look delicious covered in creamy Belgian chocolate with just a dash of nougat, but they can kill you ... or worse. Look what happened to J-Lo after just one tempting bite of the elegantly-packaged "culonas."
Step Up just about doubled its estimate. Although it actually won the day on Friday, it couldn't hold on to the pole position, and Ricky Bobby eventually picked up the checkered flag for a second straight week.
Tim Allen's Zoom, going for the "worst film of the year" trophy with a 0% rating at Rotten Tomatoes, completely tanked at the box office as well, with only $4.6 million.
Abetted by some great reviews and good word of mouth, Little Miss Sunshine continued to kick some major ass. It finished in the top twelve despite appearing in only 145 theaters, beating seven films which were in 750 or more, and even beating The Ant Bully, which was in 2000 theaters!
Buoyed by Step Up, the week did a bit better than expected, and beat last year by about 6%
Another one? Didn't they already sing about that in Sound of Music? Idlewild, Idlewild, every morning you greet me ..
It's actually the story of the loves and ambitions of two struggling performers is told through intricate musical numbers and vibrantly choreographed dance sequences. Idlewild is an original musical starring André 3000 and Big Boi.
WTF?? Darth Vader, the Musical (Actually, the parody makes a good point. Star Wars does include a lot of typical Andrew Lloyd Webber melodrama.)
Albert Camus? It's bad enough he was poisoning the mind of that French race car driver who was beating Ricky Bobby, but now he's corrupting our President. Camus's books are filled with ideas, and those could be dangerous to anyone who has so little experience with them.
Bullet-proof jocks. OK, bullet-proof hats I could understand because Tarantino movies have taught criminals to shoot police in the head. But, c'mon, how can you consider yourself tough if you can't take a bullet in the nuts? Ty Cobb once came out to home plate before a 1908 home game and shot himself in both nuts, then proceeded to go 5-for-5 and steal four bases. And Eliot Ness used to take his testicles out of the sac and use them for skeet-shooting targets.
Hudson River Manatees. If you were bin Laden, how would you sneak a bomb into New York harbor? Everyone trusts the lovable, gentle, roly-poly manatee, nature's own version of John Candy.
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
Angel Guts: High School Coed (1978)
"Jokôsei: tenshi no harawata" is the first in the Angel Guts series from
Nikkatsu Corporation. Having acquired a popular series of Mangas by Takashi
Ishii, Nikkatsu meant this to be a big deal compared to their previous
Roman Porn efforts, and went out of their way to make it shocking, and to
establish a unique identity for the series, for example by having many
dramatic scenes punctuated by heavy rain. The screenplay was written by
Toshiharu Ikeda, and it was directed by Chusei Sone, who would later win an
award for directing Angel Guts: Red Classroom.
Unlike the others in the Angel Guts series, Coed does not feature Nami as
the central character. This particular story centers around three young
hoodlums, who together comprise a motorcycle gang, but have only two
motorcycles among them. Their chief recreation is running down cars with
affluent-looking passengers, one male and one female. They then rob the man
and two of them rape the woman. The third one doesn't participate in the rape.
Whatever the reason for that, it is a sore subject with him. One of the three
takes care of a kid sister (Megu Kawashima) in junior high. She is with him
when he runs into his two buddies, who are about to rape Nami (Machiko Ohtani).
Big bro stops the rape to keep his sister from finding out what a creep he is,
which causes a huge rift in the gang. Finally, while the gang leader is having
sex with his girlfriend, the brother agrees to rape Nami to make up for his
previous actions. After the scheduled rape, the gang leader wants his turn,
but our man develops a conscience, preventing it. The gang leader then seduces
the kid sister to get even. I will leave the final odd twists for you to
It is a C on our scale. Of course, it's a specialty genre which mainstream
audiences may find repulsive, but if you like shocking cinema, and can deal
with brutal rape, you might want to give the series a try. It shouldn't bore
IMDb readers say 6.3.
Two very different but closely related items. Leading with our strength, let's
start with collages of Salma Hayek in Ask the Dust. The caps are from the
master, Tuna. My own little contribution was to piece together a few of them.
What makes this relevant to the next item is a matter of personal opinion. The
way it looks to these aged eyes, with 3/4ths of 2006 just about gone, Salma's
performance in Ask the Dust is one of four that lead the pack in annual
nekkidness. The other four are Brittany Daniel in Rampage, Sharon Stone in
Basic Instinct 2 and Bai Ling in Edmond. All came into the year with name
recognition and all have given up major goodies in movies that premiered in
2006 I, myself, favor Brittany as the one who had not appeared nekkid prior to
January 1, '06, but after working on Salma's
caps I can appreciate why a whole lotta folks will favor her.
Okay, second thing is in response to a comment you made, oh wise Uncle, about
the list of top 20 nekkid performances on the big or small screen. The Gimp and
I spent a few minutes generating a list as voted on by those who cap movies.
Which 24 performances have been capped most often? We chose to figure out the
top 24 performances because The Gimp's database is creeping toward the 24,000
plateau. So the top 24 would represent not just the top 1% but the top
one-tenth of 1%. They are as follows:
Nicole Kidman Eyes Wide Shut 45
Phoebe Cates Fast Times.... 34
Halle Berry Swordfish 32
Shannon Elizabeth American Pie 32
Sherilyn Fenn Two Moon Junction 30
Heather Graham Killing Me Softly 30
Reese Witherspoon Twilight 30
Jennifer Connelly Hot Spot 29
Amy Smart Road Trip 29
Katie Holmes Gift, The 28
Jennifer J Leigh Fast Times.... 28
Alyssa Milano Embrace of the Vampire 28
Demi Moore Striptease 27
Elizabeth Berkley Showgirls 26
Heather Graham Boogie Nights 26
Angelina Jolie Gia 26
Denise Richards Wild Things 26
Thora Birch American Beauty 24
Gina Gershon Showgirls 24
Jaime Pressly Poison Ivy 3 24
Lea Thompson All the Right Moves 24
Kate Winslet Titanic 24
Elle McPherson Sirens 23
Mena Suvari American Beauty 23
The last column is the number of times a performance has been capped. What
continues to surprise me is the truly extraordinary number of times Nicole
Kidman has been capped from Eyes Wide Shut. There are a half-dozen folk whose
only posted work was of Nicole in EWS.
Only a handful of performances have been capped 20-22 times. Think of them as
the next 13. And they are:
Michelle Johnson Blame it On Rio 22
Amanda Peet Whole Nine Yards 22
Christina Ricci Prozac Nation 22
Sharon Stone Basic Instinct 22
Nicole Kidman Billy Bathgate 22
Halle Berry Monster's Ball 21
Tara Fitzgerald Sirens 21
Tara Reid Body Shots 21
Patricia Arquette Lost Highway 20
Joan Chen Wild Side, The 20
Anne Heche Wild Side, The 20
Milla Jovovich Fifth Element 20
Mathilda May Lifeforce 20
All of this changes just about every day. I am betting a year from now, for
example, Salma's romp in the surf will earn her a spot on the list of top 24 and
by then we will probably be talking about the top 25 as the list of performances
grows a bit longer every dad gum day.
Scoop's note: unless I missed something, only three women are on the list more
than once: Kidman, Berry, Graham. I suppose Phoebe Cates would be as well, if
Paradise were released on DVD anyplace other than Asia.
That leaves off some famous names: Sharon Stone, Jennifer Connelly, Angelina
Jolie, etc. Surprisingly, Rosanna Arquette doesn't even make the list once.
Certainly not from lack of trying!
First there was "Busty Cops." Now there's "Busty Cops 2."
And coming soon..."Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade."
Really. I'm not making that up.
This is a project which will stretch over several days. Kicking it off is cutie
Kate Bosworth falls out of her top. Hope we see
version of this in the future.
Some TV collages of Nikki Cox (l) and
Lynda Carter (r), created by RokWatch