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"Perfect Fit" (1999)

For those who are moderately observant, it is obvious that Tuesday is not a stellar day for releases, and I am reduced to doing Blockbuster rental only stuff. This one started as dismally as the others, chronicling a young man in LA who wants desperately to be popular by getting the ideal girlfriend to go clubbing with. Miracle of miracles, he manages to get Maria Ford to go home with him, and she seems like she is going to stay. Then, about 30 minutes into the film, it became a black comedy with a great premise and some truly funny moments. Ford, it seems, has a jean fetish. She influences Alexander Polinsky to help her kill people and steal their "perfect jeans." Jeans, it seems, are the key to happiness.

Mary Woronov plays a small part as Polinsky's mother, who thinks she killed his soul due to poison breast milk, and now lives as a "germophobe" wearing surgical masks, rubber gloves and saran wrap. One priceless bit was watching Polinsky trying to blow out the candles on his birthday cake through a surgical mask. Don't get me wrong, this is a terrible film, except when measured against the Blockbuster exclusives, but it has it's moments, and probably aspired to be a good black comedy. The cast is competent. If they could have gotten into the plot quicker, and worked a lot more comedy into it, it would have had a chance at a theatrical release. IMDB readers score it 4.7/10, but with very few votes. C- as grade B black comedy.

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  • Maria Ford (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    "Dangerous Attraction" (1999)

    Dangerous Attraction (1999) is a Blockbuster rental only thriller that deserves an award for the most cliche's ever in a film. We have:

    1) The dread evil twin
    2) Multiple Personality disorder
    3) Woman as moth, man as flame attraction
    4) False surprise ending, dream sequence division
    5) Real surprise ending, leave room for a sequel division
    6) Nice guy isn't really nice

    Add to that the following problems:

    1) Andrea Roth stars in a sex-filled film, but uses a double who may have more screen time than she does.
    2) Rae Dawn Chong is in the film, but completely dresses.
    3) The audience is let in on the ending at about the half-way point.
    4) The use of the double caused endless continuity problems (how many women do you know that put their bra back on while having sex?)

    There were two plusses. First, they identified the double (Adrienne Board), and even showed a little of her face. Second, they had Maria Delver, AKA Marya Delver topless in a sub-plot as cybercafe hostess, girlfriend of the police lieutenant. This is a D- at best.

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  • Adrienne Board (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Maria Delver (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Unknown

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    When I'm looking for projects, I usually give priority to movies that haven't been done yet. This leads me to a lot of crap, but in this case, I stumbled on a decent love scene with a gorgeous woman in a reasonably watchable movie. The Ice Rink is the French version of "State and Main", about some of the problems encountered in making a movie. It isn't "Blazing Saddles", but it has a bit of slapstick, a bit of farce, and some gentle satire of the French film industry. Most important, it gets lovely Dolores Chaplin (Charlie's grandaughter) naked.

    • Chaplin (1, 2)

    GRADE: D-
    Christianne Hirt: This is about as nude as this Canadian sweetheart ever gets. Strapless putting on her bathing suit and then in a wet shirt in the movie "For the Moment" (1994).

    GRADE: B-
    Wanda Cannon: Also in "For the Moment". She plays the town prostitute and shows her butt. Even though she is completely nude in the first frame, in the second frame she's wearing a towel. Well, d'uh!

    Júlia Lemmertz: Getting it on with her real-life husband Alexandre Borges in the Brazil movie "A Glass of Rage" (1999) (aka Um Copo de Cólera). In an explicit sex scene he gets on top of her and ejaculates all over her face and breasts. Only one of a few non-porn movies I know to have a "money shot" scene.

    Rachael Crawford: showing al three B's in her famous lesbian love scene in the movie "When Night Is Falling" (1994).

    Seidy Lopez: boobs and butt in the sex drama "Depraved" (1996). This movie was never rated.

    Barbara Niven: boobs and butt once again in "Depraved".

    Jacki Weaver: this Aussie actress goes full frontal as the second sugar girl in the classic Aussie sex comedy "Alvin Purple" (1973). Sweeet.

    GRADE: FF+
    Jacki Weaver: up close and personal full frontal in "Jock Petersen" (1974), an Aussie film which shocked Americans with its explicit nudity.

    GRADE: FF-
    Bernadette Li: completely nude taking Jewish ritual bath in the movie "True Confections" (1991)

    GRADE: B-,B+
    Lenore Zann: showing boobs and butt in "Natural Enemy" (1997).

    Jackie Swanson: showing all three B's in the movie "Perfect Victims" (1988) although that bush shot may be of a body double as you don't see her face. Jackie is best known for her role as Woody's girlfriend Kelly in the tv series "Cheers".

    Fantastic and absolutely beautiful collages by Hugo!
    Alex Kingston
    (1, 2)

    Topless and full frontal scenes from "Essex Boys"

    Béatrice Dalle Single breast exposure in "The Blackout".

    Sarah Lassez Very nice full frontal nudity, also from "The Blackout" (1997).

    Lesley-Anne Down The British actress in a brief topless scene from "Hanover Street" (1979).

    Uma Thurman
    (1, 2)

    Great breast exposure from "Dangerous Liaisons"

    Scorpion's Skinemax
    Antoinette Abbott Breasts, phony sex, and some quick glances at the other two B's from the the new late night cable series, "Thrills".

    Brandy Davis All 3 B's in scenes from "Pleasureville".

    Catalina Larranaga Plenty of simulated sex, lots of breast exposure, a hint of pubes here and there, plus some really cool fangs from an episode of "Thrills".

    Chona Jason Breasts and bush in 'caps from an "Erotic Confessions" episode.

    Gabriella Hall Fully nude with breasts in plain view from the late night series "Intimate Sessions".

    Jenna Bodnar Breasts, bush, and plenty of fake sex from "Erotic Confessions".

    Jenna Bodnar This time from "Pleasureville".

    Landon Hall Pierced nipple and bum exposure from "Intimate Sessions".

    Linnea Quigley The one and only scream queen doing topless and frontal nudity in a sex scene from "Pleasureville" (1999). Looking pretty darn good nekkid at age 40 something!

    Michelle Hall Also in sex scenes from "Pleasureville".

    Nancy O'Neil Pretty much boobs only in the masturbation scene from "Pleasureville".

    Regina Russell One more from "Pleasureville"....Regina shows breasts and bum.

    Delma Walsh Topless in scenes from "Take Me".

    Virginia Clay From something called "Urban Gothic". Ya got me on this one, and the IMDb doesn't seem to be much help in this case either. As for the goods...bare bum and faint hint of pubes as she bends over before what looks like could become a doggy-style encounter with some dude in desperate need of a body waxing.

    Katharine Towne
    (1, 2)

    Breast and bum sightings in a very difficult to 'cap nude scene from "GO".

    Kari Wuhrer

    Priscilla Barnes

    Two great collages by Dann featuring plenty of topless scenes from "The Crossing Guard"

    Chrissy Schulz
    (1, 2)

    Vidcaps from German TV by UC99. #1 has Chrissy working out in spandex. #2 shows her taking her top off.

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