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Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Hiya, kids. Hiya, hiya. Scoopy Gremlin here.
Junior is attending a convention, so I'm hosting the page for an extended
weekend. Junior returns with tomorrow's page.
Volume Q is completely updated. There are new volumes for Linnea Quigley,
Kathleen Quinlan, and Brandi Quinones. If you aren't into B movies, you may
not know who Linnea is, and are now wondering why she gets her own volume.
If you are into B movies, she's a tiny blond goddess. This is no slim
volume, but 100-something pictures from 20+ films and various posed sessions. Linnea getting naked and dead was a staple component of American crappy
horror movies for nearly two decades, highlighted by her nekkid tombstone boogie in
Return of the Living Dead and her famous chainsaw duel in Hollywood Chainsaw
Hookers. The latter parodied every light saber and sword battle in history,
and was free of special effects - performed by the girls with real
working chainsaws (the blades were replaced with plain rubber tracks, but Linnea almost choked on the fumes while in a closed space, waiting to
emerge). The last time I checked, Queen Quig was still the official queen of
the scream queens, in that she held the record for the longest scream in
screen history. She has also done a book of photos, "Skin", which is a parody
of Madonna's "Sex", and she has written an autobiography of her time in
movies - "I'm Screaming as Fast as I Can"
It's a fun encyclopedia volume because Linnea's figure has really changed over the
years. She was chubby and ordinary when she arrived, then became a workout
monster, and whittled her tiny body down to the minimal body fat level. Then
she decided to go in a different direction, added some curves, got implants.
All in all, it's like looking at several different women.
Yesterday, Tuna reviewed something called 976-EVIL. I haven't seen
this movie, but as I looked it up in IMDb, I discovered that there is
an actor named Evil Wilhelm. He's not "Evel", like Evel Knievel,
nor is evil his nickname. He's not Hoyt "Evil" Wilhelm. Nor is it a
title. He's not Evil Kaiser Wilhelm, for example. No, apparently Evil is his real
first name. What were his parents thinking of? Parents, if you have to
give your kid a dumb-ass name, make it something the other kids will
envy, not laugh at. How about Hercules Wilhelm, or Cool Papa Wilhelm, Kickass Wilhelm, Duke Wilhelm, Macho Wilhelm, Big Dick Wilhelm, or
Doctor Wilhelm. But "Evil"?
Mr. Wilhelm has only one credit at IMDb. He played the Radio Werewolf
in Mortuary Academy. This reminds me of my own greatest role as the
Radio Love Mime in Crystal Blue Strawberry Peace, a Woodstock-era hippie
comedy. Regrettably, I haven't seen Mortuary Academy, so I can't
comment on the essence of Evil's performance, but it seems to me that it
isn't that hard to play a werewolf on the radio.
Premiere magazine picks the
Top 100 movie quotes of all time. More than just a soulless list, this
article is really worth looking at. It manages to be educational and amusing.
You may be interested to see how ad professionals view the
Top 100 Ad Campaigns of
all time. I really enjoyed remembering some of the oldie goldies
That bastion of journalism, The Sun, thinks
Madonna may be pregnant again. Or maybe she's just doing a DeNiro, and is
training for the lead in a Kate Winslet biopic.
The complete repository of Bush's mangling of the English language:
You may know that the film Manhunter (the first film to feature Dr Hannibal
Lecter), already a fine film and not even that old, is being remade as Red
Dragon, this time featuring Anthony Hopkins as Dr Lecter, and starring
Edward Norton. The creepy Dollarhyde is played by Ralph Fiennes. Great cast,
also including Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Emily Watson..
Here's a review of
the test screening.
in baseball news, the Cubs still suck, but still have some cool fans who
bare their breasts in
shows Afghani women edge out British as world's ugliest.
Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded
into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant
humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or
Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.
words and pics from Tuna
Fraternity Demon (1992) is a third rate version of the tittie film where
fraternity nerds and jocks compete for the sorority sisters. Sigma Upsilon Xi is
composed mostly of nerds. The SUX boys have invited the hot girls from Alpha
Sigma Sigma to a party. The ASS girls have accepted only because a hot band will
be playing. Meanwhile, a TA to a parapsychology professor has conjured the Demon
of Sex and Lust back using an ancient Vatican how-to FAX, and a little speech
What would have been a flop of a party, with the girls catching the sounds and
splitting with the jocks, is turned upside down by the Demon played by Trixxie
Bowie. With the help of demonic magic, the SUX boys defeat the evil jocks, and
get laid. Trixxie shows breasts in two scenes, and Alison Cuffe as one of the
ASS girls shows her breasts as well. This is a terrible film. It is a lame plot,
badly photographed, they hired Deborah Carlin for a lead role requiring nudity,
and then had to hire a double for her, and the dialogue is awful. I chuckled a
few times because of funny moments, but mostly was amused at just how bad this
was. It was a very early DVD release, and is terrible video quality, and the
sound level is not consistent from start to finish. Even with extra credit for
"bad movie" energy, this is a D.
"Muertos de risa"
- Trixie Bowie (
- Alison Cuffe (
Muertos de risa (1999) is a broad comedy featuring Santiago Segura as Nino, and
El Gran Wyoming as Bruno, a comedy team who make it big, but secretly hate each
other. Appropriate to its title, which translates to Dying of Laughter, the
story begins near the end, with Nino and Bruno rushing to a reunion, where they
actually shoot each other on camera in front of a live audience. The audience
laughs uproariously, as they think it is the typical slapstick and rivalry they
expected from this comedy duo. This leaves their manager to explain how it all
happened. Bruno is quick witted and good looking, is a part time actor and
bartender in a small club in the sticks. Nino lives with his mother, who is not
on speaking terms with him, and sings sometimes in the bar. One night, a bunch
of Franco's troops burn the bar down after Nino accidently kills their goat. The
pair head off to Madrid to become famous as a comedy team.
Bruno has nerve enough for both, but is just not funny. Nino freezes during
their first possible break, but they attract a manager. They are booked into a
traveling vaudeville troupe where the star attraction is topless dancers. In
front of a particularly rough audience, Nino freezes as usual, and Bruno slaps
him across the face. The audience roars with laughter, and the seeds of their
success are born. Bruno is a straight man who everyone loves, but who would love
to be naturally funny. Nino is naturally funny, but feels nobody respects him.
This leads to competition between the two that eventually grows into full
hatred. An incident with Laura (Carla Hidalgo) is one of the big reasons. She
and Nino are hitting it off perfectly, then she disappears. Nino goes back to
the room, and finds Bruno asleep, and Laura naked in the shower.
Laura is a radical, and protest to the Franco regime, and the coup attempt after
his death, add realism to the story. Much of the humor is physical, and all is
broad, but slapstick can still be funny, and I thoroughly enjoyed it here.
Hidalgo does lengthy full frontal nudity in the shower when Nino sees her, and
the Showgirls in the vaudeville troupe show their breasts on stage. IMDB voters
have this at 6.6 of 10. The only English language review I could find loved the
film as much as I did, but the IMDB comments are sharply polarized. For me, this
was a total delight, whether you identify with Nino, who makes a living getting
his face slapped, or Bruno, the man who would give anything to be really funny,
you will relate to someone in the story. The Letterbox transfer is decent
quality, and the subtitles are well written. Unfortunately, it is only
available on Region 2 DVD from Spain. To me, this is a B-.
- Carla Hidalgo (
- dancers (
words and pics from Hankster
Today we pick up with Linda York in "A Scream in the Streets", after she
has sex with her customer in the massage parlor, he decides to give her a
little whipping with his belt, therefore making her my "Babe in Peril" for
Linda York (1,
Then it's on to a real cutie Stephanee LaFleur in "Animal Attraction",
as she does a strip tease for the customers in a bar. More of Stephanee
Stephanee LaFleur (1,
Today we have the Kayti Edwards shaved gyno pics from late last year. Starting
material was none too good, but Kayti sho does know how to pose. Recall that she
is the granddaughter of Blake Edwards, which makes her Julie Andrews's
step-granddaughter, ergo all the Mary Poppins-like props in the scene. (1,
Amy Smart in Road Trip
Michelle Williams in
If These Walls Could Talk 2
Afraid you missed some German TV nudity in the past year or two? No problem.
Celeblover is about to catch you up with a mammoth update - more than 30 large
Alexandra Neldel in an
episode of Heimliche Kuesse
Anette Hellwig in an
episode of Dr Stefan Frank
Annett Renneberg in "Im
Visier der Zielfahnder ..."
Annika Murjahn in an
episode of Tatort
Annika Pages in "Man(n) sucht
Antje Schmidt "Koma -
Berivan Kaya in "Toedliche
Bojana Golenac in an
episode of "OP ruft Dr Bruckner"
Christiane Brammer in
an episode of Dr Stefan Frank
Claudia Karvan in "Beruehrungen"
Doreen Jacobi in "Der
Edda Leesch in "The California
one more of Edda Leesch in "Das
kalifornische Quartett 3"
SciFi fans - here's Eva
Habermann on a non-SciFi German show
Eva Herzig in "Eine toedliche
Gosia Dobrowolska in "Beruehrungen"
Hanna Schygulla in "Die
Ehe der Maria Braun"
Judith Pinnow in "Im Namen
Julia Jentsch in "Zornige
Julia Kuntze in "Freier Fall'
Katharina Meinecke in "Toedliche
Labina Mitevska in "Weg"
Maria Schuster in an
episode of Gnadenlos 2
Maria Simon in "Zornige Kuesse"
Nadine Neumann in "Toedliche
Simone Thomalla in "Unser
Papa, des Genie"
Suzanne Uhlen in "Das
kalifornische Quartett 3"
Suzanne Uhlen in "Das
kalifornische Quartett 3"
Tanja Lanaeus in 'Verstehen
Ulrike Panse in "Koma -
Victoria Madincea in an
episode of Gnadenlos
||lots of cleavage on Leno's gab show
||in Fast Sofa
||in 100 Girls
||in 100 Girls
|Kim Delaney (1,
||the first five are from a movie called The
Temptress. The last one is from NYPD Blue
|Ione Skye (1,
|Rachel Weisz (1,
||Good quality single frames from "Stealing Beauty"
|Brigitte Lahaie (1,
||in "Emmanuelle 3". This movie doesn't have enough
votes to be listed, but is currently rated 1.4 at IMDb, battling for the all
time bottom spot, worse than Manos, the Hands of Fate. At the moment, the worst
film of all time is something called Backyard Dogs (2000). If Emmanuelle 3 had
enough votes, it would be number three.|
A Committee composed of Senators Daschle, Clinton, and Feinstein have
announced that the rescue of the Pennsylvania coal miners has been repealed,
and the miners will, by recommendation of the Committee, be placed back in the
mine. The Senators noted the following violations in the rescue process:
10. Heavy diesel equipment was moved to the rescue site without concern for
possible air pollution.
9. Water was pumped out of the mine without first determining if it was
polluted, or providing an environmentally safe catchment area for the water.
8. Numerous holes were drilled in the ground during the rescue, without
first performing an Environmental Impact study.
7. No effort was made to ensure racial, ethnic, and sexual diversity of the
6. The Governor of Pennsylvania was heard to "Thank God" during a live
television broadcast of the rescue, violating the separation of church and
5. Several people at this public, government supported, rescue mentioned
4. The trapped miners did not represent a diversified cross section of
3. Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Hillary Clinton were not given
sufficient time to make speeches at the site.
2. The Senate was not given sufficient time to determine whether or not any
Republican office holder owned stock in the coal company, thus being
responsible for the conspiracy that caused the mine to flood.
And Number 1: No one mentioned that Al Gore invented mine rescues.
"Once a diversified group of miners has been chosen and placed back into
the mine shaft, the holes will be sealed, the water will be returned to the
mine, and the rescue will then be undertaken again, in an environmentally and
politically correct manner", the Committee noted.
Pentagon officials announced this week they have a new plan that will
greatly shorten the time required to eradicate any remaining al-Qaeda and
Taliban terrorists still in Afghanistan.
The latest plan to drive the terrorists out of Afghanistan's mountainous
regions is to send in a team of Kentucky Special Forces.
Billy Bob, Bubba, Boo, Scooter, and Cooter are being sent in with the
following info about al-Qaeda and Taliban members:
1. There is no limit.
2. The season opened last weekend.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickup trucks, country music, or Jesus.
5. Some are queer.
6. They don't like barbeque.
7. They were responsible for Dale Earnhardt's death.
Should be over in just about a week.