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Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Hiya, kids. Hiya, hiya. Scoopy Gremlin here. Junior is attending a convention, so I'm hosting the page for an extended weekend. Junior returns with tomorrow's page.


Volume Q is completely updated. There are new volumes for Linnea Quigley, Kathleen Quinlan, and Brandi Quinones. If you aren't into B movies, you may not know who Linnea is, and are now wondering why she gets her own volume.

If you are into B movies, she's a tiny blond goddess. This is no slim volume, but 100-something pictures from 20+ films and various posed sessions. Linnea getting naked and dead was a staple component of American crappy horror movies for nearly two decades, highlighted by her nekkid tombstone boogie in Return of the Living Dead and her famous chainsaw duel in Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers. The latter parodied every light saber and sword battle in history, and was free of special effects -  performed by the girls with real working chainsaws (the blades were replaced with plain rubber tracks, but Linnea almost choked on the fumes while in a closed space, waiting to emerge). The last time I checked, Queen Quig was still the official queen of the scream queens, in that she held the record for the longest scream in screen history. She has also done a book of photos, "Skin", which is a parody of Madonna's "Sex", and she has written an autobiography of her time in movies - "I'm Screaming as Fast as I Can"

It's a fun encyclopedia volume because Linnea's figure has really changed over the years. She was chubby and ordinary when she arrived, then became a workout monster, and whittled her tiny body down to the minimal body fat level. Then she decided to go in a different direction, added some curves, got implants. All in all, it's like looking at several different women.


Yesterday, Tuna reviewed something called 976-EVIL. I haven't seen this movie, but as I looked it up in IMDb, I discovered that there is an actor named Evil Wilhelm.  He's not "Evel", like Evel Knievel, nor is evil his nickname. He's not Hoyt "Evil" Wilhelm. Nor is it a title. He's not Evil Kaiser Wilhelm, for example. No, apparently Evil is his real first name. What were his parents thinking of? Parents, if you have to give your kid a dumb-ass name, make it something the other kids will envy, not laugh at. How about Hercules Wilhelm, or Cool Papa Wilhelm, Kickass Wilhelm, Duke Wilhelm, Macho Wilhelm, Big Dick Wilhelm, or Doctor Wilhelm. But "Evil"?

Mr. Wilhelm has only one credit at IMDb. He played the Radio Werewolf in Mortuary Academy. This reminds me of my own greatest role as the Radio Love Mime in Crystal Blue Strawberry Peace, a Woodstock-era hippie comedy. Regrettably, I haven't seen Mortuary Academy, so I can't comment on the essence of Evil's performance, but it seems to me that it isn't that hard to play a werewolf on the radio.


Other crap



Here are the latest movie reviews available at

  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

words and pics from Tuna
"Fraternity Demon"


Fraternity Demon (1992) is a third rate version of the tittie film where fraternity nerds and jocks compete for the sorority sisters. Sigma Upsilon Xi is composed mostly of nerds. The SUX boys have invited the hot girls from Alpha Sigma Sigma to a party. The ASS girls have accepted only because a hot band will be playing. Meanwhile, a TA to a parapsychology professor has conjured the Demon of Sex and Lust back using an ancient Vatican how-to FAX, and a little speech generation software.

What would have been a flop of a party, with the girls catching the sounds and splitting with the jocks, is turned upside down by the Demon played by Trixxie Bowie. With the help of demonic magic, the SUX boys defeat the evil jocks, and get laid. Trixxie shows breasts in two scenes, and Alison Cuffe as one of the ASS girls shows her breasts as well. This is a terrible film. It is a lame plot, badly photographed, they hired Deborah Carlin for a lead role requiring nudity, and then had to hire a double for her, and the dialogue is awful. I chuckled a few times because of funny moments, but mostly was amused at just how bad this was. It was a very early DVD release, and is terrible video quality, and the sound level is not consistent from start to finish. Even with extra credit for "bad movie" energy, this is a D.


"Muertos de risa"

Muertos de risa (1999) is a broad comedy featuring Santiago Segura as Nino, and El Gran Wyoming as Bruno, a comedy team who make it big, but secretly hate each other. Appropriate to its title, which translates to Dying of Laughter, the story begins near the end, with Nino and Bruno rushing to a reunion, where they actually shoot each other on camera in front of a live audience. The audience laughs uproariously, as they think it is the typical slapstick and rivalry they expected from this comedy duo. This leaves their manager to explain how it all happened. Bruno is quick witted and good looking, is a part time actor and bartender in a small club in the sticks. Nino lives with his mother, who is not on speaking terms with him, and sings sometimes in the bar. One night, a bunch of Franco's troops burn the bar down after Nino accidently kills their goat. The pair head off to Madrid to become famous as a comedy team.

Bruno has nerve enough for both, but is just not funny. Nino freezes during their first possible break, but they attract a manager. They are booked into a traveling vaudeville troupe where the star attraction is topless dancers. In front of a particularly rough audience, Nino freezes as usual, and Bruno slaps him across the face. The audience roars with laughter, and the seeds of their success are born. Bruno is a straight man who everyone loves, but who would love to be naturally funny. Nino is naturally funny, but feels nobody respects him. This leads to competition between the two that eventually grows into full hatred. An incident with Laura (Carla Hidalgo) is one of the big reasons. She and Nino are hitting it off perfectly, then she disappears. Nino goes back to the room, and finds Bruno asleep, and Laura naked in the shower.

Laura is a radical, and protest to the Franco regime, and the coup attempt after his death, add realism to the story. Much of the humor is physical, and all is broad, but slapstick can still be funny, and I thoroughly enjoyed it here. Hidalgo does lengthy full frontal nudity in the shower when Nino sees her, and the Showgirls in the vaudeville troupe show their breasts on stage. IMDB voters have this at 6.6 of 10. The only English language review I could find loved the film as much as I did, but the IMDB comments are sharply polarized. For me, this was a total delight, whether you identify with Nino, who makes a living getting his face slapped, or Bruno, the man who would give anything to be really funny, you will relate to someone in the story. The Letterbox transfer is decent quality, and the subtitles are well written.  Unfortunately, it is only available on Region 2 DVD from Spain. To me, this is a B-.


words and pics from Hankster

Today we pick up with Linda York in "A Scream in the Streets", after she has sex with her customer in the massage parlor, he decides to give her a little whipping with his belt, therefore making her my "Babe in Peril" for the day.

Linda York (1, 2, 3)

Then it's on to a real cutie Stephanee LaFleur in "Animal Attraction",  as she does a strip tease for the customers in a bar. More of Stephanee later.

Stephanee LaFleur (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)



Today we have the Kayti Edwards shaved gyno pics from late last year. Starting material was none too good, but Kayti sho does know how to pose. Recall that she is the granddaughter of Blake Edwards, which makes her Julie Andrews's step-granddaughter, ergo all the Mary Poppins-like props in the scene. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10,11)


Amy Smart in Road Trip

Michelle Williams in If These Walls Could Talk 2


Afraid you missed some German TV nudity in the past year or two? No problem. Celeblover is about to catch you up with a mammoth update - more than 30 large collages.

Alexandra Neldel in an episode of Heimliche Kuesse

Anette Hellwig in an episode of Dr Stefan Frank

Annett Renneberg in "Im Visier der Zielfahnder ..."

Annika Murjahn in an episode of Tatort

Annika Pages in "Man(n) sucht Frau"

Antje Schmidt "Koma - Lebendig begraben"

Berivan Kaya in "Toedliche Wahrheit"

Bojana Golenac in an episode of "OP ruft Dr Bruckner"

Christiane Brammer in an episode of Dr Stefan Frank

Claudia Karvan in "Beruehrungen"

Doreen Jacobi in "Der Runner"

Edda Leesch in "The California Quartet"

one more of Edda Leesch in "Das kalifornische Quartett 3"

SciFi fans - here's Eva Habermann on a non-SciFi German show

Eva Herzig in "Eine toedliche Liebe"

Gosia Dobrowolska in "Beruehrungen"

Hanna Schygulla in "Die Ehe der Maria Braun"

Judith Pinnow in "Im Namen des Gezsetzes"

Julia Jentsch in "Zornige Kuesse"

Julia Kuntze in "Freier Fall'

Katharina Meinecke in "Toedliche Wahrheit"

Labina Mitevska in "Weg"

Maria Schuster in an episode of Gnadenlos 2

Maria Simon in "Zornige Kuesse"

Nadine Neumann in "Toedliche Wahrheit"

Simone Thomalla in "Unser Papa, des Genie"

Suzanne Uhlen in "Das kalifornische Quartett 3"

Suzanne Uhlen in "Das kalifornische Quartett 3"

Tanja Lanaeus in 'Verstehen Sie Spass?"

Ulrike Panse in "Koma - Lebendig begraben"

Victoria Madincea in an episode of Gnadenlos

Eliza Dushku lots of cleavage on Leno's gab show

Jennifer Tilly in Fast Sofa

Barbara Sukowa in Equateur

Eva Herzigova see-through top

Laetitia Casta bikini

Biljana Filipovic in 100 Girls

Kristin Herold in 100 Girls

Kim Delaney (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) the first five are from a movie called The Temptress. The last one is from NYPD Blue

Ione Skye (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) in "Mascara"

Rachel Weisz (1, 2, 3, 4) Good quality single frames from "Stealing Beauty"

Brigitte Lahaie (1, 2) in "Emmanuelle 3". This movie doesn't have enough votes to be listed, but is currently rated 1.4 at IMDb, battling for the all time bottom spot, worse than Manos, the Hands of Fate. At the moment, the worst film of all time is something called Backyard Dogs (2000). If Emmanuelle 3 had enough votes, it would be number three.


A Committee composed of Senators Daschle, Clinton, and Feinstein have announced that the rescue of the Pennsylvania coal miners has been repealed, and the miners will, by recommendation of the Committee, be placed back in the mine. The Senators noted the following violations in the rescue process:

10. Heavy diesel equipment was moved to the rescue site without concern for possible air pollution.

9. Water was pumped out of the mine without first determining if it was polluted, or providing an environmentally safe catchment area for the water.

8. Numerous holes were drilled in the ground during the rescue, without first performing an Environmental Impact study.

7. No effort was made to ensure racial, ethnic, and sexual diversity of the rescue workers.

6. The Governor of Pennsylvania was heard to "Thank God" during a live television broadcast of the rescue, violating the separation of church and state.

5. Several people at this public, government supported, rescue mentioned praying.

4. The trapped miners did not represent a diversified cross section of American society.

3. Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Hillary Clinton were not given sufficient time to make speeches at the site.

2. The Senate was not given sufficient time to determine whether or not any Republican office holder owned stock in the coal company, thus being responsible for the conspiracy that caused the mine to flood.

And Number 1: No one mentioned that Al Gore invented mine rescues.

"Once a diversified group of miners has been chosen and placed back into the mine shaft, the holes will be sealed, the water will be returned to the mine, and the rescue will then be undertaken again, in an environmentally and politically correct manner", the Committee noted.


Eradicating Terrorists
Pentagon officials announced this week they have a new plan that will greatly shorten the time required to eradicate any remaining al-Qaeda and Taliban terrorists still in Afghanistan.
The latest plan to drive the terrorists out of Afghanistan's mountainous regions is to send in a team of Kentucky Special Forces.
Billy Bob, Bubba, Boo, Scooter, and Cooter are being sent in with the following info about al-Qaeda and Taliban members:
1. There is no limit.
2. The season opened last weekend.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickup trucks, country music, or Jesus.
5. Some are queer.
6. They don't like barbeque.
7. They were responsible for Dale Earnhardt's death.
Should be over in just about a week.