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Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Hiya, kids. Hiya, hiya. Scoopy Gremlin here. Junior is attending a convention, so I'm hosting the page for an extended weekend


Other crap



Here are the latest movie reviews available at

  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

words and pics from Tuna


976-EVIL (1988) marks the directoral debut of Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund). Two High School boys, cousins, live with a very domineering and religious mother/aunt. Patrick O'Bryan, known as Spike, is the nephew, rides a Harley, has a girlfriend, and other than his gambling addiction, is pretty together. His cousin Stephen Geoffreys, known as Hoax, definitely shows the results of his mother's upbringing, and is the school picked-on nerd. Spike loses too much at poker, and calls 976-evil for his horoscope. He gets the answer, and pays his debt without losing his bike. Cousin Hoax discovers the number in Spike's room, and starts calling. He eventually makes a deal with the devil, and wreaks havoc with all of his enemies.

Lezlie Deane, as Spike's girlfriend, shows breasts during a sex scene wearing his leather jacket. For me, this film had nothing going for it except a strong but irritating performance from Geoffreys. The plot went from boring to impossible, there was nobody to like, and many events were thrown in "just cause," such as live fish raining from the sky on the mother's head. Some, who did not have a good High School experience, can relate to the Hoax character, but for most of us, this is a film to avoid. IMDB readers say 3.5 of 10. D, only for former geeks who want revenge and genre completists.

Scoop's note: Stephen Geoffreys, probably best known as Evil Ed in Fright Night, is now a star performer in gay porn films. I'm embarrassed to admit I know that, but I've seen far more of Evil Ed than I ever wanted to see!

"Killer Instinct"

Killer Instinct  (2001) was in the pile of films I had, for some reason, stuck in a box to think about later. It was still shrink-wrapped, and rated R for a scene of strong sexuality. Turns out, it was one Scoop  reviewed months ago. Based on his "Avoid this movie," I put it aside. I agree that it is not a good film, but do not agree that the problem is a derivative plot. All teen slasher films have a bad guy who was historically wronged, and does in good looking young people trapped in some kind of building. In this story, they went as far as to add two more converging plots, although I don't think that really added, and upped the social consciousness of the genre by including a black and a lesbian in the group. The problem with this film is two-fold. They telegraphed the entire plot well in advance, and the 8 young people in the spooky vacant asylum, who were on screen for most of the running time, were hired for looks, not acting ability.

Two women show breasts in fairly tame sex scenes, Bridgette Brooks and Andrea Langi. Langli also shows breasts showering afterward. Not that there was no cleverness in this film. I thought hanging someone upside down in a room, and then letting a poisonous snake was rather creative. Of the two films I watched today, this was the better, but is still a D.

Scoop's note: Although the sheer lack of originality was impressive, that wasn't my major objection, simply an irritant. I didn't mind the fact that it was derivative as much as the fact that it was obvious. 8 kids trapped in the house - 7 of them the sons and daughters of the directors who ruined the life of the wronged dude. Gee - guess who the 8th one is. Guess who's doing the killing. Guess who survives. I'll bet you now know everything about the movie, never having seen it.

words and pics from Hankster

Another look today at 1973's "A Scream in the Streets", this time with Linda York. Linda's not as well known as Sharon Kelly, but she did at least one other soft core flick of that era "Fugitive Girls". In this one she plays a message parlor girl who winds up getting the massage followed by sex with her customer. Some fairly explicit shots here and it might look like they are actually doing it, but in cap # 9 note where the guys dick is. Tomorrow we will show you what happens to her after the sex.

Graphic Response

Dominique Swain in "My New Best Friend"

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Madonna in Dick Tracy. No nudity

Connie Nielsen in Innocents aka Dark Summer

Beatrice Dalle in Betty Blue. This movie is one of the all-time nudity and sex champions in both quality and quantity, and is also a worthwhile movie with excellent photography. BUT - avoid the American cut at all costs - they trimmed 65 frickin' minutes. I was talking to Mick Locke, our sometime reviewer and literary guru, and he was telling me that I was crazy to recommend this movie to him, because there was almost no nudity in the version he saw! You need the 185 minute version. As far as I know, it is not on DVD yet. It would certainly be on my Top 10 most wanted list.

Anabella Sciorra in the Sopranos. No nudity

Nina Hoss in "Die Gieseln von Costa Rica"

Helen Hunt in What Women Want - no nudity

words and pictures from Oz

Starting with a Polish film, A Week in the Life of a Man, the man was a politician. There's some nice nudity by Ewa Skibinska (1, 2) who plays his mistress. Two other women (1, 2) aren't wearing much but I cannot identify them as the credits were useless.

Scans -  The second scan of a naked Kate Fischer in Black and White magazine appeared a few days ago The first scan of her was on the front cover and again demonstrates her ample cleavage. There were also some very nice pictures of Brittany Murphy, Kirsten Dunst and Helena Bonham Carter.

Amy Yasbeck (1, 2, 3) in Robin Hood : Men in Tights didn't show much but there were a few fantasies possible when she got out of a bath wearing not  much more than a small chastity belt.

Some unnamed exotic dancers are topless in The Base.

Annette O'Toole goes topless in Kiss of a Killer but you can see nothing from the back.

The Banning came out in 1967 so the best you can see of Anjanette Comer is some nice cleavage and some mild pokies.

Angela Bassett is topless in City of Hope.

Tamlyn Tomita plays a Japanese women in the USA during the second world war in Come See the Paradise. No nudity, just the top of her butt crack.

You see Lisa Niemi (1, 2)  in all her glory in Slamdance. There may also be the top of Virginia Madsen's areola when she gets out of bed.

Some interesting caps of the Australian actress Noni Hazelhurst (1, 2) in Australian Dream. She's naked but the picture is blurred by the shower screen.

Another Aussie movie is Around the World in 80 Ways and we get to see a brief flash of Judith Fisher's breast.

There's a bit of Naomi Gaskin's breast in Love Comes Down.

You get to see Fawnia Mondey's nice breasts in My Father's Angel and April Telek's cleavage.

More cleavage by Lolita Davidovich in Jungle 2 Jungle.

 Naturally, no nudity by Michelle Pfeifer (1, 2)  in What Lies Beneath but there are some mild pokies amongst the interesting sights.

Some breast by Libby Richmond in the short film Bad-ass mono-winged angel.

 More breast by Julia Margaret Kruis in Where's Marlowe.

Finishing up with some caps of a shocker of a movie, Lust in the Dust. You get to see Lainie Kazan (1, 2) and Divine's humungous butts - I spared you Divine's revelation. You also see a side view of Lainie's cleavage, the medical word I think is pendulous. Gina Gallego makes
up for some of the other pictures.

Scorpion's weekly Skinemax cable wrap-up

Susan Featherly (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) in Passion Crimes

Wendy Rice in "For Love of Art"

Flower Edwards in Dead Sexy

Holly Sampson in Dead Sexy

Katie Lohman in Dead Sexy

Nancy Vee in Dead Sexy

scans from Blackshine

The prolific Blackshine, master of the fashion scan, has been surprisingly quiet for some weeks, but is now back with some new photographs by Ellen von Unwerth from "Portfolio #28 - Ellen's Girls"

Bijou Phillips - topless in more ways than one - bare breasts, bare scalp

Adriana Lima - portrait only

Bridget Hall - cleavage, no nudity

Carolyn Murphy - topless, piercing blue eyes

Ehrinn Cummings - full frontal nudity

Eva Herzigova - cleavage

Jenny Shimizu - Jenny is topless with nothing exposed, but she's kissing another woman's bare nipples, so it's plenty sexy

Karen Elson - no nudity. Karen is just acting odd.

Laetitia Casta- fully clothed, wearing a Zorro costume

Milla Jovovich - The lovely Milla can look kinda unattractive at times, and this isn't one of her best hair days. Portrait only. By the way, Milla is going for the Armand Assante award for the most variable pronunciation of her name. A couple years ago I heard Bruce Willis talking about what yeomanlike physical punishment she endured in The Fifth Element, and he called he "MILL-a JO-vo-vich" - which is pretty much the way any American would pronounce it instinctively. Now, however, she's gone native with that whole Eastern European thing. I heard an announcer name her in a promo last week, and he called her "MEE-la yo-VO-vich". That would be the correct pronunciation of her name in the Slavic countries, but it seems like she's establishing a new direction from her former relaxed Americanization.

Nadja Auermann - portrait

Nadja Auermann - topless

Naomi Campbell - sexy see-through

Shalom Harlow - not only is she fully dressed, but you can't even see her face!

Sophie Dahl - pretty portrait

The top of Jannelle Fishman's behind

Delphine Pacific (1, 2, 3, 4) In "Rod Steele 0014"

Gabriella Hall (1, 2, 3, 4) More from the immortal cinema classic In "Rod Steele 0014: You Only Live Until You Die""

Summer Phoenix

topless in The Believer