Knightriders (1981) was first envisioned by George Romero after attending a Renaissance Faire and seeing the joust. When he pitched it at United Artists, he jokingly said that he was going to put the knights on motorcycles rather than horses. United Artists loved the idea. It was made for about $1M, got pretty good reviews, but only lasted one week in the theaters. It is the story of a group of performers and artisans that travel from town to town putting on jousts on motorcycles. The king, Ed Harris, had a monkey on his back, a chip on his shoulder, and a challenger for his authority. Not only are they a troupe of stunt performers, but they are also lifestylers, and follow a chivalrous code. The conflict between the king and Morgan pretty much drives the plot.

Several women show breasts. Maureen Sadusk', who was many years (and at least as many pounds) past her prime, brought enthusiasm and a strong sense of erotic, hedonistic abandon to the small role that I found very enjoyable. Amy Ingersoll, as the queen, shows breasts in the opening scene. Amanda Davies shows breasts in a short sex scene, and Patricia Tallman shows breasts in a dark outdoor after sex scene.

Stephan King and his wife appeared as Hogie Man and Hogie Man's Wife in a crowd scene. It was his first and her only film appearance. The parallels between this film and the Arthurian legends extended even as far as having a Lancelot-like character who has a thing for the queen. The film was released the same year as Excalibur, and Time called Knightriders a better film. The DVD is side-boxed (black space left and right) to preserve the original aspect ration, and is a good transfer with good color saturation. For an indie, it has amazing costumes, stunts and score. The DVD contains a feature length commentary with many of the cast and crew. With my personal interest in Renaissance Faires, I was predisposed to enjoy this one, and I did. Not only did they have all of the elements of a fair in place, but they also captured the comradery and sense of family common to faire participants. The stunt work is top notch, the costuming colorful, there is an early sympathetic gay theme, and some fine performances. It is a little long. This is a strong C+. You know by now if it is of interest to you, but even if it is not your kind of film, it is easy to watch.

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  • Amanda Davies (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Amy Ingersoll (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Maureen Sadusk (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Patricia Tallman (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Open Water (2003-2004)

    I guess you probably know by now that Open Water (currently playing) is about two vacationing divers who were mistakenly abandoned at sea by a scuba excursion boat.

    My impression is that reviewers may have over-hyped this a bit, but I'll tell you what it does have going for it. Although the acting is below the professional level, the back story (slash) character development  is mundane and trite, and there are some parts which are static and repetitious, the film does have about three or four great scenes which are so filled with tension that you will be squirming in your seat.

    1) At one point, the two yuppies are caught in a powerful lighting storm. They bob around, seeming to be miniscule elements dwarfed by massive waves and overwhelming thunder cracks, illuminated by a natural strobe effect created by lightning. This film does as good a job as any I have seen of showing the insignificance and powerlessness of man in the face of the brutal strength of the unharnessed elements.

    2) As the divers are circled by sharks, the POV shots capture their fear and confusion perfectly. There's the fin, no it isn't. It's coming this way, no it isn't. It's big, no it isn't. Did something brush my foot, or was that you? How many are there? The divers' point of view switches rapidly from just barely above water to just barely below, just as it would in reality, offering tantalizing glimpses of the threat they face. This is especially effective as the end nears, when other people finally realize the divers are missing, and the sharks close in on them while an armada of boats and choppers engages in a frantic search.

    3) The closing credits are spectacularly effective, but I can't really tell you why without spoiling at least two key secrets.

    4) There is an unexpected last-minute plot twist which is quite emotionally affecting in a quiet way, kind of a "what did I just see?" moment that delivers its punch some time after it actually happens.

    The film has been compared to The Blair Witch Project, and it does have both strengths and weaknesses in common with that earlier effort. First, it was made on a shoestring budget with unknown actors. Second, the build-up of tension is far more effective than the pay-off. (Which is not really a major negative, as I see it. I think that means the film concentrates on the psychological elements of fear rather than delivering the kind of gore and guts you might see in a slasher or splatter film. In case you care, this is not one of those "when animals attack" thingies where limbs are torn graphically from torsos.) Third, when the film is not delivering thrills, it fails. The dialogue is generally banal and ineffective, the actors are not very polished, and the quiet moments are so slow that my mind drifted completely away from the movie until a shrieking violin warned me that something was happening and snapped my head back up.

    A lot of critics complained that the film just consisted of treading water in more ways than one. It's dull and uninvolving until the big moments. Well, a roller coaster ride is about the same, isn't it, except in more compact form? To those who said the film was a cheap stunt, I say - hey, that's pretty much what made it worth watching. It's not much longer than a roller coaster ride (75 minutes), and it delivers the same kind of alternating loose-taut involvement. I didn't really enjoy the film because it isn't my kind of film. I don;t like having my blood pressure manipulated like this, but it sure had my blood pressure going up and down, so I think it delivers what it is supposed to, namely pretty damned good management of tension for a miniscule budget.

    I think this flick could scare the livin' bejeezus out of you if you saw it after burning one. THAT would be intense.

    And it has nudity to boot!

    • Blanchard Ryan. (1, 2) Her real name is Susan Ryan, but the guild rules do not allow her to use that name, which is taken. She is called Susan in the movie, and the actor named Daniel is called Daniel.





    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.



    • Amanda Peet's incredibly charming topless scene(s) in The Whole Nine Yards ( .avi- zip) (.wmv - zip) .

    • She's not so charming this time, but still her breasts are seen in clear daylight in Igby Goes Down ( .avi- zip) (.wmv - zip

    Two more

    • Claire Forlani's best nudity is still in that CIA Trackdown movie she made when she was 19 or so, but she provided a nice look at her breasts here in Into My Heart, which I have not seen. ( .avi- zip) (.wmv - zip) .

    • This one is not from Shiloh. It is the oft-reviled Ali Macgraw in Just Tell Me What You Want  (.wmv - zip


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    The lighting here isn't the best, but Annette Bening still looked great for her nude scenes in the 1990 movie "The Grifters". Topless only in #1, topless, full frontal and brief rear views in #2!

    • Annette Bening zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

    'Caps and comments by Oz:

    "Fallen Angel"
    The story is one of unfaithfulness but that takes only about 5 minutes. Naked performances by Kira Lee, Alice Kohiakovska, Amanda Colville, Simona Votypkova, I Wan and Samantha Phillips.

    • Kira Lee (1, 2, 3)
    • Alice Kohiakovska (1, 2, 3)
    • Amanda Colville (1, 2)
    • Simona Votypkova (1, 2, 3)
    • I Wan
    • Samantha Phillips (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    "Between the Lies"
    The story is one of jealousy but who cares. We see a naked Melissa Williams and Colleen McDermott, and there are four others who weren't identified in gratuitous nude scenes.

    "Warning : Parental Advisory"
    Warning : Parental Advisory is supposed to be the true story about how a group of people worked towards a rating system for music CDs. Mariel Hemingway plays Tippy Gore and there's a brief upskirt when she does some table-top dancing during the closing credits.

    • Mariel Hemingway (1, 2, 3)

    "Just Married"
    No nudity in Just Married but some very watchable cleavage by Brittany Murphy, and Valeria Andrews goes topless but is facing the wrong way.

    • Brittany Murphy (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Valeria Andrews (1, 2, 3)

    Alex Kingston Dragonscan 'caps of the former "ER" star going topless in scenes from "Croupier" (1998).

    Pamela Campbell
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Robo-hooters and some partial rear nudity in scenes from "Ice Cold in Phoenix" (2004). 'Caps by the Skin-man.

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    "Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow..." - A California-based company called Genetic Savings and Clone announced that it had created the world's first cloned pets, two kittens named Tabouli and Baba Ganoush. They said they're both healthy and identical to the donor cat, which is a major breakthrough. They plan to clone more cats and sell six of them to the public this year at $50,000 each.

  • Why?
  • They're very valuable because they're exact replicas of the kittens that are being given away on every street corner.
  • Question: How do they know which one is Tabouli and which one is Baba Ganoush?
  • They're named Tabouli and Baba Ganoush because they're both guaranteed to be delicious.

    Tom Cruise Prefers Flats - In an online survey of over 55,000 people by the FemaleFirst website, women chose a pair of stiletto heels as the women's clothing item that made them feel sexiest, and men chose stilettos as the item that makes a woman look sexiest. Experts said they change a woman's posture, enhancing her legs, pushing her hips forward and her rear out, and making her wiggle as she walks. 10 percent of the women said they feel so sexy in stilettos, they wear them during sex.

  • Mostly because the men don't give them time to take them off.
  • They look even sexier waving around in the air.
  • That's when they enjoy them most, because they don't have to stand up.
  • They also give a woman a sexy pout because her feet are KILLING her!

    "Stardom?" - Pro poker player and ex-Playboy model Jill Ann Spaulding has written a book, "Jill Ann: Upstairs," about her brief time at the Playboy Mansion. She says it's not Barbie's Dreamhouse, but a "brokerage house" where women trade dangerous sex for stardom. She accuses Hugh Hefner of paying a dozen "slave bunnies" $2,000 a week to have sex with him anytime he orders them to. Hefner responded that it's "a silly book" and that Spaulding is disgruntled that he rejected her request to live there.

  • Is that a denial?
  • She refused to let Hef poker.
  • Besides, they're bunnies: they LIKE doin' it...Plus, $2,000 a week is nothing when you compare it to Hef's Viagra bill.

    Hire Teresa Heinz Instead - The Wall Street Journal reports that Donald Trump told NBC he should get $18 million an episode to do "The Apprentice." He said he took out his calculator, figured that each co-star of "Friends" got $1.5 million, which totaled $9 million, then doubled it, since his show is twice as long. So, he said, $18 million "seemed fair. I'm not being totally facetious."

  • Yes, he is.
  • NBC said if he can get the six stars of "Friends" to be on "The Apprentice," he can HAVE $18 million.
  • NBC wishes now they'd hired an egomaniacal billionaire who's a little less greedy.
  • Montgomery Burns is willing to take the gig for $15 million.

    Or "The Bourne Pornography" - "Bourne Identity" star Matt Damon said he thinks both porn and action movies are predictable and badly written and acted, so he'd like to make a porn movie where the plot is as important as the sex. He said in porn, a guy walks in and says, "Hey, I'm the milkman," and you know what's about to happen. But he wants to make one where the porn grows out of the characters and serves as character development. A producer suggested he call it "The Porn Identity."

  • He would've suggested "The Porn Supremacy," but he's seen Matt naked and knows that wouldn't fit.
  • In "The Porn Identity," the main character would know nothing except that women throw themselves at him...It's perfect for Matt Damon.
  • Is this just an excuse for Matt to co-star with Ben Affleck again?

    Here We Go Again! - US Weekly reports that someone broke into Paris Hilton's Hollywood Hills home and stole hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of valuables, including cash, jewelry, a computer, designer purses and photos and videos of Paris with ex-boyfriend Nick Carter.

  • Some burglar is about to get extremely rich.
  • People always steal anything with "Hilton" on it.

    Al Wears Too Much Jewelry - Al and Tipper Gore reportedly had $35,000 worth of valuables taken from their room while vacationing in Italy.

  • Mostly Al's Prozac.
  • But when Al Gore screamed, "I was robbed," everyone rolled their eyes and said, "Oh, give it a rest, Al."