Knightriders (1981) was first envisioned by George Romero after attending a Renaissance Faire and seeing the joust. When he pitched it at United Artists, he jokingly said that he was going to put the knights on motorcycles rather than horses. United Artists loved the idea. It was made for about $1M, got pretty good reviews, but only lasted one week in the theaters. It is the story of a group of performers and artisans that travel from town to town putting on jousts on motorcycles. The king, Ed Harris, had a monkey on his back, a chip on his shoulder, and a challenger for his authority. Not only are they a troupe of stunt performers, but they are also lifestylers, and follow a chivalrous code. The conflict between the king and Morgan pretty much drives the plot.
Several women show breasts. Maureen Sadusk', who was many years (and at least as many pounds) past her prime, brought enthusiasm and a strong sense of erotic, hedonistic abandon to the small role that I found very enjoyable. Amy Ingersoll, as the queen, shows breasts in the opening scene. Amanda Davies shows breasts in a short sex scene, and Patricia Tallman shows breasts in a dark outdoor after sex scene.
Stephan King and his wife appeared as Hogie Man and Hogie Man's Wife in a crowd scene. It was his first and her only film appearance. The parallels between this film and the Arthurian legends extended even as far as having a Lancelot-like character who has a thing for the queen. The film was released the same year as Excalibur, and Time called Knightriders a better film. The DVD is side-boxed (black space left and right) to preserve the original aspect ration, and is a good transfer with good color saturation. For an indie, it has amazing costumes, stunts and score. The DVD contains a feature length commentary with many of the cast and crew. With my personal interest in Renaissance Faires, I was predisposed to enjoy this one, and I did. Not only did they have all of the elements of a fair in place, but they also captured the comradery and sense of family common to faire participants. The stunt work is top notch, the costuming colorful, there is an early sympathetic gay theme, and some fine performances. It is a little long. This is a strong C+. You know by now if it is of interest to you, but even if it is not your kind of film, it is easy to watch.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Open Water (2003-2004)
I guess you probably know by now that Open Water (currently playing)
is about two vacationing divers who were mistakenly abandoned at sea
by a scuba excursion boat.
My impression is that reviewers may have over-hyped this a bit, but
I'll tell you what it does have going for it. Although the acting is
below the professional level, the back story (slash) character
development is mundane and trite, and there are some parts
which are static and repetitious, the film does have about three or
four great scenes which are so filled with tension that you will be
squirming in your seat.
1) At one point, the two yuppies are caught in a powerful lighting
storm. They bob around, seeming to be miniscule elements dwarfed by
massive waves and overwhelming thunder cracks, illuminated by a
natural strobe effect created by lightning. This film does as good a
job as any I have seen of showing the insignificance and
powerlessness of man in the face of the brutal strength of the
2) As the divers are circled by sharks, the POV shots capture their
fear and confusion perfectly. There's the fin, no it isn't. It's
coming this way, no it isn't. It's big, no it isn't. Did something
brush my foot, or was that you? How many are there? The divers'
point of view switches rapidly from just barely above water to just
barely below, just as it would in reality, offering tantalizing
glimpses of the threat they face. This is especially effective as
the end nears, when other people finally realize the divers are
missing, and the sharks close in on them while an armada of boats
and choppers engages in a frantic search.
3) The closing credits are spectacularly effective, but I can't
really tell you why without spoiling at least two key secrets.
4) There is an unexpected last-minute plot twist which is quite
emotionally affecting in a quiet way, kind of a "what did I just
see?" moment that delivers its punch some time after it actually
The film has been compared to The Blair Witch Project, and it does
have both strengths and weaknesses in common with that earlier
effort. First, it was made on a shoestring budget with unknown
actors. Second, the build-up of tension is far more effective than
the pay-off. (Which is not really a major negative, as I see it. I
think that means the film concentrates on the psychological elements
of fear rather than delivering the kind of gore and guts you might
see in a slasher or splatter film. In case you care, this is not
one of those "when animals attack" thingies where limbs are torn
graphically from torsos.) Third, when the film is not delivering
thrills, it fails. The dialogue is generally banal and ineffective,
the actors are not very polished, and the quiet moments are so slow
that my mind drifted completely away from the movie until a
shrieking violin warned me that something was happening and snapped
my head back up.
A lot of critics complained that the film just consisted of treading
water in more ways than one. It's dull and uninvolving until the big
moments. Well, a roller coaster ride is about the same, isn't it,
except in more compact form? To those who said the film was a cheap
stunt, I say - hey, that's pretty much what made it worth watching.
It's not much longer than a roller coaster ride (75 minutes), and it
delivers the same kind of alternating loose-taut involvement. I
didn't really enjoy the film because it isn't my kind of film. I
don;t like having my blood pressure manipulated like this, but it
sure had my blood pressure going up and down, so I think it delivers
what it is supposed to, namely pretty damned good management of
tension for a miniscule budget.
I think this flick could scare the livin' bejeezus out of you if you
saw it after burning one. THAT would be intense.
And it has nudity to boot!
Blanchard Ryan. (1,
2) Her real name is Susan Ryan, but the guild rules do
not allow her to use that name, which is taken. She is called Susan
in the movie, and the actor named Daniel is called Daniel.
Not only is this too weird for me, it is even too weird for
Nader. Hell, this would be a little weird for Hunter Thompson.
Now THIS makes it clear exactly what politics is really
Fuck The Vote: Trade Bush for Votes Against Bush
JoBlo takes an in-depth look at Robert Rodriguez's Sin City
EarthCam.com -the Yahoo of live Web Cams
The English-to-American Dictionary
Lindsay Lohan Wins 4 Teen Choice Awards,
including "favorite breasts"
UPN has reportedly commissioned advertisements touting William Shatner's (as James T. Kirk) return to Star Trek. In
the word of the immortal (and often immoral) Marv Albert -
If you're going to NYU, don't expect to see the Olsen twins
hanging in the dorm. The New York Times says
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are spending more than $7 million to
buy four connecting penthouses in Greenwich Village where
they'll stay while they go to school.
John Kerry reads four or five newspapers a day - but
only to see his name in print. President Bush also buys four or
five newspapers. He has to buy more than one, to assure that at
least one will carry "Nancy and Sluggo"
Judge says reporters must testify in CIA leak case.
This includes Tim Russert of Meet the Press, who could be headin'
to the Big House unless he sings like a canary. (I gotta stop
watching those 30s movies.)
"Winged Cat From Hell" Put to Death in Central Russia
. Russia is the new Romania of the new millennium,
seeming to generate all the craziest news stories.
The Three Stooges have been colorized for a new DVD release.
Here are some more pics of a drunken Charlotte Church falling
out of her dress.
CNN.com - Al Qaeda arrests yield 1,000 disks, and
investigators are now entitled to one million free hours on AOL.
Trump prepares to say 'You're fired!' to himself,
possibly followed by "you're broke, too"
The Straight Dope: Did Groucho Marx utter a famous double
entendre ad lib on the air?: Here's the exchange in
question: "Groucho: Eleven?! Did you say eleven kids? Female
Contestant: Well, I love my husband. Groucho: Lady, I love my
cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while."
The Smoking Gun has the goods on that "53 State" diploma scam.
- Researchers claim:
David Beckham has filled the gap left in people's hearts by the
premature death of Diana, Princess of Wales
JoBlo.com's Movie Rumor Attack!
Here's a new clip from Alien Vs. Predator vs Freddy vs Jason vs
Ecks vs Sever
Two new clips from Without a Paddle, a young-skewing
comedy starring Scotty Evil and Shaggy.
- Now THIS is journalism!
The Sun says Naomi Campbell beat up her maid, and the article is
accompanied by a picture which shows her breasts.
Watch the trailer for 'Spanglish' starring Adam Sandler and Téa
Leoni. "Like any modern couple, they struggle to
balance life's issues and details until someone new enters their
home to offer a fresh perspective"
Private school teaches about the 53 States and the four branches
A stream of completely indecipherable chatter that intelligence
agents had been trying to decode for the past three and a half
years has turned out to be the utterances of President George W.
Bush. The President claimed he was trying to confuse
Julie Andrews made her Broadway debut in 1954 in The Boyfriend,
and now she is directing a revival of the show. It's
all part of what we learned from The Lion King about the Circle
of Life. Personally, I've always envisioned life as an irregular
'King Kong' girl, Fay Wray, dies at 96. I am a fan,
and I didn't even dream that she was still alive!
- Oh, be still, my beating heart!
Five new clips from The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
The Daily Show looks at the tiger wandering through the NYC
The Top Ten party schools
Sissy Spacek gets it on with Alan Cumming in the upcoming tranny
drama 'Southern Comfort' - with Spacek as the man, Cumming as
President Bush On Sovereignty
"Good Time Ralphie" Nader speaks the language of today's youth.
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
NOTE: because of a unique combination of
circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial
bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip
format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a
you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in
the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.
I know this is not especially convenient, but it
allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from
hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some
reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not
play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory
work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this
new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want
to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips
incredibly charming topless scene(s) in The Whole Nine Yards ( .avi-
zip) (.wmv - zip) .
She's not so charming
this time, but still her breasts are seen in clear daylight in Igby
Goes Down ( .avi- zip) (.wmv - zip)
Claire Forlani's best
nudity is still in that CIA Trackdown movie she made when she was 19
or so, but she provided a nice look at her breasts here in Into My
Heart, which I have not seen. ( .avi- zip) (.wmv - zip) .
This one is not from
Shiloh. It is the oft-reviled Ali Macgraw in Just Tell Me What You
Want (.wmv - zip)
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
The lighting here isn't the best, but Annette Bening still looked great for her nude scenes in the 1990 movie "The Grifters". Topless only in #1, topless, full frontal and brief rear views in #2!
- Annette Bening zipped .wmvs
'Caps and comments by Oz:
The story is one of unfaithfulness but that takes only about 5 minutes. Naked performances by Kira Lee, Alice Kohiakovska, Amanda Colville, Simona Votypkova, I Wan and Samantha Phillips.
- Kira Lee
- Alice Kohiakovska
- Amanda Colville
- Simona Votypkova
- I Wan
- Samantha Phillips
"Between the Lies"
The story is one of jealousy but who cares. We see a naked Melissa Williams and Colleen McDermott, and there are four others who weren't identified in gratuitous nude scenes.
"Warning : Parental Advisory"
Warning : Parental Advisory is supposed to be the true story about how a group of people worked towards a rating system for music CDs. Mariel Hemingway plays Tippy Gore and there's a brief upskirt when she does some table-top dancing during the closing credits.
- Mariel Hemingway
No nudity in Just Married but some very watchable cleavage by Brittany Murphy, and Valeria Andrews goes topless but is facing the wrong way.
- Brittany Murphy
- Valeria Andrews
||Dragonscan 'caps of the former "ER" star going topless in scenes from "Croupier" (1998).
|Robo-hooters and some partial rear nudity in scenes from "Ice Cold in Phoenix" (2004). 'Caps by the Skin-man.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
CLONED KITTENS FOR SALE
"Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow..." - A California-based company called Genetic Savings
and Clone announced that it had created the world's first cloned pets, two
kittens named Tabouli and Baba Ganoush. They said they're both healthy and
identical to the donor cat, which is a major breakthrough. They plan to clone more
cats and sell six of them to the public this year at $50,000 each.
They're very valuable because they're exact replicas of the kittens that
are being given away on every street corner.
Question: How do they know which one is Tabouli and which one is Baba
They're named Tabouli and Baba Ganoush because they're both guaranteed to
HIGH HEELS SEXIEST CLOTHING ITEM
Tom Cruise Prefers Flats - In an online survey of over 55,000 people by the
FemaleFirst website, women chose a pair of stiletto
heels as the women's clothing item that made them feel sexiest, and men chose
stilettos as the item that makes a woman look sexiest. Experts said they change
a woman's posture, enhancing her legs, pushing her hips forward and her rear
out, and making her wiggle as she walks. 10 percent of the women said they
feel so sexy in stilettos, they wear them during sex.
Mostly because the men don't give them time to take them off.
They look even sexier waving around in the air.
That's when they enjoy them most, because they don't have to stand up.
They also give a woman a sexy pout because her feet are KILLING her!
HEF ACCUSED OF MAKING SLAVE BUNNIES HOP TO IT
"Stardom?" - Pro poker player and ex-Playboy model Jill Ann Spaulding has
written a book, "Jill Ann: Upstairs," about her brief time at the Playboy
Mansion. She says it's not Barbie's Dreamhouse, but a "brokerage house" where women
trade dangerous sex for stardom. She accuses Hugh Hefner of paying a dozen
"slave bunnies" $2,000 a week to have sex with him anytime he orders them to.
Hefner responded that it's "a silly book" and that Spaulding is disgruntled
that he rejected her request to live there.
Is that a denial?
She refused to let Hef poker.
Besides, they're bunnies: they LIKE doin' it...Plus, $2,000 a week is
nothing when you compare it to Hef's Viagra bill.
TRUMP JUSTIFIES $18 MILLION PAY DEMAND
Hire Teresa Heinz Instead - The Wall Street Journal reports that Donald Trump
told NBC he should get $18 million an episode to do "The Apprentice." He
said he took out his calculator, figured that each co-star of "Friends" got $1.5
million, which totaled $9 million, then doubled it, since his show is twice as
long. So, he said, $18 million "seemed fair. I'm not being totally
Yes, he is.
NBC said if he can get the six stars of "Friends" to be on "The
Apprentice," he can HAVE $18 million.
NBC wishes now they'd hired an egomaniacal billionaire who's a little less
Montgomery Burns is willing to take the gig for $15 million.
MATT DAMON'S PORN MOVIE
Or "The Bourne Pornography" - "Bourne Identity" star Matt Damon said he
thinks both porn and action movies are predictable and badly written and acted, so
he'd like to make a porn movie where the plot is as important as the sex. He
said in porn, a guy walks in and says, "Hey, I'm the milkman," and you know
what's about to happen. But he wants to make one where the porn grows out of
the characters and serves as character development. A producer suggested he
call it "The Porn Identity."
He would've suggested "The Porn Supremacy," but he's seen Matt naked and
knows that wouldn't fit.
In "The Porn Identity," the main character would know nothing except that
women throw themselves at him...It's perfect for Matt Damon.
Is this just an excuse for Matt to co-star with Ben Affleck again?
CELEBRITY BURGLARY POLICE BLOTTER
Here We Go Again! - US Weekly reports that someone broke into Paris Hilton's
Hollywood Hills home and stole hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of
valuables, including cash, jewelry, a computer, designer purses and photos and
videos of Paris with ex-boyfriend Nick Carter.
Some burglar is about to get extremely rich.
People always steal anything with "Hilton" on it.
Al Wears Too Much Jewelry - Al and Tipper Gore reportedly had $35,000 worth
of valuables taken from their room while vacationing in Italy.
Mostly Al's Prozac.
But when Al Gore screamed, "I was robbed," everyone rolled their eyes and
said, "Oh, give it a rest, Al."