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Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Hiya, kids. Hiya, hiya. Scoopy Gremlin here. Junior is attending a convention, so I'm hosting the page for an extended weekend



A couple of people wrote in to remind me that Ursula Andress is Swiss, not Swedish. Right you are. Thanks.



Birthday Girl is the Russian mail order bride movie with Nicole Kidman. This is the third time i've looked at this movie, but the first time I realized that you Nic gets out of bed with her legs quite far apart. Look at collage 1 for a pretty good glimpse of all of her naughty bits.

In the Bedroom was an Oscar Best Picture nominee. Even though it was a Best Picture nominee, I was expecting to hate it. I figured it would be one of those "finger-pointing after the tragedy" melodramas". There is some of that, but it is also a rich character study, and it incorporates many aspects of a thriller to heighten the tension. I found myself feeling the ongoing tension as it built, and I found that I was really getting inside the skins of all the main characters, feeling what they felt. Very impressive, because I've seen so many frickin' movies that I've developed an immunity and don't get manipulated that easily. Helluva first movie for a new director, much better than I expected. Depressing sucker, however. No nudity.



Charlie's French Cinema Nudity is updated. Very large update, because Le Gran Charles is returning from his summer holiday, and had a lot of catchin' up to do.


Other crap






Here are the latest movie reviews available at

  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

words and pics from Tuna
"Love Serenade"


Love Serenade (1996) is a quirky Australian comedy about two sisters competing for the same guy. Famous Brisbane radio personality comes to Sunbeam, small town in the middle of nowhere, to run the radio station. Next door are two single sisters, beautician Rebecca Frith, and her quiet younger sister Miranda Otto. Otto is nearly 20, and works as a waitress in a Chinese restaurant. Firth decides immediately that she is going to hook Ken Sherry (played by George Shevtsov), but Otto gets to him first. The great Ken Sherry is a huge fan of serial shagging, and ends up having sex with both sisters, which leads to an ending I don't want to spoil. This film is very long on what used to be called "offbeat energy." For instance, the cook/owner of the Chinese restaurant is a private nudist and sings Glen Campbell songs. He is single because he thinks marriage should be for life, and hasn't found anyone who shares the view. Otto's character reminds me a lot of the Winona Ryder character in Mermaids.

The exposure comes when Sherry invites her home one night from the restaurant to see his fish, and she offers to ease his loneliness.  We see her strip slowly to her panties in a standing position, and watching her try to get out of her pantyhose balancing on one leg is hilarious. We see very clear breasts in good light. Otto has 25 credits at IMDB, including two for future releases that will make her a household name worldwide. She will play Eowyn, White Lady of Rohan, in Lord of the Rings 2 and 3.

IMDB readers say 6.7 of 10. The film played the festivals, and won Golden Camera at Cannes. Ebert adored it and awarded 3 stars, as did Berardinelli. The cinematography is marvelous, and the transfer is also great. This is a film I will watch again. Genre is quirky romantic comedy, and this one will appeal to more than just genre fans. B-.
"Last Orders"

Last Orders (2001) is the story of a group of aging Army buddies, who are driving to Marlboro with the ashes of their recently departed best friend at his request to scatter them in the ocean. During the lengthy drive, and several detours to lift a pint or two, we learn from discussions, flashbacks, and memories about the intertwined history of all of those involved. There are many films dealing with the loss and grieving. This film takes a much better approach, in which people remember the good times. The plot is simple, it is a character driven drama, superbly acted and photographed. Some critics have complained about thick Cockney accents. Fortunately, English subtitles were available, and I sometimes had to fall back on them.

The exposure came from Claire Harman in one of the flashbacks, having sex in a van. We see breasts and buns. IMDB readers have this at 7.5 of 10, and Ebert scores it 3 1/2 stars. According to IMDB, it was still on several screens the first week of this month, which makes the early DVD appearance a surprise. The film is delightful, and looks great, but will not be to everyone's taste. Hard core action fans will find nothing of interest here, but even people who are not generally fond of character driven drama/comedy might enjoy this one. B-.


words and pics from Hankster
Today we wrap up our look at Sharon Kelly, aka porn star Colleen Brennan, in 1973's "A Scream in the Streets". Some pretty explicit shots for what was then a drive-in movie. Colleen was a pretty good looking chick who had quite a career in porn in the seventies.
  • A Scream in the Streets (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)


A new guy trying out his for his capper wings with Verhoeven's excellent early pre-Hollywood film "Soldier of Orange"

And Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio in "The Abyss"

Jane Adams In "Orange County"

Ana Hickman (1, 2)

some posed shots

Marie Gillain (1, 2)

in L'Appat

Kristin Scott Thomas

in Bal Gouverneur, front and rear

Anne Parillaud

Le Battant

Patty Lupone

Summer of Sam

Pam Anderson

A collage from Barb Wire. With her health problems and advancing years, Pam may not do a lot more nudity. "Yet fiery the angels fell". But when she was a supernova in the celebrity nudity constellation, she burned twice as bright - "but the light that burns twice as bright burns half as long - and you have burned so very, very brightly", Pam.


Pat Reeder
Pat's words in yellow, news items in white.


Fox News's Roger Friedman reports that Tipper Gore asked for free tickets to Bruce Springsteen's New York concert for the entire Gore staff and was told that it was nearly impossible even to buy tickets. When she persisted, they offered four tickets for her family at $75 each. An inside source said she replied, "Forget it!" and added, "That's why Gore isn't president, in a nutshell." Friedman stood by the story, although a Gore spokesman said Tipper finally did pay and insisted Al Gore "is not attending, and never planned to attend."

* Correction: THAT'S why he isn't president.

* Just as well: he probably would've tried to come onstage with Bruce during "Dancing in the Dark" and do the Macarena.

* Al Gore thinks a Springsteen concert isn't worth $75, but dinner with him is worth $5,000 a plate.

* Al Gore is so clueless about Springsteen, he thinks "Born To Run" is about him.

* Bush would never try to get free Springsteen tickets...He thinks "The Boss" means Dick Cheney.



SCOOP'S THOUGHT: By the way, Tipper is the woman who campaigns to keep rock music off the airwaves when it doesn't meet her personal standards of decency. If I were the Boss, I'd have given her the tickets, then made her get up and sing some obscene verses of "Louie, Louie"



Britney Spears' spokeswoman denied reports that she's quitting showbiz for two years because she's so depressed over her breakup with Justin Timberlake. She said Britney is taking six months off because she's exhausted, but "she's happy."

* Not half as happy as music lovers are!

* Her lips are really tired from all that lip-synching.

* She'll return in six months; tanned, rested, and with even bigger breasts.






"Porky's" Robbed Again! - Sight & Sound magazine polled 144 film critics and directors worldwide, and their choice for the greatest film ever made is "Citizen Kane." Editor Nicky James said he's surprised it's still #1, although it changed everything about the way movies were made at the time. He said it puts a burden on the film because it can't live up to expectations, and modern audiences ask, "Why isn't it more entertaining?"

* Because if it were more entertaining, it wouldn't be on any critic's list.

* Modern audiences think, "Why didn't they dub in that singer's voice? She's terrible!"

* Why not just remake it with Ben Affleck and J-Lo, and add a little nudity, some CGI explosions, and a couple of funny robots?



The bogus signatures on Washington, DC, Mayor Anthony Williams' petitions to get on the Democratic primary ballot included Tony Blair, Kofi Annan and Dudley Moore

* Dudley Moore is dead, so he's the only one qualified to vote in a Democratic primary

* In DC elections, all forged signatures must be from American citizens

* With that kind of support, how can he lose?!