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Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Hiya, kids. Hiya, hiya. Scoopy Gremlin here.
Junior is attending a convention, so I'm hosting the page for an extended
A couple of people wrote in to remind
me that Ursula Andress is Swiss, not Swedish. Right you are. Thanks.
Birthday Girl is the Russian
mail order bride movie with Nicole Kidman. This is the third time i've looked
at this movie, but the first time I realized that you Nic gets out of bed with
her legs quite far apart. Look at collage 1 for a pretty good glimpse of all of
her naughty bits.
In the Bedroom was an Oscar
Best Picture nominee. Even though it was a Best Picture nominee, I was
expecting to hate it. I figured it would be one of those "finger-pointing after
the tragedy" melodramas". There is some of that, but it is also a rich
character study, and it incorporates many aspects of a thriller to heighten the
tension. I found myself feeling the ongoing tension as it built, and I found
that I was really getting inside the skins of all the main characters, feeling
what they felt. Very impressive, because I've seen so many frickin' movies that
I've developed an immunity and don't get manipulated that easily. Helluva first
movie for a new director, much better than I expected. Depressing sucker,
however. No nudity.
Charlie's French Cinema
Nudity is updated. Very large update, because Le Gran Charles is returning
from his summer holiday, and had a lot of catchin' up to do.
Tim Curry, the shameless hambone known around these parts as
Shatner-upon-Avon, is set to play Mr French in
the new Family
Affair. Lundbergh from Office Space will play Uncle Bill, so Curry had
better guard his stapler.
Roger Ebert gave a glowing review to
the new trailer trash version of a James Bond film.
Cool! Mr Spock likes to take
pictures of naked
Funny idea -
the NBA police blotter
I knew there was something I liked about Vin Diesel.
He turned down more
than $20 million to do The Fast and the Furious 2 because the ending of
the original movie made a sequel illogical.
Man writes an opera based on the Jerry Springer Show. "It's got tragedy.
It's got violence. There are people screaming at each other and you can't
understand what they are saying. It's perfect for opera." He does have a
More details of the dubya-top-secret-probationary plan to invade Iraq.
It will be on November 6th, and will start early in the morning, so
arrive early if you want to get a good parking place for the tailgate party.
And you think history is dull? A historical researcher shows that
Louis XVI had too big a dick for Marie Antoinette. You know what they
say. A prince is just a prince, but a ruler's 12 inches. Oh, well, nothing
for Marie to lose her head over. Oops! Interestingly, Louis was not
only the last French leader with a big dick, but also the last one with any
balls of any size.
about a bazillion
synonyms for masturbation. My favorites:
pourin' your own big gulp
hitchhikin' under the big top
switchin' to manual override
playin' a little five-on-one
runnin' off a batch by hand
varnishin' the flagpole
searchin' for Dick Cheney
sharpening your pocket knife
jackin' the beanstalk
usin' the self-service
- strokin' the satin-headed serpent
- takin' the monster for a one-armed ride
Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded
into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant
humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or
Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.
words and pics from Tuna
Love Serenade (1996) is a quirky Australian comedy about two sisters competing
for the same guy. Famous Brisbane radio personality comes to Sunbeam, small town
in the middle of nowhere, to run the radio station. Next door are two single
sisters, beautician Rebecca Frith, and her quiet younger sister Miranda Otto.
Otto is nearly 20, and works as a waitress in a Chinese restaurant. Firth
decides immediately that she is going to hook Ken Sherry (played by George
Shevtsov), but Otto gets to him first. The great Ken Sherry is a huge fan of
serial shagging, and ends up having sex with both sisters, which leads to an
ending I don't want to spoil. This film is very long on what used to be called
"offbeat energy." For instance, the cook/owner of the Chinese restaurant is a
private nudist and sings Glen Campbell songs. He is single because he thinks
marriage should be for life, and hasn't found anyone who shares the view. Otto's
character reminds me a lot of the Winona Ryder character in Mermaids.
The exposure comes when Sherry invites her home one night from the restaurant to
see his fish, and she offers to ease his loneliness. We see her strip slowly to
her panties in a standing position, and watching her try to get out of her
pantyhose balancing on one leg is hilarious. We see very clear breasts in good
light. Otto has 25 credits at IMDB, including two for future releases that will
make her a household name worldwide. She will play Eowyn,
White Lady of Rohan, in Lord of the Rings 2 and 3.
IMDB readers say 6.7 of 10. The film played the festivals, and won Golden Camera
at Cannes. Ebert adored it and awarded 3 stars, as did Berardinelli. The
cinematography is marvelous, and the transfer is also great. This is a film I
will watch again. Genre is quirky romantic comedy, and this one will appeal to
more than just genre fans. B-.
- Miranda Otto (1,
Last Orders (2001) is the story of a group of aging Army buddies, who are
driving to Marlboro with the ashes of their recently departed best friend at his
request to scatter them in the ocean. During the lengthy drive, and several
detours to lift a pint or two, we learn from discussions, flashbacks, and
memories about the intertwined history of all of those involved. There are many
films dealing with the loss and grieving. This film takes a much better
approach, in which people remember the good times. The plot is simple, it is a
character driven drama, superbly acted and photographed. Some critics have
complained about thick Cockney accents. Fortunately, English subtitles were
available, and I sometimes had to fall back on them.
The exposure came from Claire Harman in one of the flashbacks, having sex in a
van. We see breasts and buns. IMDB readers have this at 7.5 of 10, and Ebert
scores it 3 1/2 stars. According to IMDB, it was still on several screens the
first week of this month, which makes the early DVD appearance a surprise. The
film is delightful, and looks great, but will not be to everyone's taste. Hard
core action fans will find nothing of interest here, but even people who are not
generally fond of character driven drama/comedy might enjoy this one. B-.
- Thumbnails part 2
- Claire Harman (1,
words and pics from Hankster
Today we wrap up our look at Sharon Kelly, aka
porn star Colleen Brennan, in 1973's "A Scream in the Streets". Some pretty
explicit shots for what was then a drive-in movie. Colleen was a pretty good
looking chick who had quite a career in porn in the seventies.
- A Scream in the Streets (1,
A new guy trying out his for his capper wings with Verhoeven's excellent early
pre-Hollywood film "Soldier
And Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio in "The Abyss"
||In "Orange County"|
|Ana Hickman (1,
|some posed shots
|Marie Gillain (1,
Kristin Scott Thomas
|in Bal Gouverneur, front and rear
|Summer of Sam
|A collage from Barb Wire. With her health problems
and advancing years, Pam may not do a lot more nudity. "Yet fiery the angels
fell". But when she was a supernova in the celebrity nudity constellation, she
burned twice as bright - "but the light that burns twice as bright burns half as
long - and you have burned so very, very brightly", Pam.|
Pat's words in yellow, news items in white.|
TIPPER MOOCHES BOSS TICKETS
Fox News's Roger Friedman reports that Tipper Gore asked for free tickets to
Bruce Springsteen's New York concert for the entire Gore staff and was told that
it was nearly impossible even to buy tickets. When she persisted, they offered
four tickets for her family at $75 each. An inside source said she replied,
"Forget it!" and added, "That's why Gore isn't president, in a nutshell."
Friedman stood by the story, although a Gore spokesman said Tipper finally did
pay and insisted Al Gore "is not attending, and never planned to attend."
* Correction: THAT'S why he isn't president.
* Just as well: he probably would've tried to come
onstage with Bruce during "Dancing in the Dark" and do the Macarena.
* Al Gore thinks a Springsteen concert isn't worth $75,
but dinner with him is worth $5,000 a plate.
* Al Gore is so clueless about Springsteen, he thinks
"Born To Run" is about him.
* Bush would never try to get free Springsteen
tickets...He thinks "The Boss" means Dick Cheney.
SCOOP'S THOUGHT: By the way, Tipper is the woman who campaigns to keep rock
music off the airwaves when it doesn't meet her personal standards of decency.
If I were the Boss, I'd have given her the tickets, then made her get up and
sing some obscene verses of "Louie, Louie"
BRITNEY "HAPPY" ABOUT TAKING TIME OFF
Britney Spears' spokeswoman denied reports that she's quitting showbiz for
two years because she's so depressed over her breakup with Justin Timberlake.
She said Britney is taking six months off because she's exhausted, but "she's
* Not half as happy as music lovers are!
* Her lips are really tired from all that lip-synching.
* She'll return in six months; tanned, rested, and with
even bigger breasts.
"CITIZEN KANE" NAMED BEST MOVIE AGAIN
"Porky's" Robbed Again! -
Sight & Sound
magazine polled 144 film critics and directors worldwide, and their choice for
the greatest film ever made is "Citizen Kane." Editor Nicky James said he's
surprised it's still #1, although it changed everything about the way movies
were made at the time. He said it puts a burden on the film because it can't
live up to expectations, and modern audiences ask, "Why isn't it more
* Because if it were more entertaining, it wouldn't be
on any critic's list.
* Modern audiences think, "Why didn't they dub in that
singer's voice? She's terrible!"
* Why not just remake it with Ben Affleck and J-Lo, and
add a little nudity, some CGI explosions, and a couple of funny robots?
The bogus signatures on Washington, DC, Mayor Anthony Williams' petitions to
get on the Democratic primary ballot included Tony Blair, Kofi Annan and Dudley
* Dudley Moore is dead, so he's the only one qualified
to vote in a Democratic primary
* In DC elections, all forged signatures must be from
* With that kind of support, how can he lose?!