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Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Hiya, kids. Hiya, hiya. Scoopy Gremlin here.
Junior is attending a convention, so I'm hosting the page for an extended
Loaded is one seriously
god-awful pretentious movie, but it does have clear nudity from Catherine McCormack
(Braveheart, Dangerous Beauty) , and a hint from the massive chested Biddy
- McCormack (1,
- Biddy Hodson You can't quite make out a nipple, but the Bidmistress has some serious Jumbo
Stakeout is a
comedy/romance/cop movie. Entertaining. Two Cops have to observe a woman who
used to be the girlfriend of a bad guy. One of the cops falls in love with her.
Gimmicky, but cute, funny, and energetic.
- Madeleine Stowe (1,
Scoop - The Daniels twins had a couple of semi nude
scenes in the independent film Basketball Diaries about four years ago.
mainly see their nude backsides on a bed asleep. It might be interesting to
check out the Basketball Diaries DVD to see if any thing else would showup.
Scoop - The pictures on the internet claiming to be
Tiger Woods's girlfriend are actually Kim Hiott, a Playboy ' Special Editions'
college football preview that should manage to offend just about everyone
from every school mentioned.
here is a review of Soderbergh's
Full Frontal, in which there is no nudity from Julia Roberts. Some
excerpts: "Full Frontal is very definitely about some very exacting
film-lab processing that makes the digital video sections look like 8mm home
movies processed in Uganda in the early 1950s. We're all used to digital
transfers and funky film stocks being used for stylistic or dramatic import,
but this is a new extreme that seems aesthetically pointless" It's been
playing in a preview in Austin, but I've had no trouble staying away.
Turkmenistan is renaming months and days of the week, ala Julius,
Augustus, and Sid Caesar. Bush to start his own counter campaign. February
30th to be named "Cheney".
This article is hilarious -
the Russian mob is filled with pansies - would Tony Soprano fix ice
Charlie's Angels 2 in production - with
Demi Moore as a "fallen" angel
American Pie 3 signs up the leads (Jim, Jim's dad, band camp chick, and
Stifler are all signed. The rest don't matter.)
Vince Neil of Motley Crue
will be arrested (misdemeanor battery)
Dogme 95 filmmakers
have been cheating. Of course, these guys are all as nutty as fruitcakes. They want
their films to be real, not artificial. Of course, no camera has the same
resolving power as the human eye. Therefore, by deciding never to use
artificial lighting, they have declared that they never want their films to
approach reality at any time. Instead of looking the way the world really
looks, they want their films to look the way the world looks through a movie
camera, before making the adjustments necessary to make it duplicate the
eye-view. Sheer genius!
latest in political spin: I love this quote from right-wing nutbag site News Max. "For
the sake of their own political survival, not to mention the interests of the
people who voted them into office, the Bush political team needs to force the
issue. Reporters should be told in no uncertain terms: The White House will
entertain no further questions on the accounting practices at Halliburton and
Harken Energy - until Clinton and his wife are pressed for answers about the
most heinous crime ever alleged against a president of the United States".
What is "the most heinous crime ever alleged against a
president of the United States?". They
are referring to the rape charges from the 1970's. Rape is a serious crime,
to be sure, but remember we are discussing allegations, not reality, so the site's
claim is positively ludicrous. In fact, nearly the opposite is true, in that
nearly every president has been accused of something
worse. Nixon and Andrew
Jackson were accused of genocide. Bush Sr and George Washington were accused of treason. Harry
Truman was accused of war crimes. Lyndon Johnson - well, you name a crime,
and I'll bet he was accused of it. And unlike those pussy presidents
mentioned earlier, in Lyndon's case, he probably really
did it! And bragged about it later!
Yup, refusing to answer questions will really improve their press coverage
and their poll ratings! That's the way to go. Exactly the same advice I would
give them. If I were Al Gore.
Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded
into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant
humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or
Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.
words and pics from Tuna
Birthday Girl (2001) is probably the big news for next weeks new DVD
releases, with the great views of Nicole Kidman's posterior. The film lost me
before the opening credits, as Ben Chaplin stutters and trips over his tongue
trying to record a message on his mini-cam to try for a Russian bride. This is,
in fact, a very real phenomenon. There are a host of attractive and talented
Russian women looking for a US husband. The site
devoted to mail order brides, and makes for some interesting reading. Most of
all, Chaplin wants a woman he can talk to. When Kidman arrives, she doesn't
speak a word of English. The film drug on for several predictable scenes where
Chaplin tries to send her back, they become intimate and he decides to keep her,
and then her "cousins" arrive.
All of a sudden, the film took off in a direction I never expected, and held my
interest through to the end. While it is billed as a sexy thriller, I think edgy
romantic comedy would be a better description. Kidman is definitely on top of
her game, giving a believable performance. Chaplin plays the part of a boring
banker, and is boring. IMDB readers score this one 6.3 of 10, which is about
right. A better approach to the first act of the film would really help it, as
the last two acts have a lot going for them. Critics put it in the lukewarm
range (Ebert 2 stars, Berardinelli 2 1/2 stars). I ended up enjoying the film
after a very bad start. C-.
Cocktail (1988) is one of those films everybody points to as an example of a bad
movie. Despite a wonderful looking Elizabeth Shue, Gina Gershon, Kelly Lynch and
Bryan Brown, charmingly playing himself as a lovable bad guy, some interesting
sets and a picturesque Jamaica location for part of the film, I found it totally
forgettable after the first time I saw it, and got to rediscover why it was bad
all over again today. The story is a little trite, but no more so than many
films I enjoy more. To me, the reason was Tom Cruise with his little boy smile.
At the start of the film, he was supposed to be hungry and ambitious. He was
For those who, like me, mercifully forgot the plot, Cruise gets out of the Army
and goes to New York to get rich in business. He discovers that you can't land a
power job with no credentials of any kind, and takes a job tending bar with
Bryan Brown. Brown teaches him the ropes, and both dream of opening their own
bar and getting rich. Brown wants to marry money, Cruise doesn't care how he
gets it. They fight over a woman, and Cruise goes to Jamaica for low cost of
living and high pay. That is where he manages to meet, fall in love with, bed,
and chase away Elizabeth Shue all in a few days. That should be enough to
refresh your memory.
Shue shows most of her left breast in a sex in the river scene. Gershon shows
the profile of a nipple in bed with Cruise, and Kelly Lynch as Brown's
wife/benefactor, shows buns in two different butt-floss type swimsuits. IMDB
readers say 5.1 of 10, yet the film grossed $78.2M, with another $36.5M in
rentals. It won Razzies for worst screenplay and worst picture. Rotten Tomatoes
shows 100% negative, and Ebert awards a generous two stars. I suppose the genre
is Romantic Comedy, and this is not a good one. D.
- Gina Gershon (1,
- Kelly Lynch (1,
- Elisabeth Shue (1,
Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.
words and pics from Felix
The Spanish Sunday magazine of "El País" newspaper features a once a year
article about new faces in Spanish cinema. They usually hire a well-known
photographer who usually takes beautiful fine-art photos of the young actress of
Back in 1996, Silke was the hottest new thing. I include three beautiful photos.
Next, in 1997, there are a group of young beauties, who you can recognize.
I expect you'll enjoy this.
¡Hasta la vista!
A massive collection of scans today. Publicity stills from movies.
Mathilda May (Lifeforce) (1,
Anne Bennent (Swann in
Charlotte Rampling (?)
Giorgi (Oltre la porta)
Katja Bienert (Liane) (1,
Kim Evenson (Porky's Revenge) (1,
Detmers and Jane Birkin in la Pirate
words and pics from Hankster
It seems I am in a time warp lately, but I
really enjoy these trash from the past movies. Today we look at Harry Novaks
"A Scream in the Streets" from 1973. Harry produced a ton of these soft core
flicks back in the sixties & seventies. However by 1973 the old nudie cutie
flicks had gotten considerably more daring. Anyhow today we look at Sharon
Kelly doing her thing. Sharon moved on in the late seventies to hard core porn
using the name Colleen Brennan and was one of the top porn stars of that era.
Tomorrow I will show some scenes that you would not expect to see at your
local drive in from this movie. Hope you enjoy this trip back in time.
- A Scream in the Streets (1,
Well done, Penman!
Ali Landry in "Repli-kate" (1,
From "The Exhibitionist Files"
These are the first DVD captures I've seen from the Spanish movie 'The Tunnel'
with a young Jane Seymour (1,
3). Hope you enjoy them.
Tea Leoni in The Family Man|
Carrie Anne Moss in Red
|Janet Munro (1,
||Raw caps from "The Day the Earth Caught Fire"|
|Ursula Andress (1,
|Señor Piel presents his caps of the mini-waisted
Swede in "Loaded Guns"|
|Michelle Krusiec (1,
||from TV's "Mind of the Married Man", episode "Time
on the Lake", from Herr Haut|
|see through, virtually topless
|one of those non-nude nudes|
Pat's words in yellow, news items in white.|
RIOT TO STOP BEN AFFLECK MOVIE
Last Sunday on an El Al flight from Zurich to Jerusalem, angry Ultra-Orthodox
Jews began screaming insults at the crew and covering the movie screen with
blankets to protest a showing of the Ben Affleck movie, "Changing Lanes."
Ultra-Orthodox Jews condemn any entertainment that depicts lifestyles and dress
they find to be immodest or offensive. The captain quelled the riot by shutting
off the movie.
* They just showed Madonna videos instead.
* "Changing Lanes" is rated "R" for "Reform Jew."
* Maybe they just saw Ben Affleck and thought it was
* This happens in movie theaters every time Ben Affleck
releases a movie.
SINGER'S SPACE TRIP IN JEOPARDY OVER MONEY
After going through so much training to prove he was physically able to go
into space, 'N Sync's Lance Bass may be sunk by economics. He was reportedly to
pay the Russian space agency $20 million to tag along on an October mission, but
on Wednesday, a Russian spokesman said he missed the first installment payment
deadline, giving them the right to dissolve the contract. His backers asked to
move the deadline to Friday, but the Russian said they can't wait forever for
him to pay.
* They really needed the money last week if they were
going to get the oxygen tubes repaired in time.
* They've got someone else who's interested: Michael
* There's been a misunderstanding: Lance thought THEY
were paying HIM $20 million.
* I'll bet if we could took up a collection, we could
easily raise $20 million by Friday!
SUMMER MOVIE RANT FROM PAT...
A couple of interesting articles for the movie buffs, about why so many summer
movies like "Star Wars Part II: Attack of the Clones" are so forgettable and
Personally, I think I have figured out why the current batch of "Star Wars"
movies are so awful. It struck me while reading TV Guide's recent list of the
50 Worst TV Shows of All Time. The key is that the new "Star Wars" movies are
to the first trilogy as "After MASH" was to "MASH."
Think about it: They both use their titles to convince
you they're the same as the originals that you loved, but they aren't. The
sequel was just a cynical attempt to keep cashing in on the goodwill engendered
by the original. What did you love about "MASH?" The sharp writing, interesting
characters, and engrossing setting and situation? "After MASH" was billed as a
continuation of "MASH," yet it had none of those things. Same with the new
"Star Wars" movies.
- The heroes you grew to love (Hawkeye, BJ, HotLips/Han,
Luke, Leia)? Sorry. They don't appear.
- Your favorite heavy with the deep, erudite voice
(Maj. Winchester/Darth Vader)? Not present.
- In fact, the only connection to the original is two
minor comic characters (Klinger,Father Mulcahy/C3PO, R2D2) and one wise father
figure (Col. Potter/Yoda). Needless to say, this is NOT enough.
Now that I have proven with scientific logic and pure
deductive reasoning that the current "Star Wars" films are nothing but "After
MASH" with too many CGI effects, could George Lucas please mail me a refund for
the money I wasted on movie tickets?