Friday

Tuna
"Caught"

Caught (1992) I can review this film in no words. First, read scoop's review, then mine ... Ditto. This film had a wonderful beginning, and I loved all three main characters. Nor could I feel sorry for any of them. They were, however, in a difficult situation, and I am not sure how it would have played out if the real son hadn't entered the picture.

Unfortunately, the real son was 100% asshole. Given his character, I suppose the ending, which I hated, was a natural consequence. Edward James Olmos and Maria Conchita Alonzo both gave excellent performances, and Arie Verveen was credible in the role. Alonzo showed her breasts in two scenes, and looks very good for a 46 year old woman. I, like Scoopy, really wanted the film to go in a different direction.

IMDB has this at 6.4 of 10. The DVD transfer had a lot of color noise, possibly due to copy protection. For me, this is a C. Worth seeing, but, had the ending lived up to the promise of the first half, it could have been great.

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  • Maria Conchita Alonzo (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

    "Gotcha"

    Gotcha (1985) is another 80s film I have watched several times over the years on VHS, and the DVD being released next week is very welcome. For those who have not seen it, Anthony Edwards (Jonathon) is a college student who plays paint ball warfare on campus in a game called Gotcha. In the opening scenes, we see that he has become very good at it. He and his best friend and roommate, Manolo (Jsu Garcia), are heading to France then Spain over spring break. Manolo is an experienced ladies man, while Jonathon is more like Bambi, and doesn't do well with women, at least until he meets Linda Fiorintino in a cafe. She seduces him, and talks him into going to Germany with her to pick up something she is couriering to pay her tuition. She neglects to mention that it is East Germany she is taking him to.

    Things go wrong, a Russian agent is after them, and Jonathon, after having a woman murdered in his arms, manages to escape and returns home. The bad guys come after him, and Fiorentino wasn't exactly truthful with him, but now he has them on his turf. Fiorentino shows most of a breasts in bed with Jonathon, and both breasts being strip searched in the DDR. The film is packed with humor, most of which isn't necessary to the plot, but also logically sets things up to make what would otherwise be a very implausible story believable. For example, the only way Jonathon could have successfully taken on professional spies was his experience in the Gotcha game, and being on his home turf.

    IMDB readers have this at 5.6 of 10. The transfer is very nice, adding to what I have always found a very entertaining film. For me, this is a strong C+.

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  • Linda Fiorentino (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    The Last American Virgin (1982)

    WARNING: COMPLETE SPOILERS

    If you read the comments about this movie at IMDb, you would think it is some kind of lost and forgotten cinema classic, like the first cut of The Magnificent Ambersons.

    That isn't true. In many ways this is just another 80s youthsploitation movie turned out by the cinema chop-shop of Golan and Globus. The editing is clumsy, the scene transitions seem to have missing footage, and critical elements of the storyline seem to be missing.

    Yet, in many ways it is a special film. Here are some of the things I liked about it.

    1. The T&A is gorgeous. Diane Franklin was a beautiful young woman, and this film catches her at her most completely delectable.

    2. The sound track is terrific, and is a great time capsule. It is the greatest collection of 70s and early 80s "lost love ballads". These guys were smart enough to set aside enough of their budget to get the best songs available,

    3. The DVD transfer is perfect. There aren't any extras, but it is a simply luscious 1.85:1 widescreen anamorphic transfer. This cheap 80s film looks better on DVD than many acclaimed classics. The colors are vivid, it's clear and bright and looks absolutely pristine.

    4. Of all the youthsploitation films ever made, this is the one that could most likely have been written by a great soulful artist like Dostoevsky. Although it contains all the standard elements of "young guys want to get laid" movies, it also includes a very profound and realistic central thread. There are three main characters. The really shy sincere guy falls in love with a new girl at their school. His confident, scheming, womanizing friend gets to the girl first, takes her virginity, then dumps her, fully aware that she is pregnant. The shy, nice guy then gets her an abortion in such a way as to hide everything from her parents, pays for the abortion, then nurses her back to health. A couple days later, he catches her back with the slick guy who dumped her. The movie ends right there, with our hero in tears.

    I'm not saying that is better or worse than the way they ended American Pie or Fast Times. There are plenty of objections that you could raise, like (1) what a downer for a relaxing summer T&A movie, dude! (2) the "hero" of this film is the weepiest-ass, sorriest, most moon-eyed lovelorn teenager ever. But, dammit, you have to admire a film that could have taken the easy way out and let the guy get the girl, Hollywood style, yet they chose instead to try to dig in and expose some real truths about human nature. Whoda thunk it from Golan and Globus?

    • Diane Franklin. Miss Franklin has no IMDb credits during an eight year stretch 1991 to 1999. Does anyone know what she did during those eight years? She was quite the little vixen back in the 80s - kind of the 80s version of Katie Holmes - then disappeared. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
    • Louisa Moritz (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Gerri Idol (1, 2, 3)
    • Tessa Richarde
    • The requisite shower room peeping tom scene.

     

    Strange Doings Afoot

    You may have noticed a couple days ago on this page that DeVo did some captures from Spider's Web, a Kari Wuhrer erotic thriller in which she starred with Biodome Baldwin. The strange doings mentioned above? DeVo captured scenes which are not on the Region 1 DVD! I checked on the info sheet at Amazon UK, and the Region 2 version is actually three to four minutes shorter than the Region 1, but that difference is entirely related to the faster playing time of the PAL format vs NTSC, so it's actually the same. PAL always plays 4% faster (which drives people crazy if they have perfect pitch, because PAL playback raises all music about a semitone higher).

    (If you are interested in why PAL does this, here is an explanation).

    Anyway - I couldn't find an unrated version or a longer version. I did find some sites listing a 91 minute version, but I don't know if that is an error. Can anyone tell us how to get the longer version with the semi-explicit butt shots?

    Here are DeVo's caps (1, 2, 3)

     

    E-mailbox:

    Canadian actress Laura Regan has been cast for the role of Private Jessica Lynch in the upcoming US tv movie. As with seeing Laura Regan's goodies, she did some PG-rated underwear scenes in "Wes Craven Presents: They" and went topless in "My Little Eye" (available on DVD only in Europe).

    Spaz

    Scoop's note: I ordered a copy of "My Little Eye". In the meantime, here are C2000's caps from that film. There is no frame which includes both her head and her naughty bits. 

    Scoop: check out this paparazzi pic of Elle "The Body" Macpherson taken in the past couple of days!

    Scoop's note: She looks pretty dagnabbed good for a 40ish woman.

    Scoop: why don't you have this picture of Nicole Kidman in the encyclopedia?

    Scoop's note: I still get 2-3 questions a month about the picture he sent. It is not Kidman. Check out this analysis from The Fake Detective for the picture and the refutation.

     

    OTHER CRAP:

     

    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

     

    PIRATE COUNTDOWN:

    days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Variety
    Catherine Bell An excellent collage by ZonononZor of the "JAG" star topless and baring her bum in scenes from "The Brunch Club" episode of the late night cable series "Hotline".

    Heather Graham Rollergirl topless in scenes from "Killing Me Softly" (2002).

    Susanne Sutchy
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    		Topless in scenes from the Canadian comedy "Rub & Tug" (2002)

    Angie Harmon
    (1, 2)

    		The former "Law & Order" babe showing off some very nice cleavage in scenes from the kid's action flick "Agent Cody Banks". Great collages by DeadLamb.

    Lauren Graham
    (1, 2)

    		'Caps of the "Gilmore Girls" star in her undies. 'Caps from the Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron flick, "Sweet November".

    Tamara Landry
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

    		The B-movie and erotic thriller regular topless in scenes from "Prelude to Love" (1995). 'Caps by the Skin-meister.

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    POLITICS: ARNOLD, GARY, GALLAGHER IN; SPRINGER OUT
    End Of Days Of Waffling - Arnold Schwarzenegger defied earlier reports and announced that he will run for governor of California. He joked that it was the toughest decision he's made since getting a bikini wax in 1978. He said Gov. Gray Davis is "fiddling, fumbling and failing" the people, but he'll "pump up Sacramento" and "I vill clean house!" Arnold said he can't be bought by special interests, he's willing to leave movie-making to serve, and he knows the Democrats will throw a lot of dirt at him -- scandals range from accusations of womanizing to posing nude during his bodybuilder days -- but he's not afraid.

  • He's certainly not afraid of posing nude next to Gray Davis.
  • Finally, the Republicans have a candidate that might attract the gay vote!
  • Or they may release something even more embarrassing: videos of "Jingle All The Way!"
  • Gray Davis must feel like he just got a bikini wax.
  • He tells Maria he "vill clean house" all the time, but he never actually has.
  • The only thing that could stop him now if this is a write-in ballot.
  • He's calling his campaign "Total Recall 2: Rise of the Political Machine.


    What Choo Talkin' 'Bout? - "Diff'rent Strokes" star Gary Coleman has also filed to run. His treasurer insisted he's no more farcical a candidate than Schwarzenegger, Arianna Huffington or comedian Gallagher, all of whom are also running.

  • Gallagher is promising to smash the deficit with a sledge hammer.
  • Imagine an Arnold Schwarzenegger-Arianna Huffington debate! It'll need subtitles!
  • This election has more forgotten celebrities than Forest Lawn.


    All Together Now: "Awwwwwwwww!" - Jerry Springer announced that he won't run for the Senate from Ohio, saying his message wouldn't be heard while his talk show is still on the air, and he's not ready to kill the show. Springer called it the hardest decision he's ever had to make.

  • Since he got a bikini wax in 1997.
  • It was harder than choosing between obese transvestites and teenage hookers during Sweep Month.
  • Wise decision: there's no room in Washington for sleaze, sex and mindless name-calling.
  • He should run for governor of California; he'd fit right in.


    MURDERER DOESN'T TAKE JAIL SENTENCE WELL
    Make That 50 Years - Monday in Austin, Texas, a judge sentenced Alexis Robledo to 40 years in prison for murder. He didn't take it well. He turned, walked across the court and flipped over the table where his lawyer was sitting. As cups flew and deputies rushed in to drag him out, his friends and relatives stood up and began screaming, cheering him on and yelling profanities at the judge.

  • It's sad when a nice, civilized murder trial degenerates into the Jerry Springer Show.
  • His defense was that he wasn't capable of violence.
  • Don't be mad at the lawyer: in Texas, 40 years for murder is a slap on the wrist!