Caught (1992) I can review this film in no words. First, read scoop's review, then mine ... Ditto. This film had a wonderful beginning, and I loved all three main characters. Nor could I feel sorry for any of them. They were, however, in a difficult situation, and I am not sure how it would have played out if the real son hadn't entered the picture.
Unfortunately, the real son was 100% asshole. Given his character, I suppose the ending, which I hated, was a natural consequence. Edward James Olmos and Maria Conchita Alonzo both gave excellent performances, and Arie Verveen was credible in the role. Alonzo showed her breasts in two scenes, and looks very good for a 46 year old woman. I, like Scoopy, really wanted the film to go in a different direction.
IMDB has this at 6.4 of 10. The DVD transfer had a lot of color noise, possibly due to copy protection. For me, this is a C. Worth seeing, but, had the ending lived up to the promise of the first half, it could have been great.
Maria Conchita Alonzo
Gotcha (1985) is another 80s film I have watched several times over the years on VHS, and the DVD being released next week is very welcome. For those who have not seen it, Anthony Edwards (Jonathon) is a college student who plays paint ball warfare on campus in a game called Gotcha. In the opening scenes, we see that he has become very good at it. He and his best friend and roommate, Manolo (Jsu Garcia), are heading to France then Spain over spring break. Manolo is an experienced ladies man, while Jonathon is more like Bambi, and doesn't do well with women, at least until he meets Linda Fiorintino in a cafe. She seduces him, and talks him into going to Germany with her to pick up something she is couriering to pay her tuition. She neglects to mention that it is East Germany she is taking him to.
Things go wrong, a Russian agent is after them, and Jonathon, after having a woman murdered in his arms, manages to escape and returns home. The bad guys come after him, and Fiorentino wasn't exactly truthful with him, but now he has them on his turf. Fiorentino shows most of a breasts in bed with Jonathon, and both breasts being strip searched in the DDR. The film is packed with humor, most of which isn't necessary to the plot, but also logically sets things up to make what would otherwise be a very implausible story believable. For example, the only way Jonathon could have successfully taken on professional spies was his experience in the Gotcha game, and being on his home turf.
IMDB readers have this at 5.6 of 10. The transfer is very nice, adding to what I have always found a very entertaining film. For me, this is a strong C+.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
The Last American Virgin (1982)
WARNING: COMPLETE SPOILERS
If you read the comments about this movie at IMDb,
you would think it is some kind of lost and forgotten cinema
classic, like the first cut of The Magnificent Ambersons.
That isn't true. In many ways this is just another
80s youthsploitation movie turned out by the cinema chop-shop of
Golan and Globus. The editing is clumsy, the scene transitions seem
to have missing footage, and critical elements of the storyline seem
to be missing.
Yet, in many ways it is a special film. Here are
some of the things I liked about it.
1. The T&A is gorgeous. Diane Franklin was a
beautiful young woman, and this film catches her at her most
2. The sound track is terrific, and is a great time
capsule. It is the greatest collection of 70s and early 80s "lost
love ballads". These guys were smart enough to set aside enough of
their budget to get the best songs available,
3. The DVD transfer is perfect. There aren't any
extras, but it is a simply luscious 1.85:1 widescreen anamorphic
transfer. This cheap 80s film looks better on DVD than many
acclaimed classics. The colors are vivid, it's clear and bright and
looks absolutely pristine.
4. Of all the youthsploitation films ever made, this
is the one that could most likely have been written by a great
soulful artist like Dostoevsky. Although it contains all the
standard elements of "young guys want to get laid" movies, it also
includes a very profound and realistic central thread. There are
three main characters. The really shy sincere guy falls in love with
a new girl at their school. His confident, scheming, womanizing
friend gets to the girl first, takes her virginity, then dumps her,
fully aware that she is pregnant. The shy, nice guy then gets her an
abortion in such a way as to hide everything from her parents, pays
for the abortion, then nurses her back to health. A couple days
later, he catches her back with the slick guy who dumped her. The
movie ends right there, with our hero in tears.
I'm not saying that is better or worse than the way
they ended American Pie or Fast Times. There are plenty of
objections that you could raise, like (1) what a downer for a
relaxing summer T&A movie, dude! (2) the "hero" of this film is the
weepiest-ass, sorriest, most moon-eyed lovelorn teenager ever. But,
dammit, you have to admire a film that could have taken the easy way
out and let the guy get the girl, Hollywood style, yet they chose
instead to try to dig in and expose some real truths about human
nature. Whoda thunk it from Golan and Globus?
- Diane Franklin. Miss Franklin has no IMDb credits during an
eight year stretch 1991 to 1999. Does anyone know what she did
during those eight years? She was quite the little vixen back in
the 80s - kind of the 80s version of Katie Holmes - then
- Louisa Moritz (1,
- Gerri Idol (1,
- Tessa Richarde
- The requisite shower room peeping tom scene.
Strange Doings Afoot
You may have noticed a couple days ago on this page that DeVo did some captures from Spider's Web,
a Kari Wuhrer erotic thriller in which she starred with Biodome
Baldwin. The strange doings mentioned above? DeVo captured scenes
which are not on the Region 1 DVD! I checked on the info sheet at
Amazon UK, and the Region 2 version is actually three to four
minutes shorter than the Region 1, but that difference is entirely
related to the faster playing time of the PAL format vs NTSC, so
it's actually the same. PAL always plays 4% faster (which drives
people crazy if they have perfect pitch, because PAL playback raises
all music about a semitone higher).
(If you are interested in why PAL does this,
here is an explanation).
Anyway - I couldn't find an unrated version or a
longer version. I did find some sites listing a 91 minute version,
but I don't know if that is an error. Can anyone tell us how to get
the longer version with the semi-explicit butt shots?
Here are DeVo's caps (1,
Canadian actress Laura Regan has been cast for the role of
Private Jessica Lynch in the upcoming US tv movie. As with seeing
Laura Regan's goodies, she did some PG-rated underwear scenes in
"Wes Craven Presents: They" and went topless in "My Little Eye"
(available on DVD only in Europe).
Scoop's note: I ordered a copy of "My
Little Eye". In the meantime, here are C2000's caps from that film.
There is no frame which includes both her head and her naughty bits.
Scoop: check out this paparazzi pic of Elle "The Body" Macpherson
taken in the past couple of days!
Scoop's note: She looks pretty dagnabbed good
for a 40ish woman.
Scoop: why don't you have this picture of Nicole Kidman in the
Scoop's note: I still get 2-3 questions a
month about the picture he sent. It is not Kidman. Check out this
analysis from The Fake Detective for the picture and the refutation.
DARLENE & CAROL BERNAOLA - PLAYBOY PLAYMATES OF THE MONTH -
JANUARY 2000. Free gallery from Playboy Plus
Record British heat wave gets chicks naked in public.
- Hot babes of
yesteryear - Suzanne Somers
X-Entertainment -- Oreo Cookies: Nabisco officially goes insane...
sources said stories about anal intercourse between Kobe Bryant
and his alleged victim are not true
Chip Beck sinks a long one - 315 yards to be exact. Beck aces a
par-4 at the Omaha Classic
- Political News
Stories From Around California - The complete Premiere Magazine
arucile about Ah-nuld from 2001, which focuses on the negative
side of the aging superstar. (It's about halfway down the page
- do a "find on this page" search for "Connolly", the author's
The National Enquirer: Jack Nicholson's still got it. Amanda Peet
is his new flame!
Weekly World News: "HOMESICK U.S. SAILORS ARE EXHAUSTING THE
WORLD'S PROSTITUTES! "
Affleck update. Hotel maid says Affleck wears thongs: "The
stunned cleaner continues, 'Jen was not impressed that I had
stumbled in on them. Perhaps she was embarrassed that her
husband-to-be's underwear is more feminine than hers?' "
Saddam Forced To Move 3 Times A Day: How does he live? Simple.
He orders from Domino's, then moves - when they can't find him in
30 minutes, the pizza is always free! Well, that and his 365
different ID's, which he carries so he can always eat free at
Denny's on his birthday.
better? Jordan or Cousy? The 100 greatest sports arguments of all
- I don't
care how much you love Planet of the Apes. This guy loves it more.
Experts advise anyone approached by a coyote to make loud noise
and wave their arms. Pretty much the same way Guy Richie
courted Madonna. Seriously, it must work. In the history of
mankind, there is no report of any coyote having attacked a high
school Phys Ed class during jumping jacks.
The judge in Kobe Bryant's sexual assault case today banned all
reporters from making puns on the word "court"
Yahoo! News - AFP Top Photos. More summer accordion news.
News: Nude accordionist calendar takes off. Features several
guys singing "She Likes Kielbasa", if you catch my drift.
BBI proudly introduces the latest issue in its Elite Force series
of authentic military 12- inch figures, President George W. Bush
in naval aviator flight uniform
Hardman actor Tom Sizemore threatened to kill former Hollywood
madam Heidi Fleiss in phone messages.
Tammy The Stripper Talks About Ben Affleck Giving Her Oral on the
Howard Stern Radio Show . Howard is all over Affleck. In
addition to the sex, he asked the stripper if she tested Affleck's
hair to see if it was a wig.
The National Enquirer: 'Ben cheated with me' -- Affleck's lover
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick
Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
||An excellent collage by ZonononZor of the "JAG" star topless and baring her bum in scenes from "The Brunch Club" episode of the late night cable series "Hotline".
||Rollergirl topless in scenes from "Killing Me Softly" (2002).
|Topless in scenes from the Canadian comedy "Rub & Tug" (2002)
|The former "Law & Order" babe showing off some very nice cleavage in scenes from the kid's action flick "Agent Cody Banks". Great collages by DeadLamb.
|'Caps of the "Gilmore Girls" star in her undies. 'Caps from the Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron flick, "Sweet November".
|The B-movie and erotic thriller regular topless in scenes from "Prelude to Love" (1995). 'Caps by the Skin-meister.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
POLITICS: ARNOLD, GARY, GALLAGHER IN; SPRINGER OUT
End Of Days Of Waffling - Arnold Schwarzenegger defied earlier reports and
announced that he will run for governor of California. He joked that it
was the toughest decision he's made since getting a bikini wax in 1978. He
said Gov. Gray Davis is "fiddling, fumbling and failing" the people, but
he'll "pump up Sacramento" and "I vill clean house!" Arnold said he can't
be bought by special interests, he's willing to leave movie-making to
serve, and he knows the Democrats will throw a lot of dirt at him --
scandals range from accusations of womanizing to posing nude during his
bodybuilder days -- but he's not afraid.
He's certainly not afraid of posing nude next to Gray Davis.
Finally, the Republicans have a candidate that might attract the gay
Or they may release something even more embarrassing: videos of "Jingle
All The Way!"
Gray Davis must feel like he just got a bikini wax.
He tells Maria he "vill clean house" all the time, but he never actually
The only thing that could stop him now if this is a write-in ballot.
He's calling his campaign "Total Recall 2: Rise of the Political
What Choo Talkin' 'Bout? - "Diff'rent Strokes" star Gary Coleman has also
filed to run. His treasurer insisted he's no more farcical a candidate
than Schwarzenegger, Arianna Huffington or comedian Gallagher, all of whom
are also running.
Gallagher is promising to smash the deficit with a sledge hammer.
Imagine an Arnold Schwarzenegger-Arianna Huffington debate! It'll need
This election has more forgotten celebrities than Forest Lawn.
All Together Now: "Awwwwwwwww!" - Jerry Springer announced that he won't
run for the Senate from Ohio, saying his message wouldn't be heard while
his talk show is still on the air, and he's not ready to kill the show.
Springer called it the hardest decision he's ever had to make.
Since he got a bikini wax in 1997.
It was harder than choosing between obese transvestites and teenage
hookers during Sweep Month.
Wise decision: there's no room in Washington for sleaze, sex and
He should run for governor of California; he'd fit right in.
MURDERER DOESN'T TAKE JAIL SENTENCE WELL
Make That 50 Years - Monday in Austin, Texas, a judge sentenced Alexis
Robledo to 40 years in prison for murder. He didn't take it well. He
turned, walked across the court and flipped over the table where his lawyer
was sitting. As cups flew and deputies rushed in to drag him out, his
friends and relatives stood up and began screaming, cheering him on and
yelling profanities at the judge.
It's sad when a nice, civilized murder trial degenerates into the Jerry
His defense was that he wasn't capable of violence.
Don't be mad at the lawyer: in Texas, 40 years for murder is a slap on