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Tuna
"The Antichrist"

The Antichrist (1974), or L'Anticristo in Italian was released today by Anchor Bay in another pristine transfer. The film was released to video in the US under the title The Tempter, so that is the official IMDB name. It is essentially an Exorcist spin-off, although director Alberto De Martino claims not. True, he amplified the story somewhat, and has a few breasts, but he still spins heads around, levitates the possessed girl, and has her vomit pea soup. The score sounds like most of the scores for Italian horror of the era, probably because they are all written by Ennio Morricone. In this film, Carla Gravina has been paralyzed since age 12 due to some trauma. Although there seems to be no physical reason, she can't walk. They try visiting a religious relic to no avail. The doctors blame sexual repression for her condition. They hire a shrink who thinks he can cure her with past life regression, where we find out that she married the devil, and was burned as a witch. This is supposed to cure her, but merely activates Satan within her. Time for the exorcist.

Gravena shows a lot of skin but nothing important, and either her or her double shows everything in decapitated or long shots. Anita Strindberg as the father's fiancee, shows buns and breasts in a pre sex scene. There are several naked people at the satanic ritual for the hypnotic dream sequence. IMDB readers say 2.9 of 10. I find that a little unfair. Of all of the Exorcist knock-offs, this is the first to bring something more to the table, and was beautifully photographed. This may be the Playmate of the Apes of Exorcist movies. It was overly long, and eventually tedious, but there were things to admire. C-.

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  • Anita Strindberg (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Carla Gavina (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Naked People at the Ritual (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    "Nightmare City"

    Nightmare City (1980), originally La Invasión de los Zombies atómicos, has also been known as City of the Walking Dead (USA) (reissue title), Incubo sulla cittŕ contaminata (Italy), Invasion by the Atomic Zombies (International: English title) (literal title) and Nightmare. It is set in the present. A nuclear accident has occurred, and the government is muzzling the press to avoid panic. A reporter wakes up and heads off to the airport to meet with a professor, an expert on nuclear energy, who is arriving. At the airport, a mysterious plane approaches the airport, and the unmarked C-130 lands. Met by airport security, there is nobody in the cockpit. Then, the side door opens, and the professor steps out, followed by an endless stream of other zombies, who easily clean out airport security and their automatic weapons, as nobody knew you have to shoot for the head to kill a zombie.

    The rest of the film has the zombies taking over the entire city. The exposure is totally gratuitous. A captain is making love to his wife, Maria Rosaria Omaggio, when he is called in to the base to help with the threat. She shows breasts in good light in a fairly long scene, and they are well worth seeing. Other major characters are a general played by Mel Ferrer, and the reporter and his doctor wife.

    Spoiler ahead. This film used the worst sort of trick for a surprise ending. After the reporter's wife falls to her death from a rescue copter, he wakes up. It has all been a nightmare. He rushes to the airport, then we have 5 minutes of recycled footage, to the point where the plane door opens. Freeze frame, and the caption "Now the nightmare becomes reality."

    IMDB readers say 4.3 of 10. Badmovies.com puts it is perspective very well:

    "Not only is this movie crap, it's dubbed crap. There are one or two well done death scenes but the basic saving grace here is some female nudity and there's darn little of that. Zombies created by radioactivity (I have no idea how either) begin taking over some city full of people I don't really care about. At least the movie is interesting in that the zombies move quickly and use weapons, heck they're more intelligent than the humans as well. Although informed by superiors to shoot living dead through the brain we see very little implementation, soldiers spray bullets ineffectively into swarms of advancing zombies. And who lives through this entire mess? Not the soldiers or police - it's a damn reporter and his wife, the two least armed people! Further horror is garnered from the fact that we find the entire movie was just a dream but it begins coming true!"

    This is a D at best.

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  • Maria Rosaria Omaggio (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Mailbox

    Scoop,

    Isn't Jen Dike from Passion Crimes aka Susan/Shawn Featherly? Did you miss the gyno shots of her about five minutes before the end?


    I think it is the same women, but I originally rejected that conclusion because Dike has a prominent hook nose in 2001, and Featherly had a straight nose as far back as 1999. There is no case in history of a woman with a cute, straight nose going to a plastic surgeon and saying "make it look like Jamie Farr's"

    But I just looked again at their pictures, and I looked up Featherly in IMDB, and they list Jen Dike as one of her aliases.

    Therefore, I must have overlooked the most obvious explanation. Passion Crimes, dated 2001-V, must actually have been made many years earlier, before Corporate Fantasy (1999), in which Scanman's caps show her straight nose.

    If there was a gyno shot, I missed it twice: once when I watched the movie, and again when I did the caps. That could be, but I can't check it out, because the DVD is now back at Blockbuster
     

     

    Other crap

     

     

     

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Claire Nebout, full frontal and dorsal nudity in scenes from "Venus Beauty Institute" (1999)

    • Lucie Laurier, excellent breast exposure in scenes from "Stiletto Dance", starring Fun House hero, Eric Roberts.

    • Audrey Tautou & Vahina Giocante in "Le Libertin" (2000). Both show their fantastic breasts, plus there is also some frontal and rear nudity as well.

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

    Junior
    The movie "Gouttes d'eau sur pierres brűlantes" aka "Water Drops On Burning Rocks" (1999) is a small drama set in 70's Germany, with bisexual themes and only 4 characters (3 out of 4 are lost and depressed). Unless you like slow paced French films about a 50 year old bisexual control freak who seduces a 19 year old boy, (oh and don't forget the truly bizarre dance number) then you probably won't want to bother with this one.

    There is one thing worth seeing however...Ludivine Sagnier. A young French actres with a truly gorgeous, and all natural body! She was about 19 or 20 when they made this, and all I can say is "yummy".

    Hankster
    Today we finish our look at sexy Louise Robey in "Play Nice". Then we move on to porn star Uschi Digard in 1971's "The Godson". Uschi is credited at the IMDB with 103 movies under about 40 different names. Uschi started out with soft porn and in the mid seventies did some hard core. Her screen credits range from 1967-1987. We did her just a while back in may in "Superchick"
    • Louise Robey, topless (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    • Uschi Digard, very topless, plus bush in #5. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Taking the youngsters to school...
    For all the younger Fun Housers, it's time for a little history lesson. Of course you all know "The Fast and the Furious" as the definitive testosterone, fast cars and faster women movie for anyone under the age of 25. But let me take you back a few years...all the way to 1981. Back to the days when our cars were bigger and got really shitty gas milleage. Back to the days when our fast car movies had humor, babes in tight clothes, lots of speed and of course...Dom DeLuise in spandex!

    That's right gang, I'm talking old school! I'm talking Burt Reynolds! I'm talking "Cannonball Run"!

    A very special thanks to DeadLamb for 'capping this classic!

    Variety
    Maria Conchita Alonso Topless in a sex scene from "Blackheart" (1998). Very nice collage by HBS Grafix.

    Aitana Sánchez-Gijón Topless in the Spanish movie "Bajarse al moro" (1988), by FinnCap.

    Sigourney Weaver
    (1, 2)

    		Very clear topless views, plus full frontal nudity seen through a not-so-clear shower door. Vidcaps from the 1986 movie "Half Moon Street".

    Daisy Fuentes Looks like the former MTV VJ has supersized her boobs. Her she is on the cover of the September issue of Stuff.

    Asia Argento
    (1, 2)

    		Sporting some cleavage at the "XXX" premiere.1

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    BUSH IN "EXTRAORDINARY HEALTH"
    Take That, Pretzel! - Tuesday, President Bush's doctors said he is in "extraordinary health." Last year, he was in the top 2 percent of men his age in heart and lung capacity. But they said that because he's a non-smoker, a teetotaler and a dedicated runner, weight lifter and cross-trainer, he's now in the top 1 percent.

  • If only they could say the same thing about his SAT scores.
  • Hey, I'M in the top 1 percent!...Of Wal-Mart shoppers.
  • Look around: being in the top 1 percent just means you don't look like John Goodman.
  • Bush's heart is so strong, every morning, he gives Dick Cheney a jump start.



    PLAYGROUNDS TOO BORING
    More Boring Than Watching The BBC?! - A British advocacy group called the Children's Society is urging schools and local governments to stop making playgrounds so boring. They say lawyers and child psychologists have created a "culture of caution" in which everything that's fun for kids, from skateboards or yo-yos to playing tag and doing handstands, is banned for being dangerous, spreading germs or harming their self-esteem. They said it's no wonder kids have become couch potatoes when a poll of 500 children found that most thought the playground was boring because they're not allowed to do anything there.

  • You know, polls like this can really harm a child's self-esteem.
  • They try to play "Mother May I," and mother stands on the sidelines and screams, "NO, you can't!!"
  • Can't parents just rent plastic bubbles to put them in?
  • Now lawyers are suing couch makers for giving kids bed sores.
  • Yeah, bring back the great playground attractions of MY day, like dodge balls, metal swings, trampolines and cobra pits!



    EMINEM TO HOST "GIRLS GONE WILD" VIDEOS
    A Perfect Pair - Eminem was signed as the new host of the "Girls Gone Wild" home video series, in which young, often drunk, women are urged to flash their breasts. The producer said it's a good match: the hip-hop community is sexual and edgy, and has no qualms about ogling women. He said Tommy Lee asked for the gig, but "We only want the best of the best. That's why we got Eminem."

  • They want these tapes to have some class.
  • Come on! Who's better at getting women to strip in front of a camera than Tommy Lee?!
  • Their tapes must feature only the biggest boobs!
  • So, how drunk are these girls when they sign the release form?

    • Mail Bag Answers
    Subject: Brittany Daniel Brazilian PB answer

    Scoops,

    Much like the reader from yesterday, I too was looking for the Brazilian PB she was in. After much (WAY too much) time spent researching this problem, I went to the source (Brazilian bunny website) and investigated. What I discovered was that the cover model's head was switched with Ms. Daniel's! So the answer to the question...it was just a big ruse! Someone made a fake pic with Daniel's head, and someone else's body. It is pretty convincing, but now that I have seen the real/fakes of both, I can undeniably say that it is a sham.

    -picmaster

    Celeb News and Gossip
    From The Sun

    TIGER SPEAKS OUT IN LOVER'S DEFENCE

    Golfing giant TIGER WOODS has broken a vow of silence on his private life - to defend his girlfriend's honour. The notoriously secretive sportsman has never spoken to the press about his relationship with 22-year-old part time model ELIN NORDEGREN, despite her very publicly accompanying him to international tournaments since they met last year. But Woods has decided to speak out now that a series of photos claiming to show Elin posing naked have turned up on the internet.

    In a statement released today (7AUG02), Woods says, "Apparently some nude photos are making the rounds on the internet that some claim are my girlfriend, Elin Nordegren. "Although she has done some swimsuit modelling, she has never posed nude, nor does she have any intent to do so."

    Mail Bag Funnies

    Changing a Math Problem

    Teaching Math in 1950:

    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

    Teaching Math in 1960:

    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

    Teaching Math in 1970:

    A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C",the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?

    Teaching Math in 1980:

    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

    Teaching Math in 1990:

    By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels "feel" as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.

    Teaching Math in 2002:

    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit margin is $60?

    Teaching Math in 2010:

    El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production es............