Big Stan


Rob Schneider plays a wealthy, crooked real estate agent who is convicted of fraud in time-share condo sales. He manages to successfully bribe the judge before sentence is passed, but there is a state minimum sentence, so the only real break the judge can cut him is to give him six months before he begins his sentence, "to place his charities in order."

Schneider decides to use the months to train himself with the toughest martial arts sensei in the world, so that he can be the big dog in the prison. He is successful in this endeavor, and eventually uses his fearful strength to bring order and civility to a hardened prison population. Unfortunately for him, this runs contrary to the warden's wishes. The warden specifically requested Schneider as an inmate in that prison because he is planning to get the prison closed and convert the land to ... time-share condos. In order to close the prison, however, he needs it to be out of control, and Schneider's reforms are turning it into a model center for rehabilitation and harmony.

In essence, the plot hinges on precisely the same dilemma as the two versions of The Longest Yard. If Schneider wants to get his early parole, he will co-operate with the warden's plan, which will result in prison riot controlled by gunfire from the towers, and will ultimately cause the deaths of many of the prisoners who have come to respect and believe in Big Stan, as they call Schneider. If Schneider does not co-operate with the corrupt master plan, the warden will trump up enough phony charges to keep Big Stan in prison for life.

The fundamental core of Big Stan's quandary is derivative, and that problem is exacerbated by the fact that one of the films it knocks off, the second version of The Longest Yard, is still fresh in our memories, and was produced by Schneider's good friend Adam Sandler, and even featured Schneider himself in a small role. In that earlier film, the warden also arranged to get Sandler in the prison because he needed him for a master scheme, albeit one involving a football game.

I'm thinking maybe they should have waited a while before re-working the same basic idea in yet another prison movie from the same guys.

Having made that point, I'll add that the film is not a bad watch at all. Schneider is always good as the schlub, and in this case he's also pretty good as the tough guy, and obviously did a lot of his own fight scenes after buffing and bulking up for the role. He's supported ably by David Carradine, who turns in his best performance in years and milks a lot of laughs out of his role as the tough, jaded, chain-smoking sensei. The first half hour of the film basically consists of Carradine training Schneider in some ridiculously rigorous and manly ways - like burning him alive, making him drink swill, and making him eat live scorpions and snakes. Now THAT's macho. The training portion of the film is basically a parody of all the Hollywood "rugged training montage" clichés from fight movies like the Rocky films, and I enjoyed that section much more than the predictable prison scenes. If I'm not mistaken, Schneider actually did stuff a tiny live snake in his mouth in one scene, which represents true dedication to a comedic premise, especially since Schneider was also the director, so he did it completely voluntarily.

This is the first film Schneider has ever directed, and it will clearly not be a financial success. Although the film has been ready to exhibit for about a year, it has had theatrical showings only in Russia and Iceland. That can't be good. Worse yet, it made its public debut on Korean TV. I guess it could be worse. At least it was SOUTH Korea.

It is rated a respectable 6.6 at IMDb.


There is a shower scene with Schneider and some other guys. I'm sure you don't care about that.

I'm not sure you'll be all that impressed by the female nudity either. It comes from, of all people, Sally Kirkland, age 66 with 95 film credits and two dozen nude scenes dating back 40 years!  Ol' Sally may just hang in there long enough to break that Jessica Tandy record. If I'm not mistaken, Sally had her implants removed! Good for her. She bares her breasts in a sex scene with M. Emmett Walsh, age 72 with 107 film credits and no nude scenes to my knowledge. Hey, it's a comedy. Walsh plays Schneider's incredibly crooked lawyer and Sally is the foreman of the jury.



Season 4, Episode 8

It's about damned time. Eight episodes into the season, Mary Louise finally got nekkid for a sex scene! I have never really taken much notice of her in the past, other than to note she's kind of quirky and never looks anyone in the eye, but I'm now becoming a fan. This woman is 44 years old, doing kinky sex scenes, and looking great every minute she is on screen, nude or clothed.

Film clip (high definition). Samples below.


  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








I am a big fan of Edwige Fenech, so I couldn't resist making some caps from the recent film clips here in the Fun House. First from "La Bella Antonia" these lovely tits of Ms. Fenech.

Then from "La Pretora, where she shows off both the boobs and the bush.







Notes and collages

Star 80



Mariel Hemingway as Dorothy Stratten

(Bob Fosse directed.)








Into the Wild


Signe Egholm Olsen in high def film clips.

Captures below








This section will present film clips to accompany Charlie's collages (which are found in his own site).

Today's star Alessandra Martines in L'Heure Zero






enter the DRAGONSCAN

More scenes from Il Vizio Di Famiglia, this time starring Navarro Nieves









Added to the Killer Sex Queens disk is a second feature of sorts called Cybervampz 2001. That's just a fancy way of saying "Danni Ashe and Lorissa McComas stripping and wiggling." And that they do. It's pretty obvious that everything on this disk was transferred from a videotape source, so do not expect anything fantastic.

Danni Ashe

Lorissa McComas







'Caps and comments by The Gimp:

Tuna's addition to the Lilli Carati legend was a sight for sore eyes. Lilli was not only a mainstream actress, along the lines of Shannon Tweed, but also a former Miss Italy. I think the year was 1975. That's what I read somewhere. And she did quite a lot of work in porn toward the end of her career. Thought you might like these scans as a sampling of her later work.

Scoop's note: according to Wikipedia, Lilli was not the winner, but the first runner-up that year in the Miss Italy pageant. Although she is only 51 now, she has not worked in films for nearly 20 years.

Lilli Carati







Kate Moss - breasts and butt falling out of her swimwear. She and Sienna are really battling for the public nudity championship this year!