Comrade Detective

"The weirdest show of 2017" (off-site overview here)


Olivia Nita in episode three

Magda Dimitrescu in episode four

Blanca Pintea in episode four

Check Other Crap for updates in real time, or close to it.

The Handmaiden

2016, 1920x804

Min-Hee Kim

Tae-Ri Kim

both women

It's Jennifer Connelly day:


Inventing the Abbots


Jennifer Connelly film clip (collage below)

Scoop's comments:
It's Peyton Place, continued and updated.

Actually, only the cast is updated. The story takes place in the 50's, and the filmmaking techniques are in the period style as well, done so well that it appears to be recently rediscovered 50's movie. I think that is praise, because that seems to be the effect they intended. The art and set direction are flawless, as far as my eyes could detect. Even the smallest details - the appliances, the breadboxes, the bottles, the storefronts, the ads, all transported me back to my childhood.


The premise here: In a small town, two poor brothers, one shy (Joaquin Phoenix) and one slick (Billy Crudup), pursue three rich beautiful sisters (Joanna Going, Jennifer Connelly, Liv Tyler). The slick brother just wants to use 'em all as revenge for real or imagined slights made by their father at the expense of his parents. The shy brother just wants to fall in love.   

Needless to say, the slick brother gets his revenge, only to find out he was wrong about the affair between the rich man and his mother, and he was wrong about the rich man swindling his father out of some patents. In the process of gaining his ill-conceived revenge, he ends up screwing and insulting the sister that his brother is in love with.

The girls' dad does all the standard "you in a heap o' trouble" stuff, except without the mirrored sunglasses.

It's just a trite soap opera melodrama which may someday become an object of great historical curiosity, like Coppola's The Outsiders, since  everyone in this movie headed for stardom, but was virtually unknown at the time. Crudup made a smash in Almost Famous; Phoenix broke through in Gladiator; Connelly won an Oscar; Tyler starred in Lord of the Rings.


The frigging film is narrated - by Michael Keaton, surprisingly enough, who never appears on camera, as the voice of the Joaquin Phoenix character looking back from today. Keaton does a very good job with the narration, although I'll be damned if I know why they thought it was necessary

Ol' Billy Crudup had a tough youth, didn't he? Not once, but twice did he get to do naked sex scenes with Jennifer Connelly. Here, and in Waking the Dead.

Mulholland Falls


Jennifer Connelly film clip (collages below)

Scoop's notes:

The viewer is torn between positive feelings and repugnance for The Hat Squad, a bunch of L.A. cops in the late forties who work independently, and try to do good things for the city, but trample on the U.S. Constitution while doing so. The squad consists of four guys who tool around all day in a really shiny Art Deco 1949 Buick Roadmaster Convertible, and never remove their hats, even when they sit in the back seat of the convertible and speed through the desert!

So I still want to know one thing about The Hat Squad. How do they keep their hats on?

In the course of a murder investigation, they run into forces even more powerful and even more corrupt than they are: various agents of the Federal government who treat the Hat Dudes as cavalierly as the Hat Guys themselves treat gangsters. In fact, it is difficult for the Hat Squad to gain any moral high ground over the corrupt Feds because they are doing the same kinds of lawless things. The head of the Hat Squad (the Top Hat?) ends up investigating the death of a woman he loved. The coroner tells him that it seems that the victim "fell off a cliff". Since the Top Hat has made many people disappear in the same manner, he seems to be getting a very painful dose of karma.

This is a pretty cool movie. It has a contrived and artificial plot, the Achilles heel of most crime thrillers, but the mood, atmosphere, and photography provide some excellent moments.

The one thing that really bothered me about the film was that a major point was left unresolved. Nick Nolte, as a tough L.A. detective, gets into a pissing contest with a local FBI guy (a lesser Baldwin). The Fed tries to put some pressure on Nolte by getting a search warrant on his house, tearing it apart at a time when Nolte's wife was sure to be home, and Nolte was sure to be at work. Nolte retaliates by finding the Fed and beating him nearly to death. Near the end of the movie, the L.A. police chief gets a call from J. Edgar Hoover, and asks to see Nolte in his office. Nolte says "fuck it", and goes off to do what he's gotta do, as movie mavericks always do. When all the other plot threads have been resolved, there is no mention of how the LAPD was able to appease the wrath of J. Edgar, and I really wanted to see how that would play out.



Storie Serres in Sandman: 24 Hour Diner (2017) in 1080hd

Marta Etura, Valeria Salcedo and an unidentified actress in El Guardian Invisible (2017) in 1080hd

Sheila Vand and AnnaLynne McCord (McCord non-nude) in 68 Kill (2017) in 720p

Sheila Vand again in A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014) in 1080hd

Lisa Niemi and Virginia Madsen in Slam Dance (1997)



That's Pinto/Mozart you see above. Ever wonder what he looks like now? (off-site) Time flies.

Carre Otis in Wild Orchid (1989) in 1080hd

This clip of Carre Otis is from a previous release of Wild Orchid
(DVD quality. The DVD included an uncut version of the sex scene.)

Wild Orchid is a poor movie by objective standards.

  • It is completely brainless, totally miscast, and the star has absolutely no acting ability.
  • Ignore the plot. It does have a plot of some kind, but the writers pretty much lost interest in the storyline, and so did I.
  • Oh, yeah, the dialogue is unintentionally hilarious as well.
  • Mickey Rourke was miscast as some kind of sensitive but free-wheeling land speculator with a psycho-sexual dysfunction to work through. Not to mention an addiction to Coppertone Self-Tanner.
  • Carre Otis's acting was, for lack of a better word, rudimentary. She did improve as the film progressed, but she was embarrassingly stiff and unnatural in the opening interview, as if she were reading her lines monotonously from cue cards. She was supposed to be a top law school graduate with a mastery of several languages, even though she was 21 at the time, looked 16, and acted 12! She makes Sylvia Kristel seem to be as mature and profound as Samuel Beckett.

But I really love to watch it!


I grant you that the film would suck if it had no sex and nudity, but it does have sex and nudity - great sex and nudity - and you can't just ignore it. The weaknesses are only minor factors in evaluating an experience with these plusses:

  • Carre Otis, in the days before her various dependency and weight problems, looked magnificent.
  • The photography is consistently beautiful, in the sex scenes and otherwise.
  • There is plenty of sexy Brazilian music.
  • There is lots of sex and nudity, not just from the principals, but from dozens of others on the beach and in Carnival.
  • There are clear looks at all the nudity.
  • There are 7 minutes of additional footage in the unrated DVD version. That additional footage mostly consists of Rourke and Otis boffing their hearts out, and it looks like real lovin'! (It is generally believed that it was the real deal.)
  • Two words: Jacqueline Bisset.

So what if the rest of the movie movie stinks?

If you only watch movies for plot or characterization or dialogue or good acting, take this back to Blockbuster and get The Bostonians. On the other hand, if you are interested in frontal nudity from a beautiful woman photographed beautifully, with plenty of sexy and pretty atmosphere shots and sensuous music to round it out, then give this one a try. It is one of Zalman King's very best "erotic entertainments for couples."