Saturday

Film clips:

Three clips (zipped .avi) of a young, ripe Mia Kirshner in Adam Egoyan's arthouse masterpiece, Exotica

 

 

Slow Burn (2003)

What's wrong with this picture:

A film is made in 2003, with a budget of fifteen million dollars and a solid cast of players just off the A-list like Ray Liotta and Taye Diggs. The cinematographer is the guy who did Memento and Insomnia. It features Star Trek's Commander T'Pol topless, thus creating curiosity and fanboy appeal. It gets a decent (6.1) IMDb rating.

Yet it takes two years to get to the Toronto film festival, and another year to make it to DVD - in Finland!

WTF?

Well, I haven't seen the movie, but there are some suggestions that it may not be entirely original.

Variety said, "What begins as a moderately interesting set of interconnected mysteries involving race and identity soon grows eye-rollingly laborious, not to mention increasingly derivative of Christopher McQuarrie's Usual Suspects script."

eFilm Critic was more direct: "Wayne Beach may have read in the ripoff handbook that ten years may be the official moratorium on when you can outright steal a major film from front-to-back. Although itís easy to question why do it to one thatís earned the status of a modern classic, the one I would ask is Ė just how big are your balls? Interrogations and a Keyser Soze wannabe are enough to draw comparisons to the Oscar-winning screenplay from 1995, so why invite further ridicule by littering the third act with the near-exact same conclusion. From the belief that one character is Danny Luden, then another, than the interrogatorís realization that the first wrong guess he made wasnít the last to the guy being right under his nose only to have a car waiting for him outside complete with flashbacks and the filmmakers having fun with chameleon metaphors and lens gels."

Reel Film Reviews went straight for the jugular, by calling it "a flat-out ripoff of The Usual Suspects."

 

Jolene Blalock

 

Jolene Blalock film clips, two zipped .avis

 

 

 

OTHER CRAP:

"Some 5,000 AOL employees, or about 26 percent of the company's 19,000-person work force, will lose their jobs within six months as a result of restructuring"

Colbert: "The Peace Corps identifies the people who hate America, then ships them overseas."

Colbert talks about World War III because you don't get much War On Christmas action in August.

Daily Show: Alert: the Rapture Index is at 156

"Daily Show: Stewart - Slow News Day: The CNN News Center has a new weather center! Alert! Alert!"

"Daily Show: It Takes a Bombed-Out Village"

  • "Our biggest mistake in Iraq? Sending an army when we should have sent Oprah."

"Daily Show: Stewart - Elderly Army Recruitment"

  • Hey Elderly! Join the army! Because when you have a gun, people HAVE to listen to your stories!

"Daily Show: Stewart - Elderly Army Recruitment"

  • Hey Elderly! Join the army! Because when you have a gun, people HAVE to listen to your stories!

The Daily Show: "Join the army and spend your midlife crisis in an actual crisis."

"Daily Show: New York City is into its 28th straight day of 150 degree temperatures."

Danny DeVito analyzes the acting technique used by Jon Stewart in Death to Smoochy ... Danny DeVito, Part 2

This Week's Movies: Update

  • The Descent: 83% positive reviews, 2100 theaters
     
  • Tallagega Nights: 70% positive reviews, 3800 theaters
     
  • The Night Listener: 41% positive reviews, 1400 theaters
     
  • Barnyard: 34% positive reviews, 3300 theaters
     

Set down that Bud Light and have a Lenny Bruce beer ... "made with obscene amounts of malts and hops"

Best reason yet to dial 9-1-1: A 44-year-old woman in Aachen, Germany, called the cops on her husband in the middle of the night, complaining that he was not satisfying his sexual obligations

Cheerleader Guy kicks off the important part of the NFL season: the cheerleading part. Battle of the Beach - Eagles vs Dolphins Volleyball

The 11 Best Chappelle's Show Skits of All Time (with video)

An optical illusion - the Big Spanish Castle - B&W or color?

Kokpar is a traditional Kazakh game played on horseback, in which two teams of players compete to carry a headless goat carcass into a goal.

Why does the moon have a strange bulge?

  • It saw a really cute asteroid naked?

The new Captain Kirk in Star Trek XI will be ...

  • Actually, this is quite a good choice. Now that they've announced it, I can't come up with a better one.

The trailer for The Pusher Trilogy - Part 1, a Danish Crime Saga. Because when you think of crime films, you think of Denmark.

The trailer for A Night At The Museum, a comedy starring funnymen from many different generations: Ben Stiller, Robin Williams, Dick van Dyke, and Mickey Rooney.

Watch WWE wrestling star John Cena in the trailer for 'The Marine.'

Several trailers for Jet Li's new film, Fearless

The trailer from "Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny"

 

 

 

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

 

Wanda (1970)

As the film opens, Wanda is being divorced by her coal miner husband, and agrees in court with kind of a whimper. From the courtroom, she goes directly into a bar where a traveling salesman buys her a drink. Cut to him trying to sneak out of a motel room without waking her.

Wanda clearly is vegetating her way through life, not worried about anything except her next drink, and with no ambitions or dreams, until she meets an armed robber who enlists her aid. Even though the robber is twisted and not very pleasant to her, he introduces her to something she can finally feel good about doing.

Obviously, this can't result in a happy ending.

This 1970 effort is sort of a road movie, but really more of a character piece about Wanda, and it is very grainy, giving a documentary feel. It was a maiden directorial effort from Barbara Loden, who wrote, directed and starred, making her perhaps the first woman to perform all three functions in a significant film. For those not familiar with her, she is also known as Mrs. Elia Kazan, and appeared in Splendor in the Grass, as well as some early TV shows. Assuming Loden's intent was to present a realistic portrait of her Wanda, she accomplished her goal. Unfortunately, this Wanda would not be on many people's party invitation list, which may explain why theatergoers avoided this film in droves.

IMDb readers have scored it a solid 7.0 and critics have generally applauded it. The few obscure reviews available use phrases like "forgotten masterpiece" and "landmark example of independent cinema." Given those facts, the genre must be "art house films," and our proper grade must be C+, but only lovers of art house cinema will appreciate it.

Barbara Loden shows buns and the side of her right breast getting out of bed to leave with the salesman.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dann reports on 2005's Frankenstein Reborn:

...  a better-than-average B-movie version of the classic, set in modern times.

In a psychiatric hospital, doctors are evaluating a scientist accused of brutal murders. He insists he is not the murderer, and tells a wild story of science gone wrong.

He claims to have discovered the secret to regeneration of dead cells, and was experimenting on crippled subjects and helping them to improve dramatically. Unfortunately, there were side effects of headaches and terrible nightmares. After being forced to kill the subject in self-defense, the scientist brings him back to life with even more dire consequences. The monster that results is not a Boris Karloff style Frankenstein monster, but he's plenty nasty looking nonetheless.

This movie is interesting and surprisingly well done. Well maybe not surprising, because it was produced by The Asylum, and I've noticed that their movies, while they are B-movies, always seem above average. They also produced H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds, a much better version than the mega-bucks Tom Cruise version released at the same time, and they've had several other good ones recently.

Eliza Swenson

 

 

 

 

 

The Funhouse has been chock full of clips from movies that shoulda been transferred to DVD but exist on videotape only. A lot of real nice performances. Well, here are a dozen clips in six zip files from two movies that will make no one's list of "If Only it Were on DVD".

 

The Happy Hooker goes to Hollywood

Happy Hooker is the cinematic equivalent of cotton candy. Not the pink kind, either. Nope, it's all blue stuff. No sign of substance...all air and sugar...mostly air. Several gals do get topless but the scenic views are chopped up into tiny segments, a few seconds long. Both Dana Baker and Dawn Clark are victims of this sort of editing, so you better focus
fast.

Marilyn Joi has a bit more topless screen time than the other gals. BTW, all of these gals play Xaviera Hollander's entourage (Xaviera is played by Joey Heatherton).

The bountiful Raven Delacroix gets used as an ice cream dish but shows up for about two seconds of camera time.

 



The Centerfold Girls.
 

This one is just a mean-spirited mess. The principal sources of nekkidness are former Heffer Ruthy Ross and long, lean beauty, Tiffany Bolling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Catherine H. Flemming in Young Casanova

Pink, from her DVD Live in Europe

More of her Pink-ness, this time as captured by paparazzi
 

 


Pat's comments in yellow...


The Minor League Newark Bears baseball team is holding a promotion tonight to educate fans on baby safety.  It's called "Britney Spears Baby Safety Night."  They will pass out info on child car safety seats, give away a free car seat, and fans who bring a baby or a baby toy,  or who dress as a baby, get in free.

*  And tonight only, dropping the ball will not be counted as an error.
 
Josephine Doherty of Surrey, England, set a new world record by getting
married in a gown that weighed 392 pounds.  The huge dress had a 60-foot train that took eight groomsmen and five bridesmaids to carry

* She's now on record as the heaviest bride since Star Jones.


On this day in 1966, John Lennon made his ill-fated remark about the Beatles being bigger than Jesus, which led to churches holding mass burnings of Beatles records.

*  But sadly, not Yoko Ono records.