"Cool and the Crazy"

Cool and the Crazy (1994 Showtime) is a slice of life film set in the late 50's. The got the period right in costume, set decoration, makeup and attitudes, but I can't figure out why they bothered. Two couples marry right out of High School. Two years later, they each have a baby, a husband that spends too much time at work and comes home tired, and a wife sick of being at home and ignored. Roslyn (Alicia Silverstone) is beginning to realize how unhappy she is, but has no idea what to do about it. Her best friend, Joanne (Jennifer Blank) has the problem already solved. She is having an affair with a "bad boy," and eventually convinces Roslyn to go out with her.

Rosyln's hubby (Jared Leto) is suspicious, and, at the same time, is tempted by a Venice Beach beatnik (Christine Harnos) who works with him. Eventually, Roslyn is caught by hubby, and both couples separate. Hubby finally does Harnos, where we see her breasts. The soundtrack alternates between believable 50's R & B, and a cool Jazz score anytime Harnos is on screen. The boyfriends are what was then called Juvenile Delinquents. The didn't work, were married, spent hours a day running their combs through there greased DA hair and generally did anything they thought they could get away with. These three types of people did indeed inhabit the late 50s.

On the other hand, who cares? We are long past the get married and raise a family, wife stays home and makes babies era, so this has no currency, and is not especially interesting. The wort part, however, was the acting. Silverstone had a bad habit of screeching unintelligibly, Leto played every scene angry, and bad boy Joey (Matthew Flint) chews the scenery in his way over the top performance. IMDB readers have this at 3.2 of 10, and rightly so. This is a D. They got the atmosphere right, but forgot to tell an interesting story.

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  • Christine Harnos (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    "X312 Flight to Hell"

    X312 Flight to Hell (1971), or X312 - Flug zur Hölle is another Jess Franco film fro the period where he was working in Germany. This time it is a plane crash in the jungle of Brasil theme, and hearing German coming out of the characters mouths was jarring. The small passenger plane originated in Chile, and most on board are fleeing for one reason or another. One of the passengers is a bank president carrying several million in jewels. Nearly everyone, from a drug lord and his boss, to the steward on the flight wants the jewels. When the plane crashes, and they have to walk to the nearest city, the foul play starts.

    One of the woman passengers, Esperanza Roy has a lengthy nude scene bathing in a river pool, and shows breasts in a lesbian scene. The girlfriend of the local druglord, Beni Cardosi, is seen naked, but with her bush carefully concealed, near the start of the film, and she shows everything in the lesbian scene with Ro. IMDB readers score this 4.7 of 10. There is nothing terribly wrong about this film other than the very low budget, especially obvious in the special effects area, but there is nothing especially right about it either. The transfer could be better. C-.

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  • Beni Cardosi (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Esperanza Roy (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

    "Blood Feast 2 All You can Eat"

    Blood Feast 2 All You can Eat (2002) is a sequel to Blood Feast (1963), and is again directed by Hershal Gorden Lewis and produced by David Freidman. Here is an image of them on the set playing cards. Fuad Ramses, grandson of the Fuad Ramses in the original, inherits his grandfathers catering business, and decides to reopen it. He immediately comes under the spell of the Goddess Ishtar and finds grandpa's old cookbook, so when Devine hires him to cater her daughters wedding, he will prepare a "blood feast" made of young women. He must harvest them himself.

    This film was played for humor and high camp, and succeeded. They have two police detectives on the case, one the bridegroom to be, the other more experienced, but always looking for the next doughnut. When girls start vanishing, he suspects Fuad, but the older detective convinces him it is someone else. IN addition to the plentiful humor and over the top gore, there is a lot of breast exposure.

    Veronica Russell, as the police department secretary, shows breasts in a fantasy sequence. The brides maids to be also show breasts and some buns, mainly at a lingerie bridal shower. They include Christy Brown, Cindy Roubel, Jill Rao, Kristi Polit, and Michelle Miller.

    I am very excited by the fact that this film was made. Lewis and Friedman originally worked together in Florida, but parted company when Friedman moved to LA. Many of the exploitation giants stopped trying when hard core became prevalent, as they weren't interested in making porn, but felt that is where the market was heading. The loss of venues for exploitation films finished them off, as double features and drive-ins ended. Exploitation didn't end because there was no audience. The Somethign Weird releases must have convinced Friedman that there was a good profit to be made selling exploitation on direct to DVD. I sincerely hope he makes a profit. There is room in my world for exactly this sort of entertainment. I doubt that the horror fans will be pleased, but many will find this effort very funny.

    The DVD sports a very nice widescreen transfer, and a second DVD of special features, including behind the scenes stuff, deleted scenes, and a hidden bonus music video of most of the films nudity. Clearly, Lewis and Friedman haven't lost it. C+.

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  • Christy Brown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Cindy Roubal (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Jill Rao (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Kristi Polit (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Michelle Miller (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Varonica Russell (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Caught (1996)

    The first fifteen minutes of this film give the impression that Caught will be a remake of The Postman Always Rings Twice, updated to the present day and relocated in North Jersey.

    A young homeless man wanders into an urban fish market to escape a police dragnet. The owner of the shop and his wife (Edward Olmos and Maria Alonso) end up taking the man into their lives. The owner brings the drifter into the business, and the drifter responds so enthusiastically and gratefully that the owner soon begins thinking of him as a son. They even give the man the bedroom once occupied by their biological son, who is in L.A. trying to break into showbiz. The wife has something else in mind, however. Her attitude toward the handsome stranger is decidedly unmaternal. She wants him. She's still young and sexy. Her husband is older, has lost his sex drive, and always smells of fish.

    Then a developer comes along and offers a million dollars for the fish store.

    I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong. I was thinking the same thing. This movie does not end up in James M Cain territory. The triangle between the three protagonists is not simply a set-up for a twisty noir thriller. The wife and the drifter do not plan to kill the husband while simultaneously planning to double-cross each other. Nothing even similar to that. It ends up closer to Tennessee Williams, with a hint of Sophocles thrown in as well. There are no murder plans or scams of any type. All three of them are good people, and behave like real people, not like movie characters. In fact, it is not a thriller at all, but a tragedy. The young stranger does eventually succumb to temptation and starts an affair with the wife. He really desires her, yes, but he also cares for her, and she for him. But he regrets the relationship greatly, because the owner has become a surrogate father for him in every way, and they too love each other.

    Through the first half of the movie, the film is actually quite joyous. The wife is sexually satisfied. The owner has a surrogate son who brings him pleasure and is a great help at work. The old boy is so happy that he even gets some sex drive back. The wife still loves her husband, and seems to respond with fair enthusiasm when he gets back in the game. All three characters seem happier than they were before, and they are ecstatic when the developer makes them a great offer for their property. They agree to sell their store, and the owner plans to retire to Florida and run some fishing boats, with the assistance of his live-in first mate.

    The problem is that the first mate knows this can't go on forever. He genuinely loves both of them and wonders what to do. He should have just walked away and let them live their lives, and maybe he would actually have done that if the wandering showbiz son hadn't shown up on their doorstep with his young wife and infant son. The real son quickly becomes jealous of the surrogate son living in his old bedroom. The real son is also able to size up the dynamic of the stranger's relationship with his mother, and is equally jealous because the stranger has achieved a bond with his father, although the real father and son are virtually strangers. The owner and his wife remain dependent on the stranger. The biological son's wife and baby become dependent on the stranger for reasons which must remain unrevealed here. The stranger knows that the situation must end in ugliness, but he doesn't feel that he can leave.

    Like the fish he handles every day, he is "caught".

    This movie is surprisingly intelligent and authentic. For 75% of the film, it takes a situation that Hollywood would normally mishandle, and deals with it the way real people would try to deal with being caught in the same trap.

    If I have any criticism of the film, it is that the biological son was just too evil and scheming. He was acting the part of Iago, catching everyone's ear, telling people the truths they would least like to hear, and making up lies when the truth proved insufficiently inflammatory. The author wrote this part without complexity. This man is a druggie, a liar, a thief, a wife-beater, a bad performer who is constantly performing, a man with insufficient respect for his father and Oedipal lust for his mother. Reinforcing the one-dimensional nature of the character, the actor chose to play this part very broadly, adhering closely to the Iago formula, making him so vile and slimy that he makes one's skin crawl.

    Frankly, I would rather have seen the original three characters play out their lives without the son's interference. I really liked the way the tension was building between them, and I wanted to see it resolved the way it would have been resolved with three good and genuine people, people who care about one another, placed in a difficult situation.

    I guess it isn't much of a criticism to say what I was hoping for, but I liked the naturalism and compassion that the script was developing, and I thought that the too-too-evil son spoiled that dynamic and turned the film too much toward larger-than-life Shakespearian tragedy. I didn't want it larger than life. I was happy when it was exactly the same size as life.

    I still liked the film, but I might have loved it if it had stayed true to its beginning.

    6.4 at IMDb, three stars from Ebert, also three from Berardinelli.

    • Maria Alonso (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)


    Casablanca (1942)

    I wrote so much about Casablanca, and took so many screen shots, that I shunted it all off on a separate page, with thumbnails. There is a terrific new 2-disc set. There is even some previously undiscovered deleted footage. Read about everything and see everything here.



    • Updated volumes: Isabel Adjani, Jennifer Aniston, Maria Alonso



    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.



    days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    Women of Valor (1986)
    This is a fact-based made-for-tv movie about a group of US Army nurses who are captured and imprisoned by Imperial Japanese troops during the invasion of the Philippines. A similar story was told a decade later in the movie Paradise Road. Despite this being a drama it still has a few exploitation women-in-prison elements to pull in the male viewers. Kristy McNicol plays a tomboy who doesn't wear a brassiere and the nurses led by Susan Sarandon while in the middle of being pursued by the japs strip down to their underwear and go swimming. The movie is PG-rated so there is no nudity but Susan Sarandon and Kristy McNicol do have a catfight.

    The DVD was one of earlier releases in that medium and is long out of print.

    Keeley Hawes
    (1, 2)

    The young UK actress going topless and full frontal in scenes from "Complicity" (2000).

    Chantel Tanguay Playing a topless dancer in her one and only IMDb film credit, "Cyberjack" (1995).

    Thandie Newton The "Mission: Impossible II" star going topless in scenes from "Gridlock'd" (1997)

    Mr. Nude Celeb
    Mr. Nude Celeb takes a look at all of the goodies from Season 3 of "Sex and the City".
    • Cynthia Nixon, topless (1, 2)

    • Kim Cattrall, topless of course and gettin' it on in a swing. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    • Kristin Davis, arm over bare breasts, a see-thru nipple sighting and of course her now famous topless scene. (1, 2, 3, 4)

    • Sarah Jessica Parker, plenty of wonderbra cleavage, pokies and a scene with her soaking wet.
      (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    • Assorted unknowns going topless and full frontal. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Josie Bissett
    (1, 2)

    The "Melrose Place" star topless and baring her bum in scenes from her first movie "Fear In the Dark" aka "Hitcher 2" aka "Hitcher in the Dark" (1989). Thanks to DeadLamb

    Miranda Richardson
    (1, 2, 3)

    Topless 'caps by Señor Skin of the UK actress from "Spider" (2002). Richardson is probably best known by American audiences from "The Crying Game" (1992) and of course as the voice of Mrs. Tweedy in "Chicken Run" (2000).

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Diaz photo update
    I don't buy for a minute her claim that the release form is a forgery. Judge seals photos of Cameron Diaz in case against photographer

    Well, They SAID Character Didn't Matter - The ranks of California gubernatorial candidates just keeps growing. "Hustler" publisher Larry Flynt has taken out papers: he says Californians wouldn't mind having a "smut peddler" for governor, and he promises to pay off the $38 billion deficit by expanding slot machine gambling.

  • He's running on the "Sluts and Slots" platform.
  • Now the election may be the Terminator vs. the Sperminator.
  • If elected, he promises to rename the state "Californicate."

    King Took A Big Bite - Mike Tyson filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, after squandering nearly $300 million on mansions, Bentleys, jewelry, hangers-on, ex-wives, and Bengal Tigers, not to mention Don King's cut. His handlers blamed his out-of-control spending on mismanagement by others, and said he's now taken control of himself and plans to resolve his financial problems.

  • He's now spending as much time balancing his checkbook as he does brawling and raping women.
  • From now on, instead of Bengal Tigers, he'll eat Hamburger Helper.
  • The Bengal Tigers were to protect him from bill collectors.

    It Gobbled Up All His Money - "Gigli" came in seventh at the weekend box office, with a pitiful $3.8 million take against a $54 million production budget and an estimated $20 million in marketing costs. Tom Sherak, a partner in the studio that produced it, blamed backlash against Ben and J-Lo, insisting, "I've seen a lot worse movies."

  • No specific names came to mind, but still...
  • He MADE the thing, and that's the best he can say for it!
  • I've seen better films on an old dog's eyeballs.