Friday

Hussy (1980)

In general, Helen Mirren's career is highly distinguished, especially in TV, where she has won three BAFTAs in six nominations, and three Emmys from a very impressive total of nine nominations. Her stage roles have earned her nominations for two Tonys and two Oliviers. Her film career is also first-rate. She has won the Best Actress award at Cannes twice, and has been nominated for two Oscars and three BAFTAs.

Here's her filmography.

  1. (7.77) - O Lucky Man! (1973)
  2. (7.68) - The Long Good Friday (1980)
  3. (7.36) - Some Mother's Son (1996)
  4. (7.30) - Excalibur (1981)
  5. (7.29) - The Madness of King George (1994)
  6. (7.20) - Gosford Park (2001)
  7. (7.09) - Last Orders (2001)
  8. (7.02) - As You Like It (1978)
  9. (7.00) - The Cook the Thief His Wife & Her Lover (1989)
  10. (7.00) - Calendar Girls (2003)
  11. (6.98) - Cal (1984)
  12. (6.90) - Greenfingers (2000)
  13. (6.89) - Where Angels Fear to Tread (1991)
  14. (6.87) - Bethune: The Making of a Hero (1990)
  15. (6.80) - Pascali's Island (1988)
  16. (6.80) - The Pledge (2001)
  17. (6.80) - The Prince of Egypt (1998)
  18. (6.72) - Savage Messiah (1972)
  19. (6.70) - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
  20. (6.67) - When the Whales Came (1989)
  21. (6.56) - The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone (2003)
  22. (6.43) - The Comfort of Strangers (1990)
  23. (6.42) - No Such Thing (2001)
  24. (6.40) - 2010 (1984)
  25. (6.40) - The Mosquito Coast (1986)
  26. (6.39) - Heavenly Pursuits (1985)
  27. (6.32) - Age of Consent (1969)
  28. (6.12) - A Midsummer Night's Dream (1968)
  29. (6.08) - Shadowboxer (2005)
  30. (6.08) - Critical Care (1997)
  31. (6.03) - 2010: The Odyssey Continues (1984)
  32. (6.03) - White Nights (1985)
  33. (6.01) - The Clearing (2004)
  34. (5.81) - The Hawk (1993)
  35. (5.71) - Raising Helen (2004)
  36. (5.66) - The Passion of Ayn Rand (1999)
  37. (5.40) - Prince of Jutland (1994)
  38. (4.91) - Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999)
  39. (4.62) - Caligula (1979)
  40. (4.50) - Hussy (1980)
  41. (4.35) - The Fiendish Plot of Dr. Fu Manchu (1980)

Suffice it to see that she's not likely to appear in any David Spade movies any time soon, but she actually did have kind of a slump in her career around 1979-1980 when she made three consecutive stinkers before The Long Good Friday elevated her to the British A-List. If your dream has always been to see the distinguished Dame Helen Mirren in one of her rare stinkers, here's an opportunity.

Mirren plays a floozy working in a low-rent British nightclub, and runs through all the standard clichés of movie melodrama: she has an abusive and possessive ex-boyfriend, she's a hooker who is only doing it to give her child a better life, she meets a humble limo driver who hopes to rescue her from the life, and so forth. The script is weak and predictable to begin with but it seems as inventive and witty as the work of Charlie Kaufman compared to the background atmosphere, which is close to unbearable. This damned film is almost a musical! Many scenes take place in the nightclub, which features the worst performers and the worst songs in the history of the English stage, dating back at least to Ethelred the Unready. The director apparently must have scoured the entire British empire to find both a gay male entertainer and a black female entertainer who can't sing or dance. What are the odds?

Tuna already did an outstanding job on these images - find them in the July 26th edition -  so I gave the film itself a light once-over, but I call your attention to the first image below, which comes from the DVD special features and represents a scene which is not in the film, one which I've not seen before.

 

Helen Mirren from the DVD special features

Helen Mirren from the film,

 

 

 

OTHER CRAP:

Lucky Louie Intro: Anal Sex Discussion ... "Louis CK and Kimberly Hawthorne in bed and discussing the ol' poop chute."

Mel Gibson's most important movie may not be released. (There's an audio and visual record of the arrest.)

  • I say release it to theaters, under the title "American History XI."

Rob Schneider says he's not going to take any more of Mel Gibson's phone calls ... or maybe only half of them because he's only half Jewish. One thing certain: he's not willing to take the lead role in Passion of the Christ 2,

"In God We Trust" at 50: President's Remarks to Concerned Women for America Celebrating Golden Anniversary of Church & State (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)

An entire religion based on the worship of Jon Stewart

"Bush Awards Mel Gibson the Presidential Medal of Freedom" ... President: "Thanks for Taking the Heat off Me This Week'"

Colbert's peeve today: milk

Colbert explains the technological marvel that is his "on notice" board

Colbert takes a phone call ... more phone calls

Colbert defends marriage

Big Gals Plus Size Lingerie Club

The Daily Show looks at the Army's dismissal of a gay Arabic translator - they asked him if he was involved in community theater!

The Daily Show looks at the President's weight gain

Daily Show: Stewart - Heat Index.

  • "Good Morning America goes the extra mile in their continuing series, 'We Think You're Incredibly Stupid.'"

Florida's Family Values - the Daily Show looks back at ten years of crazy Florida stories

Man Accused of Tapping Power for 14 Years

  • You'd think they might have been suspicious a bit earlier. He wasn't a hermit out in the wilderness, but a suburban guy who was simply by-passing the electric meter on his home.

Internet fiction: Johnnie Cochran's headstone declares "OJ Did It"

Guess which group is going to record a new album ... HINT: their last one was 27 years ago.

Here's the trailer for The Grudge 2

The first six minutes of 'The Illusionist'

You think you have a bad job? It's better than being a guard at Gitmo.

Americans Not Warming to Al Gore

  • Americans' views of Al Gore are unchanged, though he has received a great deal of publicity for his well-received documentary on global warming.

Here's a fun new site to try: blufr.com

The pilot for Studio 60 in the Sunset Strip has apparently been leaked to the internet. (If it is a leak, it may well be gone by the time you read this!)

  • They will probably pull it, but they should not. Leaking this was actually a master stroke of marketing, because the internet is buzzing about it, and the pilot is absolutely terrific.

The trailer for Man of the Year

  • Robin Williams stars as a comedian very much like Jon Stewart who runs for president - and wins!

Gibson Converts to Judaism ... Changes Name to Mel Gibstein

  • The news took many Jews aback, since conversion to Judaism is a demanding process that can take months or even years of study, and Mr. Gibson accomplished the feat in a record time of forty-five minutes. But a spokesman for the "Lethal Weapon" star explained how Mr. Gibson pulled off his lightning-fast conversion: "This is Hollywood -- a lot of things can be done by special effects."
  • Mr. Gibstein, whose Lexus LS sedan now sports a license plate reading "LCHAIM," said that he was "thoroughly enjoying being a Jew" and vowed to only shop wholesale from now on.

According to her spokesperson: Marie Osmond was hospitalized for a bad reaction to medication, not a suicide attempt

Freddy Fender has incurable cancer

Colbert rants against the anti-smoking vaccine

Colbert Report: Cuba Libre! Our plan to slowly deteriorate Castro's health over the course of 50 years is working!

Colbert teaches kids about Carnivals: Part 1 ... Part 2

 

 

 

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

 

The Jess Franco Comedy Double Bill

After finishing Succubus, Jess Franco was elated with the performance of Janine Renaud, and decided to use her again, but in a different genre. It occurred to him to make a detective comedy based on characters like Laurel and Hardy or Abbott and Costello, but with women, one of whom would be a blonde bimbo. For his dumb blonde, he recruited the Argentine actress Rosanna Yanni, whom he had always wanted to work with. The entire idea seemed so good to him that he decided to shoot two films back to back with essentially the same cast and crew.

Two Undercover Angels (1969) is the first of the two Franco comedies. IMDb lists it as El Caso de las dos bellezas

Renaud and Yanni play freelance detectives, although they seem to have connections to Interpol. It is never actually clear whom they work for, but their task is to get to the bottom of an epidemic of disappearing models and go-go dancers. As the detectives get deeper into the case, it is evident who is responsible: an artist and his werewolf-like assistant. But could it be that our girls are the real targets?

This is a C-. This is not the sort of film I expect with Jess Franco at the helm, but it's an OK comedy, although the two women reminded me more of Maxwell Smart than Laurel and Hardy. IMDb comments are generally favorable, although several complained about the English dubbing, which was done by professional German voice actors.

IMDb readers say 5.1.

María Antonia Redondo, as the first victim we see, has a nipple slip.

Maria Dom, as a nightclub dancer, shows breasts.

Another nightclub performer also shows breasts in a lengthy scene in a cage. Unfortunately, I could find no clues to her identity.

 

Kiss Me, Monster (1969) is the other film shot at the same time as Two Undercover Angels, and is a sequel. The two films together are sometimes marketed as Red Lips. This time, Janine Renaud and Rossana Yanni have a nightclub act and hope to get to Vegas, but are also still in detective work. They are hired to get to the bottom of a secret society that is creating a race of supermen.

This second film is a low C-. The plot in the sequel is even more minimal than in the first one, and most of the humor is supposed to come from a running gag where everyone they talk to gets a knife in the back just before they are to say something useful. Jess Franco admits this one didn't do as well in the box office.

IMDb readers say 4.4

NOTES ON THE DVD:

Both films are available from Blue Underground in a two-disk package which sports decent transfers, trailers, and interviews with the eternally colorful and candid Jess Franco. In his commentary, Franco accuses his producers of being totally clueless about film, and frequently making bad decisions. He also mentions that neither the Spanish nor German producers liked either of these films, but changed their tunes when both made money. He also mentions that it was never his intention to make films for the masses, but is pleased that so many of the current generation seem to enjoy his work. On the basis of the fact that these are Franco's only comedies, and given the candid nature of the interviews, this boxed set is a must-own for Franco fans.

Janine Renaud shows breasts during her nightclub act

Maria Dom also shows breasts in a nightclub act. Attentive readers will notice that Dom's scene is simply a continuation of her scene in Two Undercover Angels ... despite the fact that she dies in the first one!

 

 

 

 

 

 
Two more of Nasty Kinski in her film nudity debut

Scarlett Johannson in The Scoop, now in theaters. She's not nude, but the girl certainly sports, as they say, an impressive rack.

Mr Skin found an extra bit of Jennifer Tilly flesh in a European version of Shadow of the Wolf
Mr Skin also confirmed that this Tilly scene was done by a body double.
I don't know the name of the naked actress in this scene from Sex and the City, but the reason to look at it is the facial expression of the four (fully dressed) stars.
Ashlee Simpson upskirt. Sadly for us, Ashlee seems to be the only female celebrity who wears underwear, except maybe for Janet Reno.
 

 
Pat's comments in yellow...

At Wookey Hole Caves children's museum in Somerset, England, a rare Steiff teddy bear named Mabel that was once owned by Elvis Presley and valued at $75,000 was destroyed Sunday when a security dog went berserk and ripped its head off. The manager called it "a horrific mess," with "bits of teddy bear everywhere," and said the owner who loaned it to them is "not pleased at all."  Security guard Greg West said Barney the Doberman had been a model guard dog for six years, and he doesn't know if he smelled something on the bear that triggered a primal instinct or if he was jealous because "I was just stroking Mabel and saying what a nice little bear she was."

*  Being a security guard is lonely work.

*  Barney has to be vicious because Greg doesn't exactly scare the criminals away.


At an education conference at Oxford, Philip Parkin, general secretary of the UK Professional Association of Teachers, suggested that teachers should take lessons from actors.  He said new research found that kids lose interest when teachers lecture them in hoarse, breathy or monotonous voices, but they remember more when teachers vary the tone and pitch of their voices.  So he believes teachers should take training from actors to help them hold students' attention.


*  Unfortunately, nobody heard his advice because they all fell asleep during his speech.