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"The Enforcer"

The Enforcer (1976) was the third of five Dirty Harry films. Harry must overcome a gang of supposed terrorists who have kidnapped the mayor, which was patterned after the Simbionese Liberation Army and the Patty Hearst kidnapping. Obstacles include a female partner with no field experience that is part of a liberal mayor's plan to modernize the police force, and management who thinks he is a dangerous Neanderthal. The only exposure comes during a chase scene. First the bad guy, a bomber, drops through a skylight into the middle of a porno shoot, and Harry follows. This short scene is the entire reason I decided to cap this film. We have full frontal from both men and women in clear light in an R movie. The decor in what I imagine was actually a porn studio was so 70's, it is mazing. If you look through the decor, you will notice an Ankh, an AFL-CIO banner for the farm workers, and a big poster for COYTE, the prostitution support organization. Perhaps someone will be able to identify one or more of the three women, whom I would guess were actual porn stars.

In addition to capturing the era well visually, there is an interesting message here, that the police are actually counter-culture, and it is just their bosses that are establishment. This has become a common theme in cop movies since. Harry chases leads and lowlifes all around San Francisco, shoots several with his .44, and the film climaxes with a shoot out on Alcatraz. IMDB readers give this 6.4 of 10. Apollo agrees at 64%. Rotten Tomatoes shows 71% favorable from critics in general. The film remains popular, with $24m in US rentals. Although seeing San Francisco in the mid 70s has nostalgic value for me, and increased my enjoyment, this film is a decent cop thriller, and is therefor a C+.

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  • Porn stars (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)


    Deathstalker (1984) was reviewed by Scoopy, who termed it one seriously dumb movie. gives it there special roast reserved for real stinkers. IMDB voters have it at 3.1 of 10. Maybe I missed something, but I thought the entire genre was seriously dumb. This one has breasts and buns from Lana Clarkson and Barbi Benton, a host of other young women showing everything from see through breasts to full frontal nudity, fight scenes choreographed with some variety and originality, and some pretty good make-up effects. I guess I am not a connoisseur of the genre, but I don't understand what makes this one any worse than all of the others. Of course the plot is not believable, of course they resort to magic, of course the hero is not the most enlightened when it comes to dealing with the fairer sex, of course it is dark and moody. Scoop went easy on the images, not including any of the unknowns, so I filled in the gap. For me, this is a C. It is no better or worse than any other example of the genre.

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  • Barbi Benton (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Lana Clarkson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Movies - new to DVD

    Super Troopers (2001) is a funny screwball comedy, basically frat humor, from a group called Broken Lizard. Very promising first feature from these guys. I'm looking forward to the next one.

    • Maria Tornberg (1, 2, 3)
    • Maria Tornberg in the deleted scenes (1, 2)
    • Amy de Lucia in the deleted scenes

    Other crap

    Here is one of the actual wiretaps, quoting a member of the Russian Skating Federation talking to the indicted mobster:

    "Our French have amazed me in a good way. ... the French, with their vote, pulled out that pair ...made them champions ... Our Sikharulidze fell; the Canadians were 10 times better, and in spite of that, the French with their vote gave us first place."

    Please note: as always, the media has this story all fucked up. All the judging was screwed up, not just the French, including the votes of the people who voted for the Canadians. The American judge scored the Russians high and placed them second, not scoring them much less than the "corrupt" French judge. The Canadians would have won if the "uncorrupt" American judge had given the Russians the low scores they deserved. Remember, the Russian Skating Federation officials knew that the Canadians were "ten times better", and were bragging about how they got the French vote in spite of this! No less an authority than IOC member Dick Pound has called figure skating’s judging practices “completely irredeemable and corrupt". And he's understating the case, trying to be tactful.

    Since Howard Cosell retired, I haven't really missed him. But this is one case where Howard's blunt, honest summary of the event, "telling it like it is" for the world, would have been a godsend.

    Just for the record, since Howard is dead and nobody else seems interested in telling you the truth about this except me, here are the Russian skaters' scores:

      tech art
    Corrupt, evil French judge 5.8 5.9
    Honest, god-fearing American judge 5.7 5.9

    The difference between ice skating and, for example, downhill skiing, is this - in skiing, the contestants go to the Olympics to compete for a medal, and the results are solely determined by what they do that day on the snow. In skating, they go to receive their medal, and what they actually do on the ice is virtually irrelevant.

    To put it another way, if the world's best skier falls and runs into a tree on Olympic day, he finishes last. If the world's best skater goes out on Olympic day, falls and runs into a wall, he finishes first. (Assuming that's how the deal has been made.)

    Look at it yet another way. If some unknown walk-on from Aruba came out and skied better than anyone in the world, she'd win the gold. If she came out and skated better than anyone in the world, she wouldn't place anywhere in the top 15.

    Short of killing the pope during their routine, there is absolutely nothing that the Russian couple could have done that day on the ice to lose the gold medal. Nothing. And Lord knows they tried. It was predetermined.

    Complaining about the results is as silly as complaining about the results of WWF matches. Ice skating results couldn't be more phony if Vince McMahon ran the show. Except, if Vince ran it, it would be much more fun, and the chicks' breasts would pop out a lot, and Tonya Harding would be champion.

    The problem with this Mafia angle is that it distracts gullible reporters with short attention spans from the real story. It wasn't just this result that was corrupt. ALL skating results are corrupt, backdoor deals. Focusing on this one incident tends to give the figure skating people a scapegoat - they can turn to this Mafia story and say - "look - it was an isolated criminal incident, there is no reason for a major overhaul of our system. There's no reason to think of tossing our event out of the Olympics."

    And that ain't so.



    Pat Reeder's comments on the fix:

    * So the mob's infiltrated ice skating? If they need someone to break kneecaps, Tonya Harding could use a job.

    * The Russians fell over a horse's head someone left on the ice.

    * Mobsters would make good Olympic skating judges: both of them live by the motto, "I didn't see nothin'!"




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Alrightee then, here are a bunch more caps from Midnight Tease 2, a paean to clothing removal technology. It probably says a lot about the kind of movies I watch, but I would bet that other than lawyers, cops and doctors, strippers are the most frequently protrayed characters in movies. 'Specially since the days of direct-to-video.

    Today's rundown:

    • Debra Beatty and Griffin Drew playing nice together on stage.

    • Julie K. Smith practicing the arts not only of clothing removal but also of currency retrieval. The first five have some clear, close-up shots of Julie's robohooters, the sixth has a great sequence showing off her bum and the last is made up of frames left over from her locker-room scene in which she occupies the background to Griffin Drew's foreground. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    • Then we have the lovely Kimberly Kelley in two bouts of lap dancing for the same customer. First two collages show boobs only in a tame dance o' the lap, the second pair show bum and boob closeups in a more animated dance, as Kimberly's character become more experienced. Oh, and the guy on whose lap Kimberly is a-dancin'.. well, he wins her heart in the end. Right. You know this movie was written by a frequent customer of these places, probably Anna Nicole Smith's husband, before his heart and other vital organs stopped working. (1, 2, 3, 4)

    • Kim Kopf is on stage briefly but serves mainly as a red herring, to deflect suspicion from the real killer. Kim shows boobs in both collages, bum in the first. (1, 2)

    • Then there is Tammy Parks, B movie veteran. The first five collages have her breaking out of thin clothing restraints on stage and doing some currency retrieval of her own. Boobs in the first three, bum in the fourth and fifth. Then, as a bonus, Tammy shows more boobs in two dressing-room collages. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    'Caps and comments by Hankster

    Today we take a return visit to "Forbidden" and Tracy Ryan with a little sex in a car. Then it's back to "Witchcraft 10" and Stephanie Beaton as today's "Damsel in Peril", no nudity there but some nice cleavage. Also from "Witchcraft 10", Wendy Cooper still doing some lovemaking.

    • Stephanie Beaton (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Tracy Ryan (1, 2, 3)
    • Wendy Cooper (1, 2)

    Helen Hunt
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    A great batch of 'caps with topless (1-6) and rear nudity (link #7) from the movie "The Waterdance", by Aesthete. Hunt looked pretty darn good topless 10 years ago. Oh and the movie is bad either.

    Milla Jovovich
    (1, 2)

    A couple more from "Resident Evil", by Venom. #1 is interesting. Great photography, yet slightly creepy. Personally, I like it.

    Sylvia Kristel
    (1, 2, 3)

    A great find by DeVo. The original Emmanuelle in some production stills from "Lady Chatterley's Lover" that were published in a magazine from the 80's. Topless in all 3, plus a hint of pubes in #1.

    Jeri Ryan
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Nothing special, just a few images of the best Trek babe ever at some Hollywood event. In #1 and #6 you see her with boyfriend Brannon Braga, a writer and producer for the Trek franchise. He's basically second in command to Rick Berman, who took control when Gene Roddenberry died.

    Kathleen St. Lawrence Plenty of toplessness and a thong view or two in scenes from "Witchcraft" part 8000. Ok, so it's only part 11, but the way sequels are these days, who knows.

    Mister Grundy invites you to visit his site, Sick Sexy Sinema Shots.

    Alicia Keys
    Catherine Bell
    Pam Anderson
    Molly Simms
    (1, 2)

    A few of the babes from FHM's 100 sexiest list.

    From the Mail Sack
    Subject: Haim, Cheney and Keanu the other, other Holy Trinity


    I think I just uncovered the truth behind Corey Haim's disappearance: he's playing the dead Dick Cheney! In a move straight of "In Like Flint" Corey Haim has taken on the role of Dick Cheney while the VP leads a covert military operation into Iraq to assassinate Boris Badenov, a.k.a. Saddam Hussein. Why did the US government chose Haim? He is the only Hollywood actor who was willing to take an acting role for less than $20 million (although they could've gotten an A-list woman actor for under $5 million as long as it was not Julia Roberts). Plus, he also was willing to forgo top billing to Dubya. However, upon seeing how much Haim's acting has deteriorated since "Dream a Little Dream 2"(yes, the immortal sequel) W thought it'd be wise just to put the fake Veep on life-support.

    Speaking of sequels, I just saw a trailer for the 2 new "Matrix" sequels (one is coming out in April, the other in October: the official "these movies suck" months). Keanu Reeves is probably the most amazing actor in the business. For decades martial arts have been played with only one style: effortless, smooth, graceful, and powerful. No one has thought to play it any other way...until Keanu. Has martial arts is strained, stiff, labored, and languorous. When you compare him to the incomparable Steven Seagal, the "Under Siege" actor looks as lively as his Asian counterparts: Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, and Jet Li. So this leaves the question that is just begging to be asked: When will Keanu team up with Anna Nicole Smith for "Skyscraper 2: Johnny Mnemonic in Silicone Valley."

    -D Slack

    Reader Request

    I'm Looking for pics of Kathy Kersh. She did some TV back in the 60's and at one time was married to Burt Ward (Robin the Boy Wonder from the original "Batman" series). Also how about more photos from Big Brother 3?

    Jr's Reply:

    About 2 years ago, Mr. Skin came up with some images of Kersh topless and in a lesbo scenes from the the obscure 1974 movie "The Gemini Affair". You can find them in the Back Issues in the 04/30/00 update.