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"Battle Queen" 2020 (2000)

Battle Queen 2020 (2000) is a Roger Corman production that is half post-apocalyptic actioner/sci-fi, and half gratuitous nudity. Most of the nudity is from Julie Strain with lots of breast, some buns, and one beaver. Not only does she serve as decoration, but she shows some martial arts skills as well. There was breast exposure from several unknowns, some identified and some not. The plot was mainly voice-over, including the entire first 5 minutes.

An asteroid has hit the Earth, and created nuclear winter. We have the normal people, starving in the underground, the elite, who live above ground, grabbing the best looking women from below to become "mistresses," and live forever by stealing organs from young healthy common people. We also have a resistance movement. Julie is the head of the mistresses, and sleeps with the head of the elite. I am sure you can guess the ending by now, and how the mighty Julie kicks elite butt and helps the rebels win. There is an interview with Julie on the DVD, and I have to say I was as charmed by her as everyone who interviews her seems to be. She is earthy and honest, and not full of herself. Corman asked her once at lunch what made her so special, and she could think of no answer. The next day, she thought of one, and called him to say that her appeal was that she was tall (6' 1"). She said that made her a super-hero of sorts, with a good body that she was willing to show. I can vouch for the good body.

This is probably a straight to vid, and doesn't even have enough IMDB votes to pay attention to. The film looks great, and is only missing a good plot to be a real film. Lets call it a titty-flick. Julie certainly has those, so it is a C in that genre, but only worth watching for the eye candy.

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  • Julie Strain (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
  • Eva Dawn Nemeth
  • Celia Hart (1, 2)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    "Cybercity" (1999)

    Cybershitty (1999) -- oops, Cybercity, has been released by Roger Corman on DVD. I can't explain why he acquired the US distribution rights to this piece of celluloid. This review will be full of spoilers, so if you planed on seeing it, read the review anyway, burn the $10.00 you would have spent, and save yourself the pain of sitting through it. It must have had a life somewhere before Corman, as IMDB has it under the name "Shepherds." In Battle Queen 2020, an asteroid caused nuclear winter. In this masterpiece, a nuclear holocaust caused a deadly heat wave. Naturally, everyone lives underground. That means that the entire film is dark and grainy, and a bunch of high school students must have dropped in shortly before filming, as all of the trash cans are on fire.

    Destroying the world didn't convince anyone that war might be overrated as a tool of diplomacy. Splinter religious sects vie for converts, and hire "shepherds" to "clean" anyone who is in their way. Our hero (C. Thomas Howell) is one such shepherd, and is assigned to kill another shepherd of a rival church. Of course, she is the lovely Heidi von Palleske. Howell had a wife and kid that were murdered. When he sees Palleske with her mute son, he can't shoot her, but decides instead to shoot the rest of the world and escape with her. He also has to convince her that this guy who came to shoot her is a worthy bed partner. Luckily, he does, or we would have lost 1/3 of the exposure.

    Memories, it seems, are trapped in trick sunglasses, and we see the ex wife's breasts during these memory flashbacks. Sometimes they have raster lines across them, and sometimes not. According to the credits, she is Eliza Schwarz, but IMDB says she is Alisa Bonerz. This had me confused for a while, especially since this Alisa Bonerz has no other credits at IMDB, but I think I have figured it out. They mistook Schwarz (black) for Schwanz (tail, slang for pecker), then translated the name. Based on the quality of this film, they had the right idea, but didn't go far enough. I propose morphing her name yet again to Ilika Hardon.

    Anyway, Howell also gets naked with an unknown girlfriend. The highlight of this film is the clever and intelligent dialogue, such as:

    "There is a special place for you in the devil's asshole."

    "Alas, my ass, the end is near."

    "May the eternal goddess swallow him and every worthless limp dick."

    The film has IMDB readers wishing there was something below 1 to award it, and I was afraid I would have to give it a D+ as it does have some of the features of a post-apocalyptic action film, but was saved by the ending. Remember, all of the fighting was among religious groups. At the end of the film, Palleske and Howell escape to the newly reborn world outside and become the new Adam and Eve, with their son Able (the kids name is actually Abe in the film). By the way, in a mind-numbing moment, Abe types an access code into the top secret lock that has kept all of humanity from going outside. So the real genre is Biblical Epic, and I can safely award F.

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  • Elisa Schwarz (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Heidi Von Paleske (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4)

    "The Opening of Misty Beethoven" (1975)

    The Opening of Misty Beethoven (1975) was produced and directed by Radley Metzger, so it is no wonder that it is widely considered the best adult film of all time. It is an adult version of Pygmalion (or My Fair Lady, if you prefer) and is about a young girl (Misty Beethoven) who gives hand-jobs in a Paris adult theater. She is discovered by Dr. Love (Jamie Gillis), a sexologist, who takes a bet that he can teach her enough to be the bell of the ball at a famous magazine publisher's annual party.

    The film is actually not as explicit as I remembered, and Metzger builds a lot of erotic tension by not showing everything every time. There are times when the dialogue is brilliant, such as when the flight attendant asks, "Ok, First Class, will that be SEX or non-SEX?" Gloria Leonard also makes her film debut here as the steady girlfriend of the magazine publisher. Leonard and Gillis joined for a feature length commentary, which is worth the price of the DVD. For instance, I finally learned why Linda Lovelace did not expose her breasts in Deep Throat. She has a long scar from an accident on her stomach. Metzger named Constance Money. The two did not get along at all, and when he ask her how she wanted to be credited, she said "anything but Constance." Naturally, he named her Constance, and used Money, which is the only thing that mattered to her, as the last name.

    IMDB readers have this at 6.2/10. I can't award more than C to a hard-core, but this is a very very good one -- so good in fact that it premiered at the Four Seasons restaurant in New York.

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  • Constance Money (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
  • Gloria Leonard (1, 2, 3)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Whyscans wrote in to say that Dana Delany shows the ol' George W in the version of "Light Sleeper" available in the UK. My copy shows a bit of Fort Bushy, but not much. If you guys have more revealing exposures, please send them in!

    Fever was directed by Alex Winter, who you may remember as Bill S Preston in the Bill and Ted movies. He's grown a lot since then. I didn't much like this particular movie, but it shows some real talent, I mean major league talent, and I think this lad may turn into a helluva filmmaker. Full frontal nudity didn't hurt my opinion any.

    • Marisol Padilla Sanchez (1, 2)

    One reader wrote in to say that Kim in Whatever it Takes is a lady named Victoria Pratt, so here are the revised collages.

    • Pratt (1, 2, 3)

    Graphic Response
  • Sandrine Bonnaire Very nice breasts on display in scenes from " nos amours" (1983).

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

  • Spaz
    "Paradise Falls": episodes 11 & 12

  • Last week's mystery butt did belong to Kim Schraner, or at least her character but it could be a butt double as you don't see her face.
  • Cherilee Taylor strips down for shower to purify herself before a Wiccan ceremony.

    Also in recent media interviews:

    Chantale Quesnelle gained 15 founds for her role because she figured her character has "hooters from hell". She is also a blonde but dyed her hair red for the role.

    Kim Poirier said she stops short at the "full monty" although one of the male actors gets to enjoy her nudity on the screen.

    "Meatballs" (1979)
    Is the summer camp comedy starring Bill Murray which inspired three sequels and countless knockoffs. It's PG rated so the only skin is shown by Cindy Girling as she shows off her bountiful bosom.

    "Oddballs" (1984)
    Oddballs is a weak Meatballs knockoff starring Foster Brookes. Again it's PG-rated so it's mostly cleavage and bikinis.

  • Kimberly Brooks: cleavage as sexy nurse
  • Kim Cayer: cleavage as model
  • Konnie Krome: bikini only in her only role.

    "Screwballs" (1983)
    Screwballs is more of a Porky's knockoff and has been capped before but here is Kimberly Brooks topless anyway.

  • ZonononZor
    Marilyn Monroe
    (1, 2)

    'Caps by Tuna, collages by Zon. Great images including the recently discovered nudity from "Something's Got to Give" (link#1). A must for Monroe fans.

    Brooke Shields All dressed up like a skank-ho, and still no goodies! Here she is in her costume from "Cabaret".

    Helen Hunt Cleavage and some minor pokies in scenes from "Pay it Forward".

    Leelee Sobieski A collage of some excellent of glam scans. Nice cleavage, and even a slight hint of see-thru, partial nipple exposure.

    Sharon Stone Great 'caps by Watty of Stone's bare bum in scenes from "The Muse".

    Jaime Pressly
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Jaime's hot sex scene with plenty of breast exposure from "The Journey: Absolution" (1997).

    The Funnies by Number 6
    Things you will never hear a real man say

    1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherf*cker.
    2. No, I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.
    3. These are fabulous curtains
    4. Her tits are just too big.
    5. Sometimes I just want to be held.
    6. That chick on "Murder She Wrote" is hot!
    7. Sure, I'd love to wear a condom.
    8. We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
    9. I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions.
    10. It's late, put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.
    11. Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need more tampons?
    12. What happened to my old Nancy Drew books?
    13. Do these jeans come in lavender?
    14. I love jogging dear, but I can't keep up with you, you go on ahead.
    15. Damn, too bad this car isn't a four cylinder.
    16. I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.
    17. This movie has too much nudity.
    18. No, I don't want to see your sister's tits.
    19. Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.
    20. Oversized T-shirts are so sexy, especially on really fat chicks.

  • BBQ
    BBQing is the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events takes place....

    1. The woman goes to the store.
    2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables and dessert.
    3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.
    4. The man places the meat on the grill.
    5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
    6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
    7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
    8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

    9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. 10. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off". And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

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