I have the honor of reviewing two Maltin "Bombs" tonight....

"Four Rooms" (1995)

Four Rooms is a series of four vignettes tied together by the character of the bellboy. The bellhop, played by Tim Roth, was so irritating, that I watched the first segment and fast forwarded through the rest. In the first segment, a coven of witches check into the honeymoon suite for a ritual to revive their long-cursed goddess. The final ingredient was to have been semen, but the witch in charge of that got excited and swallowed, leaving only a few moments to find a sperm donor. Voilla, the bellboy.

I hate to say this, but I agree with Maltin on this one. Despite an amazing cast, it is very very bad. On the other hand, Sammi Davis and Ione Skye spend 15 minutes dancing around topless.


Ione Skye (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 Sammi Davis (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

"Caught up" (1998)

Caught up stars several rappers and Cynda WIlliams. I will be honest... I got it for the promised exposure, not intending to watch it. I think of rap music as an oxymoron, and have enjoyed exactly none of the other films I have seen in this genre. This held my interest from beginning to end. Rather than a street smart-ass gangster violence film, I had a fairly well-made character-driven suspense/drama. Bokeem Woodbine starred as an ex-con trying to go straight. He is finding the job market a little tough for "a bold headed nigger whose ears stick out" till he meets Cynda Williams, who takes care of his 5-year sexual drought, and gets him a job as a limo driver. Cynda, a psychic, is also into more than enough, and has enough enemies that Bokeem soon finds himself in feces up to his ears that stick out.

This was the directorial debut of Darin Scott, and it is a very good first effort. He avoided many of the cliches of this genre, and tried some daring ideas. Even without the exposure, this would have been a watchable film. Now for the good news. Cynda and Bokeem don't just spark together, they explode in passion. One of the hottest sex scenes I have seen recently in a non-porn.


Cynda Williams (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

Johnny Web
"Whatever it Takes" (2000)

This must have been the worst week ever for new releases. Only two movies of any significance,and they were of minimal significance. Oh, the week might have been saved if one of them was an overlooked classic, but no-o-o-o. And the week might have been saved if one of them had substantial nudity. Or the week might have been saved if the minimal nudity had been someone well known. None of that was to be. "Whatever it Takes" had no nudity at all.

It's a teen romance - a "who will I take to the prom?" kind of film, by way of Cyrano de Bergerac. You see, the mild-mannered accordion playing geek has a crush on the most popular girl in school, and there is one way he can get her. The geek's best friend and neighbor is a hot babe who is desired by the most popular guy on campus. So the popular guy will make the geek's dreams come true, and get him a prom date with the most popular girl, if the geek will provide a sure inside track to his best friend. So the geek scripts the words and creates the personality that will make the jock into the sensitive and thoughtful guy desired by the babe/neighbor.

I think you can write the rest of the script as well as the actual author. Add some stuck-up and jocky friends to one side, some rebellious geeks to the other, stir.

No need to review it. You can probably already figure out whether you'd like it or not. It does an OK job at what it's supposed to do, but is not a genre masterpiece like American Pie.

Jodi Lyn O'Keefe, as the in-crowd girl, didn't show anything, but here's her shower scene for reference.

"Romeo Must Die" (2000)

This Hong Kong style movie uses Matrix-like fight scenes to apotheosize the genre. Jet Li can virtually fly. He leaps 25 feet in the air, and stays airborne long enough to block a Jordan jumper and order take out. Actually, he's a pretty impressive athlete even without the F/X, but they didn't focus on his real skills as much as on the computer enhancements. The action scenes don't go for plausibility, but for fantasy fun. They are about as believable as the scenes from "Fake Purse Ninjas", the movie-within-a-movie in "Bowfinger".

Pretty imaginative stuff, though. Li uses Water Fu, Fire Fu, Football Fu, High Heel Fu, and the time honored secret of the orient, Pulling Off The Badguy's Belt So His Pants Fall Down Fu.

Two rival gangs, one black, one Chinese, vie for control of the waterfront. Innocents of both races keep getting killed in the middle of their gangland violence. In the midst of this battle, the daughter of the black bossman and the son of the Chinese bossman fall in love.

The Romeo and Juliet parallels are minimal. They just thought it was a cool title. If they hadn't reminded you with the title, you probably would never have made the connection. The script is better than average for this action-dominated genre. The gangland battles are more than they appear to be, because there is a deep dark conspiracy between the Capulets and Montagues, or at least between some of them, and the writer also takes the time to develop a couple of interesting characters in some depth, especially the multi-dimensional black bossman. Unfortunately, while the scriptwriter really got into the black gang, he used the Chinese gang largely as a stereotyped prop in the script, and the so-called mysteries were all completely predictable. Anyway, the acting is capable, the action is furious, so soak up his charisma and let the movie wash gently over you without too much extensive analysis.

Strangely enough, the movie is a directorial debut for a Polish cinematographer. Figure that one out.

The movie had a wide release in the USA, and achieved reasonable success. It grossed $55 million on a $25 million budget. I guess that makes it a mainstream big-budget movie, which may change your opinion of it, because it's great for a genre pic, but doesn't have a sophisticated enough script for a mainstream blockbuster. It scored 54% positive reviews on the Rotten Tomato meter. Here's their summary if you care to see everyone's opinion

The only nudity was provided by a couple of disco dancers in a waterfront club, played by Grace Park and Jennifer Wong. I think the breasts belong to Park, but that could be Wong. But here it is, whether right or Wong.

"Theaterkanal" (2000), from TomCat

Tomcat reports: these are from "ZDF Theaterkanal". It is an unscrambled culture channel in the digital German ZDF package. It features live drama, operas, exhibitions. In this group I captured an avant-garde play with some nudity. Here's the listing: "Engelslohn Dokumentarfilm über die Neue Schaubühne Berlin von Brigitte Kramer und Jörg Jeshel Deutschland 2000"

"ZDF Theaterkanal" (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

Graphic Response
  • Helen Shaver Topless collage from "The Park is Mine"
  • Kristy McNichol Brief topless flash from "Just the Way You Are".
  • Akira
    Adrienne Barbeau Comments By Akira:
    Swamp Thing came out this week on DVD! I got this DVD today in the mail and was disappointed that there were not any extras besides the trailer and a 'collectable' booklet. I have seen caps and video from the alternate version with extra nudity by Ms. Barbeau. So, I was hoping for deleted scenes or something.

    I have always liked this movie. I know it is cheesy. It is super-cheesy!! Couple guys slugging it out in the swamps wearing rubber suits. It doesn't get any cheesier! I was very pleased with the transfer quality. It was a little grainy but compared to the best version on VHS it is the difference between night and day. Literally. All the VHS transfers I have seen are pitch black in most scenes. You can't see the trees in the swamps, just the silhouettes against the sky. Then the scene came up!

    Plus...It is the uncut version of the movie! Not only dose it have the extended Barbeau scene there are a couple other topless chicks later on. A good buy despite the lack of extras. These scenes had to be adjusted because Craven shot through smoke.

    WhyScan's Page Three Report
    If Page Three is unfamiliar to you, this link describes the Page Three tradition.
    Yesterday's Page 3 girl....Jo, 21, from Leicestershire (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Today's Page 3 girl....Jade, 25, from Colchester (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Bonus Pics
    Also Jerry Hall replacing Kathleen Turner on stage in "The Graduate". (1, 2, 3)

    Also an article on GABRIELLE ROSS (with images)


    GABRIELLE ROSS listened amused as a group of lads at a party bragged about their skill at removing women's undies. And she scoffed to herself when one claimed to be able to unclip a girl's bra in four seconds using only one hand. Even so, the boys' boasting got Gabrielle thinking, and after the party she set about designing some smalls that were truly quick to strip off.

    The party was when Gabrielle was a student. Today, at 25, she is behind a sexy line of undies called Beau Bras which have got the whole fashion world talking.

    Gabrielle says with a naughty glint: "This is underwear designed to be taken off!"

    The outstanding feature of her original collections are pretty bows and ribbon straps. They all have the added attraction of being sexy - and easily removed in romantic situations. Gabrielle says of the party conversation: "One of the students was my boyfriend at the time. He said the traditional bow at the front of a bra was there to lure men because they always wanted to undo it. I thought 'Hmm, yes,' and started experimenting with bows and asking what people thought. That's why bows are the complete theme. Beau, French for beautiful, is also a play on the word bow."

    Here are pics of the Beau Bra: (1, 2, 3, 4)

    and ...
    Carré Otis
    (1, 2, 3)
    Vidcaps from "Wild Orchid". Nothing new here, but it's always nice to revisit one of the 'classics' of the soft core genre. Despite having to see a little of the Mickster.

    Click Here!