The Joneses


I covered this yesterday. Not a great movie, but kind of an interesting one. Here is the HD version of Amber Heard's nude scene. That's my film clip, but the collage below is somebody else's sample taken from Deep at Sea's clip:





There Was a Crooked Man


A little time-traveling music, Sammy!


There Was a Crooked Man is a Western made a the end of the period when Westerns ruled the earth. It stars Henry Fonda and Kirk Douglas, and features just about every great character actor available in 1970: Lee Grant, Martin Gabel, Victor French, Arthur O'Connell, Burgess Meredith, Hume Cronyn, John Randolph, Warren Oates, and the Skipper from Gilligan's Island. Even if it were not a very good film, watching it would be filled with nostalgic pleasure  for any baby boomer who remembers the pictures and stars that were so popular back in the day.

Like me.

There are some days when it is really fun to run my little nudie blog, because Crooked Man is not just a nostalgia trip, but a pretty good flick in its own right, filled with plenty of cool-ass plot twists from start to finish. So I doubled my pleasure. Hell, I tripled my pleasure because I have never seen this film before and have always planned to get around to it some day.

Kirk Douglas plays a robber with $500,000 hidden somewhere on the outside while he does a 10-year stretch in a woebegone federal prison which seems to be lost somewhere in remotest reaches of the unforgiving Southwestern desert. Kirk's character is a charming, highly intelligent rogue and a natural-born leader who soon pulls a McMurphy in the prison and becomes a favorite of the men and the warden, all while secretly scheming to escape. Many key aspects of his plan are hidden from the audience, and the final revelations subvert our expectations. We like Douglas, and are familiar with his usual screen persona, so we expect that his character will eventually do the right thing by the men who helped him escape, and that he himself will come to some kind of acceptable ending, whether his plan succeeds or not. The author and director are aware of our expectations and use them to make the plot more interesting and surprising. Although the film has many enjoyable elements, the casting of Douglas turned out to be the element most necessary to make the whole project work. The character has to con the audience just as convincingly as he cons everyone else, and therefore the part needed to be filled by someone we can feel comfortable rooting for, someone we trust to be an honorable man beneath his cocky exterior. With a Jack Palance in the lead, we would expect him to be utterly evil from the outset, and would therefore anticipate behavior which is much more cinematic when it is utterly unexpected.

Entertaining film.

100% at Rotten Tomatoes and 7.1 at IMDb.

There were three female nude scenes in this film, but one of them seems to have disappeared over the years. The gorgeous Pamela Hensley (later Princess Ardala on Buck Rogers) was only 19 or 20 when she performed this topless scene.

Jeanne Cooper showed a well-weathered breast as a well-weathered whore.

The third scene has not been included in the DVD or VHS versions of this film. At one point in the film a bunch of high muck-a-mucks arrive at the prison to dedicate a new mess hall built by the prisoners. Kirk's plan involves engineering a prison riot and mass escape as a decoy for the real escape he plans to accomplish elsewhere. Barbara Rhodes plays a famous actress who comes to the dedication ceremony to recite a poem. As the prisoners begin to riot, they rip off her clothing. In the original version she was seen running naked outside the prison walls. In the DVD version she shows some cleavage inside the prison while still half-dressed, but her subsequent nudity has disappeared. We do have a still from the missing scene, seen below.

Kirk Douglas also does two real nude scenes and there is a group bath scene among the male prisoners, if you're scoring at home.


  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.









Some Voices


Kelly MacDonald film clips. samples below.

Yes, that's a young Daniel Craig hanging out with Kelly.






Cameron Diaz did a little bit of nudity, actually a see-through, in The Invisible Circus

Belen Fabra in Diary of a Nymphomaniac


Christie Brinkley

Michelle Pfeiffer

Doomed supermodel Gia Carangi

Tara Reid again, apparently back from the dead

Vikki Blows

Larissa Riquelme, who promised a public nude romp if Paraguay won the World Cup.



Abbie Cornish in Candy in HD

Rebecca Hampton in Troubles, s1e13

Lara Flynn Boyle, Bridget Fonda, and Amber Heard in The Road to Wellville

Katarina Zutic in A Serbian Film. Here's what one IMDb contributor says: "There are some truly revolting scenes in "A Serbian Film" including rough anal sex, decapitation, infant rape and paedophilia,various beatings and bloody violence. Serbia is shown as a truly rotten and hellish place to live just like in the other controversial Serbian film "The Life and Death of a Porn Gang." Be prepared. Be very prepared." A Serbian Film will make you wanna get up and vomit! A non-vomitous sample is seen below below.