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"Vice Academy 2"

Vice Academy 2 (1990) is the second of 6 in this campy take-off on Police Academy. The film is rated 2.5 of 10 at IMDB, and is, without a doubt, a completely stupid film. On the other hand, it is a take-off on a pretty stupid series of films. Linea Quigley and Ginger Lynn Allen are rookies in an LA vice department that never seems to deal with vice. They are a trial program, and are not popular with the cop in charge of promotions, known as "Big Stick." They interfere with one of his busts, and are about to be drummed from the force, when a woman named Spanish Fly tries to blackmail the department for several million dollars under threat of poisoning the city water supply with an aphrodisiac. The two girls are assigned to the case, as is a new super robot called Bimbo Cop.

The headquarters for all evil doers is a strip joint called The Vicerama Club. The exposure occurs from the two stars when they strip to infiltrate the club, and includes buns in a thong, and breasts. Toni Alessandrini (Bachelor Party, Mind, Body & Soul, Pleasure in Paradise) plays a stripper, and shows breasts and buns on stage, and brief breasts in her dressing room. While this was clearly an awful movie from beginning to end, I could not bring myself to hate it. It never once took itself seriously, and it had a few genuine chuckles, but most of what entertained me was just how bad it was. The transfer is a rather weak 4/3, but there are tons of special features, including filmographies, a photo album, and directors commentary. This is a get drunk and make fun of it film, and nothing more, so the proper grade is D-, but in the kindest possible way.

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  • Ginger Lynn Allen (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Linea Quigley (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Toni Alessandrini (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Movies - new to DVD

    Dragonfly, or as I like to call it, "Dances With Ghosts", is a Kevin Costner movie without bats and balls. Always a bad sign. In essence, it is Patch Adams, except with a scary clown instead of a funny one. No, come to think of it, that's not the best description, because if Costner had been scary, that would have made a positive contribution to what was supposed to be a scary movie. He was more of a boring clown.  Thank god there was no nudity, because the two female stars are Kathy Bates and Linda Hunt. A box office bomb, with $30 million gross on a $60 million budget. A snoozefest.


    Collateral Damage is the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie which was delayed many months because of its themes (terrorist attacks on U.S. soil), It's probably still inappropriate, since it makes it seem that defeating terrorism is simple. Arnie almost does it single-handedly. Another film with no nudity, and another with a mammoth financial loss ($85 million budget, $40 million gross). The movie sometimes held my attention, but its the wrong context for Arnie. Too realistic a situation. He needs a fantasy situation for his larger-than-life combination of muscles and jokes to function properly.


    Hit and Runway is a low budget indy comedy about a macho Italian guy and a gay Jewish intellectual guy who are thrown together to write a screenplay. It's about as good as it sounds.

    • Teresa DePriest. She is hot in this flick. Looks a lot like Drea DeMatteo from The Sopranos


    Jeez, I miss the early 80's in some ways. Here's a PG kid's movie with Play-Doh monsters (Clash of the Titans) that had gorgeous naked women in good light. Nowadays, we can't even pick up a clear breast shot in an "R".

    • Vida Taylor (1, 2)
    • Judy Bowker's body double (1, 2)


    Other crap


    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Ellen Barkin, a very brief flash of pubes as she lifts up her dress before mounting Laurence Fishburne in "Bad Company" (1995). Unfortunately, this is not available on DVD.

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Doing the monthly Heffer or Housepet thing has turned into a pretty good career move, particularly if a gal is content with a certain kind of movie. Example? Midnight Tease 2, a stripper-murder mystery!

    Joe Bob Briggs has a spot-on 200-word review of this flic: you know who is a-gonna die and you know who is a-doin' it (as JB points out, in centerfold-murder movies, a guy is the killer, whereas in stripper-murder movies, it is always a woman doing the killing), so all there is left to figure out is how many babes can get nekkid, how often and for how long. In that context, MT2 is a near-perfect example of its genre: from the second to the 10th minute of this masterpiece, six babes show boobs and bum in eight scenes. Then you get this lull in the action for thirty minutes in which three babes give up the goodies, and then you're right back in the action with eight more nekkid scenes over the next twenty minutes. And most of the babes are first rate. PLUS, this is a double-Pet movie: Guccione-monthly-model (Feb '93) turned B movie regular, Julie K Smith, does the nekkid thing in five scenes, and Pet o' of the month for May '92 does seven such scenes. The latter would be star of this-here movie, Kimberly Kelley, who posed for Penthouse under the name of Jasmine (many thanks to Graffic Response for pointing out this fact in a post of his, sent in long ago). This was Kimberly's first movie; she did three or four others, gave up the goodies in them all and then moved on to...well, heaven only knows what.

    Today's batch uncovers only 3 of the 7 credited babes in MT2, and maybe one-fourth the total exposure! There will be more.

    The run down for today is as follows:

    • B movie regular, Griffin Drew, robo-hooters on stage. (1, 2)

    • Griffin and Julie K Smith, which spells 2 sets of robo-hooters, in the dressing room.

    • Julie on stage, boobs in all, bum in links 1 and 2. (1, 2, 3)

    Most of today's exposure comes from Kimbery Kelly, beginning with dancing topless in the dark (1, 2). Followed by Kimberly partially dressed but doing the spread-the-legs routine and showing off her first-rate bum in a thong.

    Next we see her terrific hooters (1, 2, 3, 4), then more thong views (1, 2).

    Finally...even more hooters; my favorite is the last. (1, 2)

    Caroline Berg
    (1, 2, 3)

    Breasts, bush, and partial bum in scenes from "Dark Desires: Eva" (1994).

    Jessica Kosmalla Breasts, bum, and maybe a hint of pubes in a sex scene from "Ein Engel schlägt zurück" aka "An Angel's Revenge" (1997).

    Laura del Sol A very healthy pair of breasts stuffed into a leotard, and then finally being set free in the Spanish movie "Carmen" (1983).

    Muriel Baumeister Rear nudity, plus breasts and a near miss down below in a bath tub scene. From the movie "Ich liebe den Mann meiner Tochter" (1995).

    Victoria Abril Full frontal and rear nudity by the Spanish actress in scenes from "101 Reykjavík" (2000).

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    Today we look at the women of "Witchcraft 11". (yes, I said eleven!)

    Stephanie Beaton shows some cleavage and a great pair of legs. She plays a cop and I can't say that I have ever seen a cop dress like this.

    • Stephanie Beaton (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Then we have assorted toplessness from Kathleen St. Lawrence, Miranda Odell and Wendy Blair.

    Minna Haapkylä
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Some very nice nudity for the fans of Finnish cinema. Vidcaps by FinnCap from the movie "Kuutamolla" (2002).

    Breasts in links 1 and 3. Full frontal in #2. Rear view in #4, and a great thong close up in link #5.

    Emmanuelle Béart
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    A great mini-gallery of rare nudity from the French actress. She of course is best known by American audiences as the leading lady from the first "Mission: Impossible" (1996).

  • Links 1 and 2 feature all three B's in scenes from "Les Enfants du désordre" aka "Children of Chaos" (1989).
  • Link #3 features breasts and bum in "La Belle noiseuse" aka "The Beautiful Troublemaker" (1991).
  • Links 4-10 are mostly frontal views from "Manon des sources" aka "Manon of the Spring" (1986).

    Vidcaps by The Skin-meister.

  • Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    The Beer Garden Of Eden - For decades, thousands of nudists have frolicked in Munich, Germany's, English Garden park, and tourists from straight-laced nations like Japan and Britain have come to gawk. But now, due to a wave of prudery, the nudists are disappearing, and Munich officials are terrified that it will kill tourism. They say you can sit in a beer garden anywhere; the appeal of Munich was that you could sit and ogle naked people. They are urging Germans to help by doffing their clothes and returning to the park, particularly attractive young women.

  • The average male German who hangs out in a beer garden would NOT help tourism by stripping.
  • But you can drink beer and look at attractive young naked women anywhere...Just go to a STRIP CLUB!
  • Have they considered offering the women dollar bills to take their clothes off?

    She'd Make Quite A Splash - The E! channel is having trouble deciding how much Anna Nicole Smith to show on her reality show. Smith became famous for posing nude, and the camera crew following her around said she's "very open" about skinny-dipping or otherwise dropping her clothes in front of them. The producers are editing hours of footage, trying to decide how much of Anna they can show on basic cable.

  • Anna Nicole Smith naked gives a literal meaning to the phrase, "acres of flesh."
  • Luckily, the cameraman could only get about 30 percent of her in the picture at any one time.
  • If she goes skinny-dipping, it can't be called "skinny"-dipping anymore.

    The Rest Are Strictly Mickey Mouse - TV Guide listed the 50 greatest cartoon characters of all time. They chose Bugs Bunny as #1, edging out Homer Simpson. The rest of the top five in order are Rocky & Bullwinkle, Beavis & Butt-head and the Grinch.

  • Porky Pig would've made the list, but Homer Simpson ate him.
  • Donald and Daffy Duck have filed a class action lawsuit.
  • Beavis & Butt-Head chose Betty Rubble. (You said "rub." A-heh, a-heh!)

    Abra-Cadaver! - On this day in 1975, Teamsters President Jimmy Hoffa mysteriously disappeared.

  • There are rumors about where he ended up, but nothing concrete.