Girl in a Swing is yet another of the movies which has never come to DVD. Granted, there is some justification for that. It is slow and pretentious, and completely unimportant in the general scheme of film history. On the other hand, it is our one really good chance to see Meg Tilly, Jennifer's more delicate sister, stark naked, full frontal and rear. Here is a zipped .avi made from a VHS tape. The quality is not great, but it's the best we have. The following are some sample captures.

Meg Tilly





Letterman's Top Ten Dumb Guy Ideas For Lowering Gas Prices
  • Really cheap self-service price if you drill the oil and refine it yourself

Letterman's Top Ten Floyd Landis Excuses

Hollywood biggie blasts Lohan in writing

A master street magician!

Us Weekly - What Will Hollywood Star Kids Look Like in 2026

Another discussion starter: The Top 50 Movie Endings of All Time
  • The top three make sense. Some of their other choices are just filler, while two of the all-time greatest endings (Angel Heart and Se7en) are not listed at all. Some other great endings might have made the list, like Waterhole #3, The Devil's Advocate, Body Heat, The Crying Game, and Sophie's Choice.

Colbert Report: Condoleeza Rice loses a spelling bee

"Ambassador Bolton (aka Colonel Mustard) is bringing the whole world together -- in their opposition to him."
  • Colbert says he should not only be confirmed, but should be made Secretary-General

Colbert's Better Know a District ... District of Columbia

Jon Stewart is shocked - shocked - to discover that Lance Bass is gay.

The Daily Show: "In 2001, our own Steve Carell got an exclusive interview with the now-gay Lance Bass."

Kazaa agrees to pay $100 million to the record industry

"Microsoft plans to automatically push Internet Explorer 7 to Windows XP users when the browser update is ready later this year. IE 7 will be delivered in the fourth quarter as a 'high priority' update via Automatic Updates in Windows XP." (It will, however, ask you to decide whether you want to do the upgrade.)

Pam Anderson roast gets so nasty that Pammy walks out!

The top ten earners in sports
  • Tiger Woods's annual earnings are estimated at nearly $100 million. That'll almost buy a dozen Titleists.
  • The weirdest entry in the top 20: Michael Finley of the Spurs, an average NBA player.

Say what you want about Denise Richards, the girl knows what to do with a hose.

So, Is Halle Berry Pregnant?
  • Damn, you would think so. She and I have been having sex several times a day for the last year.

Having a bad day? Would it help to see Victoria Silvstedt masturbating in public?

Harry Potter will wave his wand on stage in nude role

Office Space in 30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies.

Mel Gibson arrested for DUI
  • He was driving drunk and speeding on the Pacific Coast Highway! .... er .. allegedly.

This week's wide release movies. Update.

Percent of positive reviews:

  • Miami Vice 51%
  • Ant Bully 60%
  • John Tucker Must Die 22%
  • Scoop 41%. Beware of that 41% for Scoop. Many reviewers automatically give Woody Allen a pass on criticism. The more candid critics said: "Poop," "feeble," "slapped together," "the direction is lazy and the script thoroughly witless," and "Allen's latest exercise in laziness." The New York Daily News wrote: "To see Allen, now 70, trying to reclaim the persona he's been handing off is like watching Willie Mays fall down trying to hit a curve ball during his last season."

From our "the yolks on you" department. What will your egg say, Timmy?
  • Beats me, Dad. I still haven't figured out what my Mary will say. But if I don't leave, I'll be sorry.

Horse head pillow
  • It's a real product, but also a funny page, written with tongue deep within cheek. "Revenge is a dish best served stuffed! A custom severed horse head plush that is actually quite comfortable to sleep on, albeit a tad on the south side of morbid."

This is a great outdoor advertising idea

The Rangers pick up Carlos Lee. Hey, the Rangers may not win the World Series, but they put on a great offensive show, and it will get even better.

Just in theory. If you were to buy celebrity shit, whose doo-doo would be the most expensive? (This site actually sells celebrity DNA. Or at least claims to.)

Mighty Optical Illusions

Colbert wonders what is so bad about marrying one's cousin.

Stephen's Sound Advice: Colbert advises what to do in a blackout.

Colbert looks at the Middle East, says Democracy actually sucks, and calls for Saddam's return.

Colbert Report: Superhero Stamps ... No Captain America???

Jon Stewart discusses the president's joint press conference with the Iraqi PM


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Tipping the Velvet (2002)

This is a lesbian "coming out while coming-of-age" story which is related in three parts as a BBC mini-series. I must applaud the BBC for tackling this Victorian London tale of Sapphic love at all, but more particularly for allowing copious nudity and simulated sex, including a fairly graphic dildo scene. Author Sarah Walters simply wrote the sort of lesbian novel she would like to read. For screenwriter Andrew Davies, it covered two of his favorite topics, Victorian naughtiness and a woman's passage from girl to mature woman. He felt the novel was so good, the screenplay wrote itself, but he worked harder to create several music hall songs.

Rachel Stirling is a meek oyster girl with a boyfriend that fails to ignite her fire, when she attends a music hall performance and sees male impersonator Keeley Hawes for the first time. She starts frequenting the theater, Hawes notices her and they become traveling companions, lovers, and then partners performing. Act one ends with Hawes marrying a man, and thus breaking Rachel's heart. In act two, Rachel falls upon hard times. She wears her men's clothing to turn tricks with gay men, and then becomes the property of a rich lesbian. She finally breaks away from her corrupted life, but is destitute. In act three, she finds the love of a plain but loving woman, and returns to the stage.

Overall, women score it 8.8, and men 7.8, making it officially a chick flick. It is a lesbian favorite, which is to be expected for several reasons. First, there is a lot of kissing. Second, it is a lesbian love story with a rare happy ending. Third, it shows the depth of genuine emotion possible in a girl/girl relationship.

I adored act one, partially because I liked the characters, and partially because I like Victorian Music Hall songs. Act two was not as enjoyable for me, but act three redeemed the series with a "feel good" ending. If we had TV of this quality (and sensuality) in the US, I might actually watch it.


Keeley Hawes
Rachel Stirling
Sally Hawkins


Scoop's notes:

I guess you can tell that it has chick-flick written all over it. Women rate this thing 8.8 at IMDB. No surprise. It has great production values and acting and period costumes and authentic music-hall tunes and that kind of tutti-frutti shit.

"So is there anything for us guys, Scoop?"

Dudes, you're not paying attention. Tuna already mentioned the hot girl-on-girl action. There's no frontal nudity and there are no explicit sex scenes, but there are plenty of naked women kissing and rubbing their breasts together and playing with dildos and moaning and calling each other "tarts" and making each other wear slave costumes and so forth. So you have to give it pretty high marks in the area of lesbotronic delights, especially by TV standards.

Thank God for the BBC! If not for their efforts, how could we ever get a chance to look at naked lipstick lesbians with our wives' approval, in a guilt-free environment where we can pretend to enjoy the witty dialogue and authentic period atmosphere. Best of all, women love it, so they will thank us for bringing it home as a rental! Only one important tip, guys - do not actually watch it WITH your wife. You should watch it on a separate occasion, when she can't catch you using the fast-forward through the witty fuckin' dialogue and the authentic period crap.

When you get right down to it, these BBC shows really need only one thing to be perfect. They need to provide some Cliff's Notes - some comments for us to make when people ask us how we enjoyed the show. Let's face it, our wives are going to ask how we liked it, and we can't say, "Whoa, honey, I love to watch those gazongas rubbing together. Why don't you get your sister over here, and try that out?" If we want to keep watching this stuff with their approval, we will have to offer some pretentious and fulsome codswallop that sounds sort of convincing. Therefore, at the end of each of these shows, BBC should suggest some appropriate comments that we might make to convince the wife, the boss, and our snarky friends that we are serious thinkers who are only watching BBC for the incisive cultural analysis. You know what I mean. The whole Alistair Cooke schtick. Some professors could tell us how Ibsen touched on similar themes in A Doll's House, or offer blather about the exploitation of the working classes or the repression of women in Victorian society, or how the themes of this movie foreshadow the emergence of the socialist movement in Europe. You know, all the basic phony-baloney crap we need to say so we can look at naked chicks in front of our wives and girlfriends.

Actually, I liked the show, especially when it reflected Ibsen's weltanschauung and the emergence of women's suffrage.

Just kidding.

I did enjoy it, but mostly I liked the tits.

I liked Keeley Hawes more than I liked the show. She is a turn-on for me. She basically looks like a refined lady - kind of a soft spoken Julie Andrews clone, with sparkling tender eyes. And then she drops all the Julie Andrews stuff along with her trou. She looks great naked, too. Big natural breasts, and a completely natural body that looks like what real women look like naked, as opposed to those who spend three hours a day in the gym. She has a bit of sag here, is a bit too soft there, too lumpy elsewhere, but overall she is gorgeous. Just a beautiful real woman. I kinda miss seeing those in the movies. It seems like the women today look like Cameron Diaz with no spare flesh at all, or like Demi Moore with muscles that indicate she could kick my ass, or like Pam Anderson with no recognizable human-flesh body parts. So bravo to Keeley for looking great naturally, and for letting us look.

And bravo to the screenwriters for ... um ... their incisive foreshadowing and metaphors and shit like that.

Our ratings:

Tuna says, "Scoring this one is not easy because it pleases across several genres. As a coming-of-age story, it is a C+. As a "gay coming of age musical comedy," it has appeal well beyond that genre, and deserves a B- as I read our definition. If you call it an historical romantic comedy, then it is probably only a C, because it is entirely too much fun for the costumer crowd. I suppose I will settle on a high C+ and give it my personal thumbs up." Scoop says, "The 8.0 at IMDb speaks for itself. It's obviously at the very top of its field among period dramas, so it can be no lower than C+. I think you can call it a B- because many other people will enjoy it who would not ordinarily sit through a period piece. If women drag their husbands to watch it, the husbands should actually have a good time, listening to some lively songs and watching some hot girl-on-girl action."








Two trifles for today.  One is Barbara Wood in Too Much Too Often, a Doris Wishman movie.  The caps come from a trailer to the movie found on the same disk as My Brother's Wife.

Barbara Wood

And the other offering is uber-cutie Nichole Mercedes Robinson showing off her uber-hooties in an episode of Huff, with the title of Assault and Pepper.  Nichole's character is a hooker named Pepper.  Funny, I feel like sneezing. 

Nichole Mercedes Robinson



Malin Akerman in Entourage. She played the sexy country wife in the Harold and Kumar movie.
Kristen Dalton in The Sweeper.
An oldie but goodie: Jemma Redgrave in The Buddha of Suburbia. I wonder what ever happened to Jimmy the Saint, the artist who made the collage.
Emma Lung in Peaches
Nastassia Malthe in an episode of The Dead Zone



Pat's comments in yellow...

Newcastle University in England discovered that hungry men find larger women more attractive.  Men were shown photos of various female bodies with no visible faces and asked to rate their beauty.  Men who had skipped lunch showed a preference for plumper women, while those who had eaten and were full preferred slender women.  Then, after the hungry men ate, they preferred slim women.  Researchers said it shows that Western media images can make people think thin is sexy, but when men are hungry, they revert to the evolutionary preference for rounder women who seem to be healthier and have more resources.

*  So if you're a woman who's a little overweight, have sex with your date
BEFORE he takes you to dinner.

A Vermont judge sentenced Stephen Bain to 5-to-10 years in prison for possession of stolen syrup.  Bain was charged with stealing 75 gallons of syrup from a store and selling it to a farm in New Hampshire. The judge said that with his record and "lifestyle of theft and dishonesty," he's lucky the syrup theft didn't land him a life sentence under the habitual offender law.

*  He was already known as "Sticky Fingers."

*  He is lucky: in Vermont, stealing syrup is a capital offense.

Jean Grove, a retiree in Hants, England, was ordered by police to remove a sign from her gate that reads "Our dogs are fed on Jehovah's Witnesses" because it's "distressing, offensive and inappropriate."   The sign has been up for 32 years: her late husband posted it when he got sick of visits from Jehovah's Witnesses, and she kept it as a tribute to his sense of humor.  She said it's not a threat, the only dog she has is a Jack Russell puppy, and she wonders if the police don't have real crimes to deal with.  Especially since nobody complained, not even Jehovah's Witnesses.  Their spokesman said they consider it a joke, and if they saw a sign like that, they'd just turn and walk away.

*  Now, EVERYBODY wants one!