"Great Expectations"

Great Expectations (1998) takes the Dicken's classic and transports it, or at least a major sub-set of it, to Florida and New York. The hero becomes a promising artist. Gwynith Paltrow the young girl trained since birth to break men's hearts. Dicken's always spun a great yarn, and developed characters so well that you feel like you know them personally. This, the movie also accomplishes. The film narrative focuses on the love relationship between Paltrow and the artist, skipping the artists other adventures. Anne Bancroft turns in a frighteningly believable performance as the modern equivalent of Mrs. Havershim. Robert DeNiro also does a fine job. But the performance that impressed me the most was Raquel Beaudene as the young Estelle at age 10.

IMDb readers have this at 6.3 of 10. I think it is better than that. Ebert and Berardinelli both award 3 stars. The 111 minutes of running time passed very quickly for me, and this is the third time I have seen it. For me, good story, good performances and great cinematography equal a great watch. Although Paltrow has a nude modeling scene and a sex scene, she manages to not quite expose anything. Her character is seen naked in silhouette, but the way it is shot, and the way it is cut in, this is likely a double. This is a very strong C+, if you like Dickens or this sort of love story, you will also enjoy this one.

  • Thumbnails

  • Gwyneth Paltrow (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.


    And now for something completely different

    Kim Novak in the 1964 version of Of Human Bondage. No explicit nudity, but ya gotta love Kim.


    Bonus (not from Shiloh)

    Today's theme: sword swallowing on camera from non-porn actresses

    • Elisabetta Cavallotti smokes the White Owl in Guardami, a biopic of Italian porn star Moana Pozzi (.wmv - zip)

    • and Eiko Matsuda samples the salami in In The Realm of the Senses (.wmv - zip)


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Attached are some must see scans. They are of cult B-movie babe Cheryl (Rainbeaux) Smith from the March 1976 edition of Mr. Guccione's publication. She and a guy who looks like Owen Wilson get downright friendly with one another in a pictorial entitled "Easy Riders." This would have been at the peak of Cheryl's career, and she looks fantastic. The last scan, in particular, is of a picture that even I couldn't screw up. Did I mention she looks fantastic? Kudos have to go to Chris Hosada of Bare Facts fame for finding this series and writing about it on his CD.

    • Cheryl "Rainbeaux" Smith (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Today the Ghost delivers some 'caps of the very beautiful, and tragically flat chested Joanna Going in scenes from "Keys to Tulsa" (1997).

    In link #1 she does a 'classy' strip tease with thong views and toplessness in very good light.
    In link #2 we see brief views of all 3 B's while on top of Eric Stoltz.
    In link #3 we see partial rear views in the conclusion of the scene from link #2.

    • Joanna Going zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3)

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "King of the Ants"
    I think it's fair to describe this 2003 crime drama as also having a heavy dose of horror, although it's not strictly a horror flick. It definitely has violence and brutality (and a torture sequence) that would normally be associated with horror.

    A drifter who is willing to do just about anything to make money is offered a murder contract. Although squeamish, he does the job, and comes looking for his money. What he didn't know is that he was fully expected by his bosses to fail; they only wanted his failed attempt to scare the victim, an accountant, into not revealing the accounting problems he had found.

    Unhappy with the accountant's death and with no intention of paying the drifter, the bosses come up with a plan to silence him without killing him. How they plan to do that is one of the surprises in the movie. Meantime, the drifter has fallen in love with his victim's widow, and is pursuing her. This offers several more surprises.

    This is a very cool if unpleasant movie. There isn't really a predictable part in it, and the acting is excellent. Also of interest is Kari Wuhrer playing the widow. She does nudity as usual, but without her implants, which she had removed. Definitely a different look for her, because as we all know she had some humongous implants.

    Mr. Nude Celeb
    Mr. Nude Celeb takes a look at the 1986 flick "Reform School Girls".

    • Linda Carol is topless in several scemes. Plus we see full frontal nudity in a shower scene (link #1) and see-thru pubes in another scene (link #6). (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    • Sherri Stoner bares breasts and bum while being attacked by 3 much tougher reform school girls. After this flick, Stoner later went on to have a pretty decent career. She was the 'body model' for the lead characters in "The Little Mermaid" and "Beauty and the Beast", and also became a writer and voice over actress for "Tiny Toons" and "Animaniacs". (1, 2)

    • Assorted unknowns in a shower scene. (1, 2)

    • Punk Rock singer Wendy O. Williams showing a little bit of toplessness in link #2 and barely dressed the rest. (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Biljana Filipovic Topless in scenes from the entertaining indie flick "100 Girls" (2000).

    Erinn Bartlett The beautiful blonde bares a breast in scenes from "100 Women" (2002)....the way too similar follow-up to "100 Girls".

    Michelle Acuna Topless in the tub in scenes from her debut film, "Demon Slayer" (2003).

    Ursula Andress The original Bond Babe going topless in scenes from the 1972 western "Red Sun", starring Charles Bronson and Toshirô Mifune.

    Élodie Bouchez The always nekkid French actress going topless once again. This time in scenes from "Zonzon" (1998).

    Corinne Dacla
    (1, 2)

    Topless and showing a hint of the other 2 B's in scenes from the French movie "Le Diable au corps" (1990).

    Amy Shelton-White
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the B-actress topless in scenes from "Nightmare Boulevard" aka "Quiet Kill" (2004). In case you're wondering if this movie is worth stars Corbin Bernsen, need I say more?

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    By Then, I'll Have Stopped Barfing - Tuesday in California, one of Michael Jackson's prosecutors claimed that Jackson built Neverland Ranch to seduce children, and that he imprisoned a young boy and his family there and forced them to make a video absolving him of molestation charges. Jackson's lawyer called the charge "absurd on its face" and asked that the charges be dropped. The judge said there was too much material to consider and postponed the trial until January 31.

  • This is Neverland Courthouse: you never actually go to trial.
  • By then, imagine how much more material there'll be!
  • Michael Jackson's lawyers should never mention absurd faces.
  • Michael tortured them by forcing them to listen to "Invincible."

    What Is She Selling? - Heather La Bella, a marketing director for the WNBA, inquired about advertising the L.A. Sparks team in Playboy, but it would have cost $25,000. Instead, Playboy offered to pay her to pose nude. She's topless in the August issue, concealed by nothing but a WNBA basketball. La Bella said her boss agreed to it because "we're always thinking of new ways to boost awareness," and "part of my job is to try to increase ticket sales, and I think this will work."

  • Yes, nothing draws the interest of female WNBA fans like a naked woman.
  • Also because her boss always wanted to see her casabas.
  • It looks more like she's hiding behind two basketballs.
  • Playboy thinks "WNBA" stands for "Wet, Naked Bimbos Association."

    Our Jobs Were Boring, But No More - Canadian immigration officials are requiring foreign strippers to provide naked photos of themselves to qualify for a work visa. The photos must be taken on stage, to prove they really are exotic dancers and are not trying to abuse the system. Immigration lawyer Mendel Green said, "They can't be partially nude. If they don't have pictures in the nude, they are not going to wiggle their bottoms in Canada."

  • Why can't America have this vigilant an immigration policy?
  • This was also one of Bill Clinton's anti-terrorist proposals.
  • And they'll have to be strip-searched...several times.
  • How can you tell from a naked picture that they're not just WNBA marketing directors?

    Homer Sexual - At the Comic Convention in San Diego, Matt Groening let it slip that next season, "The Simpsons" will take on gay marriage. Homer will become an ordained minister over the Internet and start performing gay marriages, and a longtime character will "come out." This set fans buzzing over who it could be. Smithers is too obvious, but Marge's sister Patty often says men are pigs and has never married. She did once date Principal Skinner, but it didn't work out.

  • Because he still lives with his mother...Say!...
  • I say it's Sideshow Bob. He keeps returning to prison, and he talks just like Frasier Crane.
  • I'm betting on Krusty the Clown. Have you noticed he ALWAYS wears makeup?
  • It's amazing that Marge hasn't TURNED gay.
  • Well, we finally know where Springfield is: Massachusetts.

    Oprah Had An "O" - Oprah Winfrey loved a chicken curry sandwich so much, she invested in the restaurant. She was visiting San Luis Obispo, California, when a flunky brought her the sandwich from the Art Cafe and Bakery. She was so overwhelmed that when she heard the owner planned to close it, she sent him a check sight unseen to help keep it open. Oprah says it's the most expensive sandwich she's ever had.

  • Unless you count that 100-foot hoagie she downed at Subway.
  • Still, the chicken paid more.
  • She demanded free chicken sandwiches for life...and the restaurant went bankrupt again.

    Oy! - The Sun tabloid claims Britney Spears is planning to marry Kevin Federline this fall in the first celebrity Kabbalah wedding. Her idol Madonna got her into the trendy cult Jewish mystic religion. Britney is said to want to marry under a Jewish canopy known as a chuppah with Kabbalah-inspired vows in Hebrew. Her devout Baptist parents are said to be horrified and are urging her to plan a wedding reflecting their faith.

  • Come on, she can do that for her next wedding.
  • She's a trailer park tart marrying an unemployed lout with two illegitimate kids...Sounds like a Southern Baptist wedding to me.
  • Her parents are devout Baptists? They must spend ALL their time being horrified.
  • If she can't learn Hebrew, she'll just lip-synch the vows.