"The Apple-Knockers and the Coke"

The Apple-Knockers and the Coke (unknown) is an erotic short, with the first two title screens saying "High Quality Films Presents Marilyn Monroe" and "The Apple-Knockers and the coke. It was probably made for old fashion crank peep shows, and is in about 6 parts. The actress takes of her top, picks an apple, rolls it around on her ample chest, then strips completely and drinks a coke, spilling some of it down her front. While I wanted to believe it was Marilyn, and there was a certain amount of resemblance, I was reasonably sure it wasn't her. An Internet search revealed the truth.

The actress is Hefmate of the month from August, 1954, Arline Hunter, who imitated Marilyn in the pictorial striking the same pose Marilyn used in "A New Wrinkle." She shows her body from every angle. This short turned up as one of the extra features on a Something Weird release. The quality is very poor, but this is very rare vintage material. For that reason, I will give it a C.

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  • Arline Hunter (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42)

    "No Trespassing"

    No, this is not a film. I spend my Sundays scouring the San Francisco area taking digital photographs. Mostly, I am traveling back-roads, searing for barns, churches, seascape, animals, flowers, etc. The variety of "no trespassing" approaches is interesting. They range from store-bought "No Trespassing," "Private Property," "Posted, No Hunting or Fishing," through the whimsical "Private Property, Trespassers Will Be Violated" and the extremely ominous "Private Property, Trespassers will be shot" that I saw on Bethal Island. To make the sign even more effective, there were bullet holes in it. This one, however, is the most unique and effective one I have seen.

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Cleopatra (1999)

    This is Part Three of the famous Billy Zane Sinking Ship Trilogy which began with Dead Calm in 1989 and included Titanic in 1997. Mr Zane played Mark Antony, who went down with his flagship at the naval battle of Actium.

    Not much to say about this. It was a three hour TV miniseries with Timothy Dalton as a believable Julius Caesar, and some nice lookin' sets, but not much else.  The second half tried to condense too many events into its running time. The lead actress is a beautiful Chilean named Leonor Varela. I don't know how good she is in Spanish and French movies, but her acting in English is at a level that makes Pam Anderson seem in comparison to be a member of the Royal Shakespeare Company. Her most important contributions were her dark areolae, which were consistently visible beneath translucent outfits.

    • Leonor Varela (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)



    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.



    days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    Graphic takes a look at the indie flick "Laurel Canyon" (2002).

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.


    comments by Copperhead

    The Crimson Pirate (1996):

    IMDb page

    Hey Scoop, not sure if the timing of this was an accident, or it is trying to capitalize on the recent Pirate craze.  I rented a DVD of the 1952 Burt Lancaster movie The Crimson Pirate.  It turned out to be quite an adventure. The highlight was the acrobatics.  The bio included tells how Burt and his co-star, Nick Cravat, were long-time friends, who not only made several movies together, but had performed in their own acrobatic troup as youngsters.  The acrobatics aboard ship and in town were quite good, especially for that time.  For example, they used the "swing and kip up on the poles between buildings, way before Kurt Thomas perfomed similar moves in Gymkata.  The most interesting thing to me, was that Cravat had played the Gremlin in the famous Twilight Zone TV Episode, which also starred the Fun House favorite, William Shatner. In the Crimson Pirate, his character is mute, which leads to some humor, but according the IMDB, it was due to his strong east coast accent.

    BTW - no nudity and not a lot of Pirate Dialogue - Arrggghh!!!

    Scoop's note: when they nominate the most athletic film stars of all time, Burt Lancaster has to be near the top of the list. That sumbitch was strong and incredibly agile as well. Although 6'2" and muscled, he could flip around like a little gymnast. In The Swimmer he was about the age I am now, and performed the entire movie in a small swimming suit. (And looked good doing it, the bastard.)


    Perfect Timing (1986)

    IMDb page

    Hey Scoop, you ran a pic from this movie recently, so I thought it would be "Perfect Timing" to send the review.


    Jo Anne Bates, Kelly Craig, Nancy Cser, Papusha Demitro, Alexandra Innes, Mary Elizabeth Rubens, Michele Scarabelli (TVs Airwolf w/Jan Michael Vincent).   Several of these have long lists of TV credits.  Michele Scarabelli lists everything from Dallas to Star Trek, Beverly Hills 90120 to Diagnosis Murder.  This is probably Out of Print and only available used/auction (no VHS/DVD outlets shown on the IMDB). 


    I read about one of the scenes (described below) on the internet, and looked for this title. A famous photographer is having a career crisis.  He's also fighting feelings for his longtime assistant, even though he is surrounded by beautiful naked women.  A sub plot involves his sleazy brother who takes advantage of his fame with the above mentioned naked women.  There is also a naked or topless girl covered in plaster, and the making of a music video (a very bad music video) with total nudity throughout.  

    The IMDB has mixed reviews that are interesting to read.  It is called a comedy, a sex farce, and totally without plot.  It is Rated R, and if The Turn On aka  "Click" (or Le Declic in French) is the perfect example of what an Unrated film should be, this may be the perfect example of an R-Rated film of this genre.


    Has some great scenes, all well-lit with extended nudity.  A perfect example  is the girl that comes to have her portrait done.  The sleazy brother impersonates the photographer, and coerces the girl into stripping.  When she comes out completely naked, she is embarrassed to find that she was tricked into exposing everything in front of several strangers.  A couple of the women wander in and out of the kitchen,
    after sessions with the brother, totally nude, carrying on conversations with whoever is there. One of them tries to hide behind the refrigerator door when she discovers she is not alone.  One peculiar thing about the actresses, several of them fit a mold - brunette, dark bush, small firm breasts (well, now that I write it, there's nothing wrong with that).  One of his models was more of a glamorous blonde, but she only showed a breast. Another actress was a rich older lady who also failed to show as much.  His female assistant was cast from another mold altogether, cute,.green eyes, with short blonde hair.  Nothing wrong with that either, but as the assistant, she was the "forbidden" element - she wasn't walking through the kitchen naked like the models, so of course I, the viewer, wanted to see her naked too.  Well, when she finally has a love scene, the director completely changes the style of the movie - soft, out-of-focus shots, with fleeting glimpses of breast, and even more fleeting glimpses of bush. Frustrating to say the least.

    There is also some male Full Frontal nudity, so be warned.


    A reviewer on the CNDB said "This is a classic film with some great nudity and appalling comedy."   As Dalton says in Road House: "Opinions vary". Maybe on the comedy, but as far as the nudity, this is truly a "classic".

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    Today we take a look at a couple of B-Movie babes from 1996's "Bikini Academy", which was originally released as "Babe Watch Forbidden Parody", but renamed for it's DVD release.

    First up is the veteran Tane McClure in topless scenes in all but cap # 1.

    • Tane McClure (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Then on to a younger Raelyn Saalman who is topless in a sex scene in the pool.

    • Raelyn Saalman (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Nothing much to this movie but a little T & A

    Scorpion's Skinemax
    'Caps and comments by Scorpion:

    The first Batch are from the movie "True Romance: The Initiation" (2002). It's a foreign movie, dubbed, but the girls are gorgeous. The blonde rocks my boat.

    Next...'caps from the late night series "The Best Sex Ever".

    First up, scenes from the "Dirty Dancing" episode, featuring Jezebelle Bond before she turned her body into a human canvas and put enough rings, studs and pins in her body to set off a metal detector ten feet away.

    • Jezebelle Bond, all the good parts and pleny of pseudo sex. (1, 2)

    • Jezebelle Bond and Nichole, all 3 B's in lesbian and 3-way scenes. (1, 2)

    Bringing up the rear...scenes from the "Fantasy Nights" episode.

    • Keri Windsor, breasts and pubes. (1, 2)

    • Keri Windsor and Wendy Rice, mostly boobs, plus lesbian and 3-way scenes. (1, 2, 3)

    Jennifer Connelly The long time Fun House favorite bares a little bit of her amazing busom in scenes from "Waking the Dead".

    Jennifer Connelly and Kristy Swanson No nudity, but it's still fun to watch these two make out. Vidcaps from "Higher Learning".

    Meg Ryan Red undies and a brief breast peek in scenes from "Flesh and Bone" (1993).

    Nicole Kidman Kidman looking beautiful as always, and there is even a nice nip slip in this collage from "Moulin Rouge", by ZonononZor.

    Sharon Stone
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    A cool find by the Skin-man...links 3-8 feature new to us Stone toplessness from the Euro-version of "The Quick and the Dead" (1994).

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    First official review I've seen of "Gigli," from an actual reporter who's seen the final cut. Apparently, it's a new low water mark in bad movie history...

    Review: Ben and J-Lo's 'Gigli': It's Turkey Time, Gobble, Gobble

    There Is Life After Reality TV! - The story of a Las Vegas company charging men up to $10,000 to hunt naked women with paintball guns was a hoax, fed to the media to sell a spoof video. Friday, Vegas officials announced the results of an investigation launched after they got a flood of complaints from feminists. The video maker initially insisted the hunts were real, but finally admitted the hunters and nude prey on the video were actors and actresses.

  • Luckily, it's perfectly legal to treat actors like animals.
  • They were so bad, nobody suspected they were professional actors.
  • Damn! Now I have to cancel my airline tickets!

    Confirmed Suspicions - Apparently to nobody's surprise, Liza Minnelli and David Gest announced that they are separating. They said the decision was mutual. Before their wedding, which was attended by every celebrity from Donald Trump to Liz Taylor to Michael Jackson, Liza had been married three times and Gest was a 50-year-old "confirmed bachelor."

  • That's a polite way of saying "He's suing for custody of her evening gowns."
  • There are rumors of another man, but Liza doesn't know if they're true.
  • If a marriage hasn't been consummated, can't you just get an annulment?
  • What better omen for a marriage than to have Donald Trump, Liz Taylor and Michael Jackson as guests?

    Short-Tempered, That Is - Britain's Sun tabloid claims that Eminem is so terrified of being shot by thugs loyal to rapper Ja Rule that he has taken to wearing a bulletproof vest and hired ex-CIA agents as armed bodyguards. Their bitter feud started when they began taunting each other in song lyrics, with Ja Rule calling Eminem's mom a crackhead, and Eminem saying Ja Rule was short.

  • Well..."F-ing short."
  • Yes, in the rap world, that's reason enough to kill someone.
  • Wait a minute...Hasn't Eminem cut about two dozen songs calling his OWN mother a crackhead?