Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
In examining all of the Sylvia Kristel nude scenes from The Big Bet, I realized
that they are ALL lifted from Private Lessons, which was filmed four years
earlier. This explains why Kristel looks so trim in her nude scenes in The Big
Bet, although she was clearly out of shape in Mata Hari, which was supposedly
filmed during the same year.
Nobody's Baby (2001)
This is an offbeat comedy that was shown at Sundance but never caught on.
Skeet Ulrich plays a criminal hayseed, a good-hearted but dim-witted rube whose
life is (eventually) turned around by finding and caring for a baby. The most
distinctive characteristic of the film is that it moves casually between heavy
drama, slapstick comedy, and unapologetic sentimentality, and never falters
along the way. Tuna picked it as
one of the best films of 2002, which is when it came to video, and it is
rated a very respectable 6.3 at IMDb. I liked it as well.
I am revisiting it for one reason: Anna Gunn. When this film came out, Anna
was basically a beautiful but unknown 33 year old actress with the killer body
of a teen beauty queen. Now she has come up to the front burner based on her
role as Martha Bullock in the new season of Deadwood. I surely enjoyed doing
those collages because she is gorgeous.
While we're on the subject,
here is Crimson Ghost's zipped .wmv of the
all-too-brief Anna Gunn scene
Providing the frontal nudity in this film - in two separate scenes -
No Witness (2004)
If I tell you that this film was made in Atlanta for $350,000
and stars Jeff Fahey and Corey Feldman, you'll probably assume that it is a
total suckfest, but you'll be wrong. It does have its problems. It is not very
original, it looks cheap, and the photography is too dark in general. All of
that notwithstanding, it is a watchable straight-to-vid that turned out to be a
pretty cool little movie. It ain't Citizen Kane, but I survived it without the
fast forward button, and I suppose you might say it's a helluva movie
considering it was produced by a disc jockey for $350 Gs! Steve Barnes, who
produced this movie and played the hit man, is a top morning drive
jock in Atlanta. His production company, Barnesology Pictures, negotiated a
three picture deal for Barnes to produce and star. No Witness was the first of
One thing that distinguishes this from most low-budget releases
is that it is uniformly well acted except for Fahey. In fact, Fahey didn't do a
bad job, either, but he was badly miscast as a U.S. Senator, when he obviously
should have been one of the drug lords or even the hit man. It was pretty hard
to believe that anybody would vote for this guy. There are some weird lookin'
and actin' senators, but not many with spikey unkempt hair and crazy eyes.
Senators may be corrupt and debauched, but they can't look corrupt and
debauched, or they lose elections. Corey Feldman did an absolutely excellent job
in all respects (Jeez, I never expected to be typing that) as the senator's toady. His
line readings were credible, and filled with a lot of humor and irony that he
personally added to the character. Amazingly, Corey almost made it through the
entire film without his obligatory trademark sunglasses, but he did finally
manage to slip them on, although just for a couple of frames.
It's a crime thriller about a corrupt senator (Fahey) who has
been indicted on several counts. He embarks upon a campaign of bumping off
anyone who can implicate him in dirty doings. The senator insists on a
policy of "no witnesses" when the murders are committed. He uses an efficient
professional killer, but the senator and the hit man do not meet face to face in
order to maintain the politician's deniability. The killer is hired by his
smart-ass toady (Feldman).
The script introduces the concepts in a clever opening scene. As
the film begins, we see some drug dealers bursting in on a suburban couple,
demanding the payoff from some earlier deal. The intruders are just about to
kill Ozzie and Harriet when a vigilante bursts through the door and bumps off
the tough guys. It's a good scene fraught with dramatic tension, but nothing so
very remarkable until the suburbans thank their rescuer, whereupon he surprises
them and the audience by killing them as well! He than arranges all the bodies
and guns to create the impression of a shoot-out.
What's going on? Two things. The scene successfully whets the
appetite, and also establishes the "no witnesses" rule. We realize that
everybody who sees the professional killer must die. Tough break for Ozzie and
As the film progresses through a series of twists and turns, the
Senator eventually hires the hit man to kill a 17 year old girlfriend who has
become a potential nuisance to his re-election campaign. This, the hit man does
successfully, but only after a long chase through a building where the senator
himself is giving a speech. The killer finally stalks and kills his prey in the
men's room - just as the senator enters to take a leak.
Oh, boy! Maybe that "no witnesses" policy wasn't that good an
idea after all.
The hit man leaves by commenting to the senator's lifeless body
"you should have held it."
(More or less.)
The nudity in the film was a disappointment. Besides being too
dark (like the rest of the film), it consisted entirely of background strippers
in nude dancing joints.
Words and pictures from Hankster.
Today we have another "Hankster Light" and a "Babe
in Peril" day, both from the same movie.
The Michelangelo of vidcap collages is back with another extraordinary
Ally Sheedy in High Art
Drew Barrymore in Bad Girls
Holly Marie Combs in A Reason to Believe
Jacqueline Bisset in High Season
Jane Fonda in Coming Home
Keira Knightley in The Jacket
Mary Elizabeth Mastrontonio in The January Man
Radha Mitchell in High Art
Robin Givens in Boomerang
Teri Hatcher in The Cool Surface
The Crimson Ghost
|More paparazzi. This time, it's Mischa Barton
|Brittany Daniel, photographed by her sister
|Nicole Kidman, photographed on the set of
Fur, the upcoming biopic of the eccentric photographer Diane Arbus.
(I'm a bit skeptical about this film. It's difficult to see how one could
make a Diane Arbus biopic without an NC-17 rating.)
| From Zononon Zor, the master of the seamless collage,
Halle Berry in Swordfish
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Urban Legends: The nature of Arby's Roast Beef
A SCOTSMAN with a fascination for mullet haircuts has
been visiting sites in Australia that share a name with
the infamous cut.
Japanese develop realistic 'female' android. Is it
the pleasure model?
Lennon, the problem-plagued musical celebrating the life
and songs of John Lennon, has pushed back its Broadway
Scarlett Johansson says she is not proud of her films
and thinks acting is a relatively pointless profession
"I actually pulled this one, on my wife, during the
second week of our marriage. I still think of it as the
day I discovered a wife is NOT a girlfriend."
New football video game features 'Ron Mexico'
Dennis Rodman was pulled over and ticketed twice Tuesday
while driving his gold-and-black Lamborghini through
Colorado in a charity rally race. In between he was
involved in a minor crash and later accused of stealing
a hat! Just another day for Dennis.
The Trailer for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Letterman's Top Ten Answers To The Question, 'How Hot Is
It In New York'
"Why do they call Q-tips Q-tips?" Did you know they
were originally called Baby Gays?
Bill Maher discusses anal rape on Leno's show. (And
Leno tries to change the topic.)
An entire web site dedicated to different variations
The Aristocrats Joke
"What happens when a pitbull picks a fight with a
Did Mr Peterman get hosed in Dancing With the Stars?
Lewis Black looks at the struggle to reconcile our
Conan looks at a new series of stamps from the U.S. Post
Office: other things Tom Cruise is bizarrely passionate
Jon Stewart discusses the summer of the backpack
Diane Lane explains to Jon Stewart her role in the
wussification of Jon Cusack.
The Daily Show's Samantha Bee reveals there might be
some Nascar Dads who aren't so into Nascar Moms.
The trailer for CSA: Confederate States of America.
This sounds interesting:
- "CSA: The Confederate States of America," through
the eyes of a faux documentary, takes a look at an
America where the South won the Civil War. Supposedly
produced by a British broadcasting company, the
feature film is presented as a production being shown,
controversially, for the first time on television in
the States. Beginning with the British and French
forces joining the battle with the Confederacy, thus
assuring the defeat of the North at Gettysburg and
ensuing battles, the South takes the battle northward
and form one country out of the two. Lincoln attempts
escape to Canada but is captured in blackface. This
moment is captured in the clip of a silent film that
might have been.
Through the use of other fabricated movie segments,
old government information films, television
commercials, newsbreaks, along with actual stock
footage from our own history, a provocative and
humorous story is told of a country, which, in many
ways, frighteningly follows a parallel with our own.
After victory, President Davis brings slavery back to
the northern states by offering a tax rebate to
businesses and households who will buy and own them.
Liberals move to Canada. The nation chooses an
expansionist policy and conquers Mexico and South
America. As world war looms, the CSA takes a
non-aggressive stance toward the Third Reich and their
move toward racial purity (although not condoning
their wasting of possible slave stock by the Final
Solution) and makes a preemptive strike on Japan on
December 7, 1941.
Kennedy is assassinated soon after being elected,
as it appears he will not only emancipate but also
give women the vote. A growing black terrorist base
stems from Canada and a Cold War breaks out...complete
with the Cotton Curtain being built between the two
countries. Through it all, including a contemporary
run for the presidency, we follow a political dynasty,
the Fauntroy family, who lead the country through its
triumphs and tragedies. We arrive to a today that, in
many ways, we recognize. Although a nation that is
content and prosperous, there is a tremendous divide
within and suspicious eye without. Current politicians
refer to us as two countries and perhaps, other than
geographically, there is no difference between Red and
Blue or North and South states. We have always
struggled as to whether we are the United or
Confederate States of America.
This week's movies - limited release.
The Aristocrats - 81% positive reviews.
- "fucking brilliant."
- "It's hard to imagine a documentary more
foul-mouthed or jaw-droppingly, side-splittingly
- "dear sweet lord is it FUNNY!"
- "What do you call a movie this fuckin' funny? The
- " "It's at once a comedy, a horror film, and a
hilariously unsettling testament to the deepest
reality of what comedians are: rim-shot madmen, driven
to seek out and destroy all that's taboo."
This week's movies:
Must Love Dogs - 13% positive reviews. Notes to John
Cusack: (1) Fire agent (2) Let new agent do script
This week's movies:
Stealth - 22% positive reviews. I guess Jamie Foxx's
hot hand has played out.
Some sample quotres:
- "a derivative action-adventure that's basically an
- "aesthetic modus operandi of replacing all traces
of humanity with digitized artificiality."
- "painful to watch"
- "laughable flyboy fable runs out of some serious
fuel in the storytelling department...glaringly
unimaginative as a thumping techno-thriller"
This week's movies:
Sky High - 80% based on only five reviews. That score
will undoubtedly decline. Some have remarked that it
looks too similar to The Incredibles, but it looked
pretty cute to me, and I'll probably take my niece.
Art thief drinks $70,000 exhibit. The exhibit was a
bottle full of melted water from the Antarctic, designed
to highlight the dangers of global warming. The theory
is that someone drank it. The artist moaned, "It looked
like an ordinary bottle of water."
- (Well, I guess it won't be that hard to replace.)
The Average Iraqi answers your questions (Whitehouse.org)
Carrie Underwood, who won the 'American Idol' crown in
May, was voted the 'World's Sexiest Vegetarian'"
Kate Moss Wins Libel Case Over Drug Report
Kate Beckinsale has revealed she wants to play Wonder
Woman. What is she, in third grade? A few months ago
she was going to quit acting and become a doctor.
Promise TV -- PVR records a month's worth of shows from
Listen to the Eerie Sounds of Saturn's Radio Emissions.
It sounds like Yoko has moved to Saturn to break up
their top rock group.
Tom 'Pohaku' Stone works to revive the ancient Hawaiian
he'e holua, or lava sledding. I have a feeling those
ancient Hawaiians didn't have a long life expectancy.
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
Currently on disability. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is email@example.com
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