"Vamps 2 : Blood Sisters"
Vamps 2 : Blood Sisters (2002) is a straight to vid Vampire hooker titty flick. We see the usual plasticized boobs and buns in G-strings from a host of women, but only four I was able to identify. Seems Glory-Anne Gilbert killed the vampire that bit her and married a priest, and is now the headline stripper at Vamps. The dead vampires twin sister is pissed, and sends Shelby Taylor and Zoe Ciel ahead to Cincy to soften her up. She intends to kill both her and the priest, but first wants to find out if she is the chosen one who will become pregnant, turn back into a human, and return all vampires to human form. Of course, she is the chosen one.
An ancient vampire explains all of this to Gilbert, and helps her defend herself, because he wants to return to human form so he can go to heaven and be with his family again. Yes, the story is every bit as lame as it sounds. The nudity is mostly in typical strip club lighting. IN addition to the three mentioned above, I was also able to identify Leslie Culton. Zoe Ciel is a redhead, and Shelby Taylor is a blonde. There wasn't a single frame where the two weren't together and they even spoke in unison most of the time. The photography was terrible, and they thought it was clever to have the camera at odd angle to the floor, so up isn't always up. IMDb readers have this at 2.2 of 10. This is only for the die-hard skinemax fanatics and vampire fans will be appalled at the liberties taken with vampire lore. This is a D.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Ned Kelly (2003):
Ned Kelly was the highest grossing Australian film at
the Aussie box office in 2003, and is something of a quasi-national
epic in Oz. It was released without fanfare in about 20 theaters in
the USA, and promptly disappeared without amassing so much as a
measly hundred grand in grosses.
Its core is based on a true story, but the tale is
told here mixed
with more than a bit of legend. Kelly was the Aussie equivalent of Jesse
James, or at least the Jesse James of folk legend, an honest man
turned into an outlaw by corrupt authorities, and then elevated to a
folk hero by journalists and word-of-mouth.
Eventually forced into a fugitive life, Ned and his
gang started robbing banks, all the while burning the mortgages of
his family and friends, and returning almost all of the stolen money
to poor people. While he was at it, he killed more than his share of
corrupt cops, turned all the local ladies into his gang's groupies,
and became an ad hoc social revolutionary.
As you can probably guess from that summary, the film seems to be
stronger on legend than fact. Amazon.com describes it as follows:
Making no attempt at
factual accuracy, Ned Kelly is still an engaging action film
with its heart in the right place. You don't need to be a student of
Australian history to know that a movie about the life of the
notorious folk hero and outlaw is not going to be a light-hearted
romp through the outback. Injustice, persecution, and unlawful
imprisonment are the meat of his story, all presented here with not
too much of a rose-tinted perspective amid generous doses of
True or not, it's a helluva good yarn. The climax to the story could not
be much more cinematic. Ned and his gang were holed up in a village pub with the locals and a traveling circus,
surrounded by about a hundred policemen. The policemen started
blazing away without regard to the lives of the innocent bystanders,
which included women and children. Amid the the chaotic scene,
punctuated by the anguished cries of women and the roars of exotic animals, Ned and his men
fought back by walking out of the pub clad in home-made body armor
and blasting away. Amazingly, Ned survived the battle, and lived
just long enough to be hanged at age 25, despite petitions for his
pardon signed by 32,000 people.
The film must star just about every major Australian film star
except Nicole Kidman. The capable cast includes Naomi Watts,
Geoffrey Rush, Heath Ledger, and Rachel Griffiths.
If you've seen the best American Westerns about Billy the Kid or the
James Gang, you can probably mouth the dialogue along with this one
(provided you can muster the Irish brogue, of course), but if you
enjoy that kind of story, this one makes up for its stiffness and
lack of originality with sincerity, a smooth narrative, Australian
flavor, slick cinematography, and a charismatic cast (which also
includes a non-Australian rising star in Orlando Bloom).
From the credits, I think this is Thea Gumbert, but I'm just not
sure. Maybe one of you Aussies can chime in here. One example of
what distinguishes an Aussie movie from an American - this brief
scene of full-frontal nudity of a woman who had no lines (but
appeared on camera in several scenes). It could have been cut and
nobody would notice. In an American flick they would have cut it to
get a PG-13 rating. So I'm glad it was not American. (It was rated R
in its brief American release)
Out of Reach (2004):
Out of Reach is the latest straight-to-vid from Steven Seagal, which
is about all the description you really need, isn't it?
Actually, it isn't as bad as the 3.7 IMDB score would lead you to
believe. In 2003, Seagal made two absolutely terrible movies
directed by Michael Oblowitz, and the IMDb scores indicate that this
one is in that same territory. It is not. It is far better than
those two abominations. It is more on the level of
his last 2003 film, the mediocre Belly of the Beast, so if that one was
for you Seagal fans, this one will be as well. Not that there's
anything much for the rest of you.
- (6.29) -
Executive Decision (1996)
- (6.09) - Under
- (5.50) - Get
- (5.29) - Exit
- (5.18) - Above
the Law (1988)
- (4.89) - Under
Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995)
- (4.88) - Out for
- (4.88) - Marked
for Death (1990)
- (4.87) - My
- (4.79) - Hard to
- (4.79) - Glimmer
Man, The (1996)
- (4.31) - Belly
of the Beast (2003)
- (4.30) - Fire
Down Below (1997)
- (4.11) -
Patriot, The (1998/I)
- (3.91) - Half
Past Dead (2002)
- (3.75) - Out of
- (3.51) - On
Deadly Ground (1994)
- (3.38) -
Foreigner, The (2003)
- (3.34) - Ticker
- (3.12) -
a Kill (2003)
Seagal plays a retired secret agent (doesn't he
always) who is corresponding with a brilliant Polish orphan girl,
when he finds out that his pen-pal has been sold into white slavery.
If there's one thing those Poles still haven't learned about Western
culture, it's that you should not tick Seagal off. When he figures
out the problem, the Stout Sensai promptly gets on a plane with a
bushel basket full of false ID's, and heads off to Eastern Europe to
kick Poland's ass and rescue his young friend.
The basic storyline wasn't so bad. Seagal did OK in the
action scenes for a 50ish, 300 pound man, and his acting was no
better or worse than usual. Po-Chih Leong did a serviceable job as
the director. The Polish/German actress Agnieszka Wagner played a
Polish cop, and brought some charm and talent to the part of the
mismatched buddy cop (slash) love interest, and Matt Schulze was his
usual cruel, psychotic self as the main baddie.
If the story had stayed focused on that core story with
that cast, it could have been a pretty decent little movie.
Unfortunately, for some reason why completely baffles me, the script
also included a totally useless sub-plot about the intelligence
agency Seagal used to work for, whose honchos decided, in their
infinite wisdom, that Seagal must either come back to work or be
liquidated with extreme prejudice. Apparently it wasn't enough for Seagal to defeat the entire country of Poland, rescue an orphanage,
and stop the white slave trade through Eastern Europe. I guess it was just a
matter of needing a suitable challenge for a man of Seagal's stature. If they hadn't come after
him, he probably would have killed a few innocent CIA guys, just to
get the agency mad at him, thus making his other jobs a little less
Some Polish hookers(1,
2). As you can see from these caps, the photography
and set design aren't half bad. Unfortunately, this is the best
nudity Seagal could come up with, despite filming in a country
filled with beautiful women, and working with an attractive co-star
(Agnieszka Wagner) who has been known to get naked on film
Here's the first teaser/trailer for Hitchhiker's Guide!
'USA Today' Drops Coulter Column; Goldberg to Cover DNC Instead
President Bush makes a speech based on an undergraduate term
paper which his writers found online. It could have
been worse. It might have been a paper that the President wrote
when he was an undergraduate.
"And Teresa Heinz Kerry ... yesterday I saw kill a hobo with her
Gregory XVII - the true pope
America's approval rating soars to 2% in Egypt. The
President says, "hey, that means two out of every one guy,
"Triumph the Insult Comic Dog has just been thrown out of the
Michael Moore vs Bill O'Reilly. Sophisticated fourth
grade debating techniques on the level of: "You're a liar" "No,
you're a liar".
President Bush's Message to the People of France Expressing
Gracious Bemusement Over Their Sixth Humiliating Thrashing by an
American One-Nut Wonder
Pierce Brosnan says he is finished with the Bond franchise.
BUSH NAMES HIS MOUNTAIN BIKE TO AXIS OF EVIL Would
Take Iraq's Slot, President Says
Some Spiderman strips you may have missed.
The sweet, touching story of Bob the Ball. Be sure to
leave it on until after the closing credits. There is an
Learn to fly an F/A-18 Hornet. This is not an easy
At last, a good look at Darth Cheney's undisclosed location.
An upcoming Simpsons story line will focus on what happens when
Springfield legalizes gay marriage. One longtime
Simpson's character comes out of the closet. Many say it must be
Smithers or Sideshow Bob, but I have my money on Groundskeeper
More stick figure fights, for people with too much
time on their hands who are tired of William Hung.
Never bring a knife to a straw dispenser fight.
A young monkey at an Israeli zoo has started walking on its hind
legs only. It looks more human than most members of
the Green Party
New York Health & Racquet Club Ass-Vertising Campaign
The face of simple clothing.
A gentleman named Kerry Edwards is one lucky dude - the auction
- The actual patent registration info for
the cheese-filtered cigarette.
director Brad Bird, producer John Walker and moderator Mark Vaz
talk about Pixar's next film, THE INCREDIBLES
Bush Invited to Moore's personal 'Fahrenheit' screening in
- The cast and crew discuss
the latest Fantastic Four news and rumors from comic-com
The Great American Dollar Bill Locator
20th Century Fox has hired Doug Richardson to rewrite Die Hard
4, which is being developed under the supervision of star Bruce
If John Kerry is not elected, he will play an oompa-loompa in
the remake of Willy Wonka.
New York Transit Authority considers selling naming rights for
subway stations, tunnels. Considering their general
appearance, this could be a big opportunity for Lysol.
BILL, HILLARY SPEAK - to one another First Time
in Six Years, Experts Say
Bush-Kerry parody draws the ire of the music publisher that owns
the Guthrie song. Suing over this one would be the
ultimate irony, since Woody believed that his songs belonged to
everyone. In fact, Woody essentially believed that everything
belonged to everyone, and denied the entire concept of private
property - which is what "This Land" is really about.
Michael Moore caught faking a newspaper headline
Marlon Brando: circumcision at age 60
Timberlake goes ahead with his suit.: "Justin
Timberlake is suing London's News of the World tabloid for libel
for reporting that the pop star cheated on girlfriend Cameron
11 clips from "Little Black Book". In "Little Black
Book," Stacy Holt (Brittany Murphy), an associate producer for
daytime talk show hostess Kippie Kann (Kathy Bates), is
frustrated when her boyfriend Derek (Ron Livingston) refuses to
discuss his past relationships. She delves into his Palm Pilot
to learn about his ex-girlfriends. Using the show as a ruse and
Barb as her guide, Stacy interviews and befriends many of them,
only to discover that the past, in a few instances, is rather
present. A modern day immorality tale of snooping in the
electronic age, "Little Black Book" asks the question: have you
ever been tempted to go where you shouldn't, and look inside his
little black book?
Domestic Issues Continue to Favor Kerry; International, Bush
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
NOTE: because of a unique combination of
circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial
bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip
format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a
you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in
the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.
I know this is not especially convenient, but it
allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from
hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some
reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not
play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory
work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this
new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want
to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips
The Head of Alfredo Garcia (1974)
I haven't ever seen
this film, but judging from the IMDb score it is another one of
Peckinpah's better films that is still not on DVD.
The first two are long
clips, but Shiloh did a good job at compressing them without losing
much quality, and the file sizes are quite reasonable. The avi's
weigh in below four meg! (Wmv's are a bit larger)
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
- "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" star Jennifer Jason Leigh topless in a scene from "Death Ride to Osaka" aka "Girls of the White Orchid" (1983).
- Mariel Hemingway, topless in scenes from the Dorothy Stratten biopic "Star 80" (1983).
Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
A few Hefmate clips for today... You will not be surprised to learn I got a million of em.
(divx encoded .avis -zipped)
- Bonnie Large, Miss March '73 in The Happy Hooker Goes
- Claudia Jennings, uncredited but flat out freaking
gorgeous in The Man Who Fell to Earth.
- Two clips of Cynthia Wood in Apocalypse Now Redux (1,
2). I guess Redux can be translated as "tits have been added."
- Pamela Zinszer, Miss March 1974, in The Happy Hooker
Goes to Washington.
- This Rebekka Armstrong in Hellcats in Highheels III.
She is taking part in some weird-ass photography
session with a second babe who keeps her clothes on.
If Hankster is still around he is gonna like this
- Ruthy Ross, Miss June '73, in The Centerfold Girls.
This clip was taken from a videotape recorded at EP.
The other gal with Ruthy is Jennifer Ashley (beware of
actresses and car salesmen with two first names).
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
Today from the Ghost...Elisabeth Brooks going full frontal (#1) and topless (2-3) in a love scene from 1981's "The Howling", directed by Joe Dante. Naturally, since it was helmed by Dante, Robert Picardo and Dick Miller both have small parts.
For those not are not familiar with the name...the immortal Dick Miller is a symbol of everything important the Fun House believes in - obnoxious comments and low budget movies filled with naked chicks. Most people probably know him best as the drunk, grouchy neighbor from "Gremlins" (1984).
- Elisabeth Brooks zipped .wmvs
'Caps and comments by Spaz:
Modern day LA-based sex comedy about a guy named Norm
(Doug Dezzani) and his secretary (Tamara Curry)
who run a dating service for sexual deviants.
Despite of many b-movie actresses and hefmag bunnies
only Tiffany Shepis shows any full nudity and that
it as a nudist.
Canadian Scoopsters will be surprised that Toronto born
Johanna Black plays Norm's girlfriend and they have
many fully clothed sex scenes.
|Arquette showing off some excellent toplessness and barely covered bum in scenes from "The Wrong Man" (1993).
||The "Leaving Las Vegas" and "Hollow Man" star baring a nipple in a scene from the direct-to-video western "Blind Justice" (1994).
||The cartoon voice-over actress caught showing some brief breast exposure on film in scenes from "Natural Enemy" (1997).
|Mr. Nude Celeb 'caps of Keaton's brief frontal nude scene in "Something's Gotta Give" (2003).
|Señor Skin 'caps of the Scandinavian babe baring all in scenes from "I Am Dina" (2002).
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION HOOHA
But Where Will We Sit And Think?! - 1,200 print reporters at the Democratic
Convention are upset that they've been provided with only 20 porta-johns, like
those used at construction sites. They say the last Republican Convention
provided them with large toilet trailers, at a higher ratio of toilets to
coffee-swilling scribes. Organizers called the 20 porta-johns a cost-cutting move.
Luckily, they won't need them that much: there's no coffee, either.
All the nice bathrooms with mirrors are for TV reporters.
Why Liberals Hate Cops - The New York Post reports that while many businesses
in Boston are shut down for security reasons, one expects to profit big. The
Purrfect Playmates escort service has been hiring extra women "of all shapes
and sizes" to provide sexual services for delegates. But Boston Police have
launched an undercover operation to keep hookers away from the hotels.
Or at least away from Bill Clinton's room.
They should concentrate on keeping terrorists away from the
See? Democrats create GOOD-paying jobs!
For the Republican Convention, they're hiring hookers who look like Ann
BUSH FLIES OFF BICYCLE
"Unbreakable" - Monday, President Bush was riding mountain bikes with an A.P.
reporter on his Texas ranch when his front tire skidded on a steep, gravely
drop and he was thrown over the handlebars. He landed on his back, and the
bike landed on him. But he was uninjured. He waved off medics, straightened the
handlebars and rode on, telling the reporter, "We've got thrills, spills, you
They thought he might have a concussion, but he ALWAYS looks dazed and
He's taking a much worse beating than that, just in Boston.
If we want a president who impresses the world, maybe we should skip Bush
and Kerry and elect Lance Armstrong.
PARENTS-TO-BE TAKING ONE LAST "BABYMOON"
From "Oh Baby!" To "Oh...Baby" - Fox News reports that so many expectant
parents are taking one last honeymoon-style trip before the baby arrives that it
now has its own buzzword: a "babymoon." Many resorts are offering packages
that combine romantic things like massages and chocolates with gift baskets of
baby toys and lullaby CDs and in-room movies such as "She's Having A Baby" and
"Look Who's Talking." One woman said a babymoon is your last chance to be just
a husband and wife, because all future romantic getaways will be spent
worrying about the kids.
So why watch movies about babies? Watch porn while you can!
News flash: all future "romantic getaways" will be spent in an SUV driving
to Six Flags.
You can tell they're first-time parents because they actually believe
there are going to BE future romantic getaways.
DOUBLE DOSE OF CHER
Goodbye, Already! - Cher announced that she is adding another North American
leg to her "Farewell" tour that's been going on for three years.
She's added so many legs, it should be called "The Millipede Tour."
She should cover that old Dan Hicks tune, "How Can I Miss You If You Won't