Sunday

Sex and the City

(2008)

Sex and the City is basically a Bizarro world version of a Kevin Costner sports movie.

Bear with me. Here's how to re-write the Costner sports formula to make it work for women.

Costner formula

 

Bizarro version

 

A pure entertainment movie in which a bunch of superficial guys women
talk about nothing but sex and sports shopping
while they drink beer wine
and scotch. cosmos
They struggle through some ups and downs, but eventually come through at the end to win the big game. resolve their relationship problems

End of story.

Of course, that doesn't mean you will enjoy this film if you like Costner movies, because Bizarro is not Superman. Nor does it mean you will hate the Bizarro version if you like the regular version. It's possible that you may not cringe if a woman drags you to this movie, but the whole project was quite clearly created as "event programming" for people who don't normally get their own movie events: women and gay guys.

As of this writing, Sex and the City has displaced Dirty Dancing as the Queen of the chick-flicks. If you have been reading our analyses in the past, you probably know that we measure chick-flickitude by a simple formula.

E = IMDbf - IMDbm

Where:

  • E represents estrogen.
  • IMDbf represents the IMDb rating from female voters.
  • IMDbm represents the IMDb rating from male voters.

We consider any film which scores more than 1.0 a chick-flick. Dirty Dancing held the previous record for a major film, having scored 1.9 on this scale. The enormity of that can be comprehended only after you realize that Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood and Steel Magnolias only score 1.2 and Beaches only 1.3. The Dirty Dancing score of 1.9 represents enough estrogen to single-handedly replace every dot over every "i" in the universe with a little heart.

Sex and the City scores 3.0.

That's not a typo, but it is absolutely off the scale. How much off the scale? Well, the smartest person who ever lived probably had an IQ of something like 225. Imagine somebody suddenly appearing with an IQ of 400. That kind of quantum leap represents how much more estrogen is in this film than in Dirty Dancing. Compared to this film, Dirty Dancing seems like the Dirty Dozen. Men score it 4.4 at IMDb, while women score it 7.4.

There is an important piece of analysis that you guys need to take away from those scores. Guys normally use chick-flicks to get laid. Admit it, guys, you put up with Amelie or The Notebook for two hours just because movies like that get her into a romantic mood, right? Well it won't work with this movie. Consider how bad a 4.4 movie is. That's like a straight-to-vid starring Michael Par and Corbin Bernsen about a vampire who's also a maverick cop. That's how you, Mr. Male, are likely to view this film, and it will be difficult to camouflage your feelings. On the other hand, a 7.4 film is close to an all-time great. That's how your date will view this film. As you leave the theater you are probably going to argue about the merits of this film, and the vibe created by that will undermine the foreplay value of the film itself.

Since you can't use the film to get laid, and you are not likely to enjoy it, I strongly suggest letting the women have their "girls' night out" on this one, including drinks afterwards. The film ends with a positive view of the husbands and/or boyfriends of all four women, so it does not preach any anti-male message. Given that fact and the additional fact that it features a happy, uplifting, romantic ending, there is a very good chance that your significant other will come home tipsy from her hen party and molest you.

And if not, well, at least you got to eat some nachos, drink some beer, and watch Tin Cup on the plasma without having to listen to any crap.


Nudity report (lots):

Male:

  • David Eigenberg- butt
  • Gilles Marini - butt and penis

Female: (links go to film clips)

 

  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Cradle of Fear

 

Eileen Daly, who we featured on Thursday in Sacred Flesh (2000), returns a year older in Cradle of Fear (2001) with more boobage.

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgiving the Franklins

2006

This black comedy, heavy on satire, takes some mild potshots at organized religion, but its main focus is hypocrites, and it delivers its salvo with deadly and hilarious aim.

Betty Franklin (Teresa Willis) has a loving husband and two loving teenage children. They are very religious and very active in the church and community. Face it; they're the Cleavers come to life.

A traffic accident leads to a near-death experience for Betty, her husband, and her son, while the daughter is injured, but not as seriously. The three have an identical experience where they meet a Hispanic Jesus dressed like a prisoner, who basically tells them to lighten up. They wake up in the hospital.

When they get home, they are different, basically with a more expansive and less severe view of life and the church. Unfortunately, their fellow church members seem to be less than forgiving about their new attitude.

This is a smart and funny flick that also has an excellent message: mainly, that talk is cheap, and it's not how good you SAY you are, but how good you REALLY are. I liked this one a lot, and Teresa Willis, no kid, deserves a lot of credit for doing full frontal nudity.
 

Teresa Willis

Scoop's note: Tuna also loved this film.

 

 

 

 

 

DragonScan

Faye Dunaway in Chinatown
Edie Falco in the Quiet
Melissa George in Dark City
Eva Green in The Dreamers
Lena Headey in 300
Chelah Horsdal in Dreams in the Witch-House
Candace Kroslak in The Naked Mile
Brooke Larele in Embrace the Darkness III
Lucie Laurier in Masters of Horror
Angel Lewis in The Naked Mile
Babett Manolo in Kassablanca
Sophie Marceau in Firelight
Cristin Michele in House of the Dead II
Emily Mortimer in The Sleeping Dictionary
Shannyn Sossamon in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Carice van Houten in Black Book
Katherine Waterston in The Babysitters
Naomi Watts in 21 Grams
Kate Winslet in Iris
Kari Wuhrer in King of the Ants

 

 

 

 

 

Notes and collages

Class

1983

Virginia Madsen makes her film debut, as does her chest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Basic Instinct

HD - unrated - 1992

Part 4 of 5

Today, the last two HD film clips of Sharon Stone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This section will present film clips to accompany Charlie's collages (which are found in his own site).

Today's star is Catherine Wilkening, seen here in Felicien Greveche

 

 

 

 

 

DonBun

Christina Ricci in Black Snake Moan
Denise Richards in Wild Things Unrated

 

 

 

 

 

Film Clips

 

An old favorite aging gracefully: Maribel Verdu in Mar Rojo (2005)

Claire Skinner in A Dance to the Music of Time (1997)

The women of La Maestra de sci (1981. It's called Ski Mistress in the English video. Never seen it; never even heard of it.)

 

Ina Alice Kopp in a recent episode (2008) of Oben Ohne. Samples below.