Here is a large zip file with four avis of a young and naked Barbara Hershey in Boxcar Bertha. Although it is a low-budget Corman film, it was directed by a pre-fame Martin Scorsese! (Movie House Review) The sex scenes in this film have achieved a soupcon of notoriety in that both David Carradine and Barbara Hershey have admitted that they were really doing it.

Tuna mentioned the other day that it was nice to see Helen Mirren when she was younger and in her prime. What is really impressive is to see her in her mid-twenties when she did Savage Messiah (zipped .avi) and Age of Consent (zipped .avi). The woman had an impressive degree of ... er ... ripeness. Neither of these films has ever come to DVD, although Savage Messiah was directed by Ken Russell and Age of Consent stars screen legend James Mason.

A few sample captures from Savage Messiah:

Helen Mirren


Final Destination 3 (2006):

Some minor spoilers:

Let me cut to the chase. Final Destination 3 is a genre masterpiece. It really is the Citizen Kane of slaughtered teenager movies, and I do not mean that in the same ironic sense in which I contend that Rock 'n Roll Nightmare is the Citizen Kane of evil oven mitt movies, or that The Item is the Citizen Kane of naugahyde slug movies. Final Destination 3 really is a good movie, a slickly-packaged film written with imagination and humor, directed with technical skill and a knack for maintaining the tension, photographed with exceptional competence and a real feel for atmosphere, and filled with characters who manage to say things worth listening to once in a while. There have been many popular films in this sub-genre, including all the Friday 13th movies, all the Nightmare on Elm Street movies, Final Destination 1 and 2, and a host of less successful imitators of varying degrees of inspiration. With the exception of the first Freddy Kruger movie and the first installment of Final Destination, none of them are even in the same league as this one. It is just about as good as a film of this type could possibly be.

Like any series, the Final Destination movies have certain characteristics that form a template for each individual film.

The following characteristics make up a Final Destination Movie:

  • A major fatal catastrophe is avoided by a small group of people because one member of the group sensed the impending doom and pulled the others from the situation. Many people die in the catastrophe, but those who withdrew and lived have not really been spared. They were meant to die, and death will not be cheated, so they must die soon, and in the same order in which they would have died in the catastrophe they avoided.

  • Each of the individual deaths is foreshadowed in some way, and when it occurs it is gory, gruesome, and often involves a fortuitous concatenation of circumstances that work in harmony to create sort of a Rube Goldberg device.

In the specific case of Final Destination 3:

The catastrophe is a doomed roller coaster ride, and it's a real nail-biter. Of course, there are only so many ways to handle a scene like this - cut to bolts coming loose, cut to roller coaster, hydraulics leaking, roller coaster, wires and cables separating, roller coaster, wheels coming loose, roller coaster, track twisting and separating, roller coaster - all the while with people screaming. At first, the screams are the sounds people make on amusement park rides, then they turn terrifyingly real. There's really no other way to present that scenario, I suppose, but it is presented here with consummate skill. The photography is clear. The editing is expert. The carnival is garish and colorful. The heights are dizzying. The action is frenzied. Heads are severed unexpectedly, but there's no time for audience shock because more people have survived temporarily, and we follow their fates. Most important, the audience is on that coaster with the actors, experiencing what they experience. The fourth wall is never broken. Every bit of it, from the POV of the kids on the cars to the objective POV from outside the cars, looks completely real.

Then there are the deaths. They are gory, macabre and clever, as expected, but they are also fused with maddening tension because the characters have clues about how each death will occur, but the clues are frustratingly symbolic, and it seems that a character can avoid death permanently if he or she can thwart his fate a second time, so there is always the possibility that a character may not die. On the other hand, if one of the kids avoids his fate, another may day only seconds later, having had no time to prepare and study the clues. Because the premise is constructed this way, the audience doesn't know precisely what the kids need to avoid, or if the next one on the list might beat the odds. It's an involving game!

The film has other plusses as well.

  • The lead actor and actress are not boyfriend/girlfriend. Each of their lovers was killed on the doomed coaster. The survivors are simply two kids who used to hang out in the same crowd, but never really liked each other that much. This allows them to approach their situation from very different perspectives, while it involves the audience in the possibility that they might bond and become true friends, or even more. To the film's credit, it resists the easy solution of having them come together eventually, thus maintaining the sexual and dramatic tension throughout the movie.

  • I liked the main characters, and enjoyed most of the dialogue between them and the others who survived the ride. The other survivors fell into easily classifiable teen archetypes, and some of them were uninspired, but others were quite entertaining. I especially enjoyed the cynical guy who didn't buy into the whole "can't cheat death" premise.

  • The film managed to avoid the various mistakes made in Final Destination 2, which tried to explain the entire thing with some kind of spiritual mumbo-jumbo, and added a gratuitous spooky character played by Tony Todd who was contacted by the teens because they needed a death consultant, whereupon he muttered some spooky gibberish and made some serious pronouncements as if circumstances like these could be countered with formulaic rituals. You know, crap like "only a new life can thwart death." Todd is always a scary dude, but he was totally out of place in the teen horror genre. He seemed about as real as one of those late-night "Monster Chiller Horror Theater" hosts like Dr Ghoulardi or Count Floyd. (Arooooooo!)  In Final Destination 3, the kids were regular kids who didn't really understand their circumstances, but tried to piece it all together as best they could. The story stayed entirely with the kids and other realistic characters. That's a good thing, because it makes the concept more real to the viewers. After all, there are probably no specific rules which pertain to fate, and if there were, no mortal would know them. By eliminating fate's human translator, the filmmakers eliminated a barrier between the characters and the audience. Because the characters don't know the rules, they feel exactly what we would feel in their circumstances.

  • The producers might have picked up a financial windfall by creating some kind of physical representation of "death" or "fate" that they could license for costumes and action figures, but that would have been bad for the movie itself, and the filmmakers wisely avoided that trap and made the quality of the film their first priority. Fate here is just a concept - "a force" whose presence is represented by a sudden chill on a hot night, or a breeze in a still room, or a flickering of lights - something which any of us could see, but would ignore unless impending doom was on the top of our mind. This made "fate" far more frightening than if it had been represented by some cartoon flesh-and-blood character, or if it had a ghoulish (and silly) human interpreter as it did in FD2.

  • Thrills and macabre humor are not the film's only guilty pleasures. Three words: hot topless bimbos.

  • Finally, the DVD does justice to the film. Not only is there an entire disk full of special features and a full-length commentary, but there is also a special interactive version of the film in which the viewer can choose the character's fates at about a half-dozen points in the film. Great fun - and a source of additional nudity. Or, if you're a boring dude, you can watch the regular old theatrical version.

This movie is really fun to watch, and that's doubly amazing because the film had a very difficult birth. First the director was unhappy with the original cut, which was ready in 2004, so he went back and shot the roller coaster sequence. Then test audiences hated the original ending, so that also had to be re-shot. The changes were well worth his time. I think it's the best "slaughtered teens" horror film since Nightmare on Elm Street, and is just a cut below the best genre films of the new millennium like Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang and Sin City. The print critics generally did not agree with me, but then again, their judgments tend to be skewed against lowbrow "guilty pleasure" movies. They seem to feel that praising a lurid movie like this would somehow pollute their pristine reputations and render them incapable of analyzing Peter Greenaway's next opaque masterpiece. Fuck 'em. Let 'em sit through Babette's Feast a few more times while I wait for FD4.

Rotten Tomatoes Metacritic Ebert/Berardinelli average IMDb Box Office
Final Destination 30 36 2 6.6 53
Final Destination 2 46 38 1.5 6.4 47
Final Destination 3 45 41 2.25 6.0 54






VIDEO: Reporter asks wrestler the wrong question

Wikipedia Celebrates 750 Years Of American Independence ... Founding Fathers, Patriots, Mr. T. Honored

"Is former US President Bill Clinton actually a porn-powered alien robot? "

"I love Detroit, even the old Detroit of blight, waste and emptiness."

Lindsay Lohan was taken to a Los Angeles-area hospital after she became 'overheated and dehydrated'

  • She's OK now. Doctors wanted to give her a vitamin shot, but she elected instead to have 65 vodka tonics and eat all the limes

The latest sidewalk cafe betting game in the big cities: "Is that apparently crazy guy really nuts or just on his cell phone?"

French police thwart joint-rolling world record attempt

Headline of the day:
Zombies Booked for Carrying Fake WMDs

Down The Pants, Out The Door - simple shoplifting - unless you're stealing a dog.

George W. Bush's 4-Point Plan for the Middle East

The trailer for Lucky You

  • This movie features a cameo appearance by our colleague Silver Dollar Sam, the professional poker player who used to write (He's credited as Sam O'Connor)
  • "In 'Lucky You,' director Curtis Hanson ('L.A. Confidential,' 'Wonder Boys,' '8 Mile') brings us a story based in the world of high-stakes Las Vegas poker. Huck Cheever (Eric Bana) is a blaster - a player who goes all out, all the time. But in his personal relationships, Huck plays it tight, expertly avoiding emotional commitments and long-term expectations. When Huck sets out to win the main event of the 2003 World Series of Poker - and the affections of Billie Offer (Drew Barrymore), a young singer from Bakersfield - there is one significant obstacle in his path: his father, L.C. Cheever (Robert Duvall), the poker legend who abandoned Huck's mother years ago. As these two rivals progress toward a final showdown at the poker table, Huck learns that to win in the games of life and poker, he must try to play cards the way he has been living his life and live his life the way he has been playing cards."

SNL sketch cut after dress rehearsal:

Mr Tarantino, meet Mr Cheney. It's Dick Fiction

The Ming-Na Measure: A handy way of taking failure's temperature

  • We need this. There is no sure way to predict a failure since Jennifer Rubin gave up film acting to take a restaurant hostessing job.
  • Sadly (or perhaps gladly), Bryan Brown doesn't make enough movies to be a reliable barometer.

Top 50 Albums of Our Time

  • "Our time" being defined in this case as "this week"

"FIGHTING BREAKS OUT IN LEBANON BETWEEN CNN AND FOX ... Anderson Cooper, Geraldo in Border Skirmish"

Colbert marvels that the network morning shows take him seriously.

Colbert vs Colbert. A debate on stem cells.

Colbert recommends that the president use reverse psychology.

The Daily Show's Ed Helms reports on the delicate intricacies of the Lebanese dialect

John Stewart contributes to the environment by using a wind-powered camera.

The Daily Show discusses the rolling blackouts caused by extreme weather conditions

Lance Bass, the former 'N Sync hearthrob reveals that he is gay

  • The big suprise in this announcement: his bandmates were straight.
  • Lance Bass? Is there nobody safely hetero in this crazy world? Must all our childhood dreams be shattered? Next you'll be telling me Liberace was gay.

Vintage computers

  • Floppies were awesome. What did they hold, like 144k?

Stop Taking Pictures of Natalie Portman - Part 3: Paparazzi Attack Mode!

  • Hey, have some sympathy. Be honest - if your hair looked that bad you wouldn't want any photographs being taken.

So Close to an Emmanuelle Chriqui Nipple Slip

Little-known fact of the day:
The Buffalo Sabres' new logo is based on Donald Trump's hair

Top 100 best places to live in the USA

  • Number one is Fort Collins, Colorado, and number one among major cities (300,000+)is Colorado Springs.
  • My home town of Austin, Texas finished second among major cities. I've lived just about everywhere and I think Austin is just about perfect except it has no ocean and the summers are a bit too hot. But then again if it had cool summers and was on the coast it would have a population of several million, and might suck, so maybe it is perfect. I suppose San Diego might be a nicer overall place to live, but Texas has low taxes (no state income tax), few yuppies, and affordable property, so flip a coin.

Most outrageous minor-league baseball promotions

  • "The Nashua (N.H.) Pride commemorated the 32nd anniversary of Watergate by giving out 1,000 Richard Nixon bobbleheads. Anyone named Woodward or Bernstein got in free."

The semi-finals have arrived at Hometown Hotties on MAXIM ONLINE

Top Ten Most Violent Playground Games

  • Brings back a lot of memories. Actually, the list should include British Bulldog, which produced at least one good injury during every lunch period of my childhood. The best part is when there is only one guy left, and he has to try to make it across the field with every other guy trying to tackle him. I made it across once, by using an unorthodox technique, bulling through and hitting the tacklers one-by-one, head-on, ramming them with my shoulders and forearms, or just punching them in the face, instead of trying to avoid them. I managed to avoid any situations where I had to confront too many guys at one time, and the more chickenshit guys just avoided me altogether. Finally, a guy named Dan Pietscher, the best athlete in our school, after having been knocked down once, caught up to me from behind. He was much faster than me and could have knocked me off-balance if I tried to run away from him to the goal line. My solution? I just stopped dead in my tracks, turned around and let him try to bring me down face-to-face. He wasn't strong enough to bring me down, and I wasn't quick enough to keep him from getting his arms around me, so I turned around and dragged him through the snow, as he held on to my legs, for the last ten yards. I was the only guy ever to accomplish this feat in our schoolyard, and I still consider it the greatest accomplishment of my youth! I can still remember every detail as if it were yesterday, including the pummeling I took when I had to turn around and try it again in the opposite direction, and got under a pile-up! Years later, the younger kids from my neighborhood would come up to me in high school and ask if I was the same guy who once "ran the gauntlet" in British Bulldog.
  • I was so good at that game that I thought I might play fullback in high school, but I was just too frickin' slow, and you can't really run over 275-pound defensive linemen the way I used to run through normal-sized guys, so I never played high school ball at all!

One of baseball's stranger park attractions:
Tampa Bay Devil Rays : Rays Touch Tank

  • The Yankees have a similar thing where women get to touch Derek Jeter

Where Are They Now - Babes of the Eighties

  • Cool, but no mention of Diane Franklin?

"This is how you play Chicken Shit Bingo in Austin, Texas on a hot summer Sunday."

Wow, those comic book criminal masterminds are real!
"A prison inmate pleaded guilty on Tuesday to sending letters to the FBI and secret service that included bomb and anthrax threats -- as well as his full name and inmate number."

Hola, Chorizo! Brewers introduce a new racing sausage.

  • "The newest sausage mascot is expected to be adorned with a mustache and a sombrero and will sport the traditional colors of green, white and red."
  • I'm not going to bet on this one. Too hard to run in a giant sombrero.

MPAA sues the wrong guy.

  • They brought one of their extortion suits against a millionaire computer whiz, and he's willing to pay millions in legal costs rather than give them their blackmail money. People just pay up, even if they are innocent, because legal fees are greater than settlement costs. Not one suit has ever gone to trial.

Stanford professor stumps for an alternative to the Electoral College

  • His solution would work, in theory, and would not require a constitutional amendment. Only one problem with it. It ain't ever gonna happen in the real world. Nice try, Poindexter.

Speedy self-service checkout may lower the costs for retail chains, but it also lowers sales!

  • The reason is that self-service checkout has a significantly detrimental effect on impulse purchases. People aren't waiting in line as long, and they are constantly busy scanning their items. That means no time to be tempted by tabloids or candy bars.

Not only a great headline, but an amusing story as well.
"Mare-moose hanky-panky likely led to odd Canadian colt"


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Succubus (1969)

Succubus is another Jess Franco masterpiece, this time based on a segment of the Necronomicon.  Because it was produced uncensored in Germany with adequate financing, this is the first film he was able to make exactly as he wanted. Despite that, he admits that most people, including himself, don't understand it. I don't feel so bad now. I can relate nothing about the plot, as I didn't understand it at all. Jess says that it is not necessary to understand a film in order to enjoy it, and that the average person doesn't understand any of the films he sees. That may or may not be self-serving rationalization on his part, but in my case I found this particular film tough going.

Here's what I did understand:

Janine Reynaud plays a woman who performs a snuff act in a nightclub for bored jet-setters. The devil has so corrupted her that she has become as evil as he is. She becomes more and more cruel. Along the way, she seems equally interested in men and women.

In a special DVD interview, Jess says it was originally to be made as a joint venture with Spanish money, but there was a law that any film partially financed by Spain must be made entirely in Spain, and it was also subject to Spanish censorship. When a German offered to put up funds, Franco submitted his script to the Spanish and German censors. The Spanish banned it, the Germans approved it with no restrictions. That made his decision easy. Franco says that this film ultimately did very well financially, but one must note that Jess did not provide any quantification of "very well" and one must be aware that he did not operate on the same scale of measurement as Spielberg. For Sr. Franco, that probably meant that he was able to leave Germany without doing any significant time in debtor's prison.

  • IMDb readers say 5.3.
  • Reviewers consider it a must see for Franco fans. This one is typical.
  • The newly remastered DVD has a lot of grain, indicating that Jess probably shot it to look grainy.
  • By our standards, this is a C-, a film only for Jess Franco fans, but a must for them because it sets a style that would influence much of his later work.

Janine Reynaud shows breasts, buns and a hint of bush in several scenes. Here are the improved versions from the new DVD.

Janine Reynaud: my original images









Dann reports on FD3:

Let's be honest. This series of three movies has been popular because it offers quality kills. Hey, any movie can kill off characters, but the Final Destination franchise has excelled at knocking off their characters in unique and graphic ways. The 2006 version, Final Destination 3, keeps up the heritage.

Faithful to the original storyline, in this one a young woman has a premonition that the roller coaster she's just boarded will crash. She gets off, and a few friends follow. The coaster crashes, of course, killing everyone. Then, the girl struggles to save her life and the life of her friends as the survivors die off one-by-one in truly tasty fashion (like the two young ladies in the collage who are crispy crittered).

Yeah, its all pretty sick, but it's also been real successful, and I have to admit to being one of the fans of this series. The DVD feature called "Choose Their Fate", which lets you view alternate deaths, is also very cool. Bring on FD 4!


Chelan Simmons & Crystal Lowe





Hugo is back with four more brilliant collages. First, Chelsea Fields in Extreme Justice.
Hugo's collage of Salma Hayek in Ask the Dust
Hugo's collage of Kristanna Loken in Bloodrayne
Hugo's collage of Siena Guillory in Silence Becomes You
A reader sent me this capture of Holly Marie Combs in a French magazine and asked me if it is real. I have no idea. I hope so because I like it. Anyone know for sure?


Holly Eglington in White Coats
Rochelle Loewen in White Coats ... (with Dan Ackroyd????!!!!)
Marguerite Moreau in Off the Lip