Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Lady Chatterley's Lover (1981)
Another Sylvia Kristel classic.
Read the review here,
since it includes some pictures.
As for the nudity, I'll compare it to Mata Hari. Mata Hari has more quantity,
but this film has better quality. Two reasons:
1. Kristel was five years younger in Chatterley, and she looked a lot better.
Those five years took a toll on her.
2. Kristel did full frontal nudity (three times), and full on rear nudity in
Chatterley, but no pubes made an appearance in Mata Hari.
More Sylvia Kristel mania - back to 1976 to see her in
Even more Sylvia Kristel mania - forward to 1985 to see her in
The Big Bet.
(NOTE: the images in the first Big Bet collage were actually filmed four years
earlier. They are lifted from a 1981 movie, Private Lessons. See the
Chatterley review for more info. I don't know about the other images
from that film, but I am
confused by them. Kristel was quite plump in Mata Hari, and looks very trim
in The Big Bet, even though those two movies are reasonably contemporaneous.
Deadwood - Season 1
Here is the stuff I missed last week. (Nothing much. Although I
was not aware of it, I had already covered all the good material in that season,
leaving only dark exposure from Malcolmson, and some random unnamed women.
|Episode 6 - no nudity
|Episode 7 - no nudity
|Episode 8 -
|Episode 9 - no nudity
|Episode 10 -
Words and pictures from Hankster:
Today is a combination of "Hankster Light"
and a "Babe in Bondage" day.
Vejiita takes on more look at Connie Nielsen, this
time in Le Paradis Absolutment. (Minimal nudity, and only in the first
Words and pictures from Striplight:
Here’s today’s crop.
Got another five to do after this batch, so I’ll
keep ‘em coming…
First we have Roxana
Arduin in Sex O’Clock. Roxana and her lover
are disturbed by his wife’s unexpected return. After trying the usual places he
hides her in a rather cool, curvy clock. Thinking they’ve dropped off she tries
to make her escape. Yeah, she gets caught, of course. Any divorce lawyers in the
Fun House will love this one.
Then we have
Sandrine Cavalier in Bang Bang! Her Significant Other is off to war, she tries
to hide his coat, by, er, wearing it. They have a little sword fight, she has
his sword, he has her umbrella. He still wins. (There’s Prussian military
training for you). She has to give up the coat. Interestingly, he decides not to
head off after all.
The Crimson Ghost
Caps and comments by Dann:
Stink of Flesh (2004) is a horror flick which pushes "making the best of a
bad situation" to its limits. Set in a recent but unnamed future, zombies roam
the country after being infected by a virus. They outnumber the living by a lot,
and of course, their numbers grow as they continue to eat the few non-zombies
left. Gets to be tough to be a zombie.
A married couple (still living) cope the best they can, by continuing their
swinger lifestyle using whatever survivors happen to stumble across their remote
home in the desert. When soldiers seek refuge with the couple, the wife ensures
they get a lot more than just sanctuary.
Meanwhile, the husband has captured a zombie female which he keeps tied up in
the garage, to satisfy his own needs. Nice trick having sex with her without
While the conclusion is kind of inevitable, this direct-to-video independent
production certainly puts some cool twists on the standard zombie theme, making
it a fairly different and interesting horror tale. In addition, it answers the
question "What would a zombie with nipple rings look like?" (Just in case you
ever asked that question).
|More paparazzi. Here is a much better version
Charlotte Church sunbathing pic.
Tina Holmes shirtless in Sunday's episode of Six Feet Under
Pat Reeder - The Comedy Wire
Pat's comments in yellow:
PAYOLA FOR J-OLA
The Actual Most-Popular Artist: Marshall Crenshaw -
Sony Music agreed to pay a $10 million settlement in a payola case brought by
the New York Attorney General. Internal Sony memos showed they gave laptops,
TVs and other gifts to radio stations to boost songs weren't really popular,
like J-Lo's "Get Right," "I'm Glad" and "I'm Real."
* Full title: "I'm Real, Ha-Ha, Just Kidding!"
* I'm shocked! Shocked to discover someone had to be paid to play J-Lo
records!... Actually, I'd be shocked if anyone didn't have to be paid to play
* And I thought J-Lo earned her music success the honest way: through her
fabulous, God-given ass.
BRAIN-DAMAGED PEOPLE MAKE BETTER INVESTORS
Invest In A Lobotomy - The journal "Psychological
Science" found that being brain-damaged makes you a better investor. Test
subjects had normal IQs, but the parts of their brains governing emotions were
damaged. At the end of a stock-picking contest, their choices had outperformed
those of non-brain-damaged investors. Scientists said it could be because they
don't feel fear or anxiety, so they took bigger risks. It might also indicate
that people who do well on Wall Street have a "functional psychopathy" and don't
react emotionally to things.
* For example, Martha Stewart.
* Of course, brain-damaged people make more money...Look at Ross Perot.
* If you want to be really successful on Wall Street, have part of your brain
and all of your heart removed.
* The good news is, they make a lot more money...The bad news: they just don't
NEW RECORD FOR BLOWING FISH OUT YOUR NOSE
This Blows For The Fish - Indian yoga teacher G P
Vijaya Kumar is hoping to get into the Guinness Book of World Records, after he
swallowed 509 small fish and blew them out his nose within one hour. He was
inspired by an American who set a record for blowing the longest strand of
spaghetti out his nose, so he began with peas and corn, then worked up to live
fish. He said it's a technique in yoga "where the nostrils are purified by
swallowing fishes and bringing them out of the nose."
* Remind me never to sign up for a yoga class.
* I don't know about purification, but it does clear out the sinuses.
* And after their harrowing journey, the fish spawn...
* I'll bet Courtney Love could snort more than 509 fish UP her nose.
* If you're ever served a dish of fish, peas and corn in India, do NOT eat it.
WHY CATS PREFER MEAT TO CANDY
Then Why Does Garfield Eat Cake? - Scientists at
Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia have discovered why your cat would
rather eat a mouse than a chocolate bar. There is a major defect in cat genes
which prevents them from developing the taste receptors that detect sweets.
This could be the reason they are so carnivorous and have evolved into such
great hunters. But researchers can't say what meat actually tastes like to
* My guess is: chocolate.
* You can buy them the finest chicken-and-salmon gourmet cat food, and it all
tastes like dead mouse to them.
* I thought a cat would rather eat a mouse than a chocolate bar because it's no
fun to torture a chocolate bar.
WAL-MART AXES SINGLES NIGHT
BBW Seeks SWWhale - Wal-Mart headquarters in
Arkansas has ordered their Roanoke, Virginia, store to discontinue "Singles
Shopping," a program that helped single Wal-Mart shoppers meet up. On Friday
evenings, singles could put red bows on their carts to signal they were looking
and earn "Flirt Points" in different areas of the store. Corporate would not
explain the cancellation, but there were reportedly complaints from several
shoppers. One disappointed 63-year-old single said, "Where can someone over 40
who doesn't smoke or drink or go to bars meet someone?"
* Try church! While you're there, you can pray for something to do on Friday
night other than go to Wal-Mart!
* Target wouldn't kick you out for hitting on women; they're French-owned.
* Some shoppers complained that all the RV's in the parking lot were a-rockin'.
FIRST ENVIRONMENTALLY-FRIENDLY WAL-MART
Even The Bananas Are Green - Wednesday in McKinney,
Texas, Wal-Mart will open its first environmentally-friendly superstore. A
spokesman says Wal-Mart wants to conserve resources and save money, and "we want
to push this thing to the limit." The store will have a rainwater harvesting
pond to provide 95 percent of the water for the landscaping, and a 120-foot-tall
wind turbine that will fill 5 percent of the store's energy needs with wind
* The bad news: Texas summers are 100 degrees with no
rain or wind.
* The rest of the water will come from the sweat of big, fat Wal-Mart shoppers.
* They'll also conserve the American labor force by importing everything from
* In winter, the Wal-Mart will be heated by the sexual frustration of singles
who aren't allowed to hook up there.
CAR CRASHES INTO "CAR CRASH" RESTAURANT
Dinner And A Show - Las Ultimas Noticias reports
that in Santiago, Chile, a car skidded in wet weather and crashed into a new
restaurant called "Car Crash." It smashed up the entrance, but nobody was
hurt. Owner Nancy Araya said she named it "Car Crash" because there are so many
accidents on that street, but "the restaurant is now a joke." It will reopen in
a week or so.
* As an auto body shop.
* As a drive-in restaurant.
* She's just glad she didn't go with her original name: "Plane Crash."
SELLING IN THE RAIN
Lux, Rain O'er Me - Researchers at NTT Cyber
Solution Labs in Japan are developing a way to have advertising rain from the
sky. They call it "information rain." A projector on a high tripod would
project images of raindrops hitting the ground and making ripples. They hope
curious bystanders will hold their palms out, and an ad message would be
projected onto them. A spokesman said the palm is a perfect ad medium: people
stick it out when it rains anyway; and since they jot down info on it, people
will feel more familiar with a message "that appears on your personal area."
* Unless it's a condom ad and it appears on your really
* Next step: using laser technology to burn the ad into your hand permanently.
* After the first couple of times, they'll just start carrying umbrellas.
* If people won't stick their hands out and read the ads, they'll have to move
to Plan B: Putting ads on bowling balls and dropping them from airplanes.
PANTY THIEF ARRESTED
He Wore Them On His Head - Police in Germany
arrested a 23-year-old construction worker who admitted stealing hundreds of
pairs of women's panties from neighbors' clotheslines because he liked wearing
them to work and was too embarrassed to buy them. He was caught by a woman who
got fed up with losing her panties and had her husband set up a motion sensor
under her clothesline.
* Under normal conditions, her panties never move.
* Her husband actually kinda liked the idea of her losing her panties.
* He wouldn't have been caught if he hadn't tried to collect one pair for every
day of the year.
NO UNEMPLOYMENT PAY FOR LIFEGUARDS
Pay Watch - Officials in Longport, New Jersey, are
challenging a longtime practice of letting beach lifeguards collect unemployment
benefits during the off-season. The problem is, "off-season" lasts 42 weeks a
year. A state senator said, "They don't have to save anybody in the winter.
Nobody's swimming." Officials say taxpayers shouldn't have to pay able-bodied
lifeguards to sit around for most of the year. One lifeguard said they do look
for work, but he didn't go to Temple University just so he could take a minimum
wage job for most of the year.
* No, he went there so he could spend part of the year on
the beach and the rest on unemployment.
* If he went to college just so he could be on unemployment, he must have
gotten a Ph.D.
* The lifeguards are moving to Maine, where their work season is three weeks
* The lifeguards say if they don't get the checks, they'll go on a slowdown
strike and run in slow motion.
GAP DROPS NEW CELEBRITY SPOKESWOMAN
Generation Gap - After just a few weeks as the face
of The Gap, British singer Joss Stone has been dropped. It was rumored that The
Gap thought Sarah Jessica Parker was too old and replaced her with Stone. Now,
it's rumored Stone was too young: though 18 now, she moved in with her
25-year-old record producer boyfriend when she was 17, and The Gap feared middle
Americans wouldn't like the whiff of statutory rape.
* If they'd known she was a statue, they never would've
* Actually, she was fired for being too old...They're replacing her with Dakota
* Besides, they want a spokeswoman who doesn't need a butt double.
The French like their own looks,
73 percent of French women like their looks, although only one percent think
they're beautiful, while 88 percent of French men think they are good-looking
* The men
are comparing themselves to a great French movie sex symbol: Gerard Depardieu
Drink enough wine, and everybody's beautiful.
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Man Charged With Having Sex With His Wife
- A 22-year-old man faces criminal charges in
Nebraska for having sex with an underage 13-year-old
girl, although he legally married her in Kansas after
she became pregnant. "The idea ... is repugnant to
me," said Nebraska Attorney General Jon Bruning.
"These people made the decision to send their ...
14-year-old daughter to Kansas to marry a pedophile."
He said the marriage is valid, thanks to the
"ridiculous" Kansas law
- Thank God we live in a country where people can
ignore laws from other states that they find
Here are both trailers for Uwe Boll's BloodRayne
- "Similar to the popular video game, the film is
based on a sexy, supernatural huntress named
BloodRayne (Loken), who is an unholy breed of human
and vampire. She is an explosive force with gymnastic
dexterity and has an intense lust for blood and
action. Trained by a secret agency called the
Brimstone Society which hunts down and eliminates
supernatural threats around the globe, BloodRayne is
confronted by the deadliest of all creatures, the
powerful and evil Kagan, King of the Vampires
(Kingsley). Davis portrays Sebastian and Madsen is
Vladimir, two of the greatest vampire hunters.
Rodriguez plays Katarin, who runs the local Brimstone
The trailer for The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio
- "Based on a true story, 'The Prize Winner of
Defiance, Ohio' stars four-time Academy Award nominee
Julianne Moore ('Far From Heaven,' 'The Hours,' 'The
End of the Affair,' 'Boogie Nights'), Oscar nominee
Woody Harrelson ('The People vs. Larry Flynt') and
Oscar nominee Laura Dern ('Rambling Rose,' 'We Don't
Live Here Anymore') in the story of a woman who defies
the odds to keep a roof over her family's heads.
Evelyn Ryan (Julianne Moore) is a devoted housewife
and mother of ten in the 1950s. Her husband (Woody
Harrelson) can't seem to make ends meet, but that
doesn't stop the car from breaking down, the mortgage
coming due and the bills from piling up. It falls to
Evelyn to defy the conventions of the day and find a
way to keep her family together with the odds stacked
against them. Applying her remarkable resourcefulness
and an uncommon wit, Evelyn finds her own way in the
profitable jingle contests popular in the 1950s and
Weekly World News fantasizes about:
DONALD RUMSFELD IN A SPEEDO
This is old, but people keep bringing it up as if it
Snopes: Is there any truth to the famous gerbil in the
Urban Legends Reference Pages: 2004 Darwin Awards.
Turns out they are almost all fictional!
Border XXX-ings. "There is no governmental report
more highly anticipated (at least by TSG) than the
quarterly list of 'Admissible and Prohibited Titles'
prepared by Canada's Border Services Agency. "
The Aristocrats is fast becoming this summer's
controversial movie because of only one thing -- a
really, really, really dirty joke.
Michael Bay reflects on The Island's weak opening.
The trailer for Football Days
- "Six friends, talentless and unfit, form a
seven-a-side football team. They call themselves
Brazil. They plan to play soccer until they win. This
is a comedy of delusion, of the survival of the
unfittest in the face of humiliation and inevitable
defeat. On and off the pitch their movements are the
same shuffling, stumbling then staggering, the
pratfalls of endearing losers. Their most formidable
opponents, of course, are the women they love but
can't stand - demanding wives and girlfriends. Sexual
adventures give way to prosaic thirty-something
coupledom. A feel-good movie; a hilarious buddy
comedy, with a little football and sex thrown in!"
Essays on Popeye - Lessons in Christianity
Jon Stewart talks to conservative Senator Rick Santorum
The Daily Show's senior cycling analyst Rob Corddry
assures Americans they never need care about cycling
WHITE HOUSE SEEKS CONSERVATIVE TO REPLACE LANCE
ARMSTRONG ... Could Shift U.S. Cycling to the Right,
- Personally, I think they should fear a move from
training to faith-based cycling.
Mindy McCready remains hospitalized in Florida after
what was described as a suicide attempt last Friday.
The Weekend Warrior makes his box office predictions for
the upcoming weekend. He thinks Stealth will sneak
into #1, and predicts that Wedding Crashers will hold on
to the #2 spot because Wonka will drop from #1 to #3.
That makes sense to me. I think Disney's Sky High will
probably do better than he predicted, but maybe not so
Hyperion: Sponge Moon of Saturn
"More than 100 Santa Clauses and their little helpers
danced, bellowed ho-hos and raced up a rapidly melting
hill made of snow Monday at the annual World Santa Claus
Letterman's "Top Ten George W. Bush Solutions For Global
- I dunno---tax cuts for the rich?
- Give the boys at Halliburton 90-billion dollar
contract to patch hole in ozone
- Keep plenty of Bud on ice
"A rash that appeared on Katie Holmes' mouth was
reportedly caused by a Scientology ritual." A church
spokesman said: "Whatever is on Katie's face has nothing
to do with us."
Jessica Simpson has revealed her new film will be called
Major Movie Star. She will play an actress who has
hit rock bottom and enlists in the Marine reserve.
"Graham Norton has revealed how he nearly had a slanging
match with Angelina Jolie." Not being conversant
with this particular English expression, I thought the
article would be far better than it actually was.
The Daily Show catches up on the Tour de Lance
Only in California.
Inmate sues over finger in veggie meal. According to
his lawyer: "He suffered mental and physical injuries
because of it BEACUSE MR. ROCHA IS A VEGETARIAN." I
guess there'd be no hard feelings if he were a a
Russia's Biggest Spammer Brutally Murdered in Apartment.
A Russian police spokesman said they would solve the
case by looking for clues inside those nested dolls.
The Last Will and Testament of Michael Bay.
- "I GIVE AND BEQUEST to Ewan McGregor the career of
Lorenzo Lamas and to Scarlett Johansson the career of
Cheryl Ladd, because that's who the SciFi channel
would have cast in this movie if they had ruined the
script before I did."
Celine Dion got airtime on the radio because her label
gave away prizes to radio stations.
Conan O'Brien learns about scientology from Mayor
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
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