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"A Better Way to Die"

A Better Way to Die (2000) is a straight to vid thriller about a Chicago cop who quits the force after the death of his partner, and because he is not really ruthless enough to deal with the bad guys. He is mistaken for a federal agent with a computer memory module that could get some agents and a lot of crooks in big trouble, and has to fight for his life. There is plenty of action, with endless shootouts, fires, explosions, etc, and a few offbeat characters, but there is nothing memorable about this film. The only exposure is completely gratuitous, but with an obvious R for violence and language anyway, why not. London King is in bed with the crooked agent when his boss wakes him up, and shows her breasts, then leaves in a huff when he can't remember her name.

IMDB readers have this at 5.7 of 10. Apollo says 48. It has lots of movement, but very little substance, and somehow, not enough suspense. C-.

  • Thumbnails

  • London King (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    "Street of a Thousand Pleasures"

    Street of a Thousand Pleasures (1972), which IMDB calls Dreams from 1970, is half of a new release from Something Weird Video, the other being a B&W tit-fest about girls exercising and strippers called Wayout Topless. Wayout Topless is in very good shape, but, unless someone really wants images, I will pass on these nobodies. Street of a Thousand Pleasures has more breasts per inch than the GGW series, and nearly every woman shows full frontal as well. I can't really say it has a plot, but the premise is that an American geologist is visiting somewhere in Northern Africa, and is given a tour of a harem/slave auction. He is shown woman after woman, and even has simulated sex with a few.

    The DVD is in terrible shape. It was mastered from a very worn distribution print, and is full of scratches, dirt, dust and dropouts. 14 voters at IMDB have this at 7.7 of 10. It certainly delivers on exposure, and if you don't like a particular body, you need only wait a few frames for the next one. There must be 70 naked women in this thing. I grabbed what frames I could with only minor blemishes, and have a representative sample below. Call me jaded, but I see breasts every day, and 76 minutes of breasts with no plot at all left me yawning. Based partially on the image quality, D+.

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  • Assorted nudity (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Naked States (2002)

    As John Cleese might say, "and now for something completely different". Spenser Tunick is a photographer who went to all 50 states in America and asked strangers to pose naked for him spontaneously. Arlene Donnelly is a filmmaker who made a documentary of his journey. How much more can you say?

    This is an interesting film. Very entertaining. Naked people. Outstanding still photographs (Tunick is a professional with genuine talent). The filmmaker interviewed people and said  "why did you pose naked for a stranger?" Interesting answers. The movie, like Tunick's book, captures something about the spirit of the subculture, and not just some fleeting images.

    Other crap

    • Pam Anderson on Larry King's show.
    • Ashcroft tells all Americans to spy on their neighbors. This story is a satire, but not that far from the real thing. You may know that my wife is Russian, and she kinda misses the Soviet Union, so Ashcroft is her personal hero. She's already making lists of who she's going to turn in. The local utility district board kinda pissed her off by cutting down some fields of wildflowers, so she's going to report the members as terrorists - well, unless Ashcroft would rather hear about sex offenders. (By the way, here's the real story from the New York Times)
    • Hey, we got ourselves a president with a potty mouth. This article is mostly a rehash of "I hate Bush" half-truths, but I love this 1986 quote from Dubya. A Wall Street Journal reporter said that Jack Kemp had a chance to beat Bush Sr for the nomination. A drunk-on-his-ass Dubya came up to him in a restaurant as he ate with his wife and four year old daughter and said, "You fucking son of a bitch," he said. "I won't forget what you said, and you're going to pay a fucking price for it.". My kinda guy. Unfortunately, some other factual inaccuracies and omissions in the article lead me to wonder about the quote.
    • Speaking of half-truths-or-less, the National Enquirer says they know of OJ admitting his guilt on tape.
    • Berk Breathed's favorite cartoons, from his own website
    • Our main man, Bill Shatner, is lookin' kinda bad lately.
    • Entertainment hose job of all time? I used to think it was Gershwin's "They Can't Take That Away From Me" losing the Best Song Oscar to "Sweet Leilani" (despite the fact that Gershwin had just died!). I thought that one could never be topped, but maybe I was wrong. David Letterman's Sept 17 broadcast from New York, already a showbiz legend, was shunned by the Emmy committee. Instead, for example, they nominated the extraordinarily dreadful and completely out of touch snoozefest, "Whose Line is it Anyway?", which is to comedy what Dick Cheney is to tight pants.


    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    When we last saw Jennifer Behr she was busy pleasuring she's still going at it in more scenes from "Object of Desire".

    • Jennifer Behr (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Now that Jennifer is done we move on to Heidi Harrison in "Carnage Road" a Brain-Dead production that will not win any Academy Awards. Heidi is topless in the first 5 minutes of the film and that's all there is for nudity in the whole flick. If your squeamish, skip the last cap as Heidi becomes a "Damsel in Peril", and meets a rather gruesome death.

    • Heidi Harrison (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Elizabeth Hurley
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Patsy Kensit
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Rare Liz toplessness from the obscure 1990 film, "Der Skipper" aka "Kill Cruise". Liz still had her old nose and wasn't much of a gym rat back then, but still looked pretty darn good.

    For Patsy, it's pokies only.

    Brigitte Fossey The French actress bares breasts, bum and bush in scenes from "Enigma" (1982). Vidcaps by DeVo.

    Jewel Great 'caps by DAI of Jewel on Leno. Kudos to Jewel for 3 things...
    1.Wearing really tight clothes
    2.Wearing a bright red bra under her tight white shirt, forcing you to look at her breasts.
    3.Finally brushing her hair after several public appearances looking like she hadn't bathed in days.

    Unknown New stuff from Dann...A huge, and excellent collage of topless and frotnal nudity from the movie "Hell's Gate" aka "Bad Karma".

    Amy Sedaris Best known by those with basic cable from her series "Strangers with Candy" on Comedy Central. Here is an upskirt view on Letterman, by DeafBeer.

    Ludivine Sagnier An absolutely stunning body on this young French actress as she shows everything in scenes from "Gouttes d'eau sur pierres brūlantes" aka "Water Drops On Burning Rocks" (1999) Vidcaps by FinnCap.

    Jessica Alba A gorgeous non-nude of the "Dark Angel" star.

    Parker Posey and Jane Adams Both topless in scenes from "The Anniversary Party", by Cambo.

    The Funnies
    Sadly, this is a real story...

    NY Man Sues, Claiming Fast Food Ruined His Health

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    And Their Wives Kill Them - Researchers from the University of Michigan announced that simply being a man is bad for your health, and the single greatest demographic factor in dying young. Men of every age are more likely than women to die of everything from heart disease to murder. Among the reasons: women are more likely to benefit from medical advances, men take more risks than women, and there have been great technological advances in creating faster cars and more powerful guns.

  • And more powerful beer, which men drink while using the cars and guns.
  • Men don't benefit from medical advances because they won't go to a doctor until they're already dead.
  • Being a really effeminate man doesn't help, because then other men kill you.
  • Men might not die so young if they could learn to stop saying, "Hey, watch this!"

    Bad Music = Good Lovin'! - The British employment website Fish4jobs says that if you want to find romance, you have to work the office. A survey of 9,000 people found that one in four had met their lover or spouse at work. One in five relationships began over drinks after work or while working late. One in ten began in the workplace break room. And 1 in 100 met their significant other in an elevator, which statistically makes elevators a far better place than nightclubs to find romance.

  • That John Tesh music really puts a woman in the mood.
  • Half of these people met both their lover AND their spouse at work.
  • 100 out of 100 couples have no idea that the whole office knows they're fooling around.
  • That was one thing Bill Clinton taught us: if you want sex, look no further than the office.

    Red, White And Boob - The season premiere of "Sex and the City" included a scene in which Kristin Davis' character shows her patriotism by flashing her breast for a young sailor in a bar. Now, Britain's Sun tabloid reports that the show has sparked a fad among young women of flashing their boobs in bars. But it may be too much of a good thing: one disappointed young woman named Michelle said she was expecting to get thrown out or draw some wolf-whistles when she flashed hers, but the guys "seemed more interested in their pints" and just "carried on drinking."

  • It was the wrong kind of bar...Those guys were discussing how to get a divorce without having to move to Vermont.
  • Well, one of the guys did eventually ask, "Wot else ya got?"
  • It's official: some bars are just TOO dark.
  • If you really want to be patriotic, let a sailor put his hand over your breast and say the Pledge of Allegiance.
  • How come in America, that show only inspires women to go shopping?

    She Even Wore Her Lara Croft Breasts! - Britain's Daily Star tabloid claims that the real reason Angelina Jolie is divorcing Billy Bob Thornton is because he's an unfaithful horn dog. An anonymous "friend" said Angelina did all sorts of kinky things to keep him satisfied, then discovered he was still cheating on her with groupies and their household maids, one of whom allegedly got pregnant. The last straw came when she demanded he go to a sex clinic to cure his addiction, and he slept with his sex therapist.

  • Wrong kind of sex clinic.
  • That therapist likes to take a "hands-on" approach.
  • Angelina gave him such kinky sex, it was almost like they were brother and sister.
  • The maids didn't do windows, but they did do Billy Bob.