October of 1998, four sorority sisters
disappeared into the woods near Bareassville,
Delaware while shooting a documentary. A week
later their footage was found." And so
begins a soft-core parody of my pick for worst
film of the decade. It is beyond me how the same
people that call "The Postman" a
terrible film can call "The Blaire Witch
Project" a good one. Like the movie it is
parodying, this one is shot with video, including
some B & W, and is 100% hand-held, so take
your Dramamine. The sorority sisters are shooting
a documentary on the "Bare Wench" for a
school project. They hike around a lot, talk
about losing a map, and do a lot of other things
very much like the other movie. There are some
major improvements over the Blaire Witch Project.
When they get near the Bare Wench, they magically
become very aroused, and the only way to stop odd
happenings is to go topless ... Hmmm, I can't
call Julie Strain, Nikki Fritz, Antonia Dorian,
Lorissa McComas and Julie K. Smith topless, how
about bare from the waist up.
The parody even extended to the CD
cover. As this is not available anywhere on
line, I scanned it for you. Although the quality
of this one is intentionally bad, I suggest it
for anyone who has seen Blaire Witch. IT was
difficult to get decent caps because of the
quality and the motion blur, but it looks better
when watching it.
Antonia Dorian (1,
Julie K. Smith (1,
Julie Strain (1,
Lorissa Mcomas (1,
Nikki Fritz (1,
Postmortem (1998) stars Charlie Sheen
sleepwalking through a catch-the-serial-killer
who-done-it set in a small town on the Scottish
coast. Sheen is a former San Francisco detective
who has seen one murder too many, leaves his job
and family, writes a best-selling book, and then
tries to drink himself to death in Scotland. One
of his fans starts Faxing him advance warning of
his murders, and even leaves one of the victims
in his back yard. After being prime suspect,
Sheen is made an unpaid and unauthorized
investigator to help the police figure out who
the killer is.
The Scottish scenery is sometimes picturesque,
but there are nowhere near enough plot twists to
to sustain this film. They could have gone for a
psychological thriller like "Silence of the
Lambs," an action "Dirty Harry"
sort of thing, or a horror a la Hitchcock's
"Frenzy," but they instead focused on
how long Sheen could go without showing any
emotion while mumbling lines. All of the
actresses in the images except Hazel Ann Crawford
are supposedly dead when we see them.
Cherenay Strand (1,
Hazel Ann Crawford (1,
Susie Lee (1,
|More new releases:
This is a bleak, dreary and boring movie, shot
in lighting levels that are way too low. Instead
of an interesting story, it tries to hold viewer
attention by taking the characters deeper and
deeper into hell - you stole my junk, so I'll
fuck your mother, then you kill my brother, then
I'll shoot your best friend, and rob your uncle's
store, then you'll do five years hard time in
prison, and so forth. Sometimes you have to
distinguish between drama and melodrama.
The title, Hell's Kitchen, is the seedy part
of New York City where the characters live.
It's a first directorial effort from
writer/director Tony Cinciripini, so I think we
can cut him a little slack and hope for better
things in the future. He does have plenty of
edge, he seems to have worked well with the
actors, and there's raw talent on display, even
if it is unchanneled. But I have to give the guy
credit for one thing. First movie he's ever made,
and he not only manages to get Rosanna Arquette
and Jolie in the cast, but he manages to get
their clothes off. You figure he has to think
this directing stuff ain't such a bad job.
Rosanna plays Jolie's mother, pretty well at
that. She's 40, Jolie is 25! She's making a
pretty good second stage of her career out of
comic and dramatic character roles. And she's
still in great shape for forty or for any age.
I don't think the film ever had a theatrical
release in the United States.
City Blues" (1999)
OK, I'll describe a film, you tell me which
one it is. Two hit men are driving along in a
car, headed for a job. Instead of discussing
murder and gangster stuff, they are discussing
real estate, settling down with a family, fast
food and religion. One of the hit men is played
by an actor who used to be the biggest box office
star in Hollywood, and is now making a comeback.
Later in the movie, two of the main characters
are captured by homosexual perverts who bind them
in S&M devices.
Your guess? No, Pulp Fiction is wrong. The
movie is the immortal "Big City Blues",
and the former mega star isn't John Travolta, but
Burt Reynolds. This proves, one again, that if
there were no Quentin Tarantino, we would have to
You've read many reviews where the reviewer
said the movie was almost unwatchable, right?
Usually the reviewer was speaking figuratively.
But not this time. This movie is unwatchable. It
is so dark that you can't tell what is going on,
and three times it literally goes black. I'm
guessing that they mishandled the negative or
shot it wrong, or something, and then tried to
cover it up with some additional dialogue where
the characters notice that the lights went out.
In other words, this is a really, really, bad
movie. Really bad. Think about "From Hell It
Came", "Leonard, Part 6", and
those Count Yorga movies from Mexico. Think about
the fact that if all other movies were like this,
Kevin Costner would win best director every year.
Not to mention best actor.
Georgina Cates was the best thing about the
movie, and she got naked. If it had been in
better light, that could have been enough for me
to forgive the movie quality. At least you can
tell it's a woman.
Zuza's Diamonds" (1999), from Johnny Web and
I would review this, except for two things: It
is in Polish I haven't seen it I never heard of
A new contributor named TomCat did the caps,
and I just kinda put them together a little. Tell
the truth, I don't even know if it is a Polish
movie, but TomCat is Polish, our first regualar
Polish contributor, and he captured these from TV
Polonia. I will be watching that in the future,
as my cable company just picked it up to replace
the Flemish network. Damn! Just when my Flemish
was really getting fluent. The last one is just a
collage of Halina Golanko from other sources.
Golanko in the movie (1,
Stevens. Shower scene from
"Monster in the Closet".
2, 3, 4)
|Comments by Oz:
"Babe Watch : Forbidden Parody"....When
a movie has the word 'Babe' in the title you know
that it's not going to be up there amongst the
nominations for the Academy Awards. When you find
that two of its stars are Tane McClure (as Tané
McClure) and Raelyn Saalman then you can be sure
it's not going to be nominated.
(1, 2, 3)
|This movie has the lot - no
worthwhile script, poor acting and absolutely
shocking accents. The plot has Raelyn Saalman,
Ashlie Rhey and Tane McClure training to be life
guards at the beach. Also, Raelyn and Ashlie work
in a bikini store and Tane is a nude photographic
model, so it has all the ingredients for plenty
of bare boobs and bikinis. The highlight of the
movie turns out to be the 'Smallest legal bathing
|Kelli J Hoffman
|Help needed...Is the girl in
these collages actually Kelli J. Hoffman? In the
credits, Kelli J. Hoffman plays a girl called
Bambi. However....Nobody is called by that name
in this movie.
Given the standard of the rest of the film I
suspect that she was named but was probably
||Two more 'rare vidcap goodies'
from Skin Cinema. First...here is Gabrielle Drake
from 1972's "Au Pair Girls".
||The former Miss Teenage Italy
(1974) in full frontal 'caps from "L'Affare
If you would like to see
more rare Euro celebs, or video clips from the
movies these collages came from, Click here
to visit the Skin Cinema we site.
|WhyScan's Page Three
|If Page Three is unfamiliar to
link describes the Page Three tradition.
|Today's Page 3 girl....Mackenzie
Rachel Hunter (1,
||From the Aussie movie "Hotel de
Love". There isn't much too see but that's
pretty usual for Saffron.
||Vidcaps from "Four Rooms".
||Topless 'caps from "The Last
||Topless vidcaps of "That
70's Show" co-star (in case you're drawing a
blank...she plays the older sister with the
Farrah Fawcett hairdo) from "Amityville:
||Former Victoria's Secret model
turned actress in the only thing close to a nude
scene from the movie from "Tommy Boy".
|Aussie actress, from an
appearance in Black&White Magazine
|Vidcaps from the UK series
"A Many Splintered Thing". Typical
British TV...everyone seems to show their bum
||Also from "A Many Splintered
Thing". No bums this time...but she is in
the sack and showing a little exposure up top.
|From the Peter Greenaway movie
"8˝ Women". I'm not really the expert
on his movies, all I do know is that there is
usually quite a bit of nudity from pretty much
every character in every film. Tuna and Sr. have
talked about his work at length, and can offer
greater insight. If you're interested, check out
the back issues for their comments.
|Nikki & Teena Collins
|Comments by the Walrus:
These scans are from an old (Sep '99) edition of
Loaded. Haven't seen them anywhere around, so I
thought I'd have a go. The girls in question are
twin sisters and have appeared in an Oasis video
(can't remember which one) and a Colgate
toothpaste commercial (unfortunately the 'before
and after' shots didn't look like these!).
pics today: #1 is pretty sexy. #2 is a double
topless. #3 is a "buns" shot.
BTW, the moire from the pinstripe suit on 3 gave
me a bloody hard time! Enjoy!
||An all new, topless paparazzi pic of the
supermodel/actress. Thanks to The Honte.
||Donbun nabs a few frames of a topless
Emmanuelle from "The Ninth Gate".
||Ok...this is just strange! Yet I
can't help but look at it.
Like millions of
folks around the world, I opted to pass on the
New "Fantasy Island". Not just because
of the fact that the concept peaked around 1980,
but let's face it....Ricardo Montalban is the
one, true Mr. Roarke!
Anyway..here is what we missed. Mädchen in
some kind of "I Dream of Jeannie"
fantasy! I think the best part of this fantasy is
that they managed to create the illusion that
Mädchen had larger breasts. Most of us have
already seen her topless from her movies...she
must be wearing a Miracle Bra...In this case, the
"Parting of the Red Sea" model (also
worn by Sigourney Weaver in "Galaxy
Quest"). Special thanks to Nwar!