Saturday

National Lampoon presents Homo Erectus

(2007)

Pretty much of a self-reviewing title.

This would fit in neatly with Sleeper and Love and Death in the category of "same old Brooklyn guy pictured in a different time and place." Writer/director/star Adam Rifkin is the Woody-wannabee as a bespectacled caveman who thinks that human beings could be so much more than troglodytes. He tries to persuade his fellow tribesmen that they could climb faster with a ladder or catch more fish with a net, but they reject those radical progressive ideas in favor of the way they have always climbed and fished, the way their gods intended. The plot centers around Cave-Rifkin's love for a pretty cavegirl. He loses her when he is just too conflicted about clubbing her and carrying her off. As the evolved Rifkin debates the moral rectitude of that action, his older, handsomer, stronger brother clubs the dream-girl unconscious, drags her off by the hair, and claims her as his own.

David Carradine plays Rifkin's father, the leader of the tribe, and Ali Larter is the cavegirl of Rifkin's dreams. Many familiar character actors make brief appearances. Gary Busey is in high Busey gear as the leader of a rival tribe. Tom Arnold is surprisingly funny as a gay caveman. Ron Jeremy has a line or two as a member of Rifkin's tribe. Talia Shire is in the cast as well, but must have really needed a paycheck, because she has little more than a bland cameo as Rifkin's mom.

As in many of Woody Allen's period films, the people in the past era speak exactly like the people at any current-day Manhattan bar or cocktail party, and essentially represent modern stereotypes (the handsome quarterback, the stoners, the crotchety old guy, and so forth) walking around in a pre-historic setting, like a live action version of The Flintstones.

It is a watchable comedy in my opinion, but barely so, and it's far too derivative of early Woody, minus the jazz music. Although Rifkin doesn't try to mimic Woody's voice or mannerisms, there is no question that he's playing a Woody role. There's even a classic Woodman scene where Rifkin's glasses fall off in a fight scene between two tribes, forcing him to crawl around half-blind, searching for the specs as the battle rages around him. In fact, it seems like the film could actually have been made in 1970, and it's almost disorienting to see Ali Larter acting in it because she wasn't even born by then. You may unconsciously wonder, "Shouldn't it be Angie Dickinson or Louise Lasser instead?" The film does have a few funny (if unsubtle) moments, but the whole project is just not thumbprinted with enough of Rifkin's own identity to make it memorable.

As far as I can see, National Lampoon contributed nothing to the project except their name.

There is quite a bit of nudity, but I have no idea who these women are. Ali Larter kept her clothes on. And I hope the lovely and talented Ms. Larter fired her agent for getting her into a project so far under the radar.

 

  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Valentina Vargas

 

She bares all three b's in "Street Of No Return" (1989). There is just nothing like naked horseback riding.

 

 

Plus a little more of Valentina seven years later in "Hellraiser: Bloodline," where she bares the boobs in the sack.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Confessions of a Lap Dancer

(1997)

A continuation of Brainscan's epic-length series on this film. The following are his notes on this contribution:

Julia Kruis is in two scenes...well, three if you count a brief appearance lap dancing early in the movie. She has a long, most impressive strip scene, followed by a gang-bang with three guys who pick her up at the club. The gal is in maybe 10 minutes of screen time but utters not one word. The triple boffing scene is particularly bizarre because it does nothing to or for the film. Not well choreographed and so it is not appealing in the erotic sense and it sure as shootin' does not add to the story line. I dunno what anyone was thinking when it comes to this one.

Julia, herself, is something of a conundrum. There were all those DTV erotic thrillers (two lies for the price of one) and episodes on titty cable shows and she was more than okay in the looks department but I cannot remember her saying or doing anything in any of them, even though I know I've capped a movie or two of hers. Don't know why that's true, only that is true.



Julia Kruis film clips (collages below)


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Burn Notice



I recorded this accidentally when the TV station changed its programming without letting me know. However, there is side-boobage and pokies by Gabrielle Anwar in an episode of the show Burn Notice  called False Flag (2007). It looks like Gabrielle has had some enhancements done.


 




Frozen with Fear



And speaking of enhancements, we have Bo Derek in Frozen with Fear  (2000). The nudity comes from what looks like a body double's butt.

 

 





The Golden Bowl


Only some slight see-through nudity by Uma Thurman in The Golden Bowl (2000), and a bit of boobage down the front.

 




Samba Chason



From Brazil we have Samba Chanson aka Samba CanÁ„o (2002). Topless  nudity by

Teuda Bara

and Yara de Novaes


 




Seduced by a Thief



Sean Young flashes her breasts in Seduced by a Thief (2000).

Dana Barron

and an unknown actress show some pokies.


 




Stratosphere Girl



Stratosphere Girl (2004) is a European co-production.

ChloŽ Winkel shows some very nice breasts

as does Peggy Jane de Schepper.

Rebecca Palmer

and Tuva Novotny are down to their underwear.



 



Unveiled



There's some lesbian action in the German movie Unveiled aka Fremde Haut (2005)

by Anneke Kim Sarnau

and Jasmin Tabatabai.

 




Insatiable Obsession



Tonight's soft-core is Insatiable Obsession. Plenty of nakedness shown by

Monique Harlow (Monique Parent)

 

 

Leah Riley (Amy Lindsay)

 

Tiffany Taylor

Chloe

 

and some extras.



 




"Charlie's Angels"

Series 2 Part 2



Episode 13 - Magic Fire


Cheryl Ladd

and Victoria Carroll are scantily dressed and look good.




Episode 14 - Kidnap Caper


Jaclyn Smith pokies.




Episode 15 - Angels on Horseback


Jaclyn Smith

and Cheryl Ladd - looking good in swimwear



 

Episode 16 - Game, Set, Death


Jaclyn Smith

Cheryl Ladd

and Lynda Beattie - looking good




Episode 17 - Hours of Desperation


Jaclyn Smith

and Cheryl Ladd - looking good




Episode 18 - Diamond in the Rough


Cheryl Ladd

and Jaclyn Smith - cleavage




Episode 19 - Angels in the Backfield


Cheryl Ladd - looking good

Heidi Von Beltz - upskirt




Episode 20 - The Sandcastle Murders


Melody Thomas - cleavage




Episode 23 - Little Angels of the Night


Cheryl Ladd

Jaclyn Smith

Denise Galik

Shauna Sullivan

and Joy Garrett - looking good in swimwear




Episode 25 - Angels on the Run


Jaclyn Smith - pokies


Judy Landers - cleavage


Elaine Joyce - nice hot pants




 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes and collages

Valley Girl

1983

Elizabeth Daily

MGM has just announced that they will remake this film as a musical.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Basic Instinct

HD - unrated - 1992

Part 3 of 5

Today, one really, really long HD film clip of Sharon Stone

Warning: 130 meg.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This section will present film clips to accompany Charlie's collages (which are found in his own site).

Today's star is Axelle Laffont

 

 

 

 

 

Pics

Bai Ling slips out the enormous nipples once again

This is the only flesh I have seen from ice princess Peggy Fleming

Olga Kurylenko - a preview from the new Bond film

 

Film Clips

 

Joan Collins in an obscure 1974 Italian film which is known as Playing the Field in English. There is nudity, but very little from Collins. Her nude and sex scenes were edited to show as little as possible.

There is some nudity in the trailer for Abel Ferrara's latest, Go-Go Tales (2007). The guy who posted this says the topless woman is Justine Mattera. I don't know. Asia Argento appears in the same trailer, but remains clothed for what must be a personal record length of time.

Jaime Murray did quite a bit of nudity in last year's "Dexter"