Thursday

 

 

* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood

(1980)

It is somehow appropriate that the third and last of this trilogy was produced by Golan and Globus, and for the record, it is a prequel. Xaviera, this time played by Martine Beswick, has written a book called The Happy Hooker. Movie mogul Phil Silvers wants to option the rights, as he is sure it will be a success. His staff is incompetent, other than his grandson, who ends up making his own deal with Xaviera to make an indie film. Of course they need a little cash, but that is not an insurmountable problem when you have an entire stable of hookers working for you. The final straw for Xaviera with the studio was when Adam West (That's right, Batman) seduced, then trashed her.

Phil SIlvers barks a lot and fights back, but clearly no established studio is a match for a bunch of hookers when it comes to movie making.

This time, Xaviera actually gets naked. Martine Beswick shows breasts and buns. Adam West also shows buns jumping into the pool with her. Susan Kiger, K. C. Winkler, and Tanya Boyd show breasts, as do several unknowns.

Phil Silvers was not up to par, although he sometimes reminded me of Sergeant Bilko of old. Adam West was not at all good. The women were attractive, and nobody took the film seriously, thank God. If they had, I would have to question their sanity.

This is also a D. IMDb readers have this one a 3.0, which is a little odd in that the second one is the best of the three films, although rated 2.0.

Now for the good news. All three Happy Hooker films are available in a three disk set, and are quite affordable.

 

 

Susan Kiger

 

K.C. Winkler

 

Tanya Boyd

 

Martine Beswick

 

unknowns

 

 

 

 

 

 


Tomb of the Werewolf

Today it's off to another horror movie as we look at Tomb of the Werewolf. This one is filled with lots of breasts. Beverly Lynn leads it off with some lovemaking with the boyfriend.

Then Beverly flips the coin and has some lesbo fun with Jacy Andrews.

Jacy moves on to some lesbo fun with the venerable Michelle Bauer. However she winds up as a 'Babe in Bondage" at the hands of Michelle and it does not end well for Jacy.

Jenny West is also a captured "Babe in Bondage"

and once again Michelle Bauer does nasty things to her.

Michelle shows off and plays with her boobs.

Kennedy Johnston removes her shirt briefly

Monique Alexander winds it up as a topless peasant girl.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes and collages

Gwendoline

Part six of nine.

Tawny Kitaen

 

 

 

 

 

 

Candy

This movie is divided into 3 chapters.

Chapter one: "Heaven." Heath Ledger and Abbie Cornish are happy, they do drugs and have sex all day. He is an "artist" and she is in love with him. When they run out of money they ask their friends or go to the nearest Pawn Shop. One day she decides not to give away Heath's brushes and so she goes a round with the Pawn Shop owner for 50 bucks, Heath is OK with that since now they have more money for drugs. They are so happy that they get married.

Chapter two: "Earth." Abbie doesn't just go making pawn shop owners happy anymore. Now she does it with everyone in her new-found talent, hooking. This way she can buy drugs for her loser husband. When things get real they decide to go serious but then she founds out she is pregnant. Trying to get their drugs out of their bodies to start a new life she goes crazy and has a miscarriage.

Chapter three: "Hell." Abbie is crazy, Heath still a loser, but things get better, she gets help and he starts working. When she comes back to him, like new, he tells her that there is no turning back, the train has passed, I guess he didn't take well to losing the baby.

The end.

So we learn that you are in heaven when you do drugs and have sex all day, but marriage changes all that, and pregnancy breaks any plans you may have, even if the baby is never born. And of course, we come to understand that once you go crazy you should not expect your loving partner to take you back when you are all better.

We also find out that there are $50 hookers that look like Abbie Cornish. Now we just have to find out where.

The most important thing we learn is that Abbie looks great naked.


 

 

Abbie Cornish

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 
Paget Brewster in The Big Bad Swim (Film clip)
Marie France Boyer in Le Bonheur
Claire Drouot  in Le Bonheur
Maggie McOmie in THX1138 (Director's Cut)
Lydia Leonard in True True Lie
 

Isabelle Huppert in The Lacemaker (Film clip only)

 
 

and three from:

Californication

Michele Nordin
Alison Mei lan
Camille Langfield
 

Marilyn Monroe in "The Making of Something's Got to Give"

 

The following film clips are all from Defoe. The sample collages on the right are taken from Charlie's site.

Olga Kurylenko in The Serpent

Olga Kurylenko in Suspectes
Vahina Giocante in Un lever de Rideau
Vahina Giocante in Riviera. Fun fact: her name is Italian for "gigantic vagina."
 
 

The following Aussie film clip is from Johnny Moronic, the Thunda from Down Unda. (Mr. Moronic's collage as well.)

Lucy Taylor in My Brother Jack