Haunted (1995) is a ghost story, not the startle or gore variety, but the strange occurrence variety. Aidan Quin pushes his young twin sister while playing. She hits her head, and drowns in a river. Cut to the future. He is now returning to England as a Psych professor, having just completed a book claiming that there is no such thing as psychic phenomenon or ghosts. He decides to visit a persistent letter writer at her country house. She is having ghost trouble. He is met at the station by Kate Beckinsale, who lives in the old family mansion with her two brothers, and the Nanny who raised them since both their parents died. HE is impressed from the beginning with Beckinsale, who has a propensity for taking off her cloths. The longer he is there, the less certain he is about the impossibility of ghosts. Beckinsale's character shows breasts and buns in a swimming scene, posing for her brother, who paints her, and in a sex scene with Quin. CNDB calls this a confirmed double, citing no less an authority than the prestigious friend of a friend. SONDB thinks it is Beckinsale. Several of the images show face and body parts, so judge for yourself. IMDB readers have this at 6.1 of 10. The minor critics who have rung in on the film are more for than against. For this sort of film to work for me, the ending must be a surprise, and I had this one pegged by the half-way mark. I did enjoy Beckinsale's character. C-.

Scoop's note: definite body double. One of the most daring examples ever, because the body double's face also appears in the frames. Both Beckinsale and director Gilbert have discussed it in interviews. Beckinsale was very irritated at the time, because the filmmakers kept adding more and more reasons for the character to get naked. See my comments for an excerpt from Beckinsale's interview.


  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Kate Beckinsale (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Complicity (2000)

    Complicity is basically an attempt to make a Scottish version of SE7EN, filled with "righteous" murders that fit the victim's sins, including the literal disarming of an arms dealer, and the literal butchering of an incompetent doctor who is a "butcher" with a scalpel.

    I don't know much about director Gavin Millar. He's in his mid 60's and directs mostly for TV. His only notable film credit is a movie that I found oddly compelling - Dreamchild - the story of Alice Hargeaves, the little girl who was the model for Alice in Wonderland. At age 80, she looks back on her childhood and tries to assess the true nature of her relationship with Lewis Carroll. Ian Holm turned in one of his characteristically brilliant performances as Carroll.

    I wish I could say that Mr. Millar brought some of that talent over into this film. I think that he probably misfired badly here. He had spectacular, rugged Scottish locations to shoot in. His source was a lurid Iain Banks novel that mystery fans were drooling over. He had good performers and a very sexy woman willing to do frontal nudity and kinky sex.  But the film formed nothing with that excellent clay. As Tuna said in his review, there is little suspense. There is also very little audience involvement with the characters, and some choppy editing which makes the narrative clumsy. The focus is often wrong - important points are brushed over lightly, while irrelevant bits receive much screen time.  Worst of all, the tone doesn't always seem right. While David Fincher knew how to make the biblical deaths seem grisly and frightening and creepy in SE7EN, similar deaths seem campy here, thus turning the whole film away from SE7EN and steering it in the direction of Dr Phibes.

    Couple that with some often incomprehensible Scottish dialects, and the fact that I didn't understand how it ended, and it all adds up to a movie which is not very compelling.

    I did love the location photography, however, and I thought Keeley Hawes was sexy. Decent basic storyline, nice photography of great locations, decent performances. BUT - bottom line: I never got hooked in. Not a bad film, but one for genre buffs only, and even then not brilliant. C-.


    Tipping the Velvet (2002)

    More of Keeley Hawes!

    This was a three part BBC miniseries. Set in Victorian England, it tells of the lesbian love affairs of a girl from a simple seaside village who makes her way to London as the assistant, then stage partner, then bed partner of a beautiful "male impersonator".  The term "Tipping the Velvet" is to Victorian England as "Chewing the Carpet" is to contemporary America.

    The glamorous vaudeville actress eventually betrays her small-town lover (with a man, no less), and we then follow the trials and tribulations and eventual triumphs of the village girl. In the end, she has to decide between a sincere woman who loves her, or going back to her glamorous lover, who wants her back.

    (Cue up Kenny G music.)

    I guess you can tell that it has chick-flick written all over it. Women rate this thing 9.1 at IMDB. Well, it has great production values and acting and period costumes and authentic music hall tunes and that kind of tutti-frutti shit, but I guess the main attraction for us guys is advanced lesbonics. There's no frontal nudity or explicit sex scenes, but there are plenty of naked women kissing and rubbing their breasts together and playing with dildos and moaning and calling each other "tarts" and making each other wear slave costumes and so forth. So you have to give it pretty high marks in the area of lesbotronic delights, especially by TV standards. Thank God for the BBC, and their constant quest to let us look at breasts in a guilt-free environment where we can pretend to enjoy the witty fuckin' dialogue and authentic period atmosphere.

    These BBC shows really need only one thing to be perfect:  some comments for us to make when people ask us how we enjoyed them. Because you know the guys in the office are gonna nudge one another and suggest that we're only lowbrow assholes watching this for the tits. Therefore, BBC should give us some appropriate comments at the end, so we know how to convince the boss and our girlfriends that we are only watching for the incisive cultural analysis. You know what I mean. Some comments showing how Ibsen touched on similar themes in A Doll's House, or some blather about the exploitation of the working classes and the repression of women in Victorian society, and how the themes of this movie foreshadow the emergence of Leninism in Europe. You know, the phony-baloney crap we need to say so we can look at breasts in front of our wives. Women love that pretentious shit so much better than, "whoa, honey, look at those gazongas rubbing together. Why don't you get your sister over here, and try that out?"

    Today is really more about Keeley Hawes than the shows she's in. She is a turn-on for me. She basically looks like a refined lady - kind of a soft spoken Julie Andrews clone, with sparkling tender eyes. And then she drops all the Julie Andrews stuff along with her trou. She looks great naked, too. Big natural breasts, and a completely natural body that looks like what real women look like naked, as opposed to those who spend three hours a day in the gym. She has a bit of sag here, is a bit too soft there, too lumpy elsewhere, but overall she is gorgeous. Just a beautiful real woman. I kinda miss seeing those in the movies. It seems like the women today look like Cameron Diaz with no spare flesh at all, or like Demi Moore with muscles that indicate she could kick my ass, or like Pam Anderson with no recognizable human-flesh body parts. So Bravo to Keeley for looking great naturally, and for letting us look it.

    • Keeley Hawes (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Rachael Stirling (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)




    Hey Scoops,

    I just saw the movie Passionata and there’s nudity in it. Except I can’t decide if it is really Pamela Winslow or a body double. Any thoughts?

    M., The Netherlands

    Scoop's reply: I don't know if that is really ol' Ensign McKnight. Anyone else have any ideas?

    Hey Scoop, a friend called and alerted me to Big Brother yesterday.  When I switched over, I saw two hot chicks in bikinis, made of pieces of lettuce held on with strings.  They were barely covered, and one of them had her top stripped off.  I don't know if any goodies were uncovered, but it was sure sexy.  Maybe someone caught it and can get pics.  I wondered if it was just a ploy to get the boys to
    "eat their vegetables?"




    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.



    days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Ronit Elkabetz, topless, rear nudity and full frontal views in scenes from "Hatuna Meuheret" aka "Late Marriage" (2001).

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    A few weeks ago when we did "Human Nature" with Patricia Arquette, we couldn't resist also capping some scenes of the other female co-star Miranda Otto.

    Now Miranda did not get naked, but as an old timer with a great fondness for cheesecake style leg shots, we give you Miranda showing off a great set of legs. The final cap Miranda is relaxing in lingerie.

    Isabelle Alexis

    Isabelle Gélinas
    (1, 2)

    Sandrine Le Berre
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    From Scenes from the French movie "Les Gens en maillot de bain ne sont pas (forcément) superficiels" (2001).

    Alexis shows excellent breasts, Gélinas is also topless, Le Berre shows breasts and bum.

    Marie Matheron
    (1, 2)

    Topless in a couple of scenes from "Le Grand chemin" (1987)

    Paige Davis The host of the TLC show "Trading Spaces" showing some cleavage and legs on Leno.

    Paula Vázquez
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    The Spanish babe topless in a shower/love scene from "Il Vostro regalo di Natale" aka "Merry Christmas" (2001).

    Kate Hudson Her brief topless scene from one of my personal favorite non-Skinemax movies, "Almost Famous". Vidcaps by Twitchy.

    Maria Conchita Alonso
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the Cuban-American actress topless in scenes from the 1996 movie "Caught".

    Julie Christie
    (1, 2)

    One more from Skin...this is a great nude find of the "Doctor Zhivago" star in scenes from "Darling" (1965). This scene was cut from the American release.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    The Heartbeat Of America - Twelve Cuban refugees were caught by the Coast Guard trying to reach America in a 1951 Chevy pickup truck converted into a boat. They used 55-gallon drums to keep it afloat and attached a propeller to the driveshaft, giving it a top speed of 8 mph. The Coast Guard intercepted them just 40 miles from the Florida shore and returned them to Cuba.

  • NO! Let them stay! I'll send Castro my auto mechanic in exchange for them!
  • Those weren't refugees...they were contestants on Junkyard Wars!

    In Other Words, The Posters Lie - A Harvard study found that campaigns on college campuses that encourage students to drink responsibly not only don't reduce drinking, they make some students drink more. At Northern Illinois University, a responsible drinking program let to "significant increases" in the number of students who downed 20-plus drinks a month. Instead of trying to scare students into sobriety, the program uses posters and fliers to convey a peer-pressure message that most students who drink do so moderately and don't hurt themselves or others.

  • Unless you count throwing up on others as hurting them.
  • So be a responsible citizen: Start drinking!
  • To college kids, 20-plus drinks a month IS moderate drinking.
  • College kids think "drinking responsibility" means not spilling any on the carpet.

    Boob Tube - With Spike Lee's lawsuit settled, TNN will officially become Spike TV on August 11 at 9 a.m., and a spokesman said, "Men all across this great land should feel empowered to leave the toilet seat up!" They'll offer a testosterone-fueled lineup of shows for men, from extreme sports to T&A, kicking off with a special from the Playboy Mansion. Pamela Anderson, voice of the cartoon character Stripperella, joked that they should have called it "TNN: The Nipple Network."

  • If Spike Lee had won, that's what it would've been called.
  • No, Spike Lee would've sued again: he has nipples.
  • Men can lift the toilet seat, peer in, and see the same kind of stuff they'll be airing on Spike TV.