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"The Caveman's Valentine" (2001)

If you are looking for a whodunit or suspense film, this isn't it, despite a plot line that has the main character helping to solve a murder. Director Kasi Lemmons in her second film again works with Samuel L. Jackson, and many of the key off-screen personnel, and has created a film with wonderful visuals and atmosphere. Those who were expecting a murder mystery didn't much like it. US Gross was a mere $687,081, and it peaked at 47 screens. Maltin says 2 1/2 stars, and Berardinelli says 2. Ebert was more impressed at 3 stars.

Jackson is Romulus Ledbetter, aka Rom to those who know him and Caveman to the rest of New York. The former Juliard piano prodigy has become a severe paranoid schizophrenic, and lives in a cave in a New York park. Jackson has created a complete character, and Lemmons has succeeded in showing us the world through his eyes. A key to enjoying this films is accepting Rom as a hero, whether he is stable, and spouting thoughtful but biting social commentary, or in a psychotic episode, and ranting. Even when ranting, there is truth hiding in the delusions. Rom discovers a frozen corpse in a tree outside his cave. His chief goal in life is to earn the respect of his daughter, who is on the NYPD. He sees solving the murder as a means to that end.

Rom is convinced that his nemesis is a fictitious Cornelius Gould Stuyvesant, who lives atop the Chrysler building, and attacks people with malicious Y and Z rays. Early evidence, however, points to a famous photographer. Rom ends up in bed with the photographer's sister, played by Ann Magnuson. The sex scene, Jackson's first on film, is in B&W, and very stylized, but does reveal a breast. Magnuson also has a good see-through in the deleted scenes. Co-producer Jackson IS the film. His portrayal of a severely disturbed man is brilliant. He could have gone way over the top given the premise, but chose to give a subtle performance. Lemmons used several types of film stock, lens and light gels, and B&W inserts to show us the world through Rom's eyes. We are also given very arty glimpses of the "moth cherubs" living in Rom's skull.

This film succeeds for me in somewhat the same way as another favorite -- They Might Be Giants. Psychotic Jackson is a hero I can relate to. Think of it as a character driven drama, with some of the feel of an art film, and you will know whether you want to see it or not. As it is clearly not for everyone, C+ is the correct grade, but I, like Ebert, see it as 2 stars or better. Some films are judged by how well they live up to expectations, and I think that is what happened here.

  • Thumbnails

  • Ann Magnuson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

  • Tomcat
  • Anne Heche and Joan Chen gettin' it on lesbo-style, in scenes from "Wild Side" (1995). Most of the nudity belongs to Heche, but Joan has a visible nipple in link #s 1, 2, 9, 10, and 14. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

  • Sean Young, brief breast exposure in "A Kiss Before Dying" (1991) (1, 2)

  • Jimmy the Saint
    Jimmy returns after a trip to the Holy Land. Being a Saint, he naturally thought of us and brought back some presents.

  • Ana-Claudia Michels showing us a breast, plus a slight hint of pubes.

  • Erin O'Connar, ultra thin model with no breasts, but at least this full frontal has a near gyno-view.

  • Jane Wall, topless paparazzi pics. (1, 2)

  • Penman
    Anna Levine
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Cleavage, losing her clothes, playing with her boobs, and having her big'uns groped and sucked in scenes from "Drunks".

    Jennifer Connelly No nudity, but it is Connelly. Great cleavage, plus clothed rear view and some nice leg exposure in scenes from "Pollock" (2000).

    Donna Pescow 'Caps and Comments by Spaz:
    Sweater-filler Donna Pescow (currently in the Disney television series "Even Stevens") shows a bit of bare breast while getting gang-banged in the disco classic "Saturday Night Fever" (1977) (gruesome images of a young horny John Travolta edited out for taste). Does anyone remember her when she had her own television series "Angie" way back in 1979?

    Julie Strain Big Julie is topless of course in scenes from 1997's "Lethal Seduction". Thanks to Donbun.

    Suzanna Hamilton
    (1, 2, 3)

    Shirley Stelfox

    Frontal nudity in scenes from the 1984 version of George Orwell's "1984". Nice 'caps by DeVo.

    Mirjana Jokovic
    (1, 2, 3)

    Rare Yugoslavian is Mirjane topless in "Vukovar poste restante" (1994), by RoSSol.

    Tamara Rohloff Brief, but nice breast exposure in scenes from "Ein Mann fällt nicht vom Himmel".

    Katharina Böhm Showing off a nice pair of breasts during a love scene in "Kommissarie Montalbano".

    Viewer Request
    Dear Uncle Scoopy,

    I just caught a brief glimpse of a late night movie on BBC1 called The Wrong Guy. It starred Kids In The Hall's Dave Foley and Jennifer Tilly.

    The scene I saw featured Tilly standing in a doorway in a long white nightgown which was made very transparent by the backlight, showing off her wonderful body to great effect.I don't know if this is available on video or DVD anywhere but i just thought it would be a great scene for you or any of your contributing vidcappers to work on.


    Sorta Celeb News
    I read this on Yahoo yesterday. I wonder how many 'caps and scans came from the Fun House or other celeb message boards....

    Celebrities Flash on Mobile Phones
    KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - Police have seized a quantity of the latest accessory to hit mobile phone-mad Malaysia -- plastic covers featuring pictures of naked celebrities with flashing private parts.

    Police discovered the accessories, which sell for $7 to $13, when they raided phone shops in Seremban town south of the capital Kuala Lumpur, the Star newspaper reported on Wednesday.

    "The phones are modified to light up the private parts of actors or actresses when a user receives or makes a call," said police superintendent Abdul Razak Ghani.

    The Funnies by Number 6
    Rimshot specials

  • Three mice...
    Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it's closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times." And with that he slams another shot.

    The second mouse slams down a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those poison tablets, cut 'em up, and snort 'em just for the fun of it." And with that he slams another shot.

    The third mouse slams down a shot, gets up and walks away. The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?" The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to fuck the cat."

  • The Old Lady...
    A little old lady with blue hair entered the sex aids shop and asked in a quavering voice,

    "Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell-l d-dildoes h-here ?"

    The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady's appearance in his shop, answered, "Uh, yes ma'am. We do."

    The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart asked "D-do y-you ha-ave an-ny ab-bb-bout th-this lon-ong?"

    "Well, yes ma-am, we do. We have several that size." Forming a 5" circle with her fingers, she then asked, "A-are an-nny of t-them about thi-is b-big ar-round-d?"

    "Well.... yes ma'am, a few of them are about that big."

    "D-do aa-ny of t-them ha-ave a v-v-vibra-a-ator?"

    "Yes ma'am, one of them does."

    "W-w-ell, h-how d-do yo-ou t-turn it off?"

  • Two Bikers...
    A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out the front. He goes round the back of the pub only to find two bikers, one with his fingers up the bum of the other.

    "So what's going on here?" he asks.

    The biker replies, "My mate here has had too much to drink and I'm trying to make him vomit."

    The cop says, "I think you should be sticking your fingers down his THROAT!"

    The biker replies, "That's what I'm going to do next!"

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