"The Man With Two Brains" (1983)

The Man With Two Brains (1983) is a somewhat typical Steve Martin comedy directed by Carl Reiner. Steve is a recently widowed brain surgeon. He runs over Kathleen Turner, who has just left a man who cut her out of his will, and decides a brain surgeon would be a pretty good target. Once she recovers from her injuries, they are married, but she withholds sex. The two take a working vacation to Austria, where Martin meets another brain expert who knows how to transfer brain contents to another host, and just happens to have Martin's deceased wife's brain on hand. Meanwhile, Martin is not doing any better with his mercenary bride.

This is lowbrow humor start to finish, but Steve Martin fans (like me) will love it. Seeing Kathleen in skimpy outfits is not hard to take either.


Kathleen Turner (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) Randi Brooks (1, 2, 3)

"Malice" (1993)

There are a couple of good words I can say about Malice (1993). Nicole and Kidman. The good news is that she takes her clothes off. The bad news is that it is in a pitch dark room, and she mostly shows her buns at that. This film could be the poster child for multiple personality disorder. Lets get the major subplot out of the way. A rapist is terrorizing the students at an Eastern college. The dean doesn't like it, and neither does the female police officer. The dean is married to Nicole Kidman, who is experiencing abdominal pains frequently. Meanwhile the star football player from his high school shows up in town as a renowned surgeon.

I think that is enough of the pieces, so ... this is a crime thriller about how the dean catches the serial rapist, no, it is a story about adultery, betrayal and revenge, ooops, it is really about an insurance swindle. See what I mean? There is, however, a neat bit of irony at the very end. The entire film is very dark, and not very exciting.


Nicole Kidman (1, 2, 3, 4)

Johnny Web
"The Beach" (2000)

The Beach was a much hyped 20th Century Fox star vehicle for Leonardo Dicaprio. It opened in February on 2500 screens, and raked in a respectable $15 million on its opening weekend, $34 million in the first three weeks. And that was about it. That was as far as hype could carry it. Movie reviewers saw it and dropped a massive dump on it (19% positive reviews, according to Rotten Tomatoes). Moviegoers saw it and told their friends not to bother. When the hype was over, there was nothing left except a bloated, muddled, unimportant, unintelligent, unentertaining movie that is bad, bad, bad.

Oh, it's well photographed and cut by the head trainspotter Danny Boyle, and the score is pretty cool, and the first five minutes are striking and absorbing thanks to some charismatic bantering between Robert Carlyle and Leo while they gad about exotic Bangkok settings, and the performing is fine. And that's it. That absorbs the positives. 50 million dollars for five minutes of good footage and then some pretty tropical locales and blathering.

Where to start. Let's see. Our three heroes make it to a neighboring island from the secret one they seek. They are standing on the edge of a forest, look across and it's about two miles, and they think they may not be able to make it. Now, do they cut off a few branches to create a makeshift raft, or even use a branch to hang onto in case they get tired. Remember, they are surrounded by about a billion trees of varying sizes and shapes. Nope. They dive in and go for it. Death before dishonor.

Then they get to the island. Remember they are on a beach, looking for a beach. Now if you were in that situation, what do you think would be the most likely route you would take on a small island? I'll bet you would walk along the beach. Not our heroes. They go inland, so that they can meet some evil gun-toting movieland Asian druglords, and give themselves a chance to get lost forever in the terrain. Then they flee the druglords and follow a stream downstream. Downstream? To where? To the ocean? Didn't they just come from there? If they are already at sea level, how can the stream be going lower? Well, guess what? It apparently goes a lot lower, because they come to a gigantic waterfall and don't know how to get down.

Virginie Ledoyen decides to jump. Yup, they don't know how deep the water is below the falls, but they decide to make the leap anyway. Nothing so scary about the jump, but anything less than 20 feet of water depth, and they're toast, but no problem. This is the movies. They go for it. Now that they've followed a stream downstream for a long time and jumped down a waterfall, I suppose they must be about 300 feet below sea level, but they are discovered by a guy who takes them to the beach they were seeking. This beach is apparently at a different sea level.

You get the picture. It just goes on like that. But that's just trivia compared to the real problem, which is that there is absolutely no reason for anyone to enjoy the life they lead in this beach commune. They look at the perfect beach and the perfect lagoon and beam proudly. You ever been to tropical beaches? How long do you think you can last without other things to occupy your mind? Even if you're a real volleyball freak, you're going to flee from the sun in a short time, and then what makes any place a good place to be? The people you share it with. Perhaps I might be willing to give up rum and nude bars and libraries and SportsCenter and the internet and medical care and dental hygiene and Mozart and Ray Charles and convenience stores if I could spend my life with consistently interesting people. But these people don't do much of anything except fish and smoke dope and play the drums, like some kind of Young Protestant vision of what paradise might be like, without thinking about how long it would be before that stuff would be really boring. For me, twenty minutes. Maybe some of you could last two weeks - but a lifetime? A freakin' lifetime? Without even boat drinks and Jimmy Buffett? C'mon, now. DiCaprio leaves the island briefly for a shopping trip to a city, and this makes him long even more for the unspoiled island. Yeah, I agree with that. After 10 minutes of watching American tourists in Bangkok, we'd all be ready to head back to the island, but give us an overnight in Paris or San Francisco or Barcelona, and most of us would say Sayonara to Gilligan pretty damned fast.

The romance between DiCaprio and Ledoyen is completely lifeless. They have no chemistry together, and we can't even understand why they like each other, since they seem to have neither heat nor compatibility.

As you may know, the production of the movie was rife with controversy. Apparently the islands in that part of the world didn't look like what they wanted tropical islands to look like, so they dragged in tons of cocoanut palms, planted them, and virtually destroyed the ecosystem of their micro-environment. Unfortunately, the print of the film survived. How does a studio exec approve fifty million simoleans for a script like this?

On the nudity side, sadly for us, this island community must be the only place in the world where European women wear their tops to go to the beach. In addition to the complete lack of realism in this situation, it also serves to deprive us of some much-needed eye candy. The only real nudity is a topless night swim from Ledoyen. Tilda Swinton and Leo did a sex scene where she may or may not have been naked behind a curtain, but if you can't even tell whether she's naked, it can't really be that good, can it?

Ledoyen (1, 2, 3)

"Magnolia" (1999)

We may be through the past, but the past is not through with us.

I had no idea that director/writer Philip Thomas Anderson had this kind of talent. He's gone way beyond anything he's shown with his previous efforts to create a neo-biblical masterpiece, complete with prayer, frogs raining from the sky, and a sort of Hallelujah chorus sung by everyone together. Like Noah, he's taken all his characters two by two. There are two women who can't cope without drugs, two quiz kids who need their fathers' love, two men dying of cancer, two compassionate but largely ineffectual caregivers, etc.

Together these people take part in several intersecting stories that deliver a tremendous emotional punch underlined by black humor, and a very high degree of cultural literacy. It's a bleak, draining, intellectual, emotional, arty movie, and it's umpteen hours long (3:11). Don't rent it for a pizza and beer experience, but if you are in the mood to see a film where the director has put his heart and soul and talent into creating a lasting work of art, you will want to see this unique film. It took me a while to get into all the stories, but when he got me involved, I couldn't draw away.

PTA also hired a tremendous cast. I don't know if you can single out one or two performers, but if they gave an Oscar for best acting in an entire movie, this film would get my vote. Tremendous ensemble, backed with perfect mood-setting from the folk-operatic musical score, as well as the sweeping and slow grandeur of the camera movements. Tremendous film. Best one I've seen since "The Sweet Hereafter", but please be advised it's not a mass-market entertainment movie, and will not be everyone's cup of tea.

Melor Walters bares her breasts a couple minutes into the film in a sex scene, and then later behind a shower curtain. There is no other nudity, although Tom Cruise parodies his own famous "dancing in the underwear" scene, and proves that he's still in flawless physical condition. Melora Walters. These images are taken from a video tape. For some reason, the DVD release has been delayed until October.
(1, 2)

"Drowning Mona" (2000)

Yeah, like you guys are just sitting there waiting to read my review of this movie. I would review it, except that means I would have had to sit all the way through a Bette Midler movie, which I wouldn't do for 24 hours of private lap dancing from Denise Richards and Laetitia Casta.

From what I could see, it looked a lot like a comedy, except for the humor, of course. I did see a lot of people hit each other with frying pans, catch each other with fishhooks, sleep with diner waitresses, and cheat a lot at the Wheel of Fortune home game. So it was a lot like (choose one or more): an episode of the Three Stooges without Curly. a Charlie Sheen movie without Charlie Sheen an actual day in Charlie Sheen's life

On the nudity front, Jamie Lee Curtis wore a see-through top of some kind. Jamie Lee ain't so young, but she looked good and she really seemed to enjoy her campy role as the town slut.
(1, 2)

"Jewel" (Victoria Fuller?)
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Comments by Frodo:
Just want to point out to the folks out there that Jewel in Gallery Magazine, October 1994 looks exactly like Victoria Fuller, Playperson for January 1996. I can't tell the difference.
Dana Fredsti and Isibella Peralta
(1, 2)
Comments by Don:
Here are 2 for the price of one, from the most God-awful film I've ever seen ("Princess Warrior"). These two were the only saving grace. Enjoy!
Valentina Vargas From "The Tigress"
WhyScan's Page Three Report
If Page Three is unfamiliar to you, this link describes the Page Three tradition.
Today's Page 3 girl....Leilani, 20, from Bournemouth (1, 2, 3, 4)

Bonus Pics
From telly's Holby City: Angela Griffin Lisa Faulkner (1, 2) Lisa Faulkner and Nicola Stephenson. Lisa, Nicola, and Angela Plus Kelly Brook

Claudia Schiffer
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
No nudity here (well one close call in #1) But my book it's hard to go wrong with Claudia! Once again, Blackshine kicks some butt and delivers some great scans from the Italian GQ.

The skin: As I mentioned...#1 has Claudia soaking wet with a very clear, see-thru nipple peak! Other big winners....#3 and #7!

Laetitia Casta
(1, 2)
For the fans. No skin at all in these two, pretty much head shots only.
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Comments by DB:
Something a little different from me - a tribute to the greatest living designer - Maurizio Galante.

The first 5 are from his Paris Spring/Summer 2000 Collection.

Spanish Steps
(1, 2, 3)
Next up part of his show from the annual fashion fest from the Spanish Steps in Rome.
(1, 2, 3, 4)
And the final 4 are from his winter collection.

One thing in common whatever the season - he does not believe in using much material!

Sorry, do not have a clue as to who the models are

Jr's Tips: Here's what I know about fashion.....
  • Polyester itches
  • Don't mix vertical and horizontal stripes
  • No matter what any one thinks...Sandals Suck!
  • Fashion shows are pointless since none of the clothes worn on the runway are ever worn by normal people.
  • And all of these images feature bare breasts.

  • Click Here!