Wednesday

 

 

* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington

(1977)

Thirty years after it was made, The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington is finally available on DVD. Xaviera Hollander, played by Joey Heatherton this time, has moved to Hollywood, presumably as a result of the New York bust chronicled in the first Happy Hooker movie, and is writing an advice column to supplement her brothel income.

As a result of a congressional sex scandal, she is subpoenaed to testify at a senate witch hunt where she is supposed to be burned at the stake to take national attention away from the scandalous senators. Her testimony pleases the gallery and angers the holier-han-thou senators, especially when she starts revealing their dealings with her girls. She also has an episode with a CIA agent (Billy Barty) and an oil sheik.

I am almost embarrassed to admit that I got a laugh or two out of this flick, but it is terribly dated and mostly silly. It did empty all of the B performers out of the unemployment lines, including Billy Barty, George Hamilton, Rip Taylor, Harold "Odd Job" Sakata, Larry Storch, Jack Carter, Ray Walston, Joe E Ross, and many others.

Unlike the first in the trilogy, this one does not cheat on the nudity. There is almost constant breast exposure from Bonnie Large, Marilyn Joi, Cisse Cameron, Raven De La Croix, Linda Gildersleeve, Louisa Moritz, Dana Baker, Pamela Zinzer, Dawn Clark and some unknowns.

The new widescreen transfer is very nice, and the sound is not bad. All in all, MGM did a good job on this bad movie, which is even bad enough to work for MST2K if they did R-rated material.

D

IMDb currently has this one at 2.0.

Scoop's note: This film pretty much marked the end of Joey's movie career. She would not be seen again for about a decade. About seven years after this film was made I had a rather unpleasant encounter with her in the piano bar at The Sign of the Dove in New York. She was hitting on me and would not take no for an answer, and kept getting more and more irate. I thought I would be in trouble because - well, because she's somebody and I'm not - but it turns out that picking fights and acting psychotic in public was pretty much "business as usual" with her, and she was quietly escorted out.

I know it sounds kind of ridiculous that a former bombshell was hitting on me, but you'd understand if you saw her then. She was forty years old, looked anorexic and was reputed to have been a major cokehead for years. Not long after that incident, she was charged with stabbing her drummer in the hand with a steak knife and with cocaine possession. (The charges were dropped, if I recall correctly.) I guess she eventually cleaned up because she did a Playboy layout when she was in her mid fifties.

 

 

Dana Baker

 

Dawn Clark

 

Pamela Zinzer

 

Louisa Moritz

 

Linda Gildersleeve

 

Raven de la Croix

 

Cisse Cameron

 

Marilyn Joi

 

Bonnie Large

 

unknowns

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


The Door in the Floor

Classic screen nudity: jumbo-breasted Mimi Rogers with full frontal and rear exposure.

 

 

 

 

 

Notes and collages

Gwendoline

Part five of nine.

Tawny Kitaen

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sinatra

The movie follows a lonely, depressed and poor man whom everybody calls Sinatra (Alfredo Landa), because his job is to imitate Frank Sinatra in a cheap cabaret. He lives in a cheap motel in Barcelona and meets all kind of weird people, like the sex-obsessed owner of the motel (Luis Ciges) or a troubled and "pregnant" teenager (Maribel Verd˙).

This is one of Maribel's earliest movies and her nudity is great, Ana Obregon is also in the movie playing Sinatra's love interest and also shows the goods.

As I said before, Viva Espa˝a!
 

 

Maribel Verdu

 

Ana Obregon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Last Time

Unfortunately, this 2006 comedy/drama has a couple of problems. It isn't a comedy; there simply isn't much that's very funny. There are some amusing moments, but not enough to call it a comedy. And the drama is forced and often lame. They do offer a twisty surprise ending, but even that has a lame quality and falls flat.

A salesman from the Midwest (Brendan Fraser) comes to New York, and is paired with the branch's top salesman (Michael Keaton) for training. Things don't go well for the new guy, and after months, he has no sales, while the ace continues to sell like crazy. Then, the top guy takes an interest in the new guy's fianceÚ (Amber Valletta), and interest turns into romance.

Things progress as you would expect in this type of situation, but then suddenly, things end with a very unexpected twist. Unfortunately, this isn't enough to save the movie, despite a good and well-known cast.

Except for Amber's nudity, this one probably rates a pass.

Scoop's note: I watched the entire film and never once suspected it was supposed to be a comedy! I think that means Dan is right. Must be the least funny comedy ever.

Amber Valletta
 

Jacqueline McKenzie in Human Touch
Jacqueline McKenzie in Angel Baby
Eva Mendes in Training Day ... in High Definition!

No film clip this time ... Keeley Hazell in Cashback

No film clip this time, either ... Jennifer Garner's butt-crack. Yawn.

 

The following film clips are all from Defoe. The sample collages on the right are taken from Charlie's site.

Claire Keim in La Belle et le Pirate

Claire Keim in Le Juge est une Femme
Emmanuelle Beart in Raison Perdue
Emmanuelle Beart in Un Crime
The following are NOT from Defoe, but I sometimes used Charlie's collages to fill in for the sample.
Virginie Ledoyen in Le Voleur d'enfants
Isild Le Besco in Le Cout de la vie
Isabelle Adjani in Mortelle randonnee
 
 

The following Aussie film clips are from Johnny Moronic, the Thunda from Down Unda. (Those are also Mr. Moronic's collages to the right)

Miranda Otto in The Healer
Nikki Owen in Blacktown

 

 

 

 

 


The Comedy Wire


A GAO audit found that over the last seven years, the US Agriculture
Department has paid $1.1 billion in farm subsidies to 170,000 dead people.  The study found there is no oversight to insure that payments cease when the recipient does.  Democratic Sen. Tom Harkin said, "Given extremely tight budget restraints, it is no longer tolerable to permit billions of dollars in farm bill payments to go to individuals who...are no longer alive."

*  Back before we had the deficit, paying dead people was fine, but no more! 


Xinhua news agency reports that five bank workers from Handan City, China, are charged with stealing 51 million yuan ($6.7 million US) in one of the oddest theft plots ever.  They figured they'd steal money from the vault, buy lottery tickets, replace the money with the winnings and keep the profits.  The first time, they stole 200,000 yuan and actually won some lottery money.  But then they got greedy and stole over 50 million more.  They spent 47 million yuan on lottery tickets, and won nothing. That's when one of the men panicked and ran, and the plot fell apart.

*  They learned their lesson: next time, set aside a little money for fortune cookies to help pick winning numbers.



HEADLINE OF THE DAY!  From the Drudge Report: "Elizabeth Edwards Will Give Up Tangerines to Fight Global Warming"

* Problem solved!!