Countryman (1982) is a Jamaican film featuring a Bob Marley sound track, which encompasses a pretty good action film, a look at the rasta culture, and more than a little about Jamaican black magic. A young couple in a light plane, presumably smuggling pot, crashes into a swamp. They are rescued by a fisherman, Countryman, who lives off the land, moments before the police close in with helicopters. A ranking officer decides to plant evidence of gun running and a CIA plot to win points for the ruling party in the next election. The only problem is that he doesn't have the suspect. The airplane passengers, Kristina St. Claire and her boyfriend, rough it with Countryman as the boyfriend's broken leg heals. Meanwhile, the entire military is looking for them. Countryman is equal to the task.

Countryman is played by the real Countryman, who actually is a fisherman living on the beach, and posses a wonderful mixture of humor and wisdom, and a great Rasta man dialogue. The Language can be tough to understand, but there are subtitles when you get lost with the slang. St. Claire shows breasts shortly after being rescued.

IMDB readers have this at 5.5 of 10. Those who commented see it as a cult classic, and praise the non-stop Bob Marley soundtrack. I enjoyed this peak at the Rastafari culture, and found it a pretty good yarn. The transfer, unfortunately, is a rather weak 4/3. C-.

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  • Kristina St.Clair (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

    "Sin Sisters"

    Sin Sisters (2003 video) is the latest Misty Mundae epic from Seduction Cinema, and also features her sister, Chelsea Mundae, Junlian Wells, and Andrea Davis. Mundae is a college student and total bitch. Her sister catches her masturbating in the locker room shower, and video tapes her. Misty's rival for valedictorian, Andrea Davis threatens to report her to the dean, and Misty pushes her into the tiled wall, presumably killing her. They two Mundae sisters put the body in the trunk of the car, and head out to bury it. Chelsea insists they stop along the road to check the trunk, and the two become captives of Julian Wells, who, it turns out, is the very much alive Davis's sister. Wells subjects them to several tests, starting with word games, transitioning through sex games, and culminating in having Misty kill Davis, for real this time.

    This is every bit as bad as it sounds, and the fact that all four women show all of their body parts really doesn't help. This one is widescreen, but a rather weak transfer, with indoor scenes under-exposed, and outdoor scenes over-saturated and over-exposed. The plot doesn't make a whole lot of sense. This makes three dissapinting Mundae DVDs in a row. If anyone at Seduction Cinema is listening, here is an idea for a film that will be up to the standards set by your Playmate of the Apes and Lord of the G-String.

    Remake Taming of the Shrew, either as a period piece, or a present day remake, with Darian Caine as Katrina, Misty Mundae as Bianca (she is ideal for the seems all sweetness and light, but turns into the shrew role), and, for the Seduction Cinema twist, make Petruchio Julian Wells and Lucentio Andrea Davis, both in drag.

    Sin Sisters is a very weak effort, even by softcore lesbian standards. D.

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  • Andrea Davis (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Chelsea Mundae (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Julian Wells (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
  • Misty Mundae (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Updated volumes: Maria Conchita Alonso, Sheryl Lee, Keira Knightley, Lena Olin, Juliette Binoche.



    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.



    days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Jr:

    "The Fifth Element" is one of my all time favorite movies and it's been on cable about 1 billion times in the past month. So naturally, here's my tribute to Milla. These 'caps are quickies from her close up nude scenes. There are also two scenes where she gets dressed/undressed in the background, but she's a little blurry so I didn't bother with those today.

    • Milla Jovovich (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Shannon Elizabeth The toplessness that made her famous in "American Pie". Great 'caps by Finn.

    Élodie Bouchez One more from Finn, the frequently nude Bouchez going full frontal in scenes from "Too Much Flesh" (2000).

    Angelina Jolie
    Kristin Davis

    Talk show round-up...Jolie shows a little cleavage on Leno, Davis shows a little less on Letterman. Thanks to Gman.

    Gwyneth Paltrow
    (1, 2)

    Breast exposure in scenes from the 1993 movie "Flesh and Bone". Thanks to nmd.

    Maria Conchita Alonso
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
    Sheryl Lee
    (1, 2)

    Another look at "Kingpin", aka the mini-series that was basically NBC's Latin version of the "The Sopranos". It was just released Tuesday on DVD with extra nudity that could not be shown on TV. Alonso and Lee are both topless in love scenes. 'Caps by TxCowboy.

    Elizabeth Baldwin
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    The ex-wife of Daniel Baldwin (the lesser of all Baldwins), topless and rear nudity in Señor Skin 'caps from the movie "Mind Lies" aka "Mind Rage" (2000).

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    I Feel Good! - James Brown picked a novel way to announce that he and his third wife, Tomi Rea, are divorcing. He ran full-page ads in showbiz trade papers with a photo of the couple, their two-year-old son and Goofy at Walt Disney World. It includes a statement that they are separating due to their "heavy, demanding tour schedule" and "there are no hard feelings, just a mutual show business decision made by both parties."

  • Sort of like firing your agent.
  • It's a toss-up as to which person in that picture is goofiest.
  • It's James' way of saying he's divorcing her because she's f-ing Goofy.

    Go Fish! - Ray Yodlowsky, a New Jersey, children's musician who performs under the name "Mr. Ray," is suing Disney and Pixar for $10 million, claiming that the manta ray character "Mr. Ray" in "Finding Nemo" infringes on his trademark. Yodlowsky said it's confusing his young fans, some of whom expected him to be dressed as a manta ray at a recent appearance. He said kids remember all those minor movie characters, he doesn't know what plans Disney has for Mr. Ray, and this is his future he's protecting.

  • He's playing kids' parties in New Jersey, and he thinks he has a future?
  • He estimates that he would've made $10 million playing kids' parties.
  • If he did dress up as a manta ray, Disney would sue HIM.
  • What, nobody would hire a children's entertainment called "Mr. Yodlowsky?"
  • They're both being sued by the estate of the artist Man Ray.

    Any Movie With Chong Has A Dope In It - Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong are reuniting for their first Cheech & Chong movie since 1984. Cheech said he felt he'd done enough other roles to distance himself from his old stoner character and establish himself as an actor. And Chong said, "You know me -- if anybody wanted me to be in a movie with dope in it, I'm there."

  • This won't be a comedy, it'll be a documentary.
  • The budget will be $80 million, and that's just the catering bill.
  • Chong thinks it'll be easy because he hasn't distanced himself at all.

    That's Cold - The Chicago Police Department apologized for issuing a community alert that described a sexual assault subject as resembling rapper/actor Ice Cube. A local TV newscast illustrated the story by showing a clip from an Ice Cube video. The police apologized for sullying Ice Cube's reputation.

  • Apologize all you want, but his record sales went through the roof.
  • It was especially bad for his reputation because they played a video where he was rapping about sexually assaulting someone.
  • Are they sure the suspect didn't look more like an NBA star?