Thursday

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To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.

• Netscape 6.2.2 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Country Cuzzins (1970) is another example of Harry Novac's hick exploitation films. Regular readers will remember Sassy Sue and The Pigkeepers Daughter from last year. This is the first half of one of the two new Something Weird Video releases. The exploitation genre was drive-in fare, and intended for couples. This particular sub-genre of country hick was a Novak favorite for a very good reason, money. In the American south, each town had a drive-in theater, and people didn't tend to attend any but there local one. Since there was no competition among theater owners, they shared information, and a film that attracted audiences and sent them away satisfied would be passed through entire states because of word of mouth, from city to city and county to county. Thus, you could literally wear out a distribution print without a single sales call. The country theme attracted rural southern audiences, and the nudity and simulated sex in these films sent them home smiling.

Think of this genre as farmers daughter/traveling salesmen jokes. In this one, Granny has called a family reunion, and one of the guests is a city cousin, who is very stuck up. A little shine rounds out her rough edges, and, in an alcohol induced euphoria, she invites them to visit her home. Once home, she regrets the invitation, and reverts to type, but decides to mimic their dress and manners, and have her other guests do the same, hoping they will leave mortified. Both on the farm, and at the city party, those who don't have sex play look and touch, which is a more active form of show and tell.

The amount of nudity in this film is astounding. Porn legend Rene Bond has the lead role, and shows everything on and off through the entire film. Also identified was Debbie Osborne, who appeared in a sex scene at the party, but a very extended one, and also showed everything. 4 unknowns showed at least full frontal, and a 5th showed breasts briefly. The sex and nudity was choreographed such that it didn't become boring, the outdoor locations were attractive, and some of the shots were very nice for this genre, including a through the trees look at a naked woman (see Unknown3, image 3). They are still waiting for 5 votes at IMDB. I pronounce this a slightly better than average Kovac hick effort, in that he doesn't really try for a story line, and delivers what we watch these for. The reunion is really nothing more than an excuse to get the prissy cousin together with the rest of the family. C+

There is a new volume for German babe Ursula Karven. About twice as many as in yesterday's edition.

Movies:

The Attic Expeditions is one of those mindfuck movies, a low budget effort combining elements of The Truman Show, Phantasm, Fight Club, Donny Darko, The Game, etc. I have no idea what the hell was going on, and it does not wrap everything up with a tidy solution, like a present under the crazy Christmas tree that I call "mystery", but it was kind of entertaining, and is establishing a minor cult following. Most important - frontal nudity from major babes.

• Beth Bates (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
• Shannon Hart Cleary

Kung Pow: Enter the Fist doesn't have any nudity, but it has a fresh concept and some laughs. They took a Hong Kong martial arts movie and redubbed it, inserting a new (European-looking) hero digitally, adding some other digital effects, and even adding some new footage, the oddest of which features a martial arts battle between a man and a cow. It was a great idea, and it has some great moments, but it has a lot of dull, lowbrow slapstick as well.

Other crap:

• Ya gotta love the Sun. According to them, the restaurant breast-flashing in Sex and the City is inspiring a national wave of breast-flashing by women in clubs and restaurants. (Complete with pictures!) Women wave their breasts, and Britannia rules the waves. Or waives the rules.
• This is a slideshow of classic page 3 girls
• from Pat Reeder. "Scoop - Irony alert. Check out this story, then note the photo on the bottom that was chosen to illustrate it." Scoop's note: You know, I have a solution that will completely eliminate the problem. The women's groups say that "media coverage of women's sports typically focuses on female athletes' attire rather than on their achievements on the court and in the field". I say - play naked, problem solved.
• Strange stuff. Traficant was expelled from the house on a 420-1 vote, which looks like the odds against the Cubs beating Randy Johnson with an all-lefty lineup. The strange thing - Gary Condit was the "1". What the fuck was he thinking about? That'll sure help clear up his own rep, eh?
• WorldCom's former CEO builds unimaginable Xanadu mansion in Florida with money taken directly from your pension fund.
• Scientists say world may end on Feb 1, 2019, when earth is struck by giant meteoroid. Or not. Depends on Bruce Willis.
• Grotesque, elephantine actor Gerard Depardieu says he prefers roles where he doesn't have to get naked or have sex. I'm willing to bet that moviegoers agree. Here's my criteria for ranking films: (1) movies without Depardieu (2) movies with clothed Depardieu (3) movies with naked Depardieu.
• Entertainment Weekly reviews Goldmember. Thumb way up.
• Here's our first look at the new Terminatrix in T-3. Unimpressive so far
• Cast announced for new Superman/Batman movie. Colin Farrell to be Batman, Jude Law Superman. So, let's see if I understand. Superman will be played by a 145 pound Englishman who, although heterosexual, looks as gay as any heterosexual man in the history of the human race. Do I understand it correctly? Works for me. I assume Lex Luthor has found the coveted Pink Kryptonite, and is using it to sap his Supermanliness. The Man of Steel becomes the Man of Velvet. No wonder he needs Batman's help in this movie. Batman's out fightin' crime, while froggin' Superman is watching the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, crying his eyes out.
• French President Chirac fires the head of the agency which was investigating his financial dealings. Many think he has been possessed by the spirit of Richard Nixon
• Pam Anderson's career on hold, as she battles Hepatitis C

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Laura Linney, full frontal nudity in "Maze".

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

The movie of course is "The Lover" (1991). Directed by Jean-Jacques Annaud, it is a beautifully filmed movies, and hands down the single most beautifully filmed soft-core porno ever!

Check out Scoop and Tuna's reviews for all the details.

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• Jane March (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)

A little more of Daneen Boone this time in "Object of Desire". I guess I love this girl because she keeps winding up as a "Damsel in Peril" in all of the Adventures of Justine series.

Nudity in links 4,5,7 and 8. An assortment of upskirts, thongs, skimpy outfits, partial exposure and being tied up in the rest.

• Daneen Boone (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

For those not familiar with the subject...."Mr. Show with Bob and David" was a twisted, sometimes sick, and always funny sketch comedy series on HBO from the comedy team of David Cross and Bob Odenkirk (www.bobanddavid.com). Ronnie Dobbs was a super white trash character that turned his redneck-ness into a career by becoming a regular on COPS. He would travel from city to city and keep getting arrested until he finally became a COPS celebrity, and fame and fortune followed.

"Run Ronnie Run" is a feature film that the Mr. Show team has been working on for over 2 years. However, while the film has been shown at a few film festivals, according to www.bobanddavid.com, New Line may or may not ever release it, and in fact has been tinkering with re-edits.

ALL HELL BREAKING LOOSE, BUSH TAKES MONTH OFF
It's The Nicest Time Of Year In Texas! - Neither crumbling stock markets nor Middle East violence will keep President Bush from what is becoming his traditional month-long vacation in Crawford, Texas. His spokesman said he'll leave August 6 and be back after Labor Day. But he said Bush will have meetings and travel two or three days a week, making speeches to promote his economic and security plans.