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"Country Cuzzins"

Country Cuzzins (1970) is another example of Harry Novac's hick exploitation films. Regular readers will remember Sassy Sue and The Pigkeepers Daughter from last year. This is the first half of one of the two new Something Weird Video releases. The exploitation genre was drive-in fare, and intended for couples. This particular sub-genre of country hick was a Novak favorite for a very good reason, money. In the American south, each town had a drive-in theater, and people didn't tend to attend any but there local one. Since there was no competition among theater owners, they shared information, and a film that attracted audiences and sent them away satisfied would be passed through entire states because of word of mouth, from city to city and county to county. Thus, you could literally wear out a distribution print without a single sales call. The country theme attracted rural southern audiences, and the nudity and simulated sex in these films sent them home smiling.

Think of this genre as farmers daughter/traveling salesmen jokes. In this one, Granny has called a family reunion, and one of the guests is a city cousin, who is very stuck up. A little shine rounds out her rough edges, and, in an alcohol induced euphoria, she invites them to visit her home. Once home, she regrets the invitation, and reverts to type, but decides to mimic their dress and manners, and have her other guests do the same, hoping they will leave mortified. Both on the farm, and at the city party, those who don't have sex play look and touch, which is a more active form of show and tell.

The amount of nudity in this film is astounding. Porn legend Rene Bond has the lead role, and shows everything on and off through the entire film. Also identified was Debbie Osborne, who appeared in a sex scene at the party, but a very extended one, and also showed everything. 4 unknowns showed at least full frontal, and a 5th showed breasts briefly. The sex and nudity was choreographed such that it didn't become boring, the outdoor locations were attractive, and some of the shots were very nice for this genre, including a through the trees look at a naked woman (see Unknown3, image 3). They are still waiting for 5 votes at IMDB. I pronounce this a slightly better than average Kovac hick effort, in that he doesn't really try for a story line, and delivers what we watch these for. The reunion is really nothing more than an excuse to get the prissy cousin together with the rest of the family. C+

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  • Debbie Osborne (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
  • Rene Bond (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50)
  • Unknown #1
  • Unknown #2 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
  • Unknown #3 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Unknown #4 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
  • Unknown #5 (1, 2, 3, 4)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    There is a new volume for German babe Ursula Karven. About twice as many as in yesterday's edition.



    The Attic Expeditions is one of those mindfuck movies, a low budget effort combining elements of The Truman Show, Phantasm, Fight Club, Donny Darko, The Game, etc. I have no idea what the hell was going on, and it does not wrap everything up with a tidy solution, like a present under the crazy Christmas tree that I call "mystery", but it was kind of entertaining, and is establishing a minor cult following. Most important - frontal nudity from major babes.


    Kung Pow: Enter the Fist doesn't have any nudity, but it has a fresh concept and some laughs. They took a Hong Kong martial arts movie and redubbed it, inserting a new (European-looking) hero digitally, adding some other digital effects, and even adding some new footage, the oddest of which features a martial arts battle between a man and a cow. It was a great idea, and it has some great moments, but it has a lot of dull, lowbrow slapstick as well.


    Other crap:



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    Today Aesthete has put together a fantastic gallery of nudity with a young Jane March showing just about every inch of skin. All 3 B's, up close and personal, and possibly really doing the deed in some scenes!

    The movie of course is "The Lover" (1991). Directed by Jean-Jacques Annaud, it is a beautifully filmed movies, and hands down the single most beautifully filmed soft-core porno ever!

    Check out Scoop and Tuna's reviews for all the details.

    'Caps and comments by Hanster:

    A little more of Daneen Boone this time in "Object of Desire". I guess I love this girl because she keeps winding up as a "Damsel in Peril" in all of the Adventures of Justine series.

    Nudity in links 4,5,7 and 8. An assortment of upskirts, thongs, skimpy outfits, partial exposure and being tied up in the rest.

    Nikki Cox
    (1, 2, 3)

    Really low quality, but these 'caps from a bootleg are the very first evidence that we have seen that proves that the long awaited Mr. Show movie "Run Ronnie Run!" actually exists! Plus, Cox looks pretty damn hot in a bikini.

    For those not familiar with the subject...."Mr. Show with Bob and David" was a twisted, sometimes sick, and always funny sketch comedy series on HBO from the comedy team of David Cross and Bob Odenkirk ( Ronnie Dobbs was a super white trash character that turned his redneck-ness into a career by becoming a regular on COPS. He would travel from city to city and keep getting arrested until he finally became a COPS celebrity, and fame and fortune followed.

    "Run Ronnie Run" is a feature film that the Mr. Show team has been working on for over 2 years. However, while the film has been shown at a few film festivals, according to, New Line may or may not ever release it, and in fact has been tinkering with re-edits.

    Samantha Mumba
    (1, 2)

    The young, Irish/American singer/actress wearing a semi-see-thru top in scenes from recent remake of "The Time Machine". Thanks to Dann for #1, and Deadlamb for #2.

    Susie Porter
    (1, 2, 3)

    Topless (plus a hint of pubes in #3) in scenes from "Better Than Sex". You probably recognize the name from her famous lesbian love scenes with Kelly McGillis in "The Monkey's Mask".

    Helen Brodie
    Jenny McShane

    Both ladies topless in separate scenes from "Monsoon". aka "Tales of the Kama Sutra 2: Monsoon".

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    It's The Nicest Time Of Year In Texas! - Neither crumbling stock markets nor Middle East violence will keep President Bush from what is becoming his traditional month-long vacation in Crawford, Texas. His spokesman said he'll leave August 6 and be back after Labor Day. But he said Bush will have meetings and travel two or three days a week, making speeches to promote his economic and security plans.

  • So he'll actually be working more than he was in Washington.
  • Maybe if he DIDN'T make speeches for a month, the stock market would bounce back.
  • The rest of the time, he'll be playing Putt-Putt with Pooty-Poot.
  • Bush just loves making the White House Press Corps spend August in rural Texas.

    Call Bruce Willis! - Astronomers have found the most threatening object yet detected in space: an asteroid named 2002 NT7 that is on a course to strike Earth on February 1, 2019. NASA says it's two miles wide, and if it impacts, it could devastate a continent and cause global climate change. However, they say they expect that more observation and better calculations of its trajectory over the next few weeks will show that it won't hit the Earth.

  • The scientists who first spotted it aren't that good at math.
  • Still, it gives us something to worry about besides the stock market.
  • Al Gore blamed the asteroid on President Bush.
  • At least we no longer have to worry about our retirement funds!
  • The measure is backed strongly by lobbyists for local donut shops.

    You Never Know - Ian MacMillan, an unemployed man from Devon, England, has made the most bizarre bet ever. He bet that Elvis Presley would ride into London on Shergar, the famous racehorse that was kidnaped in 1983 and never recovered, and play in the Wimbledon finals against Lord Lucan, who vanished in 1974. MacMillan bet 5 pence at 20 million-to-1 odds, so if it happens, he'll win a million pounds ($1.4 million US). He wanted to bet 10 pounds, but the bookmaker was worried about taking on the liability of paying out 200 million pounds if he wins.

  • Hey...stranger things have happened!
  • There's only a 20 million-to-1 chance that a horse could even lift Elvis.
  • He wanted to play the Powerball Lottery, but this bet gave him better odds.
  • Want even longer odds? Bet that Julia Roberts will still be married six months from now.

    Luckily, She Enjoys Pain - Now that Angelina Jolie is divorcing Billy Bob Thornton, friends say all her "Billy Bob" tattoos have become a major embarrassment. They say she's so eager to erase him from her life, she's willing to go through any pain to have them removed. One may be especially painful: she once said she had "Billy Bob" tattooed "down there" in a very private place "so any time I do a love scene, the name is really, really clear."

  • Angelina Jolie does porn movies? Why was I not informed?!
  • It does limit her acting roles, though...Not many Shakespearean heroines had "Billy Bob" tattooed on their crotches.
  • She should keep them...I'd say there's a really good chance she'll marry another guy named "Billy Bob."